Disclaimer: I do not own CCS.  All characters were used without permission.  I'm not earning profit from this.  I'm doing this fic for the sheer hell of it.  The song 'Dream of Me' was performed by Kirsten Dunst in the film 'Get Over It.' I disclaim any rights to it.

Rai: A fiction produced by the insomniac that I am.

Imitation Of Death I: Dream of Me

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            I dry-swallowed the small blue pill and felt as it made it's way through my throat.  My little ticket to escape.  I wasn't feeling drowsy yet and I wouldn't be until after thirty minutes.  Turning the silver knob on the bathroom sink, I watched as water poured out of the faucet's mouth and flowed continuously towards the drain.  To God knows where.

            Funny how I feel so much like that water right now.  Flushed out and continuing to flow.  To God knows where.

            I splashed my face with the cold water and felt as it washed away the paranoia and insanities of the day.  Felt as it chilled the pores of my skin to numbness.  Raising my head, I watched my reflection in the mirror.

            A girl stared back at me, her dark hair hanging freely behind her.  Her whole face wet and glistening with the moist under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom.  I watched as a thin trail of water ran down her cheek, to her neck and disappeared beneath the terry cotton robe that enveloped her body.  Without tearing her gaze away from me, she reached for the cotton towel hanging on the bar.  She wiped her face and neck with it as I felt the soft material over my skin, absorbing the water.

            Strange how my own reflection seem to deceive me sometimes.  How at one moment I would actually recognize myself, then the next every trace of recognition would vanish. That even if the mirror spoke to me, I wouldn't have perceived my own self.  Maybe because your reflection never really show you who you really are.  Or how you truly feel.  When your reflection smiles back at you, it's never an assurance that you within don't bleed.

            I turned off the bathroom lights hoping it doesn't take much time for the medicine to take effect.  Turning the television on low with the remote, I sank into my bed seeking to quickly escape the awake's curse.  I have long stopped listening the radio on evenings.  The stations tend to play the incredulously maudlin songs on late night and I for one assent that those songs should be damned.  I doubt that they ever help ease the pain.  If anything else, they only achieve to make you indulge in the morose feeling.

            A late night talk show was airing.  Good.  Psychobabbles tend to fry my brain.  It helps to drive me to sleep easier.  I wasn't really listening to the conversation between the host and the guest.  For in my mind, there was already the never-ending debate between sanity and madness.  Logic and emotion.  My mind against my heart.  A banter that rests only when I drown into sleep.

Let me sleep

For when I sleep

I dream that you are here…

            Not too many months ago, the inner arguments ensued so much that it never gave me enough rest.  Not even in the night.  The lack of rest finally took its toll when I fainted one morning in front of the coffee machine in the office.  My doctor gave me prescription pills to take before going to bed.  I have been dependent on it for sleep ever since.

            A good sleep is the only escape I have from the distraught life that I lead.  Ironic, since I seem to be blessed with a fairly successful life.  A stable job as a corporate lawyer, my own high-rise apartment, a decent car, money in the bank… I have everything. 

Everything except the one I want.

…you're mine

and all my fears are left behind…

            The figures in the screen were slowly beginning to blur.  The pill was taking effect.  I dropped my lids as I waited for the temporary death I sought.  Waited as the last fibers of earthly awareness deserted me.  Until my heart beat in slow rhythm and I succumbed to the comforting darkness…

…I float on air

the nightingale sings gentle lullabyes

so let me close my eyes…

            Soft light played with my vision.  Sunset filtered the horizon, it's scattered light reflecting on the waters of the ocean.  The waves lapped in cascades towards the shore.  And the shore was where I was.  With my beloved.

            I felt his soft fingers threading circles on my shoulder.  The light touch making me revel in his presence.  His soft musky scent mixed with the salty sea air enveloped me as I buried the side of my face beneath the crook of his neck.  We watched the sunset together.  Him and me. 

            Tranquility.

…and sleep

a chance to dream,

so I can see the face I long to touch

to kiss…

            The last strands of sunlight were beginning to disappear.  I felt the genuine comfort of security despite the change of time.  The glowing assurance of being loved in the most glorious manner.  Lifting my face, I looked into his eyes.  Sweet ambers that stared back at me with a love so divine. 

            I traced the edges of his features with the tip of my fingers.  Grazing his skin and marveling at how someone like him could belong to me.  And to me alone.

            He lowered his lips to my forehead as his palm cupped my neck.  And just before his lips touched my skin, he adored me, "I love you."

…but only dreams can bring me this

so let the moon

shine softly

on the boy I long to see…

            A smile splayed across my face.  I turned to look back at him again showing as much love and adoration as my eyes could tell.  And gratified him with the only words that could subtly define how I felt, "I love you more."

…and maybe when he dreams

he'll dream of me…

            He smiled back at me before cradling my head back into the crook of his neck.  And once again enveloping me in his arms.  Sharing a world.  Sharing a life.  Sharing a love.

            If forever could last in a moment.  I'd wish it were this moment.  Where nothing mattered to him but me.  Just me.

…I'll hide beneath the clouds

and whisper to the evening star

they tell me that he's just

a dream away…

            Light no longer ruled the surroundings.  The velvety sky strewn with stars blanketed us.  But the lack of light didn't matter.  We were here together.  Nothing else matters.

…I'll dream away…

            Riiiiiiinnnnnnggg!!!!

            I palmed my night table for the alarm clock and pushed a button to turn the sound off.  But the incessant ringing continued.  It was then that I sat up and realized it had been the phone that woke me up and cut my connection to the blissful peace of sleep and dreams.

            Riiiiinnnngggg!!!!

            The apparatus continued to demand for my attention.  I slipped out of the covers and took the phone in my hand as I reached to draw off the curtain.  Soft morning light filtered through the room, "Hello."

            "Meilin?"

            Syaoran.  Was my dream a contributing factor to make him call and have hearing his voice call my name a reality? 

            "Hey."

            Hey.  All this madness running in my head and the most poignant thing I could utter is 'hey.'

            "I think I woke you up."

            "It's okay.  I needed to get up, anyway," I replied with graceful nonchalance, "What's up?"

            "Well, I was wondering if you had plans for dinner tonight," he asked casually.

            I continued to watch the sun rise before my eyes in the horizon.  The scene conducive of a positive effect on me, "None yet," I answered as a little smile began to curve my lips, "Why?"

            "Why don't you have dinner here?"

            Here, I assumed was the manor.  He was now the Clan Leader.  The thought he extended about inviting me for dinner made me smile.  Maybe there was hope for me, after all.  But the next words he said shattered every hope building up in me.

            "Sakura's here and she said she wants to see you."

            So much for thoughtfulness. 

            "I see," I thwarted whatever urge I have to give him any idea of my disappointment, "How is she?"

…so let the moon

shine softly on the boy I long to see…

            "She's still sleeping."

            I banished the thought beginning to seep through my mind.  The repercussion of that simple statement was a raw waking of the reverie.  How else could he know she's still sleeping?  A bed.  Her. Him…

            'Stop.' I scolded myself in silence.

            "So I'll see you at seven?" Syaoran's voice came through my spinning thoughts.

            I breathed deeply, "Right."

            "Okay," he said simply, "We'll wait for you."

…and maybe when he dreams…

            I stared at the sunrise. The constant reminder of a new day.  A better day.  The sight of it almost mocking me for being stupid enough to hope.

            As if.

…he'll dream of me…

            I grabbed the curtain I just drew off and yanked it close.  Within me, I hope I was able to do the same with my own stupid naiveté.

…oh…

dream of me.

-to be continued-

Rai: Here I am, writing another fic when I still haven't finished two of what I'm supposed to finish.  But I can't help it.  This idea brewed up in my mind one sleepless night and I can't avoid but wonder if Meilin felt just the same when her thoughts troubled her.  Besides, she's the most selfless character in CCS and she deserves this. I just can't promise when I'll be able to update the next chapter, since I have committed myself to two other fics I ought to be finishing.  But tell me what you think nevertheless.