When Heaven Is Beautiful

I. The Crossing

For me, heaven will only be beautiful when I see your face.

- Lucia di Lammermoor

Laura Roslin watched the way the sun slanted through the green foliage and warmed the fragrant grass. The view from the Raptor opened and unfolded in spectacular colors, a manifold vista so wide that no arms would ever fully encompass it. Water and land stretched toward one another and touched, like the gentle brush of lovers' fingertips finding one another for the first time. Earth. Its beauty and promise pierced her heart—like a benediction.

She gathered what was left of her strength and smiled.

"So much….life," she breathed softly. When she spoke the word "life," it was a sigh of relief, of gratitude, of joy.

"It's a rich continent," Bill agreed. "More wildlife than all the Twelve Colonies put together," he added warmly as he gazed both at the vista below and at her lovely, smiling face. He turned his head for a few moments to look out the other window.

Laura's head tilted to the side and she rested one hand against her heart while the other lay in her lap as she continued to enjoy the view with half-lidded eyes. The smile remained. She would have turned to Bill to share the moment with him, to embrace him with her eyes where her arms could not. But the moment did not come. The hand that pressed against her heart grew slack and the one in her lap fell gently to her side. Her green eyes closed completely. They would never open again.

"Just looking for a quiet little place for that cabin," Bill said as he peered out the window. "Maybe a garden. I don't have much of a green thumb so I hope that you do," he chuckled.

He turned back toward her then and as soon as he looked at her—he knew with a stabbing certainty that her life had finally flickered away. He took her hand urgently between his own and kissed it with fervent affection, tears spilling down his cheeks and falling onto her still warm skin. He removed his wedding band and placed it on her finger. She was his, in every possible way that one human being could belong to another, she belonged to him—and he belonged to her. He kissed the finger that now wore his ring and cradled her hand in between his own, pressing it against his cheek while his shoulders shook with a grief that was more visceral, more painful than any bullet had ever been.

Laura watched the scene unfold from above. She could see the Raptor clearly. She rose above her body and she watched as Bill placed the wedding band on her finger. Her heart overflowed with the love that Bill felt for her and the love that she felt in return, ebbing and flowing between them, never stopping, infinitely plentiful and forever eternal.

I will always be with you, Bill. A part of you. Always, always.

As the scene around her dissolved and faded, Laura took a portion of Bill's grief with her. It ran counterpoint to the peace that she felt. As she transitioned to the space between, she would carry it with her, never to be extinguished until they were reunited. The Raptor, the bright sun, green earth, and sparkling waters dissolved into another scene. Laura found herself in a boat that skimmed gently along the current of a river, clear as glass. The boat steered itself and Laura did not feel a trace of fear. She had a body now, or what seemed like one, and wore a long dress that was a vivid shade of periwinkle blue. She had always loved the color. Long wavy red hair fell once more past her shoulders. Her breathing, she realized, was easy and effortless. She felt no more pain. The river opened up into a wide lake and the boat drifted effortlessly toward its well maintained dock. A male figure waited for her.

Her father.

Laura sprang out of the boat with a shriek of joy well before the small vessel reached the dock. She and her father embraced at the water's edge, the bottom of her dress soaked and his shoes drenched. Edward Roslin pulled her up onto the bank. He held her face in both hands and just looked at his daughter before planting a paternal kiss on her forehead.

"My Laura-Dora," he said proudly, using the silly nickname he had called her since she was a child. "Reminds me of all the times I'd take you to the beach when you were a little girl and we'd walk along the shore. After work. Me in my suit and dress shoes. How you'd laugh when the waves would reach me. And I'd always make a fuss about my ruind shoes. Did you know I'd let the water hit me just to hear you laugh?"

Laura could barely speak and her eyes sparkled with tears. "I missed you so much," she managed finally.

"Oh, sweetheart, I've missed you, too."

"Where's Mom?" she asked, "And Cheryl and Sandra?"

"You'll see them soon," he assured her. "It can be a little overwhelming at first…crossing over. They're waiting for us. Just about a mile. We can talk on the way. You're doing all right?"

"I think so." She turned back toward the lake and scanned the horizon, thinking of Bill. "I can't go back, can I?"

Her father smiled wistfully at her. "Not the way you came, darling."

"I'm dead," Laura stated softly as she wrung out the bottom of her dress.

"Yes. But, as you can see, death isn't the end. It's a transition but not the end. You'll stay here for a while until it's time for another life, another journey."

"So this is….heaven?"

"If you want to call it that." Edward Roslin extended his arm toward his daughter. She accepted it and they began to walk down a path that Laura hadn't noticed before.

"Most call it Elysium or the Elysian Fields.," he continued. "Others…paradise. Some just refer to it as the Space Between."

"Elysium. 'Where ocean breezes blow around the isle of the blessed, and flowers of gold are blazing . Where the Honored gods are forever present, where the weary never tire. Where the lovers never have to part," Laura quoted."Had any conversations with the Divine yet?" she asked.

"Still asking the big questions," he chuckled.

She grinned at him. "Always."

"Not in the conventional sense. The gods are everywhere, Laura. We're part of the gods if you will. It's a combination of a feeling and a knowing and….something else I just can't put into words. Time and space don't work here the way they do in the universe you knew. This place is always unfolding and shifting. You help build it just by your thoughts."

"It's difficult to fathom."

"Yes. It will come."

"I need to know—" Laura stopped walking and looked intently at her father. "Is Bill all right? Will he be all right?"

"Unfortunately, I can't tell you how things will unfold for him. I can help you see him though, although he won't be able to see you and it can be…painful emotionally. For you. For him. Sometimes it's best to let go and to understand that the letting go is part of your process."

"I'll never be able to relinquish Bill," Laura told her father fiercely. "Dad, will I-," she choked; the words would barely come. Laura studied her father's face with an expression of keen longing ; the vulnerable plea in her voice tugged at his heart. "Will I see Bill again?" she finished in a tiny voice.

Edward Roslin cupped her chin. "What do you feel? Close your eyes and clear your mind; you will have your answer," he promised.

Laura closed her eyes and let her thoughts float away. At first she felt nothing and was impatiently going to open her eyes up again and say so. But then a feeling came over her so intense, so strong, that she staggered and her father reached out to steady her. A feeling of absolute certainty washed over her. She would see Bill again. They would hold one another again. She knew it. They would be reunited. It was a mathematical certainty.

"Yes," Laura said firmly, opening her eyes. She didn't attempt to hide the tears that coursed down both cheeks. "Thank the gods," she whispered with relief. "I don't feel complete without him," she explained. "It's like half of me is still…down there. With him."

Laura's father nodded and smiled at her knowingly. "I understand." His eyes twinkled. "I felt very much the same way waiting for you. You're never really complete until you're with the ones you love most." As the path turned once more, they approached a small hill lined with stone steps that led up to a house.

"The rest of the family is just up there, Laura." She glanced toward the hill and squeezed her father's hand. "It's all right," he assured her.

She smiled. "I know; I'm not afraid. It's just—I can't believe that in a few moments I'm going to see Mom and Sandra and Cheryl again. "

"Believe it, sweetheart."

Laura's reunion with her mother and sisters was just as joyful as her moments with her father. But as the sunlight began to fade, she longed to go home, although she wasn't sure what home would mean now. She knew instinctively that there was a place just for her here and she wanted to discover it. Her mother and sisters eagerly offered to help her get settled but she firmly declined their offer.

"She can't get lost, Judith," Edward smiled, watching his wife affectionately smooth Laura's hair.

"Still so much like your father, Laura. Independent and stubborn," Judith mused with a soft smile.

"Laura, do you remember what I told you about your thoughts becoming part of this place? You create the architecture and landscape here. Limitless possibility."

Laura nodded, although she didn't really understand. She hugged and kissed each member of her family in turn and departed, just as the sun set completely and a bright moon took its place, hovering over the hushed landscape.

Edward and Judith watched their daughter go, her figure pale and almost ghostly in the ethereal light as she slowly descended the stone steps.

Judith shook her head. "So much like you. She won't have a moment's true happiness until she sees that boy again. She's grieving."

"He's hardly a boy, Judith. And you're right. She won't. It's a good thing time is irrelevant here."

"Mmmm," Judith hummed as she walked arm and arm with her husband back toward the house. "Indeed it is."

Endnote: This story was inspired by a line from an opera by Italian bel canto composer Gaetano Donizetti, Lucia di Lammermoor. In the opera, Lucia comments that when she dies heaven will only be beautiful for her when she is reunited with her lover, Edgardo. The sentiment seemed fitting for Laura. Aside from that, I had to write something to reconcile myself with the events of "Daybreak."