The times when Blair Waldorf fell in love with Dan Humphrey
* It was like this. Serena is drunk and she is barely 15. She parties and drinks and makes out with guys. Blair is the sober child, the grumpy one because she hates her best friend's behavior. She feels stupid because she has to fake a smile in front ofpeople every time they talk how amazing Serena is. Because, truth is she isn't. She acts like a minor slut and Blair hates to be her guardian with common sense every time the girl has a glass or seven. Blair is the one who doesn't get noticed ever. Now they are walking down the street, looking for a cab. A random guy talks to Serena. Blair already hates him and gives him a strict look which says "do not approach". She can tell he is a random idiot who has a huge crush on the blond…like one can count how many like him are sighing and masturbating on her best friend. She pushes her friend in the cab and gives him one of her arrogant faces. The car starts driving and while Serena is singing, Blair is holding her hand, because she might actually jump out of the car when it stops on the first lights. She thinks that she probably looked at that poor soul a little too harsh. It wasn't him who irritated her though. It was Serena. It will always be her.
Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodsen are the new happy couple at school. The poor idiot thinks he reached the stars. Blair knows better. It's just a matter of time. But she sort of likes to see how miserable he will be once Serena will jump into someone else's hands. And it does happen…Nobody can even count how many times actually. But who cares, he's Humphrey and those kids at school don't give a damn about him.
* It happens like this. He is sitting next to her on the floor, sharing a very private family story, she can tell even Serena doesn't know about it. She listens to him carefully and can't even think of an insult to make the situation less awkward for both of them. One part of her brain screams "His eyes are warm". She can taste her bitterness in her throat, her tears are familiar. She already cried because Serena had stolen way worthier things from her. This is just another reason for her to be mad at her and stop pretending. And his voice is so comforting, in one moment she can swear he is about to hug her…He doesn't.
* It happens like this. She is in a bar with other rich brats on, but her scheme…who can even remember what was all about, didn't turn out good and this older guy is grabbing her arm violently. Dan actually stands for her, commanding him to let her go. It's a mess, she isn't paying much attention on his words, but Dan's words are ringing in her head. She was never the damsel in distress, but every once in a while it feels nice to have someone…Wait, she doesn't have anyone…then why Serena's boyfriend…Never mind…
* It happens like this. They are friends already and she hates to admit that she enjoys his company. Well she does. She would start a fight on purpose in order to have something to banter over, tease and insult…He would get her coffee, exactly how she wants it, and when she wants it. And she doesn't know if he is doing that on purpose, but he always rubs his fingertips from hers when he puts the glass in her hand. Humphrey has good hands, she notices and pretty soft fingers…But that is another topic she refuses to let her brain analyze.
She also refuses to think how his eyes are always glued on hers when he talks to her. It's not like he is eating her with his eyes, it's…well nobody looked at her that way. Like he wants to say something but he doesn't. Something like…no she won't go that far, it's Humphrey, and Blair Waldorf is too moody and rainy and cloudy for his taste. It's a proven fact that he falls for blonds.
* It happens like this. They are hiding in that tacky suite, Chuck decorated for Raina and she hears clearly what he says to her. Her heart is breaking into million pieces and she feels like she literally touched the bottom. She would never, ever, ever, let herself cry in front of people, not to mention cry in front of Brooklyn. This time she forgets he's there, until his firm grip over her hand reminds her that he is there. For her. It's like, dragging her back to the surface for fresh air and for a tiny second she lets herself…she lets him to save her, comfort her even if that means putting his hand over hers for support. Her brain screams "Don't let him gloat" and she removes her small hand from underneath his. The moment she does it, she misses the warmness of Humphrey's hand.
* It happens like this. She can hardly hear what he talks. Actually she does hear him, but she is not sure if she is having a night mare or that actually Dan Humphrey is standing in her foyer, asking her for "one kiss and that's that". What she can't believe is that she agrees on "one kiss and that's that". It really is one kiss. She then leaves, scratch that, hides in her room, dealing with something that never happened before. It could not be butterflies, she is just sick. At first her limbs are shaking and she can't even hold her phone. A week in bed and avoiding phone calls is the smartest thing she can up with and she kind of feels better. She decides that…no, she orders herself that the kiss made her want Chuck even more. After all, Chuck is the safety net. What would she do with Humphrey anyway? She can't take him anywhere? He wears the most idiotic shoes and for god's sake he wears plaid. Ok, she can take him to museums or bookstores, but…Then she commands to her brain to stop imagining things because nothing happened and there is not a single reason why she would even imagine her life with someone from Brooklyn.
* It happens like this. He is always there. When he isn't she is nervous. She wants to call him so she can yell or insult him, or just listen to his voice…Somehow she ends up in the fantasy she had since she was little girl, but nothing feels right. The prince is not really the one. Dan is still there. Her secrets are insignificant if she doesn't share them with him. Her weeks are bad if they don't watch a movie together or god forbid if they don't go to a museum or an exhibition. She gives her brain other things to think about when it tries to tell her things like "This guy likes you. As a matter of fact he is in love with you. Like, longer than you can imagine". She knows it's true, it's just…the friendship is much worthier than any of her stupid thoughts which might not even be real.
* It happens like this. She cries in his loft and he comforts her, telling her "It wouldn't to me" when she asks if it would be a problem for a man to raise another man's baby. Then it hits her. He is staring at her with equally sad eyes like hers, except his tears are dry, and waits for her to say anything. What would she say? How she end up where she is now? Not knowing whose baby she is carrying…How she end up there and in that condition when she finally can read his face and eyes. Other unrelated words to his reply are coming out of her mouth and her throat is dry and she can feel a bone in it.
* It happens like this. She is scared to death and almost sick when Louis tells her that their marriage was just for the people and literally a business. She tries her best to keep her tears and then he tells her about the vows. Why the hell Dan and everything he does for her, has to be shoved somewhere in the back of her consciousness because other things are consuming and wasting her youth and energy.
* It happens like this. He is driving the car and she sits back in her wedding dress.
* It happens like this. They are fighting in the hotel room. He decides to leave and she has nothing to say but "fine". She hates, hates, hates, hates when he touches the door knob.
* It happens like this. "And I know that you wrote those vows. It's pretty obvious you care about me, way more than Louis". His face. Kind of scared that she realizes some things, so she rushes to say "As a friend of course". He confirms. So nothing…she was imagining things…He…he doesn't actually feel anything for her…But the hug…why was he hugging her so gently and firmly in the same time. Friends don't do that…
*It happens like this. A phone clicks and their kiss is broken and she sees Serena and Georgina at the door. What happened…she kissed him back and now she is all consumed and mortified from herself and her feelings that are about to kill her. "This happened" is ripping her brain cells off.
"How about your feelings for me?" – She wants to kill him and Serena and herself and Louis…can things for once be perfect for her? Why now? Why him? How…his eyes damn it…she has to run away again.
* It happens like this. He puts a plastic tiara on her head and she is about to cry again. Only thought in her head that is killing her "I don't deserve this". Instantly her self destruction mode is on and she knows that the whole thing is…she is not used to be treated like this. She is afraid that she might make a mistake that would be too big and he won't…he is sensitive and emotional…not like Chuck…her mistakes might cost him life long depression and she isn't sure he is strong for her sick twists of mood.
* It happens like this...He tells her openly and a bit sassier than usual that she is alone and that she is addicted to the fact that she wants to depend on Chuck. Then the private video of him and Serena. A slap. Another speech that she is alone and delusional. Another well learned method. Going to Chuck's. Commanding her brain to stop thinking about anything Dan related.
* It happens like this. She is in Paris with a plane ticket to Dubai. Chuck's there working on his big plan to win his empire back. She waits for her flight; people are passing with their luggage, some of them sitting on the terminal, phones in their hands…books.
He wrote a book for her. She refused to read it and she was well aware why. At first she was mortified that she'd read how Serena was gift from God, the perfection with the longest legs in the world, his soul mate and the love of his life…When she finally read "the most important parts" she refused to read it further…because she knew…she was already half way in love with him.
She sits like an idiot on the chair, surrounded with her expensive luggage when the voice in the speakers are announcing in French and then in English that the flight for New York is in about 10 minutes. The voice repeats.
"What am I doing here?" – She says out loud to herself. For the first time in her life she is not fake sure in what she is about to do. She changes the ticket and within those ten minutes she is on a plane to New York City.
* It happens like this. Dan is single. She is single again. She was single for quite some time, after she lets herself accept the fact that she and Chuck were done years ago. She takes a cab and goes to Brooklyn. She knocks on the door and he opens it. Last time they saw each other they didn't even share a word. They are just looking at each other and it seems quite long. If she can let herself be pathetic it's the most sincere "talk" she ever had in her life.
She wants to say something but she can't…there is no voice in her throat and Dan seems too tired to ask her over and over what she is doing in Brooklyn. She lifts her hand with a paper bag full with DVDs and offers it to him and he takes it, makes a step back so she can walk in. Still no talking. The entire night he isn't hyper verbal and she seems she had used all of her insults. They end up falling asleep on the sofa, like they used to. Somewhere between the computer's battery dying and the night wrapping the city, he asks "Are you staying?" She shoves her face deeper into his chest and mumbles a "yes". "Just tonight?" he asks again. "Not just tonight" she mumbles and grips his waist. He closes his eyes, wraps his arm around her shoulder and they don't talk anymore.