Author's Notes: This fanfic was inspired by my other fanfic 'Even In Death', Crossfade's song 'Cold' and Evanescence's song 'Last Breath'. The summary is a poem of mine, based on this fic, nyah.
If by any chance you would like to read the version with the songs' lyrics, my profile page has a link to my live journal. Just check below the date of 25th December and you'll find it.
The Day The World Stopped
"Hey!" Hot Shot shouted out after Optimus and Jetfire. There was no way he was letting the two of them leave to fight the decepticons alone. In a final attempt to get the commanders to listen he yelled: "You can't leave without me! I'm coming along to this trip and that's final!"
Optimus still did not turn to look at him, Hot Shot noted, as the commander spoke: "Hot Shot", in an almost cold voice. Hot Shot was in full alert when he noticed Optimus start to suddenly glow from his chest. The yellow bot's optics widened in wonder only seconds before the blue autobot finally turned to him.
Bright blue optics were locked on the object Optimus held out for him to see. It was made of golden metal, large enough to cover both of his hands. The center seemed silvery at first but it shone light in many different colors. For a moment the rookie was certain that he was looking at a transformer's spark. Only a spark could shine in such a manner.
"W-what is it?" Hot Shot asked quietly, unable to tear his optics away from the object.
"A gift from the original transformers", Optimus replied and Hot Shot locked optics with his commander at the exact time as the other continued: "It's called the Matrix. It has data on all of our previous commanders. Keep it safe for me."
Hot Shot felt himself stop breathing. He glanced back at the Matrix, offered to him by its righful owner and carrier. Carefully the yellow bot lifted his optics to Optimus' golden ones. If all the stories he had heard about the Matrix were true, then Optimus was currently willingly giving him the greatest treasure of the autobots.
"Ugh..." Hot Shot felt like he was sick when he spoke weakly: "I can't." He turned away from the golden optics he knew for sure were still looking at him. Faintly he repeated: "I can't accept it, Optimus."
"I understand", Optimus said gently, the tone soothing to Hot Shot's torn spark. "The choise is yours, Hot Shot. Let's go, Jetfire." At that the warp gate was turned on, the steady noice it made filling the room. Hot Shot's optics widened, only now realizing the true meaning behind Optimus' actions.
"Good luck!" everyone said in perfect synch. Hurriedly Hot Shot tired to turn around and shout after Optimus, only to find the two transformers gone. With a gentle whisper, for there was no one there to receive his words, he spoke: "Yeah, good luck, guys."
&&&&&&&
When everyone made their way to the command bridge to watch the fight, Hot Shot trailed behind. The whole reason he had gone to the warp gate had been to tell Optimus that he was sorry. He had not meant those hurtful words he had spoken, he had just been so angry that he had been unable to control himself.
"Optimus. What where you thinking, huh? You let him join us. Why?"
Hot Shot groaned when he remembered the way Optimus had not said a word, only walked away. Hot Shot had immediately realized his mistake and tried to follow his commander, only to be stopped by Scavenger's larger frame.
"That's enough, Hot Shot."
Enough. It had been too much. Too much hurtful words. But not enough words in general. Why could he not just say he was sorry? Why was it always so hard? Especially when he knew he had messed up really badly?
Hot Shot squeezed his hands into tight fists. Even after what he had said to Optimus, the taller bot had still given him reassurance. He had told Hot Shot that everything would turn out better in the end. Hot Shot could only hope that the other had been right.
&&&&&&&
Hot Shot felt anxious as he watched the battle unfold. It was so difficult to just watch and not be able to do anything when Megatron fought against Optimus with everything he had. Hot Shot hoped more that anything that his commander would come out victorious like always before.
When the Hydra Cannon was fired Hot Shot felt as weak as the humans standing near the monitor. There was nothing they could do to protect themselves or the planet from the horrible power of that one weapon.
That was when Optimus jumped infront of the cannon, holding the beam back. At first, all Hot Shot could think was how impossible it was but then he remembered the Matrix Optimus had shown him. Surely the artefact was helping Optimus fight off the blast.
In the end Optimus succeeded in turning the energy of the blast against the decepticon ship and Hot Shot felt relief wash over him. But something was wrong, he knew that even before he saw that the colors on Optimus' frame had completely faded away.
The human children let out sounds of relief when they saw Optimus' unharmed frame but Hot Shot had a strange feeling inside of him, right where his spark was supposed to be.
That was when one of Optimus' optics cracked and then the whole transformer broke completely. Shocked sounds of disbelief filled the room but Hot Shot did not register them. He stared at the monitor, completely still, as shining dust that had once been Optimus drifted in the image of space.
Hot Shot did not know how much time passed but when he noticed his surroundings again the humans were huddled together, crying their little eyes out and Sideswipe was shaking uncontrollably despite Blurr's efforts to calm him down. Hot Shot glanced to his side to see Scavenger looking at him. That did not surprise him as much as the worry in the pale yellow optics.
"Are you alright?" Scavenger asked quietly. Hot Shot was certain no one else in the room could hear it. Hot Shot took a shaky breath and nodded.
"Are you absolutely certain?" Scavenger pressed. Again, Hot Shot could only nod in response.
"Hot Shot?" a quiet voice spoke. Hot Shot lowered his optics to see Rad looking at him, his face slightly wet from tears. "You looked so dead a moment ago. It's okay to let others know how you feel."
"H-how I feel?" Hot Shot spoke, his voice immediately cracking. "I'll tell you how I feel!" the yellow bot's tone turned venomous all of a sudden. "I feel dead, that's how I feel! There's a black hole in where my spark's supposed to be!" Hot Shot closed his optics as he let out a pained scream: "I can't feel Optimus anymore!" With that the bot sank on the floor on his knees. Why did it hurt so much? Why did he feel like a part of him had died along with Optimus?
"What do you mean, you can't feel Optimus anymore?" Rad asked. Hot Shot squeezed his hand into a fist. Why could that human not stop pestering him? The fist was lifted into the air, right abowe Rad.
"Leave me alone!" Hot Shot screamed and tried slam his fist down, only to have it grabbed from behind.
"Don't, Hot Shot", Red Alert said firmly. "You'll only regret it when you're back to your own self again."
That was when Hot Shot started to laugh. It was a broken and insane laugh that had many backing away from him, except for Red Alert and Scavenger. Rad had disappeared somewhere, probably to avoid being squashed.
"I'll never be back to my own self!" Hot Shot yelled, trying to lash out at the bot holding him. "I'm dead! Why can't you see that?"
Hot Shot knocked Red Alert down easily, staggering into a standing position. He dodged Scavenger's attempt to grab him as he backed away from everyone, until he hit a wall with his back.
"Stay away", Hot Shot growled when Hoist and Scavenger went to close in on him. His tone was franctic but he spoke quietly enough for the other to realize that he meant every word as he spoke: "Leave me alone. I'll hurt you if you come close, I swear I will."
"Bro, what's wrong with you?" Sideswipe asked quietly, stepping infront of Hoist. "Why are you acting like this?"
Hot Shot looked at the hopeless face and was about to tell the other that he was fine, that his brother was still there. But as soon as he opened his mouth, a disturbing giggle broke out.
"Bro!" Sideswipe immediately ran to Hot Shot, despite Hoit's attempts to stop him. "Please stop this!" Sideswipe made a grab for Hot Shot's arm, only to have himself shoved roughly away.
"Don't touch me!" Hot Shot screamed in a strangely high-pitched voice. "Don't you dare touch me!"
There was a broken look on Sideswipe's face when Blurr came to pull him away from the range of Hot Shot's rage. Scavenger made a move to come close to him again.
"Stop this idiocy, Hot Shot", Scavenger said firmly. "You're acting completely unreasonably. You're out of control."
All Hot Shot could do to answer the accusations was giggle again. He faintly realized how insane he must have seemed and could only wonder on how mad he must have looked to have the human children look so frightened.
Just then Jetfire walked inside, looking a bit beat up and completely devastated. He stopped to take in the situation in the room, his eyes finally landing Hot Shot. The yellow bot let out yet another giggle without intending to.
Jetfire's optics widened. He placed the Matrix and Sparkplug on a table beside him and made his way to Hot Shot.
"Be careful, Jetfire", Red Alert said. "He's not himself."
The flyer did not seem to be listening to the medic's words as he stopped right infront of Hot Shot.
"Everything's going to be alright", Jetfire said quietly. Tentatively he wrapped his arms around Hot Shot's smaller frame. "It's okay to let go."
That was exactly what Hot Shot did. Letting the mask of insanity slide, Hot Shot let out the pain that had driven him into despair. He clutched at Jetfire like a lifeline as he let his energon tears fall, screaming desperately: "Optimus!"
End of first half
Hot Shot's steps were uneven and wobbly when Jetfire lead him to his room. He was very grateful to the flyer for his assistance but he did not know if he could get any words of gratitude out at the moment.
The yellow bot was almost completely leaning on Jetfire by the time the two made it to their destination.
When Jetfire helped Hot Shot lie down on his recharge bed the younger bot was more asleep than awake. Still the smaller transformer could mutter out one final desperate whisper of his leader's name. With a sad sigh Jetfire walked away from the room, closing the door and activating the lock on the door, just in case.
&&&&&&&
"Hot Shot?" The transformer in question lifted his gaze at the sound of his name being called by a quiet female voice. Bright blue optics came to rest on Alexis' small figure, that was standing in the doorway.
"How are you feeling, Hot Shot?" Alexis asked carefully. Hot Shot's optics flashed in irritation. Why was everyone asking him that? Ever since he had woken up he had been told not to leave his room and everyone was fussing about him like he was recuperating from something.
"Why do you ask?" Hot Shot replied to the girl. He did not want to answer that question, because the girl would not like the answer he had to give. The truth was, he was not feeling alright. He doubted he ever would. And he could not underdstand why he was the only one who felt this way.
"You were really something yesterday", Alexis tried, clearly not wanting to remember the events from the previous day. Or more like evening. "I was just wondering if you were okay now."
"I'm not going to squash you into a small wet spot on the floor, if that's what you mean", Hot Shot said weakly, unable to get the irritated tone to it that he had wanted. Why was he feeling so weak?
"Rad is especially worried about you", Alexis tried, apparently deciding to ignore the way Hot Shot had answered her.
"There's no need for him to be", Hot Shot said while letting his optics drift away from the girl. For some reason the red on her shirt hurt the visionary points in his optics. "I...I think I'll need to lie down for a moment."
Alexis did not say anything to that. She simply left the room, leaving Hot Shot alone in the hollow space. With a sigh the yellow bot lied down on the bed he had been sitting on. He had not been injured, yet every part of his body was aching. He just wanted to leave it all behind. He just wanted to be with Optimus.
With that thought he drifted to sleep.
&&&&&&&
Bright blue optics scanned their owner's surroundings. It was a forest, a very large forest completely colored grey. Hot Shot decided he liked it, the dull color did not hurt his optics and the soft light of the place soothed the ache that was slowly fading away. That was when he saw Optimus.
He was sleeping, this Hot Shot knew for certain. Because if he was awake, then everything that remained of Optimus would have been just an ancient artefact. Yet here was his leader, standing in all his glory, exactly like Hot Shot remembered him.
"Optimus..." Hot Shot tired carefully, bringing the standing figure around. Golden optics locked with his own blue ones. Ever so quietly Hot Shot whispered certainly: "Optimus."
"Hot Shot." Suddenly Optimus was standing right infront of Hot Shot, startling the younger bot. "Things will get better, I hope you understand this."
"No!" Hot Shot cried, hating the image for reciting his memories. He did not want to relive the moments right before Optimus' death. He was suffering enough as it was. "Things won't get better!" Hot Shot screamed. "Things will get a lot worse!" Hot Shot clutched at Optimus' arms, their frames only inches apart. "You'll die..." he finished weakly.
"Hot Shot..."
Hot Shot glanced up to see Optimus' faceplate missing. But he could not focus on the other's face despite that he was now supposed to see the other more clearly. Hot Shot realized that it was because he had never seen Optimus without his faceplate so the dream could not make an image out of his memories.
"Don't leave me", Hot Shot almost whispered as energon tears began to fall from his optics. "I'm all alone now..."
"You'll never be alone, Hot Shot", Optimus said gently, his lips brushing against the tearstreaks on Hot Shot's cheeks. "Not you, Hot Shot."
"I'm sorry", Hot Shot whispered, only to realize that he was talking to thin air. There was no sign of Optimus, only the grey forest that was surrounding Hot Shot. Hot Shot brought a hand to his face, trailing the line of energon on his cheek, the same one Optimus had touched.
Had that counted as a kiss?
&&&&&&&
Upon waking up, all Hot Shot could think about was getting out of the depressing room he was in. He left the silent sanctuary, despite the orders from both Jetfire and Red Alert to stay inside.
Hot Shot soon arrived at the command bridge, where everyone had gathered around a computer screen, looking at the Axalon blue prints. It would figure that they were working on that thing. After all, they needed in to get back on Cybertron and to stop the decepticons.
Suddenly Sideswipe streched his arms abowe his head, yawning widely as he turned away from the screen. His optics came to rest on Hot Shot. His face was frozen in mid-yawn whereas the arms lowered themselves slowly.
"Bro?" Sideswipe asked tentatively. Hot Shot gave him a weak smile. "Bro!" Sideswipe shouted out and rushed to the yellow bot. Hot Shot stayed perfectly still, letting Sideswipe wrap his arms around his shoulders.
Everyone else was looking at the pair warily, clearly not trusting Hot Shot with the frailer bot. Hot Shot ignored them and wrapped his own arms around Sideswipe's smaller frame.
After a moment Sideswipe leaned back away from Hot Shot to look at his face. He was smiling brightly as he spoke: "I was so worried about you, bro."
"I'm sorry", Hot Shot replied, surprised at how easily it came out. But he was not sure what he was apologising for exactly. Was it for worrying the other or the way he had treated him before?
That was when a curious look came to Sideswipe's face. Carefully he touched Hot Shot's cheek while asking: "Why are you crying?"
Hot Shot blinked in surprise, only now noticing that he was, indeed, crying. With a faint laugh he brought his other hand to his face to wipe the energon away as he spoke: "I...I really don't know." There was another short laugh. "I don't seem to be able to stop."
Sideswipe reached up to wipe away the tears on his other cheek. Hot Shot lifted his optics up to see Jetfire smiling at him.
"Things will get better. You'll never be alone, Hot Shot."
Slowly, a smile krept to Hot Shot's face as he rubbed the tears away, together with his brother. Unable to keep it down he let out a laugh. It was his first happy laugh since Optimus' death and it brought smiles to everyone's faces.
The End
Ending Notes: Yeah, it didn't have that much Optimus x Hot Shot but atleast there was some slight Blurr x Sideswipe aswell.