I don't own Toy Story or any sequels.
Woody liked to think that he was a logical toy. He was leader, so thinking of plans and escapes needed his logic. It was just a part of who he was, and the sheriff was not some weird person that was just constantly 'out there'. (You've seen these people, the ones that constantly come up to you and say random- Hey look a banana dancing with an orange peel! And there's a squirrel!)
So, yes, Woody was a logical toy dictated by his thoughts and common sense.
Let's keep this in mind, shall we?
"Woody?" Buzz hollered over the clamor of the toys around him. He wasn't one to scream, but he needed to speak with his best friend. There was a battery shortage again, and they were going to lose some toys if Woody didn't get him stuffed backside in gear and help organize search parties.
Sighing in frustration at the lack of cowboy running at his call, the space ranger looked up to the highest point in the cloud wallpapered bedroom, tall blue the shelf. So, after doing an over the top acrobatic stunt that strangely resembled an over the top obligatory Anime pose, he reached the gazing point in no time. Buzz looked out, quickly spotting the sheriff behind the toy box and fell with style down to the box.
He and Woody needed to talk- Wait… was that music he heard?
Huddled up behind the toy box, the sheriff doll smiled. Peace and quiet at last was here! How he needed a break from the infernal whining of his oh so beloved family, if only for a moment. And another thing-
Suddenly Woody heard whistling.
Do do do dodo do dod dodododododododododooooooooo
Looking around with a confused look resting on his countenance, the cowboy stood up with eyes darting around for the source of the whistling. It was frankly quite bizarre and Woody wanted his peace and quiet.
Dooooo oooooo ooooo ooooo
"Okay, Buzz, I get it. This is payback for the funny faces on your helmet." A nervous laugh escaped Woody, "Now stop before I remember you can't whistle."
You've got a friend in me.
"Holy crap!" He jumped about three feet in the air as a man with a deep voice started singing. Woody was really freaked out now. Voices shouldn't be singing to him. Next thing he knows he'll be saying something about seeing dead people.
You've got a friend in me
The sheriff jumped again before he shook his head. Maybe it was just something in the toy box. A new ringtone for the play phone, maybe?
He rummaged around in the cavernous container as the song continued-
When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
-before finding a tape recorder that was on. Switching it off and now satisfied, Woody sat back down for his 'me' time.
Sighing happily, he closed his eyes as drenched himself in pure peacefulness-
You just remember what your old pal said
"AAAHHHH!" Woody screeched like a banshee and gripped his head, almost clawing at the delicate cranium. "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!"
Boy, you've got a friend in me
Yeah, you've got a friend in me
"No…." He groaned, slamming his head on the wall. This song was too dang catchy, it's as if some film company made it the theme of a big shot movie to just keep the stupid tune going forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever
and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
Dear God… It is 'IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL' ALL OVER AGAIN!
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
Now sobbing, Woody hugged his knees as he smacked his bruising head against the wall over and over and over again.
If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and can see it through
Cause you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
"Oh God," Woody moaned, "it's like a moral compass puked lyrics and Barney stole them and put them to a beer pong song."
Some other folks might be
A little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them will ever love you
"WAAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed again, this time running from behind the toy box and into the open. "! MOMMY! MAKE THE BAD MUSIC GO AWAY!"
The way I do, it's me and you
Boy, and as the years go by
Our friendship will never die
With flailing limbs thrashing as he convulsed on the hard wood floor, Woody screamed again and again. "FRIENDSHIP IS GOING TO KILL ME, IT'S A ZOMBIE THAT NEVER DIES!"
You're gonna see it's our destiny
"IT ISN'T MY DESTINY TO DIE!"
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
Woody cried dry tears as the music faded to nothing. He sat up, then noticing a firm hand on his shoulder. The sheriff looked up to see a heavy plastic space ranger looking with concern at his trembling figure.
"Woody, are you all right-"
Curling up in a fetal position, Woody only replied with a monotonous mantra. "Must get friends. Must get friends. It is my destiny. Must get friends."
But Buzz only nodded and backed away slowly to the other toys. He muttered to his right at Hamm, "Any idea what the heck is wrong with him?"
Hamm only grinned as he pushed the play button on the boom box. "Brainwash."
You got a friend in me
"AAAAAHHHHH!"
For the record, I do love the song. However, I'm really tired of it being stuck in my head for hours on end... :)
So what did you think of my little dip into insanity?
kirby