Note: I own nothing, everything belongs to J.K.R. apart from the quotes at the beginning of each chapter.

""

The potion drunk by lovers is prepared by no one but themselves. The potion is the sum of one's whole existence. Every word spoken in the past accumulated forms and color in the self. What flows through the veins besides blood is the distillation of every act committed, the sediment of all the visions, wishes, dreams, and experiences. All the past emotions converge to tint the skin and flavor the lips, to regulate the pulse and produce crystals in the eyes...

No moment of charm without long roots in the past, no moment of charm is born on bare soil, a careless accident of beauty, but is the sum of great sorrows, growths, and efforts.

- Anaïs Nin

""

He hated Potions.

With ease, with skill, he built up the liquid until it was the way he desired; perfect, inimitable, complete. A touch of it on his tongue, and he would be helpless. So he used gloves and great care, making sure every drop remained in the cauldon, where it shimmered nearly translucently and looked perfectly innocent. He hated his creation and what it could do, wanted to throw it out, but he didn't. Instead he collected some with a pipette and contained it into a flask, which he then went to position on Slughorn's desk.

Lily wasn't done yet, he noticed, as he went back to sit next to her. Behind her, Potter was eagerly craning his neck and eyeing her with poorly masked desire, sloppily pouring a measuring glass full of his own potion all over the desk as he tried to aim it into his flask. Severus sneered at him. Lily's potion was shimmering its mother-of-pearl shade as she kept up her careful stirring, first in a clockwise motion with her left hand, then anti-clockwise with her right hand. The liquid in her cauldron smelled earthly, like the old cellar in her house, and like smoky firewood from the fireplace of the commonrooms; and like her skin, too, floral and deep. Severus shivered when the scent reached his nose.

He hated Potions. He had to sit next to Lily in Potions.

"Those of you who chose to make Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium – time's up in five – four – three- two - one!" Slughorn announced, looking at his pocket watch and then frowning at the classroom, where only Severus sat without simmering or still hastily cutting ingredients. "And those of you who are preparing Amortincia – five more minutes, shouldn't take more than that."

Lily was still stirring, her face set in a decisive frown, her cheeks slightly pink. Severus could tell from the seducing scents of the potion that it would be perfectly brewed. And possibly heavily adapted, knowing her style. He bent over his own textbook and made a few markings on the page which addressed Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium ("let boil for 45 seconds, not 60" and "add two drops of juniper oil together with the lavender oil", and finally "add ground arugula instead if saltweed") and then started wiping his desk. Beside him, Lily was preserving her potion in a flask; she didn't use a pipette, but instead guided the liquid with her wand, and it gleamed in the air like a silvery snake. Severus couldn't help but admire her charm as the potion gracefully ran down the neck of the flask and took back its liquid shape. If they were still talking to one another, he'd have asked her what spell she was using. Lily shook the flask tenderly to check the consistency, then went to hand it over to Slughorn.

"How did yours turn out, Evans?" Severus heard Potter use an unnaturally low voice when he hurried after Lily to drop off his own potion by the Professor's desk. A couple of chatty Gryffindor girls passed by Severus right then, obstructing his view of the pair and muffling Lily's reply.

"Time's up, everyone. You, too, Mr. Avery. Hands off the cauldron", Slughorn said as Lily returned to her seat. He waited another minute, then waved his wand and two dozen flasks catapulted from the desks and landed in a neat order on his own. Severus heard Pettigrew moan in irritation; he'd probably not had the time to bottle his brew, the imbecil. Slughorn raised the flasks one by one, eyeing the liquids with a critical eye, shaking his head or nodding approvingly. Severus saw several attempts which didn't look remotely like neither Amortencia nor Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium.

"Sloppy consistency, Murray. Alice, not bad for a first attempt, but you have added too much unicorn hair, see how it looks oily on the bottom... is this supposed to be Amortencia or Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium, Mulciber? My, boy, how did you even manage to turn it that colour?" Slughorn frowned as he pushed away a flask containing a groggy, brown mixture. "James, I believe you've forgotten to add snowberry juice, this is still much too pink... Ah! Lily – a most perfect Amortencia." Slughorn nodded appreciatively as he examined the liquid labelled with Lily's name. "I see you have added a drop of salamander venom, that's an excellent choice– it will triplicate the length of the half-life, of course... twenty points to Gryffindor. Ah! And, here now, a perfect sample of Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium! Who made it... Severus Snape, why, of course!"

Slughorn smiled warmly at Severus as he examined the translucent colour. "A bold choice, I believe you were the only one who chose this particular brew... a beautiful consistency, too, you can see how it looks almost like steam in its natural state inside the flask, yet settles into a liquid if shaken." Slughorn opened the flask and sniffed. "And you have added a little twist, too, unless I'm mistaken?"

"Yes, professor", Severus said. "I added a few drops of juniper oil, and used dried arugula instead of saltweed."

"Ah! A very interesting choice, my boy. I assume you added juniper oil to counteract the possible fever – an unfortunate, if rare, side effect of Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium, caused by overt excitement", Slughorn explained to the rest of the class, nodding approvingly as he assessed Severus. "But may I ask, why arugula?"

Severus cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Because of its Aphrodisiac properties, sir. Since the potion was to be brewed in... ah... celebration of Valentine's Day, I thought it'd be appropriate."

Slughorn beamed at him. Severus heard muffled whispers and a mocking laugh from behind him, and guessed that Potter and Black were making fun of his choice of adaptation. He glanced a Lily quickly; she was staring at the blackboad expressionlessly.

"What an innovative idea!" Slughorn proclaimed and raised Severus's flask for all to see. "Unlike Amortencia, this little potion here is not an actual Love Potion. With little adaptation, it can be transformed into a relaxant, a confidence brew, an aphrodisiac... the options are limitless, with this handy little potion! But this version here -" he raised the flask even higher. "- is indeed a perfect potion for Valentine's Day."

Severus heard whispers all around him now: his potion was clearly a subject of interest. After receiving Slughorn's directions and a choice between two potions, most students had just skimmed over its impressive ingredient list and moved over to prepare the somewhat simpler, and more familiar, Amortencia. Severus noticed that Lily was now eyeing her textbook, reading about Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium. Potter and Black were still whispering to one another in the second row. Slughorn cleared his throat and the classroom fell silent again.

"You see, students, this potion causes the crumbling of emotional walls, of logical excuses – making it the perfect brew to help pre-existing feelings to emerge and seek completion! Often used as part of marital councelling." Slughorn nodded ceremoniously. "I often say that no potion can imitate love – and indeed it is true – but with this potion, for 24 sweet hours after digestion, love seeks more love! Attraction creates more attraction! Desire – uh, well... perhaps everyone can read up more about this subject in their textbooks. Twenty points to Slytherin, for an excellent, aphrodisiac Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium. No homework today, go and enjoy the Valentine's Day! And for Sluggers – don't forget the party tonight! The theme is, of course - romance!"

Slughorn winked jocularly, waved his wand and all of the room's cauldrons emptied with a slurping sound, as though a cork had opened at the bottom of each cauldron. Lily pushed her textbook and quill to the bottom of her bag, threw the bag over her shoulder and then walked past Severus without saying a word, as usual. But her shoulder briefly touched him as she passed him, and he was rather happy she didn't see the faint blush which he felt spread on his face as he savoured the brief moment of accidental intimacy.

As Severus joined Evan Rosier and Horton Avery, who were already making their way out the door, he suddenly heard a rousing sound followed by an exclamation from behind himself, and turned to look. Pettigrew had somehow managed to light his desk on fire and was jumping up and down, sucking on his burnt finger; Slughorn was already hurrying towards the desk, his wand out and a displeased look on his face. Potter had apparently burned his sleeve, and was hurrying towards the washbasin behind Slughorn's desk, rubbing his arm. Severus smiled darkly and left the room.

Lily was ahead of him, walking with Mary and Alice. He heard her lamenting the fact that her friends weren't invited to Slug Club's Valentine's Day party.

"Maybe I can smuggle you in after Professor Slughorn's had a few snaps, he's usually rather jolly by dessert -"

"Never mind, I have a date with Sirius. Unless he cancels, again, in which case I'm gonna shove his wand up his -"

Potter and his friends passed Severus and hurried after the girls. Potter shouldered Severus roughly on his way, then turned to give him a smug, unpleasant smile. Severus curled his fingers around his pocketed wand.

"Aphrodisiac, huh? In your dreams, mate... See ya later, Snivellus..."

Black clapped Potter's shoulder appreciatively and then hurried ahead to wrap his arm around Mary's waist, the rest of the gang speeding up to catch him. It appeared as though Slughorn had sprayed water on Pettigrew because his robes were soaked and he was leaving wet footprints on the stone floor, his robes smelling strongly of smoke. Lupin was conspicuously absent from the group. Potter was holding his hands in his pocket, obstructing Severus's view of his hands, but Severus hoped his burns were extensive.

"Stupid fuck," Evan muttered under his breath. "Doesn't have the guts to do anything now that Evans is here... I heard from Epsilom he's behaving like a real sheep around her these days, trying to convince her he's changed... as if..."

Severus said nothing, but thought he was probably right. He heard Potter again use his low, unnatural voice as the offered Lily first chocolate frogs, then butter beer, both of which she curly refused to Severus's immense pleasure. Apparently his act hadn't worn Lily out just yet.

He wasn't particularly looking forwards getting to spend the entire evening at Slughorn's party, having to look at Potter's obsequious growelling and boasting in front of Lily. Well, at least Black wouldn't be there – Slughorn had stopped inviting him last year after his grades had dropped.

And if there's nothing else to wait for, he thought ruefully as he made his way upstairs for dinner, at least Lily always looks especially attractive in Slughorn's parties.

""

Note: This story starts off at Severus and Lily's last year at Hogwarts, making them 18 years old at the time. This should be easy to deduce also from the story, but I just want to make this 100% clear, because this fic will have adult content, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Note 2: This fic was inspired by the Anaïs Nin quote at the beginning. The quote also describes the effect of Apscondita Adpetevi Absinthium as I imagined it, and I also think that that quote was in the official description of their Potions textbook...

Note 3: This story is a S/L fix-it and eventual AU, but if you are absolutely allergic to James, beware, there might be some content which you won't enjoy ahead of you :)

All reviews are much appreciated!