Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to "Naruto" or any of the things affiliated with it.
...Damn.
A/N: By the way... This is to give you a sense of what this is about. Most definitely essential to the plot.
"I think therefore I am." - Rene Descartes
Introduction to "Ambivalence": "The Voice of a Demon"
I'll speak plainly here: I would have it said that I was never human.
no. never.
Human. Humanity. Humane. These are not things I would ever have been, not words I would have ever used to describe myself.
no -never.
Let me state that I acknowledged this. Accepted it, if you will. I never called myself human. I knew I was too... "rambunctious" shall we say? There was too much of a blurring of pleasure and pain in my antics for my actions to ever be accredited to the little scrap of humanity I did have. And let me say that I acted as a monster of my own free will. Killing. Maiming. Brutalizing. I specialized in it. I held these things close to me. These things were what I lived for. I was made for it. That is all. Nothing else. I would not even dare to claim anything as my own. Monsters, demons do not have possessions. I have nothing but myself. I love only myself. I need only myself. But I myself am weak. I am troubled. My soul is troubled. My spirit oppressed. My heart long-broken. But I could not ever admit this. I couldn't leave myself unguarded.
no...never.
That would be would be a weakness I cannot afford. But where did I get my strength? From the pleasure and satisfaction of my kills. That's all that I had. Killing. This was what I did best. This is what I was born for. Though sometimes...I admit that I got a little carried away in my fun. But I did not break. I did not. I was born damaged. A monster. Ostracized. Hated. Feared. Ruined. I was. I was. I know what it is to be alone because of this. Because of them. I know. I know now. It hurt me. The pain hurt me and so warped me that I am no longer recognizable as a human. Tainted. Untouchable. I could not be physically hurt. I was never hurt. I was the ultimate weapon. A tool. And tools are ambiguous. It is what they are used for that is good or evil. But that is up to you to decide. Me? I don't believe in good or evil. Those are weak human concepts used to dictate the standards and rules of society so that humanity can withstand the inexplicable and unexplainable. Humans must have order. They need chaos. These human concepts are not applicable to a monster like me. I am incapable of this reasoning. By choice. I choose to be a monster. If I was human I would not survive. I have no morals. No regrets. I am only a tool. A monster. A weapon. To be used. For what? You decide. I've said my piece. And you know now. What I went through. What I survived. And you know. You know that you couldn't have survived it. It's too harsh for a human, compassionate as you all are. It's too agonizing. You couldn't have taken it.
no, never.
If I may speak again, let it be known that I never said that I ever wanted this. Because I didn't.
Ever.