"..Faceless Gloomy Dork.."
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"..Wandering Statue.."
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"..Unsociable.."
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"..Loner.."
... Loner eh?...
Yeah that's me, "Faceless Stone Solid Loner" that is. Oh reminiscence, bring memories of a bitter words said by a human. If it were a normal people, they would be in crying when hear that. Or the worse, suicide. Hey, don't ask me how they will do that! But truthfully now, I never care about it. For me it just something of my everydays. But who is this person that claim are difference than normal people?
Sasurai Senshi, High School Student in Co-ed School. Long hair (Of course, past man average. Not long as girls hair) with a bang that scream 'I can cover what below me!'. Only child in my family. Average household, Average looks, Average grades, and High Loner skill. Has been a loner for almost 3 years or so I count. I am an "Experienced Loner", because I'm natural born loner. A loner see talking to one another as a waste of time. For them, peace come from silent whether it be in isolated room or abandoned mansion. Social? For them it's just playing a Dating Sim Game that just talk and talk to from one heroine to another. What's fun with playing those things? But no offense mate! This is baseless conjuring talking to you. Yeah. I prefer playing Hack-n-Slash like Devil May Cry, Bayonetta and other melee action combat that as good as them. Well I do play some RPG and Mystery Game but, it didn't do the justice as the game I mention earlier.
I once think why myself being like this, and you probably curious what has happen in the past but, NO. Nothing happened in the past. You see, maybe this is my nature. Deal with it or read another fiction! ... Forget that I said that.
In school all I do is reading my novel book, especially bitter one. Like "Looking for Alaska", "Thirteen Reason Why" and one that I will never forget, "If I Stay". Not that I love something hurt (Hell no, I'm not M!), I just love how it can play with my emotion. And sometimes, some girls thought that I was reading something perverted like one of those otakus read, really? Why girls just jump into conclusion? They should see it before make an assumption! Please girls, even obama always said "Seeing is Believing". Well other than that, I listen to my iPod. Mixed genre that is. What? You expect me to loudmouth about my iPod? Nothing special about my playlist, most of it are R-n-R though.
And here I am. In the morning, walking from my home to what-my-age-should-go. Repeating a cycle that would reset everyweek. And as always, street are crowded with people. Most of it are student and worker. But if I were to detail it in ratio, it would be 3:1. Seriously, why are this generation have so much people on it? Thus, on my journey I see some of my classmate walking and talking together. Now crowds, you better hide me well from them or else!
After a long walk from my home to here, I arrive at the front gate. I began to plug my earphone so that I got some space for my peace even though some nonsense student talk can still got into my ear. And everytime I arrive at my classroom, some student glance at me with no interest or what-so-ever in their eyes. Well not that I mind, but please just mind your own bussiness!
I sit down on my chair and began to place my hand on the desk. I always love how my desk were always warm and make me forget that this school are not yours to be around. Oh desk meet cheek, cheek meet desk. As my cheek embracing the desk, my vision that has been turn verticaly has tell me, a girl are walking to my way right now. Wait? A girl? Oh tough morning my friends! Friends? I do not have one of those things...
"...Sasurai-san, Don't go home after class is over. You're on the picket schedule this time." said by the pony tailed girl with cold tone while narrowing her eyes. What's that? You should use a softer tone with a happy-go-lucky smile when asking someone! ... Wait, she didnt ask anything.. she is ordering me! Damn Gurl'!
"Yes." I said groaning and with that word she leave. What? Sorry but I don't waste my time on this kind of subject. Do you expect me to say "Why gotta be so ruuuuuude? A loner are human tooooo." and drive myself like one of a car movies to beloved homes, just to be rejected by the somehow-frowned father on the day were people should have a nice relax pace of nature? Oh I good at making this kind of joke! Wait... that's a joke? Hella long... With this I decide, comedian is not a career.
Nah, whatever. After she leaves, I took a glance at the clock in front of classroom. Long pointer past the six but far from seven and short one on nine. Which mean I still got fifteen minutes to kill before class started. I began to rum on my bag. Smartphone alone on the corner, earphone strangling the notebook, textbooks rounding the pencil case... Where's my nov- oh there you are! Come here. Help me fight our nemesis which called 'Boredom'! Now that I realize, I still got some space to place anything on it. Is this what it feels to hold a woman purse?
I then took out my shy comrade that is my novel book unto the open ground that is the desk. Oh I'm sorry for being so detailed but just like I said, Deal with it! I began to read my novel book that titled "Fifty Shades of gr- What the!? Isn't this what mom read yesterday? Oh how come I take the wrong book but come on, atleast not this one! I've had enough feminism in this life. With a sigh, I put it back to the corner of my bag... or throw it to the trash? Nah, mom will search for it. It's funny how she can accuse me when her things gone. Oh, the nagging. Something I would avoid at cost. Weird huh...
Once again, I took a glance at the clock. Same position on long pointer or not. Short pointer on the ten. Now this is what I don't like. Ten minutes without doing anything is empty as moneyless pocket. What? I'm human too you know. I did do an activity like everyone in here. In case that I tell you I kill times with my novel book. Reading are ones of it, right?
Three minutes has passed. Sound of this rumbling from student are getting on my nerves. I think it still can for ones. I took out my ipod from my pocket and then search for some fit song in my playlist to play. Now I choose you, MY FIRST STORY! As the song began to play in my ears, my head began to rest on the desk sideway on it own. There, the peace within melody. I feel sleepy for some reason now and yeah, I am hearing a rocks in case you don't know the band.
Seven minutes has passed. The song will meet its end. I brace myself for incoming buzz of bug that will invade my ears. But as the song ended, I expect to hear a loud babling instead a calm and yet soft atmosphere in this classroom. Weird... I then glance at some student, their eyes were fix onto some 'thing'. My mistake, its not an object that their eyes were to lock with.
"Good Morning." A gentle girly voice heard from the right of my ears. I know whose this voice came...
All male student looked like embrassed by the girl existence, as if they have seen an angle. All female student start approaching her like an ant fighting for a small piece of food. The classroom then resume with a loud rumbling.
It was her, Izawa Kobayashi. Born in a wealthy family. A girl gifted with smart brain, good academics and music, angelic looks and most of all she always greet her classmate with a gentle breeze smile. Don't misunderstand, that's not my words infact thats what other student said about her. A bit for your information, I has or forced to seen what that saint aura looks like on behind... Not that I want to talk about it though.
As the crowd still babling nonsense at her, the bells rang. Here it comes. The student war ground has been open to all people here. Soon all of them began to walk to their seat and teachers came through the door out of nowhere. Class will not be different from other days, just study then break then study and what I love the most, return to home. Class progressing smoothly without something new. Too bad, I was sleepy sensei. Maybe you can teach me in my dream.
Soon the bells rang again, indicate student to have a break from class. At the same time, I wake up from my nap and going to the cafetaria. Well yeah, crowded as ever. Student everywhere. Tables were full but, that's not the place I spend in this session. Somewhere that really fit for a loners like me. Only one in this school. Or everyschool should I said.
Rooftop, peaceful with no sound other than wind, leaves and birds. A paradise for us, loners. Well, if I tell you about my experience in here of course, I got so much of them. From a totally laughable attempt of dumping confession to a last bloom of relationship which called 'Break Up'. Good things there were no signs of delinquent here. The best place for this three years... is... what I want to said.
"I HATE THIS WORLD!"
And that's the things that I've talking about, a shout my friends. No, that's not valid and I'm a loner. About now, it has been going for 2 weeks as I remember. First it freaks me out when I hear that voice. I though when I hear the word, someone gonna fall to the ground from this high. But now I don't. Hey, that's doesn't mean I've been used to it. Sometimes it getting on my nerves but my kind heart wons over it. Yeah, I'm kind and I do proud for it.
I got up and began to walk to the usual place that voice make. As I hate to admit but really weirded this word cames out from whose mouth. Yes, as usual
The Princess of my classroom. Izawa Kobayashi.
"I HATE EVERYONE! I HATE IT! EVERYTHING!" Still shouting while tears falls from her eyes.
I really don't care about your problems here. Even if you're sad, atleash consider the place where you unleash your anger! This place is a holy ground that you has soiled it.
After she satisfied with her drama opera, bell rang which mean break is over. She start to turn around and shocked to see me there. Then, she give me a menacing stare.
'Don't you dare say what you saw!' is what her eyes said, Maybe? She regain her composure and began to walk to the stairs. Er... atleast appologize for ruining my happy-joyfullness time with my peace until now!
"Well... time to go." With a sigh I began to walk downstair and going to the classroom.
Arriving at classroom, I took a glance at her. She happily chatting with her friend talking about some popular things.
'Oh, look at you now! Happily talking to your friend after said those words.' Mutterring which sounded like whisper and I began to walk to my seat. Now to wait for sensei arrived. A bit of song won't hurt. I soon began to rum my bag and took out my iPod. But something hit me, there something missing in here. Moms novel books. God...
'Someone's is playing pranks on me...' I glance on all student who possibly dare playing with this forbidden item.
'Male A... No... Male B... He being hostiles right now... Female A... Uh, pain accussing a female..." While muttering something hit me. Just this time. Really, just for this time I hate having this habit. Bringing something when break session...
"...GOD DAMNIT!" I shout. I realize that I forgot that I place it at the rooftop. All student around me got silent and shocked by my sound. I Don't care! My ears would be in endless nagging if I let it happen!
Soon as I began to run to the door, a teacher stood in front of me. Illuminate is what I want to say if this are a fantasy world where I face some boss, but reality is cruel as I know it. He then looking at me and asked
"Where are you going, Sasurai? Class has started. Go back to your seat."
DAMNIT SENSEI! This time, I really want to curse your discipline ideal! But, what can I do? I'm not a mere wizard. With that, I began to walk back to my seat.
"...What's his problem... Screaming like that..." "...Creepy..." said by students while smirking to each other. Hey, is hear a shout makes you think I did unforgivable things? I start to wonder with how your brains work.
I sigh and then took out my textbook. Sensei then start his job that is teaching. I know you felt that I assume that you're an idiot that you think I give a sub-context with explanation. But I swear, this is not my doing. You did know who...
As boringly as I want to just get out from here like an old time delinquent. Bells rang for the last time and which means school is over. Hell yeah! I began to tidy up my book to my bag and began to run to the Rooftop. Now please, tell me you're still there.
'Say no to nag!' on my thought. At long last I arrive, began too look around and... FOUND YA! No Scrap, missing pages, and still in good state. Bless you, Bless you, Bless you MUACHH!
"You good-for-nothing! I've been worried about you really, what if someone's taking you? Your owner will be in good grief and this guy would be a reliever for her!" I said that with angry tone yet low. Avoid at cost, Mom's nagging that is...
"I HATE THIS WORLD!"
... Again? Just how many times I will hear this sad yet confusing opera? It just that, the voice are unpleasant in my ears and the word as if just came from a dictionary with only one page. It is, getting on my nerves. And of course I already expected the place for sure. Damn, its weird how I get iritiated by this. It must be done someway to prevent further!
I began to walk on the same place. Yes, non-others than Izawa Kobayashi, crying with same look as last time while her hand holding on the fence. From anyone perspective, it like someone who attempting suicide. And I fed up with this...
"Hey You!" I said. She start looking around to confirm the voice.
"I'm here, you shitty crybaby!" I said with loud tone while narrowing my eyes. Good now you know the voice came from who!
"What do you want!?" She said with loud tone still crying while giving me annoyed look.
"Eh? What do I want? I want my peace of course! You've been crying here for a goddamn twice saying the same damn thing. If you hate it that much, just jump from here. Of course that will make me feel good because there won't be any nuincance here." I said.
"...What did you say!?" She said sweeping up her tears and wear a sharp glare.
"Must I said it again?" I said with mocking tone while she began walk to me.
"A spoiled brat like you who is loved by everyone, won't understand what peace mean to us, Loner! infact all you're doing right now is destroying my sacred ground. If you can't bear it, just go die an-"
My words were stopped forcefully when she stood infront of me.
*SLAP*
"You..What did you say!? Saying to me that I should die!? It should be you the rejected who should die! You didn't even know me and you told me to die, Just who you are!? All of you people don't know what I've been through right now!" She said with angry tone, holding her tears while holding my wrist and looked furiously.
Slapped. Discriminated. By a mere girl. My head still turn aside from the slap. I don't deserve this. I will never deserve this. I didn't do anything wrong here. No more than a peace is what I want, but not this. I stood froze after getting slapped but. After so long, now I feel it again. A burst of displeasure feeling...
"...All of you people... doesn't even care about me..." She said while crying.
"Its because you never tell them!" I shout as I grip her shoulder hard as my heart wants to.
"You never tell them your problem!"
You are...
"And you expect them to understood!? Just how?"
The worst kind of people...
"Do you think all the people around you know what pain are you in right now?"
Worst than us...
"Or are you too afraid to tell them because you don't want them to think you are weak? What are you, a pussy? or a chicken?'
The Rejected...
"What do you mean no one cares about you? Just what are them to you!?"
That has no one...
"Only a mere object to satify your desire? All your friend that has talk to you, just what are you see on them?"
but only ourselves...
"You are the worst wanting to be understood while you think highly of yourself!" I shout like a lion infront of a girl for the first time in my life. Still gripping her shoulder.
"I'm not thinking myself like that!"
"You did! Do you even realize it?"
"Just what do you know about this!?"
"Hell I do! All I know is you're getting along with your friend and got no problem with it!"
"But They are faking it! Pretend that they are my friend but all they want only me the outside not the inside!"
"And so do you!"
With my last sentence, the debate turns into silence. She turns her head slowly to the ground with shock expression. As I see this, I began to calm a bit and loosened my grip. Her knees then collapse to the ground. A soft sobbing can be heard from her. All I see is tears stream down on her faces with array looks.
"You already know they're faking it, yet you're doing it to them too. No one will understood you." I said with a normal tone as I now has calmed to the core. A break of silence. She still on the ground. Sunset are going to be complete. Soon the night will spark the sky. I should get back now.
"It's getting late. You should head back now." I said as I hand her my handkerchief. She then take it and began to clean the tear stain. She still didn't move after doing it. I let out a sigh and began to walk downstairs. Heading out from school. Leaving her alone.
Just what happen? I don't know why I bother say that to her. I don't even know how I said those things. Really, its feels like I've been possessed by an old age Senator then saying some bullshit things. Even I know that is bullshit, I don't care what she thought about it. I began to look around as a light began to shine around the street on this night time. Better get home soon and rest myself.
...
'It should be you the rejected who should die!'
...
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Rejected huh...
Why must all of you said it carelessly...