This is an updated version of Chapter 1.
Presque vu - The intense feeling of being at the brink of an epiphany. An extremely frustrating experience, since a breakthrough never arrives - and you are left without it, hopelessly dreaming it will show itself to you.
Happens post-season 5 finale. With the exception of Joanna Gallagher and Marie Castleton, all characters are owned by Covert Affairs.
As Auggie told Annie he was quitting, Annie couldn't help but zone out. She was remembering the day they first met: His finely trimmed haircut, his blind-guy jokes. As Auggie spoke Annie saw her whole time at the agency laid out in front of her, feeling a sort of nostalgic twinge. She knew they couldn't go back to the way things were. And more so, she was glad that Auggie couldn't see her eyes welling up with tears. Annie congratulated Auggie. They hugged, Auggie left, and again Annie was alone. McQuaid came in and looked out the window to see Auggie leaving.
"You all right?"
Annie wiped her eyes and nodded, still staring off into the distance.
"I'm gonna go."
Ryan kissed Annie on the cheek, but she was still somewhere else.
The next day, Annie went into work as usual. As she drove, she checked for a tail, and took the long way into Langley just in case.
Getting off the elevator and not seeing Auggie was something Annie was going to have to adjust to. She didn't like it. She walked past his office, feeling that same twinge of sadness in her stomach. Her thoughts were interrupted by Joan.
"Annie, my office." Annie shook her head as if she was sleeping and Joan had woken her up.
"What?"
"My office. Are you all right?" Annie shifted her glance back to Auggie's office. Joan's face fell.
"I know you miss him. I do too. We can—" Annie hugged her. Joan was always surprised when this happened, she wanted so much to be a constant in Annie's life but she rarely knew how to play her hand.
Annie and Joan separated and Joan motioned to her office. Before she could close her door, Joan's secretary came in.
"I have Singer on line one for you."
"Thank you Melanie."
Joan took the call while Annie sat down.
"Yes. Yes, I'm aware. All right well get those files to me right away. Thanks."
Joan hung up the phone and looked up to see Annie holding her head in her hands.
"Are you all right?"
"I just can't imagine this place without him, Joan. I don't want to." Joan sighed.
"Well, you're just going to have to. We all have to adjust."
Annie shook her head and stood up. Walking toward the window, she scoffed under her breath. Joan followed.
"Look Annie, this is part of what we do. We lose people. But we have to keep moving forward." Annie kept her back to Joan. Joan inhaled and began again.
"Throw yourself back into the work, Annie. That's where you just may find some clarity about Auggie. And some distance from the office."
Annie turned around. "You have a mission for me?"
Joan grabbed the remote and turned the monitor on. "Joanna Gallagher. Scottish scientist. She's developed a very advanced kill-switch device." Joan handed Annie the file.
"Kill-switch?"
"A device designed to download encrypted information from any computer, send it to a back-up drive and delete the contents within seconds."
Annie nodded, still looking over the file. "Great for stealing information and hiding the evidence. And if it falls into the wrong hands—" Joan interrupted.
"Well, that's why I'm sending you in. But you're not going alone." Annie turned around.
"You remember Reva Kline?"
Annie smiled. Seeing an old friend would be a great comfort to her. Joan went on.
"Reva knows the most about Gallagher's technology than anyone else in DC. She'll know how to handle the device and she'll make sure you don't get played." Annie nodded.
Reva arrived twenty minutes later. She looked a little unsure when she walked in, but smiled when she saw Annie.
"Annie!"
"Reva!" The two exchanged a hug and began catching up. Joan interrupted, finishing up the briefing.
"Joanna will be in London for the next two weeks visiting friends. While she's there any number of agencies may approach her- it's your job to get to her first." Reva spoke up.
"I think I have an in."
Joan smiled. "You do?"
"I found Joanna's sister on Facebook. Not the most ingenious spy-craft I know, but I found the friends that Joanna's visiting. It's a bachelorette party for a woman named Marie Castleton. If Annie and I can insert ourselves into that party, we have a much better chance of being the first to approach Joanna."
Annie grinned, "Nice." But Joan had that vaguely worried look about her that she always got before sending Annie into the field. "Tread lightly, you two. Make your approach at the wrong time and it could all be for nothing." Annie and Reva nodded.
"Your flight leaves tomorrow morning. Good luck, ladies."
As Joan walked away, Annie and Reva's reunion picked right back up.
"So how have you been?" Annie asked eagerly. She desperately needed a distraction from all of the changes happening in her life, and Reva would be that distraction.
"I've been well! Avoiding field work as much as possible, also working on that hummingbird project I told you about last time I was here."
"Oh yeah, how's that going?"
"It's going well. Nothing's official yet, but I've been working on the schematics and have already made a ton of improvements to the originals."
"That's great!" Annie noticed that Reva lighted up when she talked about her work. It was a great reminder to stay focused on her passions.
The next morning, Annie and Reva met at the airport. "You ready?" Annie asked.
"Let's do this."
Annie was reviewing the case file on the plane when McQuaid called.
"Hello?" Annie smiled, but soon regretted picking up the phone.
On the other line McQuaid asked, "You're going to Scotland?"
"It's for work."
McQuaid sighed, "I thought we—I thought we'd talk about our conversation last night." Annie's face fell. She mustered up as much false positivity as she could.
"We'll talk when I get back. Promise." Hanging up the phone, Annie held her head in her hands.
"What was that about?" Reva asked, looking concerned. Annie sighed and stayed quiet for a couple seconds. Finally she spoke, "This guy I've been dating—he asked me to marry him."
Reva's face lit up. She was so cold when she first met Annie and Auggie. But they got her out of her shell, they helped her become positive. So at this news she couldn't help but be excited for Annie.
"That's amazing! Congratulations!" Reva smiled, but Annie's face remained grim. Reva realized this and got quiet. "You're not—isn't this a good thing?"
Annie looked down for a second to think. "It should be! I mean it is-" She paused. "I mean, I wish I was as excited about it as I should be but…I'm just not." Reva put her hand on Annie's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Annie. You have to do what's right for you."
Annie continued, "It just doesn't make any sense. I love this guy. Or…I thought I did. I was so sure of everything before Auggie left yesterday."
"Auggie left?"
"Yeah. He quit the agency and is going to travel the world with Natasha… An old girlfriend."
"Wow."
Annie laughed sarcastically, "Yeah I know." She definitely didn't expect to be crying to Reva about her problems, but then again everything felt strange lately. She teared up.
"I don't know I…it just doesn't make sense. No one loves this country more than Auggie. No one wanted to be in the field more than Auggie." Annie looked at Reva and smiled, "well maybe I did. But he was committed to the agency, committed to this work. How can he just leave?" Reva shook her head.
"There's not always a clear reason for these things, Annie."
Annie shook her head, she looked deep in thought. Reva handed her a tissue.
"Thanks."
Still holding back tears, Annie went on, "And I keep thinking about this conversation I had with a friend in Jerusalem. I told him that being in the field, fighting for my country…is who I am, and he said that was the saddest thing he'd ever heard." Annie took a deep breath and went on, "He said that I care too much about too many people for the field to become my life." Reva rubbed Annie's arm, unsure of what to say.
"And I didn't listen to him. I was convinced that the field was the end-all be-all, but what if it isn't? I said it myself: what defines a spy is their relationships. And what relationships do I have now? My sister still thinks I'm dead and my best-friend and now ex-boyfriend is halfway around the world with someone else. And Ryan…Ryan wants to marry me but I realized the moment Auggie left that I just couldn't see my future with him. Ryan is wonderful, but not my future."
"Annie, are you still in love with Auggie?" Reva asked cautiously. Annie shook her head, "No, I love Auggie and we had an amazing run, but we've both moved on, and our friendship is stronger for it. I just miss him at Langley. I miss his voice."
Annie wiped her eyes and went on, "And Auggie left. He loved the agency so much, but he left. He loves Natasha that much. And I loved Ben, and Simon, and Auggie...I loved them all so much but I chose the field every single time." Annie became distant, her voice low. "What does that say about me?"
Reva sighed, "No Annie…no. Don't do that to yourself." She hugged Annie, squeezing her tight.
"Annie, from what I can tell, you're just scared. Scared of that closeness, and scared to let that closeness and that intimacy become the focus of your life. That's what love is. That's what a partnership is." As Reva spoke Annie's eyes widened. She thought she was having an epiphany, but at the last second she lost it. A look of desperation spread all over her face before she interrupted Reva.
"Just forget it. We have a mission to focus on." Reva gave Annie another hug, she hoped she could get through to her eventually.
"All right. You done going over that file?" Annie put the photos of Joanna back in the file and handed it to Reva. "Yeah."
They sat through the rest of the flight in silence.