"I...I'm not a public speaker. Gilbert knew that. I don't want to talk about how we loved each other or how he was in the past. I want to talk about how he was on his death bed. "I think he knew before we did it was this time to pass. I know he did. During his last day, GIlbert stopped demanding us to go things for him. His cancer-tude, as we called it, went away. Instead of whining about pain, or not being able to move much, or how much he hated to vomit, or how nobody was around anymore, he asked for 6 simple things. We knew he wasn't acting normally when he /asked/ instead of demanded or whined. All he wanted was for wurst, a beer, his pets, me to cuddle up with him, and for us 3 to watch a movie, Ludwig being the third. After much convincing Ludwig finally agreed to allow him the solid food, which he vomited up, and the alcohol, also vomited up. I don't know what compelled Gilbert to pick the movie, 'My Sister's Keeper' but he did and it moved us, reminded us of the little time he had. And the oncoming pain. We all just cried and cuddled closer so we could spend his last night with him.
"I..I don't really remember much until he-he woke me up at 3:19 that morning, shaking. I could tell in that moment that the strongest man I knew was sobbing, I thought he might have to puke until he told me he was scared. Even though he denied it and always told us he wasn't scared to die, he finally admitted to m-me in those last moments he was. He was scared, and that was okay. I told him. When he asked me to hold him, I couldn't tell you how beautiful he was in that exact moment. Despite the crying, sunken eyes, being bald, and puking on me twice that day. I've never seen him more beautiful in my life. When he asked me to hold him, I knew he was going. I knew it, and so did he. I held him as close to my heart as I could, and let him listen to that steady rhythmic beating. His breathing slowed, and those red eyes closed for the last time. I heard him tell me he loved me, and he was gone.
"Gilbert was the star crossed love of my life. Our love story will die with us and it should. It's not your business. That doesn't make me love him any less though. It just makes me love him more. He was happy, and it was painless for him. "He was-no is-loved. "My love? Te amo. te amo tanto, tanto cosi. My love. You gave me the ring I hold the day we started dating. The moment I knew I loved you. In that moment. I know you aren't leaving me, and you are safe with God in Heaven. I'm so sorry it wasn't me. Te amo. Gilbert. Te amo." And I left the room in silence, I had said my peace to everyone in the room, and spoke to my love. I left them all sitting in silence, just like that.