I bet this time of night your still up. Just sitting there looking out at the city and clearing your mind. At least that's what I do.
I bet your tired from a long hard week. I can just tell by the way you act in school that you just seemed exhausted. Don't get me wrong I am exhausted too but you just aren't Beck anymore. You've changed and I don't know if its from our breakup but ever since we broke up you have been in this weird funk.
"You need to stop over analyzing him Jade" I told myself. I was acting pretty ridiculous sitting here on my tiny sofa in my room and think about Beck. As if i don't have anything else better to do.
I looked out the window and took a nice long deep breath. not many things calmed me but for some reason the night sky did. I've always loved stars I mean come on I have a star tattoo, but anyway the black sky mixed with stars are just perfect.
I picked up my phone and went on just to occupy my mind so I could stop over thinking everything. I scrolled through stupid status's from Cat, boring ones from Tori and lame ones from Robbie until my head exploded from all the stupidness then I went under clips to see if anyone uploaded new videos. I saw that Berf and Sinjin had another workout video…yikes. I saw Robbie has his fail at a magic trick up and then I saw the newest video which was from no one other than Beck labeled "Lady Advice"
I felt my heart break into tiny pieces but why? We are broken up so I need to stop freaking out every time he talks about other girls or…dates other girls.
I logged off the slap then threw my phone next to me. I was not going to look at the name of that video let alone watch it. I know it was pathetic of me but its still a sore subject alright so shutup.
In an ideal world Beck and I would be together and I would be with him right now hanging in his RV like I always would, But I don't live in an ideal world. I live in a world where I sit in my room alone on a Friday night at midnight while he is probably just getting home from a party or a date or whatever.
I threw my head against a pillow on the sofa and closed my eyes. Maybe I should just fall asleep and forget all of this for a while, but for some crazy reason I don't want to. Sometimes I like sitting up at night alone because its the only time when I truly have time to myself even though I have had plenty of time to myself theses past ten months.
Damn its already been ten months? Time flies when your life sucks I guess. I sat up from my tiny couch and sighed loudly. "What to do on a lonely friday?" I thought. I could text Cat, wait no she goes to bed at like 8 on Fridays because she always has to take her brother to the clinic in the morning.
I paced in front of my window until i finally got annoyed with walking and leaned against the frame of my window. I heard my stomach growl obnoxiously so I decided to get some food and went to the kitchen. I silently tip toed down the steps so I wouldn't wake anyone then i walked into the kitchen and grabbed an apple from the fridge and sat down at my counter. I sat there and ate my apple for awhile until a pestering thought overwhelmed my mind. This brought back memories which was ridiculous I can't even get food in the middle of the night without Beck ruining it.
I sighed then glanced over at the steps. The memory was so clear in my mind I remember like it was yesterday and I wish it really did happen yesterday.
..
Flashback:
"Shhhh" I whispered as Beck and I crept out of my room. "We gotta be quiet" I hissed as we tip toed down the steps. I grabbed his hand and lead him into the kitchen.
"ok what do you want to eat?" I asked in a low voice. "I'll just have whatever your having" Beck whispered back. I rolled my eyes and grabbed two apples out of the fridge.
"here you go" I handed him his apple then sat on his lap on the tiny chair by the counter.
"thanks babe" He smiled and kissed my forehead. We ate our apples and talked silently for awhile. "You done?" I asked. "Yea" He said then i took both our apple cores and threw them in the trash.
"I'm thirsty now" I said opening up the fridge. "Me too" Beck whispered. I grabbed two glasses then started pouring some milk but the full milk chug slipped out of my hands and fell all over the floor. "Dammit" I hissed then listened to hear if anyone woke up.
Beck snickered and I shot him a death stare. "Shutup!" snapped in a low voice then headed to grab paper towels.
"You gonna help me?" I hissed at Beck. "ok ok" He said getting up. I rolled my eyes and headed back to the milk spilled all over the floor. I guess I misjudged where the mess started because I slid across the puddle of milk and landed flat on my back.
"Ow" I grunted. Beck started roaring with laughter as he walked over to me. "you okay babe?" He asked as he extended his hand to help me up. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me. "Yea I am just fine" I laughed. We both started laughing realizing how ridiculous it was to be laying here in a puddle milk. "shhh" I urged but I started laughing again. I put my hand over Beck's mouth to keep him quiet as we layed in the puddle laughing still.
"We can't even get milk without making a scene" Beck joked as I layed on his back.
"I know" I laughed then sat up and watched the milk drip down my face and clothes.
"great we are soaked" I sighed. Beck laughed then wiped some milk off my face.
"Come on lets get this all cleaned up" Beck said helping me up. I grabbed the paper towels and we both mopped it all up then headed back upstairs again.
"That was a close one" I said closing my bedroom door. "I know your mom would have killed me if she knew I was here" Beck pointed out. I sighed as looked at my soaked self in the mirror.
"I need to change" I mumbled then took my top off and my leggings which left me standing there in just my underwear and bra. I opened my drawer and pulled out two plaid shirts.
I caught Beck staring at me as I glanced over at him. "What?" I asked almost blushing.
"Nothing you are just" She looked me up and down and sighed "Beautiful" He smiled.
"aw" I mumbled then sat on his lap. "I love you" I whispered then kissed him softly. He ran his hands down my hips which made me shudder a little then he started to kiss my neck then my collarbone then back to my lips. He ran his hands up my thigh and pulled it around his waist. I broke the kiss and pressed my forehead against his. "stop we can't" I protested. "Why?" He asked.
"Because we will wake someone up" I reminded him. Beck sighed and let go of my thigh.
"You know I want too babe but we can't tonight" I said after noticing his disappointing face. "It's fine I know we can't " Beck assured me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered, "There is always tomorrow night at your place" then i gave him a devilish smile. "This is true" He smiled back then kissed my forehead.
"Anyway you need to change since you are soaked in milk" I stated standing up from Beck's lap.
"I don't have any other clothes with me" Beck pointed out. I grabbed something else out of my drawer then walked over to Beck. "Here is a pair of your boxer shorts and a plaid button up" I threw them on his lap. "Why do you have a pair of my boxer and my shirt?" He asked. "Well I usually either steal them or you leave them here" I explained as I put on a plaid shirt and buttoned it half way.
"Sneaky" Beck laughed the got changed. I became sort of mesmerized by his body as he changed then I locked my door and climbed into bed with Beck.
"goodnight" I said with a sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. "good night babe" He said beck then rested his head on mine and we fell asleep.
..
I shook my head hoping to shake the memory out of my mind. It was definitely was not something that made me feel better right now. I could feel my eyes water but I blinked enough times for it to go away.
"Stop it" I said to myself then I threw out the rest of my apple as started to walk toward the steps but I stopped in front of the door. "Sitting outside for awhile wouldn't be a bad idea" I thought. I looked up the steps to make sure everyone was sleeping then I opened the front door and snuck outside. I sat on my porch swing and just enjoyed the silence of night. There was no noise, no people, no dissapointment. It was ideal for someone like me.
I sat there and swung gently on the swing and watched the night sky. I sighed and rested my head against the back of the swing and closed my eyes. I wish it was always like this outside. I loved silence.
"I said I am not interested sorry" I heard a voice say walking down my street. Who has the nerve to spoil my quiet night?
"I know I am single but that doesn't mean you interest me" The voice said again. I felt my blood boil. Whoever this person is there are going to get an earful from me.
"Jessica, Jessica! I gotta go I do not care" The voice sounded familiar…too familiar.
"Geez" The person said then I heard a phone beep sounding the end of a call. I sat up and waited for this person to show. Then, passing a bush there he was in his dark brown jacket with a plaid shirt underneath and his hair a perfect mess. It was Beck.
"Beck" I said under my breath. What are the odds of him showing up on my street. He continued to walk until he caught my gaze then he froze. we both we frozen not even knowing what to do. Do we talk or say hi? or do we act like neither exists?
Beck looked around then back and me and said "Hi" In a puzzled way. "Yea hi" I said back sounding awkward.
"What are you doing out here so late at night?" He asked as he walked closer to my house. "I could ask you the same question" I stated as I crossed my arms.
"Well if you really wanna know I was going for a walk" Beck explained as he looked down at his boots.
"Why?" I asked. "Eh I don't know walking seems to clear my mind" He admitted then gently kicked the rock on the ground. We both we silent again until I broke it.
"So whose Jessica?" I asked. Beck laughed a little then looked up at me. "She is this annoying girl that won't leave me alone" He explained. "Is she the one who egged you and punched you in the face?" I asked. "Yep thats her" He laughed and so did i a little.
"Well she seems like a keeper" I teased. "Oh definitely" he said sarcastically. "No but she is crazy, and so are all the other girls at school all they wanna do is touch my hair or try and kiss me they don't even care to get to know me its annoying" He admitted but I could literally hear crackles go through my heart.
"wow girls all over you sounds like a tough life" I said sarcastically. "It is when they are all idiots" He pointed out. "Yea sure" I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"What about you?" He asked curiously. "What about me?"
"Any lucky boy in your life?" He asked. "Ha no all the boys at school are either too ugly or too stupid. Plus they are all too scared to ask me out so whatever" I explained then looked down at the ground. "Yea it takes a special guy to go out with you and I mean that in a good way" Beck said with a smile. "Oh so you find yourself special?" I laughed slightly then looked up at him.
"Well maybe a little" Beck joked. It was weird seeing him be funny. I haven't seen him like this in forever.
"Well it takes a girl with some guts to go out with you, and a great sense of style" I said proudly. "I am assuming you have guts and a good sense of style?" He asked.
"Exactly" I smiled devilishly and Beck laughed. "well you are right though. I need a girl with at least half a brain to date me or I will go crazy with all the damn unecessary giggling" Beck shook his head. "yea the girls at our school do giggle too much" I agreed.
"Yea its unbearable" Beck rolled his eyes. "So I guess this means you are going to be single for awhile?" I asked curiously. "I guess so" Beck laughed slightly. "Same with you?" He asked. "Yep" I replied. "Well we can join a abstinance club then" Beck joked and I laughed out loud. "Yea we can" I agreed then finally stopped laughing. "well it was really nice seeing you Jade" Beck gave ma a warm smile.
"It was nice seeing you too" I admitted. "I should walk down your street in the middle of the night more often" He joked. "You should" I agreed. "Well I will see you monday" Beck said then turned to leave, but he paused then turned back around. "So why are you out here so late? Just curious" Beck asked. I couldn't say the truth to him or I would just seem pathetic.
"I just wanted to clear my mind" I said simply and Beck nodded. "Well are you going to clear your mind tomorrow because if you are then I might and maybe we can do this again tomorrow?" He asked casually. I was kind of shocked that he asked me to basically see him again tomorrow I looked up at him and said, "Yea I will probably be out here again tomorrow"
"Ok good" He smiled then started to walk away. "Same time?" He asked once he got to the sidewalk. "Same time" I smiled then he waved and walked away and dissapeared into the night.
I sighed and leaned back on the swing. Did that just happen. I was too speechless to even comprehend the past 10 minutes. My cheeks felt warm so I guess I was blushing. I got up from the swing then headed back upstairs to my room and closed the door.
"wow" I said shaking my head in disbelief. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over me.
I sighed then closed my eyes. I actually realized that reality was becoming a little better than my dreams. I can't believe I saw him tonight let alone spoke with him. It was weird that he was acting like his old self again, I missed him. At least I get to see him tomorrow and for the first time in a long time I had something to look forward too.