Disclaimer: Not mine. Go figure.
Author's Note: I was working on Stregoni Benefici when Better Than Me came on. It just hit me like a freakin freight train; this was a perfect song for Bella!
It's obviously alternate New Moon. Edward had said that before Rosalie called him and told him Bella was dead, he had planned on coming back because he was miserable without her. Well, hooray for him; he came back.
Better Than Me
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be
I sat in the rocking chair in her room. She was at school now, but her alarm clock told me she would be back soon. A small part of me still hoped that she had listened to me in those woods, that she had moved on and was with someone else.
The dominant part of my mind was screaming at the other part. The dominant part knew that it would kill me to see Bella with someone, anyone that wasn't me; because no one would ever be good enough for that angel.
The smaller part whispered, who would it be? Mike Newton? No, she wouldn't sink that low. Tyler Crowley? Not after the prom incident. No, the only one who stands a chance with her would be Jacob Black
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence taste
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me.
The dominant part argued again. Jacob Black is too young. Bella's three years older than him.
Yes, the smaller part agreed. But age isn't exactly relevant to her, is it? You're over one hundred years old.
That's different though – dominant again. Physically, I'm still 17. Physically, he's still three years younger than her.
Well, if you want to go with physical attributes, he's probably a little older than her. That boy is huge.
While looking through your old box of notes
I found the pictures I took that you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to loose
That time in the mall, you and me in the dressing room
I stopped arguing with myself; it was pointless. I rose from the rocking chair and crossed her room to stop in front of the floorboard where all her reminders of me were hiding. I effortlessly pulled it up, being sure not to damage it in the process. My hand came up with the pictures, the envelope with the plane tickets, and the CD I made for her. It was selfish of me, to leave them there, but I couldn't imagine her not having some reminder of me. As much as I wanted her to move on, it would completely break me if she forgot about me.
I stared at myself in the pictures. There was the one of me and Bella that Charlie took. Bella's face, I couldn't bare that I'm the reason she looked like that; so absolutely miserable. Myself beside her; I was expressionless. It was painful, but I had myself convinced that I had to make her believe I didn't love her.
The one of Charlie and myself was no better. I remember how worried Bella had looked when she took the picture; like she knew something was wrong.
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
Pictures, CD, and tickets in my hands, I rose to lounge back on her bed. I can't believe I left her. It was so stupid. I told myself it was worth it. I had to leave her; it would keep her out of danger. I didn't realize how miserable I would be without her. Wait, no, that's a lie. I knew I would be miserable, but I didn't realize I would be so helpless.
The minute we arrived in Denali, I holed myself up in my room at Tanya's house. Tanya had made several passes at me, telling me she was interested. But I wasn't interested. It was nothing personal against Tanya; she was beautiful, she was smart, but there was one thing she lacked that made me indifferent to her; she was not Bella.
She had continued, annoyingly persistent, until I couldn't take it anymore. Tanya's suggestive thoughts added to my families' piteous thoughts, not to mention how smug Rosalie was acting; I left. I needed something to do, and I immediately went to tracking Victoria. I went half way across the country, into an entirely different country, and still never caught her. Like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.
This bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend… I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I closed my eyes, picturing Bella. This was the closest I could come to dreaming. As if my dreams came to life, I heard something thud to the ground, followed by a gasp at the door to her bedroom.
My eyes opened and met Bella's, empty and hopeful. Her hand gripped the doorframe for support. She blinked several times, as if trying to convince herself she wasn't dreaming. She took a few exaggerated steps forward. Her eyes took me in, sitting on her bed surrounded by photos.
I took this time to observe her. My god, what was I thinking? She looked absolutely miserable. Her eyes were empty. Her lips looked like they hadn't formed a smile in ages. She was sickly thin. That shirt I've seen her wear before; it fit her perfectly, but now, it looked like it was two sizes to big. What did I do to her? How can I ever hope for her to take me back?
The dominant part of me was smug. You see, I told you she wouldn't move on.
You sick bastard! Do you take pleasure in seeing her miserable? I thought you wanted her happy. I thought-
Her voice interrupted my internal arguments. "Edward?" she whispered, disbelieving.
Yes, that seems like an evil ending, but there will be a sequel. It should be posted in a couple of days.
Love it! Hate it! Feel free to flame it!
Whitelight72