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Partners

He's quiet. Observing. Listening. That's not like him – this is new.

She cocks her head over, scrutinizes him. A little, loving smile playing at her lips. The smile he adores, yet not the one she knows he loves.

He's changed. She is changed. They, as a whole, are changed. Their relationship has entered a new phase – post-elevator, as he so subtly put it – and no, it's not the same as pre-elevator.

Pre-elevator was a phase filled with deeply suppressed feelings and jealousy. Confusion, betrayal, broken promises, and rage. Just hurt all together. She was with Ray, he with EJ, and she had tried hard to be okay with that. Tried to feel with Ray as she did with her partner. Tried to be happy for all of their sakes. Yet it hadn't work, and when Ray was exposed for the lying bastard he'd always been, a larger part of her had been relieved. It had hurt back then, cold and shattering, as a glass of freezing water thrown into her face – a wake up call. But he was still there – Tony, her partner. He hadn't left her behind to get sick from the cold water, but rather captured her in a tight embracement, refused to let her go and get sick. He dried up all the water, made sure she was out of harm's way before he released her.

Only she didn't want to leave. She wanted her partner. Wanted to melt into his embrace and never leave. And he knew this – had probably always known, but still. It was too early. For both of them. Both were dealing with betrayals of a loved one – or in her case, someone she'd cared for deeply – neither were in any position to start out fresh. Though come to think of it, the term "fresh" may not be entirely appropriate for their situation. How long is it now they have beaten around the bush? Five, six years? And how many moments have led to prevarications instead of simply admitting how they feel? Hundreds, thousands – countless?

And if they had – in some alternative universe – slept together during this pre-elevator phase, then what? The right action at the complete wrong time would have caused their beloved partnership, friendship, and their budding relationship – or whatever they would call it – damage and possibly loss? Then again, with all they had been though over the past six years, one should think they were able to survive a night caused by conflicted judgements and external influence from other parties. Kate and Ari, Jeanne and Jenny, her father, his father, Michael, Salim and Somalia, and now EJ and Ray. They had come out stronger, right?

She shakes her head, shakes away the thought. Beside her Tony bursts out laughing, followed closely by Schmiel. It is truly remarkable how her partner gets along with everyone who doesn't instantly finds him annoying. Or who Tony doesn't approve of – there's a list, and she's almost certain every man who wants to sleep with her is on it. Maybe rather who Tony thinks want to, which is most likely why he's getting along so well with her friend.

She first met Schmiel at an age of three. The first meet is a fog, but the man has told her all she needs to know. It's rather probable she'll one day tell this to her partner – just like she told him about Tali's anniversary a while ago – but through her life, Schmiel has been one of the few people she's looked up to who has not disappointed, betrayed, or otherwise done something which made her doubt him. He has lived a good, productive and happy life, achieved what he wanted, never given up and never passed on an opportunity. And she admires that, she really does – therefore he continues being her beloved male friend, which he's been since her mother introduced them thirty years ago.

Yet Schmiel too has changed, but that doesn't necessarily means they cannot be friends. People change; Jenny changed, Ari changed – and both for the worse, but she has changed a lot too. She has grown, emotionally. When she first came, the thought of letting people get close – show actual emotions – was beyond her worst nightmares. Feelings – a term for the weak only. But now she's realized that she was wrong – and that doesn't happen a lot. Being surrounded by people who care, people whom she cares about, is much better than being a cold, emotionless killing machine. She has learned that the hard way.

Tony, too, has changed since she first met him. Eli David may not see it, but she certainly does. She remembers the cocky man child she met in the bullpen, fantasizing about his dead partner in a school-girl outfit. Later, once she got to know him, she realized he was merely using this facade to hide behind. Unfortunately, it'd given him permanent damage. As he went through all the events of the last six years, he grew up; became more mature, responsible, dependable, caring. More beloved and appreciated.

And that brings her to the post-elevator phase. The phase after the blast. "I'm talking about the new us here, Ziva. You know, the post elevator us; the open book, bearing our souls. Telling each other all kinds of personal stuff," he'd told her earlier. In pieces, syllable by syllable, as if he was thinking whilst he voiced his newly processed thoughts. And even though he wasn't all that serious at the time, he surely has a point.

The blast has made her – probably both of them – realize how fragile life itself is, and how quickly everything she knows and loves can change to the worse. External decisions don't just influence their makers, but almost always contain collateral damage too. And she sure as hell isn't going to be a part of that damage, not without having done this one thing. She doesn't believe in soulmates, fate or anything similar, but Tony is her best friend and she loves him. And not just as a friend.

She has never had any confirmation, but she's pretty sure he feels the same way. They're in a partnership, but it's still as if they're in a relationship – only neither of them acknowledge nor define it. He acts jealous, and she lets him – like the opera. His intrusion into her life, getting more and more nervous and curious by the minute. It is, after all, one of the big three. She told him the truth, he comforted her – what she didn't tell him was that she'd considered to bring him, despite the tradition. After all, it was one of the big three, and though they might not be ready quite yet – they will. One day.

And one day may come faster than she originally thought, when she considers how he reacted – bringing the opera to her. Earlier today she told him Schmiel was that kind of friend she could tell things and he'd understand when no one else did. But again she realizes she's wrong; her partner's like that too. He understands her, he always has her back, and he loves her. So what is the problem?

She blinks and looks up at the expectantly faces of her friends and replies with the start of a racy story, which causes Schmiel to continue it. That man isn't afraid of anything. She expects Tony's attention to be fixated at the older man, and is surprised to see him sending her an astonished look. She meets his green-blue eyes, and can't help but wonder whether their hypothetical future children will inherit his or her eyes. He winks and sends her a dazzling grin, as if he know exactly what's going on in her mind, before he once again is engrossed in the story.

Gibbs. Gibbs is the problem. Gibbs and his rules. It's almost as she rolls her eyes at her mind's stupidity. Gibbs is not the problem, but rather an excuse not to pursue her primary impulses. His rules are mere suggestions – rules have never been high on her list of priorities. She trusts her gut, and she's pretty sure Tony feels the same way. She knows her partner. She knows what drives him, his habits, his American movies, his food, his feelings, his dreams. Hell, she even knows his smell.

Still she is caught off guard when something warm touches her hand. Looking down at the round table, she finds his hand on top of her slightly smaller and tanner one. She maneuvers her hand until they're actually holding hands. It's sweet, and surprisingly comfortable. Why haven't they done this before? Once again she meets his glance, and there's instantly a silent understanding between the two of them.

"You okay?" he whispers. He looks a bit worried, she doesn't understand why. Instead of dwelling over it, she squeezes his hand lightly and nods carefully. He suddenly looks more relaxed, and she smiles. It's one of those smiles he loves, the happy one – the one that illuminates her face with an angelic glow, the dazzling smile no one can say no to. The smile that only reaches the surface when she's truly happy.

She sees Tony lean towards her, not much – only an inch or two – before he stops and pulls back. Yet, she's not disappointed. They will be together. Maybe not today and probably not tomorrow, but one day. One day they'll be together.

It's inevitable.

Well, that's it. So, what did you think?

Thanks for reading!