A MOMENT IN TIME
Ten/Rose fic. Memories/sad.
There was only one reason Rose Tyler was alive to meet the Doctor. And that was because when she was separated from him he could never entirely give up on her.
You will keep walking until you can't walk any longer.
You will keep talking until you can't talk any longer.
You will keep sleeping until you can't sleep any longer.
You will keep saving the world until it is beyond saving.
You will keep loving her until you die.
There are good days, and bad days. On bad days nothing seems to work, nothing seems to fit. Ideas won't come and nothing seems to fall into place. Old enemies seem to crop up where you least expect them, and they win the battles for the day. On bad days you're always a moment too late, or the thought doesn't come to you until it is no use at all. Those are the bad days.
On good days, you wouldn't know anything had changed. You're the same person as you were before, to everyone on the outside. And since she's gone, there's no one on the inside anyway. But you can help people, you can do what you used to do, what you are good at, and no one knows that you are dying inside. Sometimes you feel peaceful on these days, and you sit somewhere and remember. That's when the good day turns sour.
Today is a good day, believe it or not. You've given up counting, but you are sure that there have been more bad days that good in total, but the good days are getting more frequent now. It's been years. Too many to count. You started off by counting the hours, the days, the weeks, the months. Through everything you did, some part of you somewhere was counting how long it had been since you last saw her. And that just adds up.
You keep walking, because right now you have nothing else to do. There's no trouble, nothing. There's nothing for you to do. A moment, a pocket in time where Earth is prosperous and peaceful. You let out a deep sigh, and suddenly you realise where you're headed. It's probably not a good idea, probably not one of your best. But you've given up on being rational, just for this moment in time. This moment, where they don't need you, these humans, but you need them.
You stop outside when you get there. It's marginally cleaner than when you last saw it, but other than that it could have been yesterday that you stood there and stared at it. In fact, it wasn't yesterday. It was a thousand of tomorrows away. A future away.
A woman steps out of the door, a sad looking woman with blonde hair and a face set in a grim expression. She walks across the little terrace and dumps a bag of rubbish in the bins. Then she looks right at you. For a moment you think she's recognised you, but then you realise that that's impossible because she hasn't even met you yet and anyway, you don't look the same. Then a girl runs out of the open door, following a boy of a few years older. She's chasing him. For the first time in years, a genuine smile falls onto your lips, and it's almost a relief.
"Mickey, wait for me!" she yells, and her voice makes you stand still. You lean up against the wall and pretend to be looking over their heads, but out of the corner of your eye you're watching the girl intently. Then they run round the corner and they are out of sight. You know where they are going. The park.
The woman has gone inside now, so you walk away, following them towards the park. You don't bother to walk fast, you know they'll still be there when you get there. And when you do get there, it was worth all the years of waiting, of bringing yourself to do this. She's stood on the swing, and the boy is pushing her, and she is squealing with delight. So young, so innocent, so carefree. Suddenly you feel older than you have ever done before. You lean hard against the fence.
She jumps down from the swing, and sits on it next to the boy, swinging gently and talking. The boy takes something out of his pocket and hands it to her. She takes a little parcel from his hands and laughs, tearing the ribbon round the edge and laughing. She reads out the tag first.
"Happy eleventh birthday, Rose. Your best friend Mickey." she laughs, and hugs him. "You are my best friend, Micks. My best friend in the world."
She takes out two things, a big bag of murray mints and a little jewellery box. Suddenly you know what the box contains. She told you about this day, a lifetime ago. She holds up the little earrings, in the shape of roses, and puts them in her ears, still giggling and smiling. Suddenly it hits you. You know what is going to happen now, but you seem to be glued to the spot. You remember her words in your head, forever ago...
It happened so suddenly, Doctor.
I don't remember it clearly...
She swings higher and higher, and Mickey too, laughing together and joking and now she is taking her hands off the chains and waving in the air, both of them shrieking with hysterical laughter.
And just like that, she falls. Her head crashes onto the tarmac first, and she is silent. Mickey's scream is the next thing you hear. And her voice, still echoing in your head.
Mum said that when she got there there was this man there, helping me. She reckoned he saved my life. He just disappeared though, no name or nothing...
And then you realise. Your part in this day. You. You are the reason Rose Tyler was ever alive to meet you in the first place. But there is no time to think on that now. You jump over the park fence and you're there beside her, holding her head in your lap. Mickey is crying.
"Go and get her mother." you say, and it's hardly your own voice. Mickey nods and runs off.
You know what to do. You can feel her pulse weakening and her eyes are closed. She's going to die. You know that inside her head right now there is nothing left. Nothing left of Rose. But you feel for the Tardis fragment in your pocket, that you have kept safe since that crash landing in the other world. You press it to her chest, on her left side where her heart is stuttering to a stop. You hold it there and wait, until you hear that strong pulse you know so well, from holding her against you, hugging her.
It drains you more than you thought it would. It takes a little bit of you with it. You grimace but then she chokes back into life, eyelids fluttering, and exhausted, you hold her hand, and slip the fragment back into your pocket. Her voice...
I remember the man vaguely, tall, fair haired, sad eyes.
He spoke, said my name... how did he know my name?
"Rose." you say, and she stares at you, confusion flitting across her face. You continue to hold her hand until you hear running footsteps and there is Jackie, tearing across the green towards you both. You lift Rose in your arms and carry her towards her mother.
"What the hell have you done to my daughter?" she screams at you, and you are almost tempted to smile. Same Jackie.
"She fell off the swing. She's going to be ok, though, now." you say. She glares at you. You don't want to look her in the eye, for fear she somehow knows you when she meets you again. She's always been more perceptive than she's let on, Jackie. "How do you know?" she says, tears rolling down her cheeks as you hand her Rose, now unconscious again, as if she'd never woken.
"I'm a kind of doctor." You say, and then you let your hand slip out of Rose's. You turn your back on Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler and Rose for the last time.
"Thank you!" she calls after you, "What's your name?"
But it's better that no one ever knows, so you keep walking, and pretend not to have heard her.
This is just a moment in time, and by being there when Rose Tyler needed you for the first time, you have made your peace with the last time.
FINIS
I hope you like this. It was just a weird idea me and my friend K came up with - what if the Doctor went back and saw Rose before she knew him?
Like? Don't like? Let me know!