A/N: Hey guys... So I haven't posted in a while, sorry about that... I've been buy with year 12 and stuff. Anyways. I wrote this about a year and a half ago and was meant to film it with my friends. However, I never finished writing the songs for it, so I decided to post it here. It's a satirical play that exagerates all the personalities of the 10th Doctor's era. Please don' take it seriously, but feedback it welcome :) ... And sorry if you don't like play format, I promise it won't happen again x
INT. EARTH, 2010, THE TARDIS MATERIALIZES ON AN EMPTY MELBOURNE STREET. THE DOCTOR AND ROSE STEP OUT OF THE TARDIS.
DOCTOR
Rose! What did I tell you about touching the controls! We have ended up in the most boring place in the UNIVERSE!
ROSE
I'm sorry Doctor! I really am. But I thought you were teaching me how to fly
DOCTOR
No Rose. Geez, talk about a dumb blonde! You've messed up the navigation.
ROSE
Well I'm sorry Doctor. But come on, it isn't half bad!
The Doctor stares at Rose then slowly turns around to go back into the TARDIS. Rose looks dismayed and upset.
CREDITS ROLL
The Doctor gets out the TARDIS key. Rose peers into the distance at a figure running towards them.
ROSE
Hey Doctor...
DOCTOR
(annoyed)
Oh what now!
ROSE
(points towards the figure)
Isn't that Jack?
DOCTOR
(delighted and a little relieved)
Why so it is!
Under his breath.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
Thank God.
ROSE
What was that Doctor?
DOCTOR
Oh nothing.
Jack is now about 20 metres away.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
(speaking like a gangster)
'Ey Jacky-lackey! How's my home-brother doin'?
JACK
(Very camp)
Oh my, well I never. It's the Doctor!
Jack lowers voice and talks just to the Doctor.
JACK (CON'T)
Rose still hanging around you?
DOCTOR
Yup, depressing innit?
ROSE
Hi Jack!
JACK
Uh-huh, yeah, hi, whatever.
Jack and the Doctor sing about Rose
DOCTOR
(sees Rose)
Ah...
ROSE
Yeah I'm right here Doctor. Nice to see you too Jack.
Jack smiles uncertainly. There is then an awkward silence.
ROSE
So...Jack...Umm...
DOCTOR
Yeah, no time for your chatter Rose.
Addresses Jack.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
Rose messed up the navigation, so now we're stuck here!
JACK
Nah, come one Doctor! It ain't bad!
Smiles shyly then speaks quietly.
JACK (CON'T)
You've got me.
DOCTOR
Time and place Jack... Although...
ROSE
(clears throat)
Ahem, Doctor...
DOCTOR
(put back into place)
Ah, yes. Well... now that we're stuck here... are there any aliens to fight?
JACK
Oh, just the usual aliens. You know...
The Doctor, Jack and Rose sing about aliens
The song is nearly ending.
ROSE
Daleks!
DOCTOR
No Rose, there are no Daleks in this song.
ROSE
Doctor look!
(points to the Dalek)
DOCTOR
No. Listen Rose, you cramping our style.
ROSE
(Screams)
Dalek!
JACK
(Slightly excited)
O, M, G! A Dalek!
DOCTOR
Ugh a Dalek. GOD I am so over them!
The Doctor addresses the Dalek.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
Look, we all know how this is going to end so can you just hurry up and die already.
The Doctor sings about being over the Daleks
DALEK
I do not compute. The Daleks will reign supreme once again in the Universe. I will summon the ARMY.
DOCTOR
(mimicking)
I will summon the army.
The Doctor then looks serious.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
What the hell Dalek? That's not how you work. First you kill everyone, then bask in the glory, THEN you summon the army.
JACK
(from behind)
Umm, Doctor; could I try?
DOCTOR
(without turning around)
What do you mean, you want to try? These are Daleks we are talking about isn't it?
The Doctor turns around. Jack is biting his lip and smiling shyly at the Dalek. The Doctor's and Rose's mouths fall open. Jack advances forwards towards the Dalek.
JACK
(speaks shyly)
Uh, hiya Dalek.
Jack waves his fingers shyly at the Dalek, looking sheepish.
JACK (CON'T)
I've been admiring your work, destroying the world and all.
Jack is now up close to the Dalek. He slings one leg over the Dalekanium so that is resting on one of the 'balls'.
Jack sings about his hidden love.
JACK (CON'T)
I've always wanted to do this.
DALEK
Exterminate!
Jack falls backwards, unconscious.
ROSE
(smiling and laughing)
Ooh, that's gotta hurt! Right in the goolies!
DOCTOR
Now is not the time Rose.
The Doctor smiles and looks at Rose.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
But that is pretty funny.
Jack wakes up and walks backwards slowly facing the Dalek.
JACK
(dismayed)
But I love you darling. Why did you do this to me?
DALEK
I will summon the army. Together we will turn Earth into Skaro.
DOCTOR
How the hell do you propose to do that?
DALEK
Umm ... The army will figure it out when they get here.
DOCTOR
(slowly)
OK.
(normal speed)
We'll just be inside the TARDIS. Tell us when they arrive.
They walk back to the TARDIS when they hear a familiar voice.
MARTHA
(running)
Doctor!
DOCTOR
Oh crap, it's Martha! Quick into the TARDIS!
The Doctor, Rose and Jack are too slow and Martha catches up to them.
MARTHA
Could you not hear me? You know, it looked to me like you were running away from me.
The Doctor, Rose and Jack look at each other awkwardly.
MARTHA
Geez, you're all worse than Mickey!
JACK
Martha. What are you doing here? In case you haven't noticed there is a damn hot Dalek right over there. Don't get any ideas, he's mine.
MARTHA
O...K...
DOCTOR
(pleading)
Martha, go home. Please, I beg you!
MARTHA
No Doctor. I'm not going anywhere. You're all stuck with me and you can't do anything about it.
The Doctor, Rose and Jack roll their eyes at Martha.
DOCTOR
(stubbornly)
Fine.
The Doctor turns to the others.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
Can we NOW get into the TARDIS?
Donna appears around the corner of the TARDIS.
DONNA
Not so fast Docky!
JACK
(smiles and looks at the DOCTOR)
Docky?
DOCTOR
(Slowly, rubbing the back of his head)
Yeah, unfortunately...
ROSE
(Delighted)
Hey it's Donna! Give us a hug!
DONNA
(Looks at Rose inquisitively)
Am I bovvered?
Rose looks dismayed but the others smile.
They sing about the reunion
DALEK
Here comes the army Doctor. Do your worst.
DOCTOR
Well Dalek. Unfortunately I am constantly brilliant, so, I don't really know what my worst is.
ROSE
Woohoo! Go Doctor! Give me a D!
Silence as everyone and the Dalek stare at Rose.
ROSE
(quietly)
Go Doctor.
Daleks start to appear around them.
DOCTOR
Quick, into the TARDIS.
MARTHA
Me first!
DONNA
Am I bovvered Doctor?
DOCTOR
Oh, not now Donna. Into the TARDIS, come on, hurry up!
EXT. STREET
INT. TARDIS
The Doctor sees that a Dalek has already made its way into the TARDIS.
DOCTOR
(sarcastically, waving hands in the air)
Wow you never cease to amaze me Daleks. Just tell me your stupid plan already.
DALEK
If it is stupid, you should already know it.
DOCTOR
Yes I contradicted myself, don't patronise me. Now, plan.
DALEK
We shall turn Earth into Skaro!
DOCTOR
Yeah I gathered that much. But how exactly?
DALEK
We will convert each human into a Dalek.
ROSE
(excitedly)
Cool! I've always wanted to levitate!
MARTHA
Doctor, why the HELL is she still with you?
DOCTOR
To be honest, I don't really know.
They sing about turning Earth into Skaro
DALEK
You will all come with us. You will form the first Huleks.
DOCTOR
What! Huleks!
DALEK
Human Daleks.
ROSE
Ooh! I like that name!
MARTHA
No you don't. It's the gayest name in the world! Doctor, no wonder you beat them every single time! They clearly don't have any imagination what-so-ever!
DOCTOR
I know right! Let's go outside. They are clearly not going to kill us so we might as well kill them. Let's go slaughter some Daleks!
Rose claps and Jack rolls his eyes.
MARTHA
(sarcastically)
Oh, goody!
DONNA
Am I bovvered?
EXT. TARDIS
INT. STREET
They are surrounded by Daleks.
DOCTOR
OK. Listen up Daleks! We all know how this works. You die in the end so can you all please just die now and save us the effort.
DALEK
You are not our leader. Daleks shall reign supreme in the universe.
DOCTOR
So you keep saying. So why haven't you killed us yet anyways?
DALEK
You will come with us to the humertor.
DOCTOR
Humertor? What is that? A TV game show?
DALEK
It is a Human Converter.
ROSE
Ooh, sounds exciting! Can we go please Doctor! Please?
The others look at Rose blankly and quizzically
ROSE
So that's a yes? It's a yes! YAY! I love you Doctor!
Rose skips off after the Daleks.
DOCTOR
Come back Rose!
ROSE
Don't worry Doctor! It'll be fun!
DOCTOR
Come on, We better go after her.
MARTHA
She's a bit too annoying to go after Doctor. We are probably better off leaving her.
JACK
But she's going with Daleks! Why can't I do that?
DOCTOR
Like I said Jack, we will go after her but no funny business, OK? OK Jack?
JACK
Fine
DOCTOR
Come on everyone; you too Donna.
DONNA
Am I bovvered?
EXT. STREET
INT. HOUSE THAT HAS BEEN MIRACULOUSLY CONVERTED INTO A MACHINE FOR CONVERTING HUMANS INTO DALEKS
DOCTOR
Umm. This machine is for humans only. I'm a Timelord dumb-asses.
DALEK
Your machine is in that room.
The Dalek's head swivels to the lounge room where there is a fire burning.
DOCTOR
(gasps)
Not in this lifetime; uh-uh
Daleks start to push the Doctor towards the room.
DOCTOR
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no, no, no. Stop.
The Daleks stop.
DOCTOR
Now, that's better! I promise I'll be good in here. However, my secret weapon is out there where the others are. You can kill them first.
The Doctor sings: My secret weapon
MARTHA
What the hell Doctor!
JACK
Huh?
ROSE
Yay!
Donna remains silent but raises an eyebrow.
DOCTOR
Yup. Kill them first. Then you can kill me. I Just want to see them die. Especially THAT one.
The Doctor points to Martha.
DALEK
Whatever fits Doctor.
(addresses Daleks)
Take the others to be converted into Huleks.
JACK
(tries to use charm)
Daleks! Come on! You're my one true love! Please don't! Please! I love you! All of you!
Jack stops being frantic and realizes what the Daleks mean.
JACK (CON'T)
Oh I see now! In that case, all of you step into my office for some Jack time!
Jack and Daleks disappear into the room.
DALEK
Proceed into the room.
ROSE
(happily)
Okey-dokey!
Rose skips into the room.
DOCTOR
That girl worries me. Although I think it's a bit too late for that.
MARTHA
(angrily)
I'm going to kill you Doctor!
(The Doctor waves as Martha gets pushed into the room)
As soon as I'm out as a Dalek –
DOCTOR
Hulek
MARTHA
- Hulek, I'll kill you!
DOCTOR
(to Daleks)
You know, I actually owe you a favour for that one!
DALEK
(to Donna)
You will proceed into the room!
DONNA
Am I bovvered Daleks? Seriously, am I bovvered?
DALEK
You will-
DONNA
Bovvered, face-
DALEK
-proceed-
DONNA
-bovvered, I ain't even bovvered!
DALEK
-into-
DONNA
(mimicking)
EXTERMINATE!
DALEK
(frustrated)
-the ROOM!
There is a short pause of silence. The Doctor smiles, Martha lets out a scream, Rose giggles and Jack lets out a cry of joy.
DONNA
Am ... I ... bovvered?
DOCTOR
I don't think she's bothered.
Daleks, Donna and the Doctor sing
DALEKS
No, our plan has failed. She has uttered the secret words of champions. We shall serve before you.
DONNA
Uh ... Am I bovvered? Doctor, you can take it from here.
DOCTOR
Right on Donna! High five!
Donna looks at him blankly.
DOCTOR
Oh. Yeah, right, you're not bothered. Umm, Daleks, self destruct or kill each other. Also, basically stop what you are doing to Martha.
Martha's screams suddenly stop and she runs out of the room
MARTHA
(angrily)
I'm so gonna kill you.
DOCTOR
Trust me, you've already killed me.
(addresses Daleks)
And now Jack please.
JACK
Hey! Why'd you stop? That felt good!
The Doctor walks over to the room where Jack is and opens the door. Jack is lying on the floor with Daleks surrounding him. Jack stands up.
JACK (CON'T)
Hey! We were in the middle of something you know!
MARTHA
Ewwwww. What the hell?
DOCTOR
Jack. Not right now! Restrain yourself! Martha, shut up. Donna, never be bothered again. OK, let's get out of here. Oh and Daleks; just die already.
EXT. HOUSE
INT. STREET
Daleks can be heard imploding and exploding.
The Doctor, Jack, Martha and Donna sing: How We Saved the World
DOCTOR
Hey wait. Where's Rose?
JACK
Who cares?
MARTHA
Yeah Doctor. Who cares? She was really annoying. Anyway, I don't think that Donna is bothered to go back to fetch her.
DONNA
I'm not bovvered.
The Doctor shrugs that walks away from the house back to his TARDIS again.
EXT. STREET
INT. HOUSE: ROOM WHERE ROSE IS KEPT
ROSE
Hello? Doctor? Anyone? No? Oh.
(cheerfully)
OK!
END CREDITS ROLL