Disclaimer:All fictional characters that make an appearance or are mentioned in this story do not belong to me. They belong to Bisco Hatori.
Not the most original of ideas but fun to write.
…
Kyoya Gets the Hiccups
It was another successful day at the Host Club, Kyoya notes with a small but satisfied smile. He is sitting at a small table, in front of his Pineapple® laptop as usual, typing up the club's latest finance reports. It seems the newest batch of Host Club magazines was very well received; every single copy was sold within two hours of being released. And over twenty requests made to hold for next month's issue, with a deposit fee of course. Yes, a very successful day indeed. Once he types the last word and saves all of his documents Kyoya closes his laptop and moves to stand up, just as Tamaki is saying goodbye the last customer.
"As much as it pains me," the eccentric blonde whispers, holding a short-haired brunette close. "I'm afraid it is time to say farewell."
When he lets her go, she stumbles towards the exit. "Goodbye, Tamaki-sama," the blushing girl says, before closing the door behind her.
Once she is gone, Kyoya requests that everyone gather round and have a seat; there was an announcement to be made. "Business has been exceptionally abounding for the past few weeks," he tells them, pushing up his glasses with his middle finger. "However it has come to my attention tha—hiccup."
The room is silent as Kyoya collects his thoughts after the particularly embarrassing interruption. He clears his throat and tries again. "It has come to my atten—hiccup."
Kyoya's hiccup is a strange and slightly unsettling sound to hear. It wasn't akin to anything one might expect from the cool, calm and collected Kyoya Ootori. Light from some unknown source reflects off of the teenager's rimless glasses, shielding his eyes from view.
The hosts all give each other awkward side glances, except for the Hitachiin twins, who do all they can to avoid making eye contact with anyone – especially with each other. They snicker madly behind the hands clamped over their mouths as tears form in the corners of their eyes.
"Excu—hiccup—Excuse me," Kyoya says, turning to walk away. It wasn't that something like this would happen often, but when the hiccups did rear its bothersome head Kyoya always had the perfect solution.
But before he could take two steps towards his destination something latches onto his left arm. He inclines his head back to see Tamaki's arms wrapped around his own. Kyoya tries to pull away – Tamaki's grip was cutting off essential circulation – but he cannot free himself.
"Kyoya!" he cries out, looking overly worried for such an insignificant occurrence. "Kyoya, you have the hiccups!"
…
"It's fine I can—hiccup—I can take care-"
"Don't worry," Tamaki says, apparently not hearing Kyoya's explanation. "I will aid you in your time of need. I will be there for you every step of the way. I will not rest until your hiccups are cured!"
The blonde's look of fiery determination slightly unnerves Kyoya. Once Tamaki Suoh sets his mind to something, nothing – nothing would detour him. There would be no end to this, not until Kyoya's hiccups went away. And the only way that would happen was if-
"Hosts! We have a crisis on our hands," Tamaki declares, letting go of Kyoya to turn and point at the group behind him. "Let Operation: Get Rid of Kyoya's Hiccups commence!"
And so Kyoya finds himself sitting in a chair while the six other hosts encircle him. The rope tied around his torso to keep him in his seat is something completely unexpected. It seems the idiot he calls a friend (something Kyoya is seriously reconsidering) is a lot stronger than he lets on. "Tamaki, you are being—hiccup—completely unreasonable," Kyoya says, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. "It's simple a matter of-"
"Does anyone have any idea of how to cure hiccups?" Tamaki asks, scratching the back of his head in puzzlement. Being the embodiment of human perfection that he is, Tamaki had never dealt with so much as a burp, let alone hiccups.
"When I have the hiccups, I always eat cake and that seems to make them go away," Honey suggests, producing a large slice of chocolate cake sitting atop a china plate. "Hm, come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I had chocolate cake," he mumbles, eyeing the confectionary in his hands. "And it looks so delicious, too…"
Honey seems to be utterly torn as his gaze quickly switches between Kyoya and the cake (it lingers longer on the cake). And suddenly the little senpai is on the other side of the room, sitting at his usual table. Half of the chocolate cake is already in his mouth.
Mori's turn is next. The stoic senior stands silently in front of Kyoya. Kyoya locks eyes with Mori, a frown creasing his features. They are like this for a few seconds until Kyoya raises an eyebrow; something unrecognizable glints behind his glasses. Mori's eyes widen ever so slightly and suddenly he too is at the table, sitting beside Honey.
"Hikaru, Kaoru, would you like to try?" Tamaki asks.
The twins cross their arms over their chests to make identical 'X's and shake their heads. Their faces are twisted into peculiar grimaces and their shoulders tremble as they attempt to hold back their laughter.
"Don't worry Kyoya," Tamaki says, grabbing Kyoya's shoulders. His voice is thick with emotion. "We'll think of something!"
Kyoya's patience is beginning to wear very thin. "Tamaki, if you don't untie me this very instant, so help me I'll—hiccup."
"Huh? I don't see how you hiccupping would persuade me to untie you, Kyoya." Tamaki holds a finger to his mouth as his eyebrows furrows. "But… I believe I read somewhere in one of Haruhi's commoner books that sneezing should counteract the hiccups."
Tamaki has a delicate white feather held between his thumb and forefinger.
"Get that out of my face, Tamaki…"
But Tamaki completely ignores Kyoya's request and has the feather right under his nose. Kyoya sharply turns his head to the side but is met with the very same feather. Unable to stop himself, Kyoya lets out a sneeze. A sneeze that – oddly enough – sounds much like that of a kitten's.
Hikaru and Kaoru hold onto their sides as tears stream down their faces. But they dare not make a peep, fearing the kind of torture the Shadow King would inflict on them if they so much as smirk at his predicament.
Tamaki waits a few seconds for another hiccup. When it doesn't make an appearance, Tamaki beams. "Aha! That did the trick. No need to thank me, Kyoya. I'm just doing what any best friend wou-"
Hiccup.
Tamaki looks completely deflated; his genius plan doesn't work. "Maybe, if I try one more time."
Haruhi quickly snatches the plume out of Tamaki's hand. The look of absolute murder on the dark-haired boy's face somehow goes completely unnoticed by Tamaki. "Maybe we should try something else, Senpai."
"Hm? Okay. Would do you suggest, Haruhi?"
"Firstly, I don't think Kyoya-senpai likes being tied to a chair…"
Tamaki glances over at his friend, whose eyes are completely shielded by a glaring reflection of light on his glasses. His mouth is set in a tight line.
Tamaki's head lolls to the side and his brow puckers. Haruhi was right, Kyoya didn't look very happy…
Tamaki loosens the butterfly knot and the ropes instantly fall away. Kyoya slowly stands up and, once he is at his full height, sends Tamaki a glare so frigidly intense it sends the blonde whimpering pathetically behind Haruhi.
Without a word, Kyoya goes into the small kitchenette that is used to bake Honey's cakes and prepare the various flavours of tea for their customers. Seconds later, he comes out holding a half-empty glass of water to his lips. Once he drains the glass he sets it down on a nearby table, a little too forcefully. Tamaki nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound.
A second passes. Then two. Then twenty.
No hiccups.
Tamaki blinks. "Water?" A look of irritation passes over his face; he is completely scandalized. "I spent all this time trying to find a cure for your hiccups and all it took was a glass. Of. Water?! If you knew, why didn't you just say so, Kyoya?"