*RECORD SCRATCH*

*FREEZE FRAME OF STEVEN WITH SIIVA'S HEAD*

So, yeah. You're probably wondering how I got here. It's a long story so buckle your pants and keep your genitals at bay.

*REWINDS WHOLE SHITPOST TO STEVEN WAKING UP*

I woke up on a day, just like any other. The sunlight shone through the blinds of the window, doing as blinds do. AKA blinding me.

"AH FUCK ME"

I roll off the bed onto the stairs, making an indent into the floor from the sheer force of impact. I feel nothing though, as my gem half prevents me from feeling any real complex body reaction whatsoever. Life is truly suffering.

After hitting the last stair with a thump, I stand up, feeling the high from last night's monster blunt kick in. I'm so baked I can't tell my own dick from the time Amethyst got xir first erection. For being thousands of years old, xir really outdid xirself, getting the vein detail down to the pulse. It was at this point I realized that the blunt from last night wasn't weed. It seemed that Connie had given me literal pot. Like from a potted plant. The clay pot the weed was grown in. I smoked fucking fired clay.

My body reacts negatively to the absorption of unhygienic drug dealer ridden clay. The world spins around me as I see three figures rush towards me from the kitchen.

"Steven, are you all right!?" Pearl exclaims.

Except, it wasn't Pearl as I remembered. The color palette, the hat, the overalls. There was no mistaking it, even in my clay induced high.

Pearl had turned into Grand Dad.

Now I know what you're thinking.

"Holy fuck, that's the dumbest shit. I can actually feeling the cancer growing inside me."

And all I have to say to you is... yes. It is. And it gets much worse, as upon closer inspection I noticed that Garnet was no longer a red color. She had become a yellowish flesh color. The balls on the chin, the bald head. Peter and Homer... I regain my senses, noticing Amethyst grabbing my 14-inch cock. Suddenly it's very apparent that xir is no longer Amethyst.

I jump back in pure fright. Nozomi, not this Snow Halation weeb shit.

"Steven, are you okay? You need to rub one out?"

At this point you may be wondering if the cringe ever ends. I asked myself the same thing, and in response to the amount of meme radiation I was experiencing, I turn 360 degrees and jump out the window, hoping to escape this living nightmare. My crippling depression gets the best of me as I see numerous Dedede avatars sunbathing on the beach.

"Oh sweet fuck, it's worse than I could have ever possibly imagined."

Memes as far as the eye can see. Mashups. Think it and it's there. Space Jam, except in impossible time-signatures. Ness and Papyrus play catch with Mat Pat's clickbait earnings. The level of meming is unreal. Unprecedented even.

My body begins to go into anaphylactic shock. Something is wrong with me. I notice myself in the reflection in a puddle from last night's rain shower.

Please, God, tell me I'm going to be all right. Tell me it'll all be over soon. The other me stares back with... one eye?

I scream. It's not me. It's not me at all. I see staring back, the face of a statue with an eye patch.

I then realize I didn't smoke weed. Nor was it a literal clay pot. I smoked...

ＨＩＧＨ ＱＵＡＬＩＴＹ ＲＩＰＳ

The transformation was complete. I was whole again.

I only upload high quality rips.