Mr Potter.
You have my wand, I want it back. I'm serious, and I don't give a flying fuck who you killed with it. It's still mine and you still stole it. I'm not talking about that other wand that was apparently mine either, I want my wand back. It's a serious offense to take another person's wand, and I'm pretty sure you're not above the law, no matter how much fan mail you get. If it's not returned to me soon, I swear to Merlin I'm going to find you and blow apart your house until you give it back. It's my wand. Mine, not yours. I know you think you can take whatever you want but you can't. I didn't give you up, and risked my and my families lives and still you repayed me by stealing my wand! Honestly, balls with Gryffindor honour, you're just a bastard.
Give me my wand back. Now.
Sincerely, Malfoy.
Malfoy.
Nice to hear you're well, but no.
-Potter
Mr Potter.
I'm not well at all, I need my wand back. You will give it to me. I don't care who you are to the rest of the world, you're just potter to me and I'm not scared to cut you up. Your will give me my wand back, or I'm going to come and cut you up slowly, then have you eat your own dismembered body parts. I swear, you will give my wand back to me or I'm not going to be happy.
Sincerely, Malfoy.
Malfoy.
Temper temper... Still no. Your letters are so polite and well written, it's kind of cute.
-Potter
Mr Potter.
Give. Me. My. Wand.
I'm not cute, I just wasn't raised like an imbecile.
Why the hell not?
Sincerely, Malfoy.
Malfoy
Because I like this wand, and I left mine at the Weasley's.
-Potter
Mr Potter.
Go get it, and send me my wand. This is ridiculous. Who the hell do you think you are?
From, Malfoy.
Malfoy
I'm not welcome there right now, maybe I should ask them as politely as you asked me? They might send me it.
-Potter
Just give me back my wand. I want it back, I want it back right now and I'm not going to put up with you being a prick just because you can.
What happened to the polite formatting of your letters?
I decided that you weren't worth the effort.
Sucks to be me. I think your owl is tired.
Send me the wand and my owl can rest.
Come and get it.
Give it to me or I'll cut you up and make you eat yourself.
I said, come and get it.
Where do you live? Why should I trust you to go to your house? You'll probably have a Hippogriff waiting to attack me or something, and I'd be defenseless because I wouldn't have a wand.
I thought about it, but I didn't want to trouble any magical creatures. Just think of me and apparate, honestly no wonder you weren't in Ravenclaw.
Don't say that, it sounds romantic. I still don't trust you. I want you to give me my wand, and then I'm going straight home and if you don't hand it over straight away I swear to Merlin, you will pay.
The war's done nothing to decrease your temper, has it?
Shut the hell up, you idiot. I'll collect it in an hour.