a/n: I was recently challenged by my authoress friend Yuki's Adorable Girlfriend to write a oneshot where Auggie and Annie don't end up together. Shocking huh? Well, I was never one to back down from a challenge, so I accepted. Now, considering I live in my own happy little world of multi-genre AnniexAuggie oneshots, this challenge was quite difficult for me. Sorry it's kinda short too. Well, I'm just sticking my toes in the tragic and angsty oneshot waters…I'm going to crawl back into my fluffy AxA corner now…

Disclaimer: I don't own Covert Affairs.

Losing Auggie

I lost him, of course.

I couldn't tell him I loved him. A million times, I ran it through my mind, and it always sounded wrong. There were times when I think I saw a glimmer in his blind eyes, always hoping I would make the first move. I couldn't do it. I watched as the lost faith, the hurt, welled up in his eyes, yet I did not speak. I watched as he turned to ice, unable to turn away, but always clenching my fists, squeezing my eyes shut in pain, wishing I could tell him.

I watched as the years flew by, faster than I can recollect. I watched him slip away, marry some other woman, and stand there at the wedding like I was the happiest bridesmaid ever. I watched him laugh at the toasts, smile as he pulled a flower from her dark hair. As she let the bouquet go, I watched as it landed at my feet. I laid eyes on the pair of them, biting back a bitter smile, as I saw twin looks of joy upon their faces.

I lost him.

My pride wouldn't let me tell him. Maybe if I had, it would have been me at that wedding, slipping the ring on my finger, having the first dance. I think I danced with Jai. Or Stu. I don't really remember.

If I had told him, maybe I would have been the one wrapped in his arms, as our hands each found a place on that knife, cutting the towering cream cake. I ate without tasting.

I smiled and nodded, all through the day. Only when the limo was miles on its way to their new house and leaves flew across the streets did I curse and ram a heel into the pavement. But I refused to cry.

Oh, how the years flew by. They had been blissfully married for so long. And they had to have children. Beautiful twin boys. I was there in the hospital, with all of our friends and a few more, added over the years. I didn't recognize them. They were more their friends than mine, or even Jai's or Michael and Danielle's. As I entered the hospital room to see, they were both glowing with joy.

He smiled in my direction, and it made my heart wrench for I wasn't the cause of it. No. Far from it.

The others eventually found lives. They distanced themselves. How time flew. As the twins grew older, as Jai climbed the ladder in the CIA and eventually replaced Arthur, only I stayed the same. I was an operative. I still felt like the rookie. I didn't know what I was doing half the time. And my new handler wasn't nearly as good as he used to be.

It was only logical that I should babysit when the two were at work, he still in tech ops, and she a college professor. The twins were so sweet. They called me auntie.

I took a band aid from its group and put it on the little boy's scraped knee, "Take care of Bert for me."

He smiled happily. Nothing could cheer a child up like a Sesame Street bandage. I think he said thank you.

I looked at him closely, tilted his head. His eyes were Auggie's. Exactly the same. I felt like I was young again, like I still had a chance, when I looked into his eyes. Auggie's eyes. And finally, as he ran off to play with his brother and I resumed staring out of the windowsill, a tear pricked at my eye and began to roll down my cheek. I think I even laughed. With all the mirth of a dark cavern. All those years. My pride was finally broken.

A decade too late.