Title: Deserving
Author: Jammeke
Summary: Maybe keeping Kate away from Much counted as a selfless act after all.
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone you recognise. These characters belong to people more fortunate than I; people who didn't take good care of them, unfortunately.
A/N: I'm not even sure where this came from, because I stopped writing fiction for this show some time ago. My subconscious must have been trying to right some of the wrongs in S3, and who am I to battle the plot bunnies? Takes place after 3x09, "A Dangerous Deal".
Deserving
I don't know your face no more
Or feel the touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
(~)
"Kate spoke to me a few days ago."
Robin whirled around. "Wh—Much! Don't sneak up on me like that." His hands, having reached for his bow and arrows at once, fell limply to his sides. He had expected someone else, someone slighter, fairer . . . louder. There was only one person—besides Much—who had the nerve to seek him out while he was trying to be alone these days, and she was considerably worse at catching him off guard than his former manservant had ever been. The more he saw of her, the more Robin realised stealth simply clashed with every aspect of her very being.
Much bit his lip, seemed to find his feet very interesting all of a sudden. "Sorry." The word was barely audible.
He genuinely seemed to be that, sorry-but not for disturbing Robin's peace. Robin had not failed to notice Much had been acting strangely for some time now. How long had it been since Much had last sung for him, or since he had last protested loudly against the gang's teasing comments about his cooking? Robin could not even remember, though, admittedly, mostly for lack of trying. Much seemed withdrawn these days, very unlike the man Robin had come to know over the years. Lifting people's spirits was something Robin thrived at, something he considered himself skilled at. Replace the word 'people' with 'friends', though, and Robin was not so sure of his abilities anymore. It pained him to see his friend so miserable, yes, but he had not a clue what he could do to lift Much's spirits. Inexplicably, he got the impression Much's mood was directly related to him, Robin, somehow. He did not like that thought very much.
Giving in to the sudden urge to clear the air between them, Robin took a step closer to his friend. "What is it?"
Much did not answer immediately. His gaze was still drawn to the forest floor.
"Much." Words might not be Robin's strongest ally when it came to those closest to him, but when had words been the only means required in a conversation?
Much took a deep breath. "She told me—no, she asked me to let you know that we are . . . just friends."
Robin's eyebrows rose. "We are just friends?"
"Yes," Much confirmed. He raised his gaze and finally looked at Robin. Glimpsing the confusion in Robin's expression, his eyes widened. "No! I mean—yes, we are friends. I meant . . . what I meant to say was . . . Kate and I are just . . ." he trailed off helplessly.
Robin stared at his friend, realisation slowly beginning to dawn on him. He could not decide whether he was angry at Kate, or angry at himself for trying to blame his conflicted feelings on her alone. Selfish though her actions had been, she had at least had the nerve to confront Much about the recent developments in their relationship. Robin had not gone to see Much, had not told him anything at all; offered him no explanation, apology, or reassurance that no, of course Robin did not like the girl Much fancied.
"So, you and Kate are . . . just friends?" he asked, ignoring the small but insistent voice in the back of his head that told him he should allow Kate to be with a man who truly loved her, as well as give his former servant the chance to make his dreams come true.
Much nodded a little too quickly. "Yes. So you can . . . you know, do whatever it is people who like each other do. I will not mind." He swallowed, before repeating those three words, sounding a little more convincing this time.
Unsure what to make of his friend's untruthful words, Robin decided to once again focus on Kate's involvement in all this. "Kate told you to tell me this?"
Much nodded, but quickly stopped what he was doing when he seemed to realise what Robin was implying. "Well, she—reminded me to tell you. It is true, you know. I do not like her. At all. I do not." He shook his head wildly. "I could not care less if you started a relationship with her and . . . and kissed her and . . ."
"Much," Robin interrupted him before he could embarrass himself even more. "Why did you tell me this?"
Much looked at him, a frown marring his features. "She told me to," he said, as if that was any reason to eat dirt in front of his mas—former master.
Robin sighed. "No, I mean—why did you tell me you do not love her while it is obvious to all that you do?" A feeling much like the one he had battled after Sir Edward's death welled up inside him and he forcefully pushed it to the far corners of his mind. Kate had chosen him, he told himself. She was not interested in Much anyway.
Much's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I do not lo—" he began.
"Much."
Much tugged his hat off his head, and wrung it between his hands. "I . . . I love you, master. If you are not happy, then I am not happy. If you and Kate want to . . . Well, I wish you all the happiness in the world." His words were not so untruthful this time, and yet this time, they cut straight through Robin's soul.
"Much . . ." He shook his head at his friend, reminding himself once again that he did not deserve his friend's loyalty. Did the man's love for him know no bounds? He would give up the woman he liked . . . loved even, to make him, Robin, happy?
The worst part was, Robin had already betrayed Much's loyalty. Here his friend was, giving him his blessing, while Robin had not even waited for Much to give it to him. He had kissed Kate several times already, had kissed her despite his knowledge of Much's feelings for the girl.
If he was half the man Much was, he would give Kate up this very second. He would encourage Much to act on his feelings for Kate and win the peasant girl's heart. If he was half the man Much was, he would walk away from the . . . thing between Kate and him right now.
But he was not strong enough. Whatever feelings he had for Kate-and Robin knew that they were not as strong as Much's—he could not bear to let go of them. He could not bring himself to give up on a second chance at love.
The sad truth was he would jump at any opportunity to take his mind off Marian, would do whatever it took to pursue paths that would distract him from his duties as Robin Hood, and allow him to be a simple man for once-a simple man simply trying to be happy.
"So . . . talk to her, Robin," Much said, avoiding Robin's sorrowful gaze. "I think she really likes you." He did not sound nearly as bitter as he had a right to. In fact, he sounded painfully sincere-and Robin suddenly hated Kate for turning this good man down and shattering his dreams.
But try as he might, he could not hate her as much as he hated himself.
Taking a step forward, Robin pulled his friend into a hug. As he held on to Much's body, he could feel small tremors wrecking through the man's arms. Closing his eyes, Robin willed away the urge to tell Much Kate did not deserve him. "I will," he whispered instead. "I will talk to her, Much."
He was not sure why he did not tell Much that Robin and Kate had already shared their first-and second and third-kiss. Robin wanted to believe he was trying to spare his friend the pain of knowing this. However, Robin Hood knew he simply did not want his former servant to find out the truth and think badly of him.
"Good." Once more sounding more genuine than Robin deserved, Much tightened his hold on Robin.
Unable to stand the feel of the pure man's arms around him any longer, Robin drew away from him. Maybe, he thought as he looked at his best friend's shattered expression, he and Kate deserved each other: they deserved each other in their self–absorbedness.
Feeling a smile threatening to break through on his face, he turned around and stared at the brilliant green of the trees surrounding them.
Maybe keeping Kate away from Much counted as a selfless act after all.
~fin~