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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight and I don't. No copyright infringement is intended. This is purely for F-U-N and in no way meant for commercial purposes.
A/N: Hi, I'm Rita01tx – DeltaDawn'sDreams's Editor Lady *slash (no! not that kinda slash)* Beta *slash* online BFF *slash* pain in her butt. Take your pick – I wear many hats. In THIS case, I get to wear the Author hat… for the first time ever! Woo hoo!
With Triple-D's kind permission, I'm calling this an outtake from her story, Waiting in the Twilight, but it's more of a companion piece as it only briefly touches WIT. I just didn't know what else to call it.
So, let's see what kind of trouble this MEoW girl gets herself into, shall we?
Music: Take It Easy ~ Eagles
WAITING IN THE TWILIGHT OUTTAKE: ANOTHER FINE MESS
CHAPTER 1 – Pineapple Pussy & Pot
Take It Easy ~ Eagles
Well, I'm running down the road tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women on my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine
Take It easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy . . .
Hot damn! The one song I know all the words to is playing on my car radio and I can't resist belting out the funky lyrics at the top of my voice . . .
Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford, slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
so take it easy
Out of my entire family, I just happened to be the one standing behind the door when God passed out musical talent. Ever blessed one of them can sing, play the guitar, or piano, or all three. Hell'n they pay me NOT to sing at our family gatherings back in Texas. Screw 'em all! I can too sing…
Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load, got a world of trouble on my mind
lookin' for a lover who won't blow my cover, she's so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy
come on baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me…
"Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on…" What the fuck? The sound of my cell phone jerks me straight out of my singin' zone.
I'd recognize that ring tone anywhere so I hit the hands free button and answer:
"Yel-lo!"
"TT! Haul that wide load of yours over to my house, right now," the voice on the other end demands.
That would be my best friend, DD. "Wide load," my ass! Sure, I'd been somewhat on the plump side in my teens, but my ample curves have since settled into all the right places, thank you very much. Speaking of which…if anyone should be called DD around here, it's me, on account of she's nowhere near a double D in the boob department. It's kinda ironic, but – hey – I didn't choose "Delta Dawn" for an online name. And, yeah, I own that the initials of my online name, "Texas Tornado," inevitably lead to bathroom humor, so I guess that makes us even.
"Keep your shorts on, DD darlin' – I'm just pulling into your driveway now!"
Like she doesn't know I'm already there. Hah! No way she can't hear the roar of the powerful 283 V8 engine throbbing under the hood of my smokin' black '57 Chevy with the white hardtop. Hell'n that sound is a straight up panty soaker. After all the blood, sweat, and tears my man shed restoring this baby for me, I was all kinds of fuckin' proud to show it off all around Seattle.
I don't even bother knocking and, as I step through the front door, DD's standing there waiting for me with a funny looking yellow drink in one hand and a glowing joint in the other. Her cheeks are red and puffed out, lips pursed together tightly, holding onto the smoke as long as possible.
"What the hell is this?" I ask, taking the drink out of her hand.
"Pineapple Pussy," she chokes out as she's forced to release the smoke right into my face. "I made it with Amaretto and pineapple juice – just try it."
She knows girly drinks don't do it for me, my preference being a straight shot of José Cuervo Black Medallion, but I take a small sip anyway and have to admit it ain't half bad.
Dumping my overnight bag on the floor, I throw my purse down on a nearby overstuffed chair and follow her through the living room out onto the spacious deck at the back of DD and Steve's classic Craftsman house.
It had taken nearly a year for Steve, DD's ever enduring boyfriend, and Harry, my amazing husband, to turn what had been a tired, dilapidated old house into the warm, welcoming home it is today. Even though the boys had graduated from construction work to flipping houses for a living a while back, they'd made good use of everything they'd learned along the way. I don't think anyone could have done a better job. We were all glad Steve had fallen in love with this one and decided to keep it rather than sell it on.
Once the boys had done all they could with it, DD provided the finishing touches with her mad decorating skills. Swear to God, she could make a good living doing that shit.
I take the joint away from DD before it dwindles down to nothin' and walk up to lean on the rail, taking in the view of Puget Sound. The soft breeze off the water is cool, but the bright rays of the noon sun warm the air temperature to perfection on this fine Saturday.
DD sidles up beside me, nudging my left arm with her pointy elbow, and hands me another Pineapple Pussy. I take note of the light sun freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose and the shine of her long, silver blonde hair as strands of it lift in the breeze to mingle and dance with my own brunette locks. The years have seen her grow into a beautiful woman…a far cry from the skinny girl from South Carolina I'd befriended during our senior year of high school.
Late September of 1989, Hurricane Hugo ravaged South Carolina, leaving behind a number of fatalities, severe property damage and broken lives. DD's parents sent her to stay with relatives in Burnet, Texas so she could finish her senior year of high school while they repaired their home. That's where we met.
One day, after gym, I came across two of the nastiest bitches in my class crowding a tall, skinny, blonde girl up against the lockers, cursing and slapping her around for no good reason other than she was the new kid and had managed to piss them off somehow. Now, that just got right up my nose and I saw red! Stepping up behind them, I yanked them off of her with both hands, swung them to the floor and straddled my "wide load" right down on the back of one holding the other one in a half Nelson. DD's screeching had our coach showing up real quick to escort their sorry asses to the Principal's office.
We took to each other right off and have been best friends ever since. Hell'n she spent more time at my house than at her aunt and uncle's, which was fine by me. Except…she was always pulling shit that got us into trouble, sooner or later.
It was all harmless fun, at first. Like the time she poured a cap full of dishwashing liquid into the downstairs toilet at my house. My brother James chased us both squealing through the house after he flushed it, bubbles foaming like a volcano trailing behind him as he ran.
Problem was things escalated and the more creative she got, the more trouble we got into, starting with the time she put a Tic Tac™ and some fake blood in her mouth, pretended to trip and fall, and then spit her "tooth" out in front of a freshman. The little shit fainted, earning us our first trip to the Principal's office.
Her pièce de résistance, however, was undisputedly the night my cousins, Howard and David, hung out with James and us upstairs while their parents visited with mine downstairs in the living room. Now, Howard had a powerful crush on DD at the time, so he was particularly susceptible to anything she might suggest. What she suggested was for Howard to throw a croquet ball down the stairs…uncarpeted, enclosed, acoustically perfect stairs, with one door at the bottom for access…while I screamed for all I was worth.
Wide eyes locked onto her radiant face, the heavy croquet ball simply rolled off his fingertips, crashing, smashing and bashing down the stairs. Have you ever screamed and laughed at the same time? In combination with the echoing boom of the croquet ball coming to rest, it must have sounded blood-curdling. Dead silence for one blessed second…then the whole house shuddered and shook on its brick piles as the herd of wild-eyed grown-ups stampeded towards the door to the stairwell, desperate to see whose kid had just died a gruesome death.
DD, my brother and I scrambled for cover, leaving Howard and David to fend for themselves. Poor bastards just froze, having no idea where to hide on such short notice.
The way Mom tells the story, my dad reached the stairwell first after trampling his sister, my aunt, who had fallen and slid under Mom's dining room table, scattering chairs in all directions. Taking a deep breath, he yanked the door open…no mangled, bleeding, dead kid…just a croquet ball. He picked it up to show Mom and the others, then motioned for them to go back to the living room.
We could hear him stomping up the stairs and shivered in our hiding places. Of course, he found Howard and David right off, which wasn't hard on account of they were both kneeling on the broad window seat at the top of the stairs, hands folded under their chins, praying for their lives: "Please, Oh God, please…don't let him kill us!"
Now, my dad had never in his life laid a hand on one of us kids, but we were all scared shitless that this could be the first time. Still, scared or not, we all came runnin' when he hollered for us to come out…such was our respect. Hell'n my brother and I knew he had the patience to starve us out anyway…plus, the bathroom was downstairs.
He trailed behind the five of us as we all made our hang dog way downstairs to the waiting arms of the remaining parental units. They hugged us and cried, relieved that none of us had actually been hurt. Then they grounded us for 3 whole months. Hell'n we damn near missed our senior prom!
The incident with the croquet ball was the worst trouble she'd ever gotten me into…until now.
Fingers snap repeatedly in front of my face.
"Holy shit, TT! Was the pot really that good? You've been spaced out for the last 10 minutes…," DD laughs.
We turn from the rail and head for two cushioned lounge chairs separated by a glass topped wicker coffee table.
"…or was it my Pineapple Pussy?" she snickers, sitting down and leaning back on her chaise.
"Hmmm, maybe…I dunno. Both? Whatever it was sure has me mellowed the fuck out! Geez, it's peaceful and beautiful out here. How, on God's green earth, did two Southern girls like us end up in a place like this?" I sighed, settling down on my own chaise.
"Couldn't possibly be because two best friends fell in love with two best friends, who just happened to be Seattleites, now could it?" DD quipped.
"The 'Powers That Be' sure worked their mysterious ways that day, didn't they?" I laughed.
Destiny, fate, kismet, or what-the-fuck-ever, jumped up and bit us on the butt during Spring Break '94, our senior year at Nova Southeastern University, Ft. Lauderdale. DD and I followed the intriguing sound of someone playing the piano into a quiet bar on the A1A late one afternoon. There, in a dimly lit corner, we found a gorgeous young man playing the stars from the sky on an upright piano, while his equally stunning friend leaned well-muscled arms along the top.
Without missing a note, Harry glanced over his right shoulder to see what the fuck Steve was gawking at. It was us, and we were gawking the fuck right back at 'em! Deep brown eyes captured my own baby blues, while DD's violet eyes locked onto Steve's smoldering, hazel-eyed gaze and that was all she wrote…we was all goners!
It mattered not at all that the boys were 3 years younger than me and DD. Hell'n, it was too late by the time we found out 'cause they sure didn't look that young. Spending a year in the Southeastern states repairing storm damaged homes and small businesses had honed and tanned their tall bodies to perfection and weathered their features to a maturity beyond their years…not much beyond, mind…just enough to fool us at first glance.
We were inseparable after that day and, after graduation, DD and I went back to Seattle with them. This is our home now and we love it…and we love our men. We really do! Honest! I wouldn't lie!
But that doesn't stop us from perving outrageously on Edward freakin' Cullen!
We try to keep our Edsession on the down low. After all, we've got nearly 10 years on him. We are old enough to know better…or, shall I say, we should know better. God knows, Harry and Steve have no idea just how Edsessed we really are.
All it takes is one little word…
"Edward…" DD starts.
…and we're off!
"Aw hell, DD! You went and said the 'E' word!" I moan.
"Well shit, girl! Did you see what's been going on at MEoW today?" DD asks, producing a laptop seemingly outa thin air. She proceeds to type in an addy for the site and then shoves the laptop at me while the page loads.
"No, what are those hOOrs up to now?" I wonder, taking the laptop from her and turning it to face me. I look at the screen and see the current posting from MEoW.
It's official! Edward Freakin Cullen Reads MEoW!
He did it! He DID IT! He REALLY, REALLY DID IT! A few days ago I posted a wardrobe request for Edward. See that here. Some of you ladies even asked him to give us a sign so we would know for sure that he had seen the request and asked him to tug at the collar of his shirt. On Friday, Edward left BR and arrived in VC and THIS, ladies, is proof positive that Edward Reads our Blog! **Jumping up and down waving* "Hey Edward!"
What follows is a series of photographs taken by the paps at Vancouver airport a few days ago. In them, Edward is wearing a vintage, black and red MTV jacket over a white dress shirt, opened to reveal the red horse tee-shirt JET had requested he wear to let her know he really does read MEoW.
The last photo of Edward tugging his collar is the proof JET had been waiting for…
The TUG! *I AM D-I-E-D*FL_
So ladies Is this proof enuff for you? What do you want to say to Edward Today?
…and the crowd goes wild!
Chatterbox: "OMG OMG OMG I can't believe he did it! *Blowing Kisses* Hey Eddie, how you doin BB? He loves us! He truly loves us! Lol"
Crazyforcullen: "NFW! For realz? Edward! We Lurve you hot stuff!"
Rudysmom2008: "You guise you guise have you seen this,…WHOA! What? WTF? Edward does Read MEOW? Holy Mary Mother of GOD!"
"Edwardscougar: Yeah well, we got him into the red horse shirt, hee hee hee, now I wanna get him out of it! Bwahahaha. How's about it Edward?"
DazzlemeEC: *Picking my jaw up off the floor!* Oh Edward BB! I knew you Loved us! We Love you too! Now, just get yourself back here and post so we/you can confirm it beyond a shadow of a doubt!
Jesus! What if Edward is reading all this shit right now!
FlightlessVamp: "There IS a GOD!"
Summerchic: *THUD*
Forkshere: "WTF? It's TRUE? It's all true? Ho-LEE SHIT!"
JET: "Edward, Please know that you are welcome to come here and post whenever you wish, and Please rest assured I will NOT divulge any of your information to ANYONE for any price."
After reading the rest of the post, I'm stunned. He knows about MEoW and all the women here. He's actually read all of their snide, crude, lusty and adoring comments about him! I want him to know me too so, for the first time ever, I out myself and post a comment.
Texas~Tornado: "hOOr-ay for Edward! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah! Oops! Hell'n that just jerked me straight outa lurkin' mode!"
"Holy crap, TT! What are you doing?" DD squeals.
I'm pretty sure she's in shock that I actually commented. We've been lurking on these sites for ages, but neither of us has ever posted a comment before.
"Look, I just thought that…if Edward really is reading MEoW…aw hell, girl! I want him to know my name at the very least," I explain, turning back to the screen to see what happens now.
MyHubbyIsNoEdward: "Welcome Tex! You picked a good day to join the perv party BB! Edward, Baby, I got a few more requests since you are so willing to…um Fulfill all our wishes."
The immediate response thrills me and I grin like the Cheshire Cat. Gotta say, the women here are always very welcoming to the newbies. Several other ladies comment and I continue reading until the next one gets my attention.
Rudy'smom2008: "Oh Shizz, I got so excited a while ago I forgot to tell you guise why I came in here in the first place. LOL You all have to check this out SRSLY! Have any of you seen this? (link) Over on Edsession, they have announced that Scummit Entertainment has heard about all the bad reviews of the "Non-Battle Scene" in Breaking Dawn. They have come up with a phenomenal solution. They have created a contest, anyone can enter, YOU rewrite the "Non Battle scene" the way you would like to see it on the Big Screen. Scummit is going to Film the Winner's Rewrite in Place of the SM's original version! No Shit BBez! GO, Go Now! See for yourself!"
"I wonder what he thinks about…" and DD's off on one of her wild fantasies of trying to guess what Edward really thinks about it all.
I continue reading the post, wondering if DD has gotten as far in as I have because she hasn't mentioned anything about this "Non-Battle Scene" contest.
While she blathers along, I check out the link that Rudy'smom2008 provided and I'm so surprised by what the winner of the contest would actually win, I just have to go back to MEoW and comment again.
Texas~Tornado: "OMG! It's true ya'll! I just checked this ^_^ out and IT'S TRUE! Not only that but SRSLY, the Winner… gets to spend the BD premiere weekend with Edward!"
I finish reading all there is to read on MEoW and look up at DD expectantly. I know her well…she's bound to have a nefarious reason for showing me this and getting me all excited. I wait for it…
"Poor Edward, stuck in that compound all alone with no one to talk to. He can't go anywhere, which means we can't see him." She says in a petulant, sing-song tone.
"Hell'n there's not much anyone can do about it anyway. Those pictures on MEoW are probably the last ones we'll get to see of him for a long time. At least, until they finish filming," I tell her, suddenly wondering why the hairs on the back of my arms are standing up, why I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded…and why the fuck I feel a monumental déjà vu moment fast approaching.
Holding my gaze with a lift of her eyebrow and a half smile on her face, she pulls a folded piece of paper out of her back pocket and slides it across the coffee table towards me.
Even though I know the guys are out on a rush job until tomorrow afternoon, I still look over my shoulder to make sure we're alone. Turning back to DD, I wonder what's going on in that mixed up blond head of hers. That wicked evil grin always signals the beginning of another fine mess she's gonna get us into.
Hell'n when was I ever able to resist?
Unfolding the paper and flattening it out, my eyes nearly bug out of my head when I see a crudely drawn map to the Breaking Dawn compound outside of Squamish, a small town at the edge of a remote area of British Columbia. A small red 'x' marks the position of Edward Cullen's trailer.
Fuck me sideways! How in the name of all that is holy did she get her hands on this?
DD takes another quick look around before leaning over to whisper…
"Road trip! Free The Pretty!"
*GASP*
Wanna know what happens next? You won't have to wait long to find out…Chapter 2 will be up before you even know it's missing. If you are waiting for updates of Waiting in the Twilight and The Songs of Angels by our girl, DeltaDawn'sDreams, my apologies but I have to get this crazy story out of my head first before I can concentrate on editing those puppies.
Patience, Angelz. All will be well – I promise.
Rita