What If?
A Parody of Harry Potter/LOTR
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't control what they do...in fact, I don't do anything. They just kind of do whatever they want. So don't sue me!
Our story starts out with Harry Potter saying good night to his boyfriend.
Harry: Good night, baby!
The boyfriend whose name we cannot mention because we may be sued for making our coffee too hot—well, actually to make you continue to read this pathetic little fan fic: Muuh! Love ya!
Harry goes to sleep, thinking happily about his future at Hogwarts and how one day he and his boyfriend are going to take it over and turn it into a Care Bear kingdom. Suddenly, the world starts turning at an extrutiatingly fast rate.
God: Hey, cut out the drama.
Okay...fast.
God: It's so boring up here since I killed my boyfriend. I need to find the best nightclub around and bring it up here.
Narrator: (is struck by a lightning bolt)
As God goes looking for Disneyland, he inadvertantly knocks Harry out of the world.
Harry: Where am I?
Random voice in the darkness which Harry doesn't even care about despite the fact that it sounds scary: Hogwarts.
Harry: Oh. Zzzzz...
Voice: I was kidding. Ha, ha?
Harry: Oh my GOSH! I'm stuck away from Hogwarts in a land full of lunatics!
Voice: That's okay, I'm here for you.
Harry: Um, I already have a boyfriend. His name is..
Voice: Don't give away the plot!
Harry: Why, did you buy it? Augh, I'm adapting to this weird culture! What's a plot, anyway?
Voice: You're hopeless.
Harry: What's hopel—
Voice: Never mind. Don't you want to know who I am?
Harry: Not really. Dark shadowy creatures turn me on.
Voice: Dammit. Well, sorry, you're going to have to see
me.
(a bright light appears)
Harry: Jesus?
Voice: Well, almost.
Frodo appears in his panties that say "I Love Teletubbies". Harry stares, transfixed.
Harry: Where's the bra?
Narrarator: Ahem. This Fan Fic has a PG-13 rating.
Frodo: Clothes! He said CLOTHES, didn't you, Harry?
Harry: Excuse me. Tinky Winky and me are having a very intellectual conversation.
Frodo: Are there any straight people in this Fan fic?
Narrarator: Erm...(goes back to drawing board)
Harry: You know, I'm enjoying this dream.
Frodo: Well...this isn't exactly a dream.
Harry: Well...I'm a good actor.
Frodo: Mm...hmm. Well, you're not in a movie, either.
Harry: Virtual reality game?
Frodo: You wish. Actually, I need you.
Harry: I already told you—
Frodo: Not like that.
Harry: You know you want me. (flutters eyelashes)
Frodo: Hee hee...
Narrarator: Ahem..
Frodo: (coughs) Anyway...(falls over and dies)
Harry: You know, that wasn't funny.
Frodo: Hey. I try.
Harry: So what do you need me for?
Frodo: See, I got a present.
Harry: And...
Frodo: And I just had a case of amnesia. Some help?
Harry: And it was a pretty purple Cinderella ring?
Frodo: With the authentic Princess Seal on it...
Harry: With the Made in China sticking out of her boob?
Frodo: From my uncle.
Harry: Eeek!
Frodo: Don't interrupt our train of thought.
Harry: Okay. So, this pretty ring turns out to be evil...
Frodo: And I have to...
Harry: Eat it?
Frodo: No.
Harry: Damn.
Frodo: I have to put it in this big pot thing...
Harry: But you're too lazy?
Frodo: So I put all my magical pixie dust together and worked for 10 years begging God
to bring someone to do it for me..
Harry: And he said no?
Frodo: How'd you guess. Wait, why are you here?
Harry: I thought you knew.
Frodo: I made you believe that so I'd get your cute little face under my spell.
Harry: So..what next?
Frodo: You know you want to go get rid of that evil ring for me.
Harry begins to answer, but cannot because he suddenly feels a hand over his mouth. He is pulled into a dark, shadowy place...
^_^ Well, there's the first chapter. I had to put a little cliffhanger on it so you guys would come back and read more!! Tell ya what, review it and tell me if you like it, and I'll update really soon. You can post your guesses as to who grabbed Harry and who his boyfriend is on the review page, too. :D Thanks a lot for reading! *hugs all the readers and reviewers* :D :D :D