Note: 3 reviews = immediate chapter.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned BtVS… but alas…
Summary: What happens when an angry, violent, sexually-charged Faith lusts after Buffy?
… Dedicated to everyone out there who supported me every step of the way (and my girl, Karen, who's the best thing I've got going for me and the greatest person in the world 3). Thank you.
Part I – "Bronzing It"
The days go by in a blur.
Monday melts into Tuesday... and suddenly it's Monday again. Hours spent watching so much television it gives me a headache. And if not, I'm slaying, partying, dancing, or fucking the brains out of some one.
It doesn't matter what I do in the end, because it's a vicious cycle. I don't know where my thoughts begin or where they end... I just know that I want you.
I want you so much that sometimes, I hate you.
Sometimes, when you look at me with those pleading eyes, I want to hit you until you're bruised, broken, and bloody beyond recognization. Sometimes, I want to pack my bags and leave Sunnydale and never see you again... Sometimes, while in bed with someone else, I see your face, I feel your hands. Sometimes, I have dreams where you hold me in your arms and tell me that you love me.
Sometimes, after these dreams, I wake up with a powerful ache in my chest, half-expecting to find you somewhere near.
Do you know what you're doing to me?
No. No, you wouldn't know. Because you're innocent, Buffy "straight-as-a-board" Summers. And even if I went ahead and kissed you on the lips, you'd somehow convince yourself it was friendly.
Some days, I want you so bad, I find myself walking unconsciously to your house... and I'll stand at your doorstep staring at the door as if, in doing so, I could be a part of your life. But I never walk in, and no one ever knows.
Some days, I want to kill you and end this misery. But I never do, and no one ever knows.
Today, I just want to forget.
Today, I want to dance, drink, and party until I forget.
I look up at the flashing words above me, The Bronze. This is where I first met you... and your groupies. But I barely saw them. You stole the spotlight, you stole my world.
Forgetting doesn't come easily, but I know once I get inside and ease into myself, things'll be good again.
Not even you, B... not even you can take this away from me.
I'm right, too, because once I step in, deafeningly loud music attacking my eardrums, I remember who I am. I'm Faith. I'm a slayer. I can have anyone. And for this small moment, I am in control.
I'm drawn to the dance floor and the music takes possession of my body. Flashing lights, people moving to the beat like their lives depended on it... music. I'm in my element, and I know it.
As I gyrate to the beat, I can feel their eyes on me, and I know that they know it, too.
It feels good.
Everything around disappears and all that's left is me and the hard beat that flows through my veins. Vaguely, I'm aware of a few boys who come close by and try to keep up. I let them try, just to show them that they can't.
I'm a one woman show until I decide otherwise.
On the dance floor, I am god.