A/N: First attempt at Mac/Stella.
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the song used at the start, the characters belong to CBS, the song to CCR.
Have you ever seen the rain?
Yesterday and days before
The sun is cold and the rain is hard
I know, it's been that way for all my time
Have you ever seen the rain? - CCR
The air was cold and bore straight through my jacket. It didn't matter. The numbing effect it had on me made me feel weightless, as though I didn't exist. I kept on walking. I didn't know where I was going or what it was that I was trying to get away from, only that it felt good to be leaving it behind. I felt like I was slipping away. Only now it was a good thing, I was slipping away from everything that I hated in my life.
I heard the sound of someone running behind me and I didn't have to turn around to know that it was you. You grab my arm, but I can't feel any warmth radiating from your body. Are you numb too?
"Stella…" you begin, but I knew I didn't want you to continue. I didn't want you to confirm what I already feared.
"Mac, don't worry about it okay? And don't worry about me," I said turning away and taking a couple of steps forward, "I can take care of myself."
I keep walking, a small part of me hoping that you'll follow, that you won't just give up on me. I wanted to turn around and see if you were still there, but I'm too stubborn. I don't want you to think that you've gotten to me.
Tears start to burn in my eyes. I'm not going to cry. Not when I am only one street anyway from the NYPD building. Not when I'm still only a few metres away from you.
I stare straight out in front of me, my vision slightly blurred from the tears. Then the rain started falling, along with my tears. Only a couple fell from my eyes and they slowly slide down my face creating a wet, salty trail down my skin. The tears, unlike the rain, are warm and almost have a calming effect on me. I turn down the next few streets thinking over what I had done. I had kissed Mac Taylor. 'Stupid. So damn stupid,' I think to myself, 'what the hell was I thinking? He's my boss for god's sake. And he is still in love with Clair, and even if he wasn't why would he want to be with me?'
I realised now that I hadn't been paying attention while I had been walking, but hadn't really been surprised at where I had ended up. It was my favourite part of Central Park. It was a small lake surrounded by trees and it was amazing that you could find someplace so tranquil amidst the craziness of New York. I continued down the path and sat on one of the park benches over looking the water.
I don't remember that it's raining until I see the water droplets that are disrupting the surface of the water. It's only light rain so I don't pay much attention to it. I've always liked the rain anyway.
Suddenly I can feel the cold. When I look down it becomes obvious as to why that is. I hadn't put my coat on when I had walked out of the building. I had been so embarrassed and in such a hurry to get away that I had left in my light jacket. I smiled at what was quickly becoming a series of unfortunate events.
I looked back out at the water and I couldn't help it now. I leaned forward, my head in my hand and I started to cry. I had probably just lost my best friend because I wasn't satisfied with what I already had. I had wanted more.
My body tensed as I felt something being draped over my shoulders. Again I didn't have to turn around. I knew who it was.
"How'd you know where I would be? Even I didn't know where I was going."
He smiled gently at me as he sat down beside me placing his hand on my back.
"I remembered you telling me once how much you loved this place. That it was peaceful and that you could think here."
Suddenly I remembered why I was here, what had driven me here. "Why are you here?" I said it with a harshness that I didn't know I possessed.
"You didn't seriously think I was going to leave you out here in the rain did you?"
Rain was dripping down his face and I felt him shiver. He had given me his coat.
"I'm sorry about what happened back there, but not for the reasons your thinking of." Mac's comment caught my interest immediately, wanting to know what he meant. I didn't respond, just waited for him to continue.
"I'm sorry because I didn't know how to respond. I was scared and I still am. I was scared that I'd lose you like I lost Clair and I couldn't go through that again, not ever. But after you kissed me I realised that denying how I felt, how I feel, isn't a better alternative."
Gently he reached out and cupped my face before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. I could taste the salt from my tears and the rainwater that had been dripping down his face. I slipped my hand around his neck as he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing gently along my lips and then the inside of my mouth.
After a few minutes we slowly pulled apart and I kept my eyes shut, not wanting to open them and find out that this had all been a dream. He moved closer to me, wrapping his arms around my body and I rested my head on his chest.
I don't know how long we sat there in the rain. I remember feeling you tighten your grip around me and then resting your head on top of mine. I just leaned against you and listened to your heartbeat, what I now consider to be the most soothing rhythm I've ever heard. Only when the sun had broken through the clouds did we move. No words were spoken; it just felt right to be moving on then. The sun had broken through the clouds in the sky and we had broken through the invisible barrier between us. As we walked back through the park, I began to feel something I had never felt before in my life. Whole.