Title: Bad Moon Rising
Fandom: Enterprise
Pairing: Trip/T'Pol
Rating: G
Summary: Trip's idea of a prank goes horribly wrong. Time is of the essence if he expects to escape unscathed, but he never realized how distracting an amused Vulcan could be.
Author's Note: Was playing with the wayback time machine on google and found my exceedingly old website... we're talking a site I started in 1999 and discontinued in 2005 or so. This fic was written 1st or 2nd season of Enterprise, before a certain couple took over and drove the show into the ground. Anyway, it gave me a good laugh as I read it over tonight.. I figured, wtf... I'd throw it up on my profile and see if I could make anyone else smile tonight.
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"Commander Tucker, I fail to see the logic in this situation."
"Yeah well, I hate to break it to ya, darlin', but some times you'd fail to see the logic in a mathematical equation if you weren't the one equatin' it."
"That is an over exaggeration, Commander, however given your current predicament, I will overlook the infraction."
"You're too kind, T'Pol."
"Would you please explain to me the reasoning behind this... occurrence?"
Sigh. "T'Pol, there is no reasoning. It was a prank, gone horribly wrong I'll admit, but it was just a prank."
"I see, and Lieutenant Reed was also participating in this... prank?"
Malcolm Reed stepped out from behind a fabricated wall, glowering up at T'Pol, no amusement written in his stoic features. "I'd appreciate it if you would leave me out of this, Sub-Commander. The commander often refuses to heed my advice or warnings."
"Understandable, Lieutenant." A glance at the ship's chronometer. "Haste would be recommended."
"Comin' from this end, Darlin', I've got no problems with Malc taking his time."
"Logic dictates that your opinion will change rapidly the moment the captain arrives, Commander."
"Logic dictates that if you were to get rid of that stick you've got shoved up your ass, we wouldn't be in this position."
"I hardly comprehend how you see this to be my fault, Commander."
"Of course you don't, nothing's ever your fault is it, Sub-Commander? Vulcan perfection at its finest. A credit to the Vulcan High Command."
Wince. "I will accredit that comment to your current situation as well. Do you have a time estimate, Lieutenant?"
"Two, maybe three minutes at best."
"And at worst?"
"Why do ya always wanna know the downside, T'Pol?"
"Should the captain arrive early, Commander, it would be in your best interest that I distract him from his course. If the Lieutenant can approximate a worst case scenario, I will be far more successful in my task."
Sigh. "Give her a time, Malc."
"Ten minutes at most, Sub-Commander."
"Very well." Glance over the shoulder. "Perhaps you have learned a lesson today, Commander?"
Grumble. "Damn gloating Vulcan. I'm never gonna understand what I see in you, T'Pol. You're always walkin' around, logic this, inferior species that. You're lovin' this, aren't ya?"
"I am taking no pleasure in your situation, Trip." Softer voice, softer expression. "However, I would suggest you do not try this again."
"How very logical."
T'Pol turned away from the wall, the corners of her mouth pulling up into an unseen smile as she made her way towards the door to her quarters.
"Hold still, Trip, you're very nearly free."
"Damn Vulcan. Who'd'a thought she'd be so damn strong?"
"I warned you, did I not? Mooning T'Pol in the middle of the night is not my idea of the world's most brilliant prank."
"Malc, you're British, what d'ya know about humor anyway?"
The Chief of Security raised a single eyebrow, tapping the tip of his cutting tool against the wall through which parts of Tucker currently protruded. "Would you care to rephrase that sentence, Trip?"
Sigh. "Just get me the hell outta here, Malc, then I'll say I'm sorry."
"I'll believe that when I see it." Reed covered his grin, cutting away the last bit of internal structuring from Tucker's bare ass. "Then again, perhaps today I've seen too much."
"Ha ha, Malc." With a groan, Tucker eased himself free of the wall, bending down to lift his Starfleet issue boxers back up his body.
"Sub-Commander, the Commander is now free."
"Thank you, Lieutenant Reed, your assistance is no longer required."
"Yes, well, thank god for small favors."
Once Reed left the room, Tucker began dressing himself, pulling his uniform back into place and hiding his bruised ego.
"Perhaps a visit to Dr. Phlox would be in order, Commander."
"No thank you, T'Pol, I'm not gonna go explainin' this to the doc."
T'Pol lifted an eyebrow, a smile showing in her eyes. "I must admit, this was a side of you I had not seen in the past."
Trip lifted his head, eying her warily. "Was that a joke?"
"Of course not. As you well know, Vulcans do not joke."
"Listen, T'Pol, I'd really appreciate it if y'know, you kept this to yourself. It's bad enough that Malc knows, I really don't need my entire engineering staff knowing too."
"That would be perfectly logical. You may rest assured, I am behind you completely."
"T'Pol!"
"I would not wish to cause you any further... embarrassment."
"T'Pol!"
"In this instance, Commander, I shall indeed, as humans are known to say, endeavour to turn the other cheek."
"God damn it! Are you ever gonna let me live this down?"
"Perhaps, and perhaps not. Your own actions brought you to this, Trip. Perhaps you will learn to think more logically in the future?"
"I..."
His words were cut off by the chime of T'Pol's door, announcing the arrival of the Captain. T'Pol quickly draped a tapestry over large hole in the wall between her living area and washroom before moving to the door and tapping the control panel.
Jonathan Archer walked in as the door slid open, glancing at the dishevelled engineer, and amused Vulcan before cocking his head to the side. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"
"'Course not, Capt'n."
"Not at all, Captain. The commander and I were having what could only be described as an asinine conversation."
Tucker inhaled sharply, wincing as he walked towards the door. "I don't mean to be rude, Capt'n, but I gotta go 'n get ready for my shift. I'll see ya at dinner."
"Of course, Trip."
Tucker barely made it to the door when Archer asked the final fateful question. "So, what were you two talking about anyway?"
T'Pol shrugged. "We were discussing the concept of logic in relation to a full moon."
~~Fin~~