.

"I'm the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to!" The Critic said as he started his first live-streaming review.

"As of today, I'm here to say: Sailor Moon is fucking trash and that is NOT okay!" The Critic continued. Unbeknownst to him, Theresa May was listening to him recording the video through his computer's microphone, and she was done with the Critic's shit.

"This man must be stopped. Mistreating your workers is one thing but having bad opinions is another entirely!" May said. She pressed the "YA GOT A LOISENCE FOR THAT OPINION MATE?!" button. It was a necessary button for times like these. All of a sudden, a 20-man platoon of British police officers stormed Nostalgia Critic's house.

The captain of the platoon clutched his chest.

"My waifu shall not be disrespected in this way. I will avenge you, Sailor Mercury!" The captain began crying, and kicked the door down. The rest of his platoon followed, storming Nostalgia Critic's house.

"AHHHH?! WHAT THE HELL?!" The Critic yelled. The UK Police no longer used automatic weapons. They had a far more effective method of performing acts of justice: COCK AND BALL TORTURE.

Two of the officers tore off their uniforms to reveal that they were wearing a male stripper's outfit, heels and all. The other officers pinned the Nostalgia Critic down and tore his pants off, revealing his COCK and BALLS.

"Them's some nice balls! Now IT'S TIME FOR THE HEEL!" One of the stripping officers said.

"Please no! I'm a virgin!" The Critic yelled.

"That figures..CUFF HIS GENITALS, BOYS!" The Captain yelled. The stripper-officers cuffed the Critic's balls and ding dong to a plank of wood with a hole in the middle.

"Oh god, what's going on?! What are you doing to me?!" The Critic yelled. He then let out a scream of pain from one of the officers stepping on his nuts with a pair of heels.

"SHUT UP AND FEEL THE POWER! The POWER..of COCK AND BALL TORTURE." The officer yelled as he slammed his heels into the Critic's nuts. The second stripper-officer smashed his ding dong with a heel as well, digging the foot in there deep.

"OH GOD IT HURTS! OWWW!" The Critic yelled once more. Out of the 25 tabs of gay porn May had set up, she chose to watch this stream. The woman is cultured, I have to give her credit!

The other policemen began setting up strobe lights and playing Despacito loud enough to wake up the whole neighborhood. The townsfolk were confused as to why people were screaming and music could be heard from the Critic's house.

The other policemen gathered around the Critic's place of genital torment and started cheering. The officers all did "the wave" as the two male strippers began to double-peg the Critic in the asshole.

"OH GOD NOT THE ANUS! THAT HOLE IS RESERVED FOR MY GIRLFRIEND!" The Critic screeched.

Several of the cheering policemen pulled out some mousetraps and set them on the Critic's crotch. The Critic screamed like a chimpanzee on crack cocaine as his balls and dingus were turned black and blue.

Finally the Critic passed out from the pain, however the policemen were now all extremely horny. They began to have a gay sex orgy in the Critic's house, completely trashing the place in the process.

The five people watching Nostalgia Critic's livestream were all in shock and awe at how entertaining this was. Black Twitter invaded the chat and spammed "WORLDSTAR!" in all caps.

A few hours later the policemen left, but only after painting the walls white using the power of balls and baby batter. The Critic was later taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a serious case of butthurt, both in a literal and figurative sense. Also now he couldn't have kids. Fun times!

The Critic's next video would be fraught with Cock and Ball PTSD.

Epilogue

Elsewhere, Usagi Tsukino, better known as Sailor Moon, giggled to herself with glee at the Nostalgia Critic's genital-related agony. The beautiful country of Britain would again be free to celebrate weeb shit as they pleased. God save the Queen.

The End.