AN: Time to clean out my folder! Welp, this has been floating around, hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural nor its characters!
When you look at someone you love that has done something terribly wrong, who do you see? Pure evil or a good cause? But the problem with determining between the two is that you let your own judgements stand in the way of acting upon it. When you first find out that your best friend, your brother is capable of so much damage, what do you do?
After all, isn't free will a length of rope, and all God wants you to do is hang yourself with it?
I've learned quite a bit about free will from the angels. Gabriel, Balthazar, and Castiel are all so different and so are their concept of free will.
Gabriel hid from his brothers and joined the pagans, only to die for us at the hands of Lucifer. He told us how to defeat Michael and Lucifer through porn, and we owe a lot to him.
Balthazar, like Gabriel, hid and stole an arsenal of weapons from Heaven to sell to other monsters. In the end, he saw what Cas was doing, and that got him killed as well.
When I looked at Castiel that day when I– no we– knew that there wasn't going back to the people we once were, I didn't see what I saw in Lucifer. I saw a tired man, not just a dick angel. It was the look in his eye when I truly believed that we were screwed.
Knowing Cas for as long as I had, I wasn't suppose to know a lot about him. But deep down, in my gut, I knew why he was doing it: because of us.
We twisted Castiel, the good little soldier happy to serve, into something that was forbidden. We took the only thing Castiel really believed in and we threw it into the ground and shattered it. I don't know why he followed us into so many battles, win or lose.
After all, we are just lost causes to the rest of the world.
I guess the worst part of this chapter in life, the thought of never going back to who we were before all of this started. I miss the time in our lives when everything was so simple, cut and dry ghost problem, not averting the freakin' apocalypse with a bunch of angels. Cas is like a brother to me and it hurts me to know that after all of this time, he didn't come to me for help.
It shouldn't bother me, but I can't help it. The common factor between the three angels is death. They all died for their own cause, and all for us. Free will existed long before Castiel started all of this, God was just waiting for someone to knock over the first domino of destruction.
The question that still looms in my mind: Can I forgive Castiel?
I want to, oh God I do. I love him more than pie, sometimes even more than Sam.
I just want him back more than anything.
AN: Concrit is welcomed!
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