Author's note: I have never watched or read a single episode of Naruto. I am going to base my writing on what people around me have been saying. Don't get mad I love you.
Naruto goes farming
Hidan: (scratching his balls) Fuck. I hate this shit.
Sakura: My god, just shut up Hidan, we're doing this for the camera. (she ploughs the mud)
Hidan: (continues to scratch his balls) Fuck.
Sakura: (distracted and irritated) Hidan, stop scratching yourself! It is very improper.
Hidan: But my fucking balls are sticking onto my leg and it's uncomfortable because I am very sweaty!
Tobi: Tobi feels very hot and bothered too.
Cameraman: Okay guys, we're filming in 2 seconds.
Presenter: Ladies and gentlemen, in honour of the Farming festival, the celebrities of Naruto have come to help farm the lands of a poor minority village here in Japan. Here, we have Miss Sakura and Mr. Hidan. (he walks up to Sakura) How do you feel about this extra charity work?
Sakura: Well I feel very honoured to be here today to contribute my effort for today's festival. It's hard work, but it is very fun and definitely worth my time. (she smiles for the camera)
Hidan: (kicking the dirt and making a lot of fuss)
Presenter: Mr. Hidan, how do you feel abo –
Hidan: HOW DO I FEEL? HOW DO I FUCKING FEEL? I FEEL HOT AND –OH MY JASHIN- I AM BURNING AND SUFFOCATING UNDER THIS SCORCHING WEATHER! AM I PAID FOR THIS? NO! FUCK NO! I AM NEVER PAID FOR ANYTHING I DO! SO WHY DO I DO IT? I DON'T KNOW! (to the presenter) DO YOU KNOW? NO YOU DON'T! SO FUCK YOU! (He hurls mud at the camera) FUCK YOU TOO!
(Gaara and an old lady are found on a lettuce plantation.)
Old lady: Oh, Gaara-kun, thank you so much for helping us farm today.
Gaara: (nods) Hmph.
Old lady: I feel so guilty. It's hard to farm. I get tired so easily and my joints hurt before noon. The weather is so hot and I get dehydrated easily. Sometimes the baby in my house has to skip a meal or two when I have a large harvest like this. Oh Gaara-kun, thank you so much…
Gaara: (begins to sob quietly) I'm so sorry life is hard for you baa-chan.
(Gaara is seen trying to take down the name of the farm)
Naruto: What are you trying to do, Gaara?
Gaara: Well I'm thinking of buy lots of vegetables from this farm as of today so that their business will remain strong. (sob) And the baby won't have to die of hunger.
Naruto: You know… If the market demands for a lot of vegetables, then they will have to produce more. Therefore, the baby will starve even more because her granny will be too busy trying to harvest even more plants.
Gaara: (cutting himself)
Naruto: Eh? (he hears a baby crying)
(Hidan is in the room of the old lady's baby)
Hidan: No no no, shush shush. (The baby continues to cry) Oh fuck this!
Naruto: What have you done this time, Hidan?
Hidan: Well the fucking baby had a really cool purple vegetable in his hands so I grabbed it.
Naruto: Hidan! Why did you do that? This is a charity event –
Hidan: – which I fucking didn't want to go to! Stupid fans! Always making me have to make "good public appearances". (to the baby) WILL YOU FUCKING SHUT UP? (he reaches in the slap the baby) MY PURPLE VEGETABLE! MINE!
Gaara: (he steps in. he glares at Hidan) Purple vegetable belongs to baby.
Hidan: Okay, WHAT THE FUCK has happened to you, you stupid emo?
Gaara: (picks up baby and rocks it gently)
Hidan: Oh look at that! Great! Now you are a FUCKING PUSSY! Go feed the baby milk then, you gay fag!
Naruto: (whispers to Gaara) Your blood is getting on the baby.