Hi! Well it has been ages since I have written a Calzona piece. It is a one-shot, short and contains some spoliers for s9, but I hope you like it.
My Calliope. She is still mine despite everything. To say that I have been to hell and back is an understatement. I have been horrible to her. Unforgiving. Bitter. Hateful at times. Shouting at her. Lashing out. Blaming her. Yet there she was. Is still. Supporting me. Helping me. Loving me. She saved my life. She saved me. I am changed, I am not the same person that I was before the plane crash. Physically that is obvious, but emotionally. Mentally. I am different. I am slowly rebuilding the building blocks that make me. Piece by piece. Over and again. She is there to hand me the bricks. She is the glue that binds us.
She didn't run away, she didn't leave me like I thought she would. She stayed just as she promised. This is our life now. It is all so entirely different from what I imagined that my life would be. I never wanted children but she changed that for the better. I love Sophia and because of her I will get to see my daughter grow up. I try to remind myself of that every day. Of how I felt in those woods, feeling such overwhelming sorrow at the realisation that I would never dance at my daughter's wedding. Because of my wife I will be able to. She changed me. I thought she broke me, that the damage from her scalpel was irreparable. I may have lost a limb because of the decision that she took and I may have hated her for going against my express wishes, but now I am glad that she did. Not that I have ever said those words to her. Not that I have said thank you. She knows. I know she knows.
It has been an adjustment of course, and now we own a hospital on top of everything. Things are different and change isn't always scary. You just have to find the precious light that is somewhere hiding, hidden away out of sight, waiting for you to find it. She is the light in my darkness. And she has been so patient when it comes to sex. Waiting for me to be ready, to want to have sex again. To feel sexy. I mean my wife is beautiful. Tall, shapely, curvaceous, gorgeous brown eyes that you could drown in. Hot. Seriously hot. When she looks at my with those eyes, with that lustful look that is only reserved for me, she takes my breath away. She makes me forget everything and feel like the woman back in that dirty bar bathroom all those years ago.
I think about how things could have been. The what ifs. What if I had stayed in Africa? What if I had never gone in the first place? What if I hadn't taken Karev's place? They are just questions. Unanswered. Irrelevant. This is my life. Our life. This is what we have. We have each other and for that I am grateful.
I thought for a long time that she would leave me, that she wouldn't want me. That she would have sex with someone else, man or woman. I thought she would find me unattractive, that the sight of me naked would cause her revulsion. I should have had more faith in her. In us. I should have trusted her. She loves me and wants me. Still. Always. Forever, like we said when she made me the happiest woman in the world by becoming my wife. She is the better half of me. She still smiles when she kisses me. She melts me. My Calliope.
Reviews are always welcome :-)