One road will take me home.
Back to the Bay Area.
The other will take me to Vegas.
To the death.
Destruction.
Desperation.
Cars are honking behind me, waiting for me to make my choice. I don't have all the time in the world, even if I pretend I do.
How could I go back to my childhood home? The place of destruction, self-loathing, violence.
How could I not?
How could I go back to Vegas? To those faces, those eyes, his eyes. The way he looked at me. How could I return to that?
How could I not?
Who have I become?
What am I doing?
Where should I go?
When is the pain gong to stop?
I silently take the road back to Vegas.
I can see him as vividly as he sat next to me. The way he looked at me. His beautiful eyes killed me.
It still kills me.
But it was the right thing to do.
Wasn't it?
But what do I know about the right thing to do?
My mother killed mu father without thinking if it was "the right thing to do".
I got behind the wheel without thinking if it was "the right thing to do".
I don't even know if this is "the right thing to do".
But it feels right.
Doesn't that count for something?
Probably not.
But I miss him.
I told him I'd miss him, but I didn't know how much.
But he didn't want me there.
Did he ever really want me there?
All I know is that now, I'm back in Vegas.
That now, I'm five minutes away from the Las Vegas Crime Lab.
That now, I'm pulling into the Las Vegas Crime Lab.
That now, I'm standing in the middle of a parking lot, yelling.
"GRISSOM!" He turns to face me and stops in his tracks. "You said a relationship in stasis withers. But our relationship isn't in stasis. It never has been. And it never will be!" I walk a step with each word.
I'm standing right in front of him.
I throw my arms around him and meet his lips with mine.
Who have I become?
A women desperately in love with Gil Grissom.
What am I doing?
I really have no idea. But it feels right. And that does count for something.
Where should I go?
Back into Grissom's arms.
When is the pain going to stop?
Now.