THE GREATEST BEANO AND DANDY CROSSOVER OF ALL TIME!
One night, Dennis The Menace, his friends Curly and Pie-Face, Minnie The Minx, Roger The Dodger, The Bash Street Kids and Ivy The Terrible were coming back home after a terrible prank that they had all teamed up together to play a prank on their rivals from Dandy Town.
It was a football match at Beanotown Stadium, Ball Boy and his team VS the Dandytown Rovers. The prank involved swapping the real balls with balloons filled up custard, gunge and paint (Ivy and Minnie had filled them up- Minnie admired the troublesome 5 year old's reputation and decided to make her an apprentice for the night) and the balloons were painted to look like footballs (The Bash Street Kids painted all the balloons).
Whilst the match was on, the kids sneaked into the Dandytown Rovers' changing room and put itching powder in all their clothes. The job was faster with more people.
The second half of the match featured all of the Rovers scratching like crazy and kicking balls that exploded into messy gunk.
Roger was in charge (and in disguise) as the man who threw the balls to the players. If it were Beanotown, he would throw a regular ball. For Dandytown, it would be a fake one.
And as for who ate all the pies, well, the answer was Fatty and Pie-Face. No surprise there.
At the end of the match, the distracted Rovers were defeated. The score was 20-1. The Rovers were arguing with the referee who was not sure of what was going on.
All the Beano pranksters all went home after a job well done. They all agreed to team up together to perform another prank some day. Probably on Dandy Town again.
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Dennis went home expecting to have gotten away with murder. Until he noticed that a police car was outside his house. There were two policemen talking to Dennis' mum and dad at the front door. Dad had a really angry look on his face.
"Oh well," sighed Dennis. "Guess I'll have to take the blame like a man."
He went up to his mum and dad. As they looked at him, Dennis noticed that they appeared to be more upset and angrier than usual.
"Dennis, how could you perform a robbery?" asked Mum.
Dennis was puzzled.
"Robbery?" he asked.
"Yes, Beanotown jewellery has been broken into," said one of the policemen. "We found this."
The other policeman held up a piece of Dennis' jumper.
"It smells of B.O.," he said. "We brought it back to the lab and it appears to be your B.O."
Dennis couldn't believe it.
"But I was never at the jewellery," he explained.
"Then where did you and the other children go?" asked Dad.
"Because we found other pieces of evidence," said the first policeman. "A piece of Minnie's bobble, a button from Ivy's overalls, a crisp that Fatty was eating, a spot from Spotty, frozen peas that had the rest of the Bash Street Kids' spit on them, a pie that Pie-Face was eating, a piece of Curly's hair, a piece of Roger's jumper, a tooth from Calamity James and a massive hole on the Jewellery window shaped like Billy Whizz."
"You're coming with us, Dennis," said the second policeman as put handcuffs on the troublemaker.
Then they grabbed Dennis by the arms and dragged him to their car. Dennis protested.
"NO! NO! NO! MUM! DAD!"
Dennis looked at him mum and dad who just stood at the door and just looked at him. Heartbroken. They then went back into the house and closed the door.
Dennis' heart sank as the policeman put him into the car and closed the door. The car drove off to Beanotown Police Station.
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When Dennis was brought inside, he saw that Minnie, Curly, Pie-Face, Ivy, Roger, Calamity James, Billy Whizz and The Bash Street Kids were all sitting on a bench. They all had handcuffs on and looked very confused and sad. Except for Smiffy of course.
Ivy was in tears. Minnie comforted her by wrapping her arms around her.
One by one, all of the kids were interrogated. The police didn't believe any one of them.
At the end of the final interrogation, the Chief stood in front of all the kids and said "You're all going to The Beanotown Home for Really, Really, Really, Really, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Reeeeally Troublesome Kids tomorrow."
The kids couldn't believe it.
"Don't we all deserve a fair trial?," asked Danny.
"Kids, you don't deserve a trail," answered the Chief. "You have all caused so much trouble over the years and have been warned many times. It's time you all learned your lesson once and for all. I'm sorry."
"How long are we going to stay there?" asked Billy.
The Chief looked at them.
"For a very, very, very long time."
All the kids sat there in despair. Ivy burst into tears. Minnie held her.
"Chief, let Ivy go. She's only 5," said Minnie.
"I'm sorry," said the Chief. "But there's nothing I can do."
Ivy buried her head into Minnie's chest and cried harder.
"Chief, could you organize it for Ivy and me to share a cell?" asked Minnie.
"I think I can do that," said The Chief.
"My mum and dad….. I'LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!" bawled Ivy.
Everyone else felt teary too. They felt sorry for this poor 5 year old girl.
Later that night, all the kids were taken home.
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When Dennis got home, he desperately tried to explain to his parents that he and the other kids were innocent. But his parents weren't buying it.
"Dennis, nothing you can do is going to prove you and the other children are innocent," said Dad.
"But Dad…." protested Dennis.
That was it! His father had enough.
"DENNIS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" he bellowed. His voice was so loud that the whole country could hear him.
"YOU HAVE CAUSED NOTHING BUT TROUBLE ALL YOUR LIFE! IT'S ALWAYS 'OH, I DIDN'T DO IT' AND 'IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN'! WELL, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU, DENNIS! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT IS DOING THINGS WRONG! THAT'S IT! YOU ARE GOING TO THAT HOME AND THAT'S FINAL! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
Dennis stood there shaking. He had never seen his dad this angry before. He felt that this was it. This was the final straw. His father didn't like him anymore.
Dennis then slowly walked up the stairs and to his room. He then laid on the bed. Hurt.
Hopeless. Sad. Never in his life had he felt pain like this. Gnasher entered the room. He wandered over to the bed and looked up at his spiky haired owner. Dennis lifted him up and held onto him for comfort. Gnasher rubbed his face onto Dennis' for sympathy.
With his voice breaking, he said to his trusty dog "Dad doesn't love me anymore, Gnasher."
Then he started to cry. Never had he cried so much in his life before.
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The next morning all the kids had to go down to the Bus Station and got picked up by a rather unpleasant looking bus.
Over an hour later, the bus then took them to a rather more unpleasant looking prison like place. It was The Beanotown Home For Really, Really, Really, Really, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally Troublesome Kids.
This was it. This was their doom.
All the kids got off the bus and went inside the nightmarish building. It was very gloomy, dusty, and not very child friendly.
All the kids had to confiscate their belongings. Fatty had to empty his pockets of endless sweets which took over 2 hours.
Strangely, Smiffy had a chandelier with him. Hmm…..
Afterwards, they all had to get into their dull grey jumpsuits. Then each of them were brought to their incredibly small cells. They all had to share. Ivy was lucky enough to share with Minnie and Toots. Dennis shared his with Curly and Pie-Face.
Erbert and Winfred sharing with Fatty, oh boy. The fat blighter was squashing his mates.
"This cell is bigger than it looks," said Erbert.
Winfred looked at him and rolled his eyes.
"We may be suffering, but at least we'll suffer together," said Curly to his mates.
Then the warden came in. Roger immediately was white with horror as he saw who it was.
It was his arch nemesis Cruncher The Bully.
He marched up and down the small corridor which had all the cells on each side. He stared at all the kids evilly.
"Ello, girls," he greeted. "I'm going' to make your lives a livin' nightmare. Especially you!"
He pointed at the sweating and shaking Roger.
"You and I are going to 'ave so much fun," cackled Cruncher.
"Of course we are," said Roger.
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The next two days were complete misery for all the kids. Under the supervision of Cruncher, they had endure peeling spuds, sewing (which Smiffy was surprisingly an expert on, but the girls were not and Calamity James just sewed his work onto his fingers), digging (for nothing, it was just Cruncher being a smart alec) and running in the rain (Billy Whizz had to wear shackles connected to chains and balls to stop him from trying to escape).
As the prisoners did these activities, Cruncher taunted them and called them names just like the bully he was. The other guards joined in the bullying. They taunted, laughed, and tripped up the kids as they did the activities.
But the one thing that was worse in this "home for children" was the food. If The Bash Street Kids thought Olive's cooking was bad, it was delicious compared to the gruel they had to eat.
This was the worst part for Fatty. We all know he likes his grub. And Pie-Face, I don't need to tell you what was the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world right now!
The lack of grub and pies were making Fatty and Smiffy go absolutely insane. When they were brought out to the playground, Fatty and Smiffy grabbed huge chunks of mud and started to make things out of them.
Fatty made him a mud sculpture of a plate of egg, chips and beans and Pie-Face made himself mud sculptures of pies. They even ate their muddy food which caused everyone else to retch.
"It just like eating the real thing," sighed Pie-Face with delight.
Smiffy managed to grab himself a huge chunk of mud too. He made a mud sculpture alright. He made the Michaelangelo's David. It was very uncanny.
Roger meanwhile had endure beatings from Cruncher. His face was covered with black eyes and bruises.
All the kids' parents were at home missing their children deeply. Yes, they were troublemakers, but they still loved them.
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At Dennis' house, Gnasher was missing Dennis deeply. He laid on the grass staring up into the night sky. He sighed sadly. Gnipper came up to him. He had something to show him. He took Gnasher to Rasher's pen. Rasher had one of Dennis' jumpers on. Then Gnipper jumped on top of Rasher's head. He then sunk his own head and limbs into his fur so that his body looked like Dennis' hair. Gnasher looked at Gnipper and Rasher and just smiled. It was like looking at the real thing.
That second night, all the kids sat in their cells in despair.
The one who had it the hardest was Ivy. Being the youngest. Minnie held on to her as she cried.
"I want my mummy and daddy," she bawled. "I don't want any toys! I just want my mummy and daddy!"
"So, do I," said Minnie with tears in her eyes.
All of the other prisoners had tears in their eyes too. They felt nothing but sorrow for poor Ivy.
Roger wiped his eyes and stuck his head through the bars of his cell.
"Aren't you going to ask me if I have got a dodge to get us out of here?" he asked.
"Roger, how are we going to get out of this place?" asked Sidney.
"And if we do get out, where are we going to go?" asked Danny.
"How about Dundee in Scotland? I heard it's lovely," suggested Smiffy.
Everyone all muttered in agreement.
"No, it's too far," said Roger. "We have to find the real culprit behind this crime. But who can help us?"
Everyone all sat there and thought for a long time. Until Minnie answered…..
"You guys are going to hate me for saying this, but….. I have a penpal who can help us."
"Where is this pen pal?" asked Fatty.
Minnie sucked in her teeth and just said the forbidden word:
"Dandy Town."
"WHAT!" cried the other kids.
"They would eat us alive if we went there and asked for their help, after what we did to them," said Plug.
"Don't talk about eating," moaned Fatty. "I'm so hungry."
"Look, we've got no choice," said Minnie. "If you haven't got any friends to help you, you might as well get your enemies to help."
"What's the difference?" asked Smiffy.
All of the prisoners looked at each other and finally came to a decision.
"I'm in," said Dennis.
"Me too," said Roger.
"Me five," said Smiffy.
"And me," cried the other kids.
"So Roger, do you have a Jammy?" asked Curly.
The other kids looked at him confused.
"You know, Jammy Dodger?" said Curly.
The other kids said "Oh" as they got it.
NOTE: For those who don't live in the UK, Jammy Dodger is a cookie.
"Oh, Jammy Dodger," moaned Fatty with desire.
"Of course," said Roger. "There's always a dodge left in the old Rodge."
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The next morning, Dennis's parents had a visitor. The front door burst through and it was Granny on the motorbike.
"Kids!" she called out to Mum and Dad.
They came running into the lounge. Dad was disgusted. But then is he never?
"Granny! The door!" he cried in disgust.
"I'm going to prove that my grandson and those other kiddies are innocent!" boasted Granny.
"Granny! Dennis and those other children are guilty," said Dad.
"Your son may be a menace, but a criminal mastermind, he is not!" announced Granny.
"Gnasher! Gnipper! Rasher!"
The three pets all ran into the lounge.
"Do you boys want to prove that your best friend is innocent?" Granny asked the pets.
"Ganesh!" said Gnasher and Gnipper.
"Oink!" said Rasher.
"To the scene of the crime!" cried Granny.
The three pets jumped on to the side-car that was attached to the motorbike and Granny drove out of the house and hit the road.
The lounge was covered in tyre tracks, doggy foot prints and hoof prints. Dad groaned.
"And after I just cleaned here," said Mum looking a tad disappointed.
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Granny and company arrived at the scene of the crime. The building had yellow tape at the front of it saying "Do not cross."
"Alright my trusty bloodhounds, sniff for clues," said Granny.
Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher jumped out of the side car and began sniffing for clues. After a minute, Rasher found something. The others walked over to him. Rasher had found a thorn from a cactus. Granny picked it up and looked at it.
"Good work, Rasher," she said. "This looks like it's from a cactus. Can you boys smell this to find out where this is from?"
The three pets sniffed the thorn, but couldn't figure where it came from. They looked at Granny and shook their heads.
"Gnope," said Gnasher.
"Gnip," said Gnipper.
"Oink," said Rasher.
"Looks like we'll have to go to the Wild West to find more evidence," said Granny.
So Granny, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher all got back on the motorbike and headed for the Wild West.
The Wild West district in Beanotown.
Not that they had to go to America.
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Granny drove the motorbike into the desert and looked for anyone who could help her and Dennis' pets. She then spotted Hank's store and thought the owner would give her advice.
When she parked the bike, she got off and went to the store. She then spotted 3 animals that were hiding behind it. She went behind the store and saw it was none other than The 3 Bears.
The 3 Bears looked at Granny and shushed her.
"We're gonna rob Hank's store," said Pa.
"We gotta be extra quiet," said Ma.
Granny had an idea.
"Tell you what, I'll make you a bargain. I'll distract Hank if you can tell me where this thorn is from. Bears have a very strong sense of smell."
"It's a deal," said Pa. "Ted, will you do the honours?"
Granny held up the thorn to Ted's nose and he gave it a right, big sniff.
"Smells like it's from Dandy Town," he said.
"We go to the Dandy Town Wild West District all the time to steal some good grub," said Ma.
"But don't be tellin' the Beano Town folk," said Pa.
"I knew my grandson and those other kiddies were innocent," said Granny with a smile. "Thank you so much, 3 Bears. Now, for my part of the bargain."
Granny went inside the store and talked to Hank who was behind the counter. She talked to Hank about things like today's celebrity gossip, the news and the kids of Beanotown being put in a home.
While she spoke to him, The 3 Bears snuck in from the window behind Hank and secretly stole all the food while he spoke to Granny. He didn't suspect a thing.
After the 3 Bears did the dirty theft and disappeared, Granny said bye bye to Hank, walked outside to her motorbike and drove off. Hank then turned around and saw that his store was empty. He stood there puzzled.
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Back at the Home, Roger's plan was into action.
It was morning and the kids were outside in the playground forced to play football with deflated ball. Cruncher stood there with his arms folded as he kept watch.
"Mr Cruncher, sir!" cried Spotty as he ran up to him.
"What do you want you pimple faced squirt?" barked Cruncher.
"There's a strange animal in the store room!" cried Spotty in fright.
"Alright, I'll see what it is," said Cruncher as he let Spotty lead him inside the Home.
In the store room cupboard, Cruncher looked around.
"I don't see anything," he said.
Just then, Cruncher saw a frightening sight. It was a tall muddy like monster and another short one beside him holding an axe. They both roared at Cruncher.
"ARGH! IT'S THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP, DEEP, DEEP MUD!"
'Creatures Of The Deep, Deep, Deep Mud' was the latest horror film that out at the moment.
Cruncher back away in fear. What he didn't know was that above him was a shelf and standing on the shelf was Ivy with a huge sack.
"NOW!" cried Spotty as Ivy jumped down and covered the sack on top of Cruncher. Spotty, Ivy and the two monsters then tied a huge rope around Cruncher. He was trapped. The four ran out of the store room as Minnie came up from the corridor. They shut the door and Minnie took out one of her hairpins and locked used them to lock it. They could hear Cruncher crashing about in there.
Minnie looked at the two monsters and said "Good work, boys."
The monsters wiped the mud off their faces to reveal they were none other than Plug and Wilfred.
"That was my best performance," said Plug. "I've seen that film 12 times. I know all the lines."
They all ran back to the playground. Using the axe, Wilfred chopped the chain from Billy Whizz's shackles. He could run again. And handy too, because the guards were coming. All the kids waited for the guards to arrive. There were about 10 of them. They all stood in front of the kids.
"Oh, you brats are goin' to get it now," said one of the guards.
But Billy Whizz started to run around them in a big circle. Around and around and around and around and around at the speed of light. The guards watched as he sped around them over and over and over. They were getting dizzy.
Whilst Billy was doing this, the kids had ran back inside the home and burst into the store room cupboards. They took out long coils of rope from each of the rooms and ran back to the playground.
Billy was still zooming around the guards who were getting dizzier and dizzier and dizzier. The kids threw the ends of their coils of rope at Billy and he caught them. As he continued running around the guards as he wrapped the ropes all around them tying them up. When Billy had finished, he stopped running and the tied up guards all sat on the ground dazed. Billy tied the end of the ropes into a knot. The kids had taken over the Home.
They managed to get all their clothes and belongings back. They were happy to be back in their old battle armour again.
Then Dennis, Minnie, Ivy, Billy, James, Roger and The Bash Street Kids all ran out of the building and into the bus. They were going to drive out of there. But there was just one question.
Who could drive?
"I can," said Smiffy.
"You?" asked the others in disbelief.
"My uncle owns an army tank, I drive it all the time," said Smiffy.
"Okay," said the others enthusiastically.
But wouldn't they know it, Smiffy was actually a very good driver. They couldn't believe it. Minnie directed him to Dandy Town.
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As the bus drove on, the others all congratulated themselves on a job well done.
"That was amazing when you did the….."
"Not as cool as you did the…." and so on.
Back in Beanotown, word had got out that the kids escaped the home and the police were all ordered to chase after the kids who were heading towards Dandy Town.
The kids' bus had only only 2 miles to Dandy Town. They were going to make it. But unfortunately, they noticed that a huge army of police cars were hot on their tail. And even worse, the bus were running out of petrol.
"I told we should've stopped at that petrol station," Dennis said to Minnie.
"Well Erbert saw the sign and he said that they didn't had petrol, they had diesel," said Minnie.
The bus was slowing down and the cops were getting closer and closer.
Billy had an idea. He opened up the emergency door at the back of the bus and started to climb out. He then made his way to the bottom of the vehicle and placed his feet on the ground. He started to run as he pushed the bus to make go faster.
"It's working!" cried Danny.
But the bus was too heavy for Billy to push. They weren't going to make it!
"We need to lose weight, this bus is too heavy for Billy to push," cried Minnie.
Everyone all looked at Fatty.
"What?" he asked.
"James, what are you doing?" cried Sidney.
Calamity James had smashed opened the back window. He was going to jump out and sacrifice himself.
"You guys go on, I'll distract them," he said. "Besides, I'm nothing but bad luck. If you did make to Dandy Town with me, I'll just end up messing it all up for you guys."
"But we escaped the Home with you and it was a success," said Toots.
James looked at her and sighed.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Good luck everyone."
And with that he jumped out of the window and landed on the road right in the front of the police cars.
The cars all skidded to a halt as they saw the injured James.
Don't worry folks, James survived. He's been through worse.
The bus drove off towards Dandy Town. They have made it. But they were all sorry for James.
They all hung their heads down with despair.
"Poor James," said Plug.
"If only he believed in himself," said Minnie. "He has to understand he's not bad luck. It's just in his head."
All the kids sat there depressed.
"We're here," said Dennis.
The bus had arrived in Dandytown. The kids all shivered with fear. This was an unwelcome place for them.
Smiffy parked the bus and everyone got out.
"Let's go to my pen pal's house," said Minnie.
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All the kids started to follow Minnie's lead. They had made their way into the neighbourhood.
But before they knew it, they were caught a big beam. They all appeared to be frozen in midair.
"I knew my tractor beam would be a success," said Brain Duane as he walked out in front of the prisoners with a big smile on his face.
Then the other Dandy Town citizens came out; Dianah Mo, Cuddles and Dimples, Bully Beef and Chips, Sneaker, Molly and Winker Watson.
"We got em Buenos people!" cried Cuddles.
"They forry it now!" cried Dimples.
"Well, well, if isn't our good chums, The Beanotown folk," said Sneaker.
"You lot are gonna pay for what you did to us!" said Dinah Mo cracking her knuckles.
"And we'll get a very smashing great amount of reward money for reporting you, dear chums," said Watson.
Just then Beryl The Peril arrived and saw what was happening. Minnie was delighted.
"Hey, pen pal!" she cried.
"Min min!" cried Beryl as she walked over to the Beano kids caught in the beam.
"You're friends with these Beanotown scum?" asked Molly.
"Yeah, you know those YouTube videos I made of myself doing stunts," said Beryl. "Minnie loved them and subscribed to me. She follows me on Twitter and we're mates. So, you managed to escape from The Home, that's hardcore, Min."
"Well, I couldn't have done it without my mates," said Minnie.
"So there's the boy you fancy," said Beryl looking at Dennis.
The Beano kids looked at Minnie who was embarrassed.
"Are you talking cobblers?" said Minnie.
"No, no, you said on Facebook that you fancy the boy with spiky hair and the red and black striped jumper…" began Beryl.
"That was just a phase!" interrupted Minnie.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dennis and Minnie are not cousins in this story.
"Anyway, we need your help," Minnie told her friend. "We were all framed for that robbery and we need your help finding the culprit."
"Okay," said Beryl.
"Oh no!" barked Dianah Mo. "We're not helping these morons after what they did to us."
"If you help us, we'll make it worth your while," said Roger.
"So what do we get in return?" asked Duane.
Roger looked at them for a few seconds and said "I don't have an answer for that, but you will….."
"Rubbish!" barked Watson.
They all began to argue with the Beano kids. This was not going to well at all. The Beano kids' hope was just impossible.
That was until they saw Bananaman flying in the sky. He then landed beside the commotion.
"What's the story here?" he asked.
"The Beano freaks have escaped the Home and we caught them. We're gonna make 'em pay!" said Dinah Mo cracking her knuckles again.
"Bananaman, we're innocent!" cried Danny. "We didn't cause that crime, we were framed. Somebody set us up!"
"Lair!" accused Sneaker.
"Oh that's funny coming from a liar like you, Sneaker," said Toots.
Then they all began to argue again.
"QUIET!" bellowed Bananaman.
This caused everyone to shut up.
"Now, I'm not fond of the people of Beanotown myself," said Bananaman. "But we need to see if they are telling the truth. As my duty as a crimefighter, I will help you find the culprit. Duane, turn off the beam."
Duane turned off the beam and the Beano kids were free.
"So, have you any evidence to prove that you're innocent?" Bananaman asked them.
The Beano kids all stood there. Speechless.
"Not one piece of evidence," sighed Minnie.
"Haven't thought this plan of yours through, 'ave you?" said Sneaker with that smirk that would make you want to punch him.
But then they all heard the sound of a motorbike revving. They all looked down the road and saw Granny on the motorbike with Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher in the sidecar.
"Granny!" cried Dennis with delight.
Granny drove the motorbike over to the others and Dennis' pets jumped out of the sidecar and ran over to him.
"Gnasher! Gnipper! Rasher!" cried Dennis as he spread his arms. As the pets reached him, he gave them a big hug. They all licked him in the face.
"Oh how I missed you guys!" said Dennis. "I especially missed your turnip breath, Rasher."
Everyone else held their noses as Rasher's turnip breath all surrounded them.
Granny looked at Bananaman and suddenly became attracted.
"Why, hello there," she said giving him a flirtatious look. "Haven't you got big muscles?"
Bananaman got nervous.
"Er, madam, I'm only…. er, I mean. I'm not who you think I am."
"Oh, you just playing Hard to get," said Granny. "Oh by the way, kids, we went to the scene of the crime and found this."
She pulled out the thorn and shown it to everyone.
"According to the 3 Bears, this is from a Cactus in here in Dandytown. It must come from your Wild West district."
"Trust somebody from Dandytown to frame us!" boasted Roger.
Dinah-Mo was about to make her way over to Roger to pound him, but Bananaman held out his hand to stop her.
"Don't forget, violence is a crime," he told her. "Whether the victim is a criminal or not."
Dinah-Mo understood.
"Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher's strong scent will pick the thorn up from here," said Dennis.
"They'll find the location of where this thorn was at."
Dennis held the thorn in front of Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher. They all sniffed and
immediately knew where to go to. The three of them ran off to the Dandytown Wild West district.
"Wait for us, boys," Granny called to them.
The Beano kids, Granny and Bananaman all followed the pets into the district.
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After a few minutes, they arrived at Desperate Dan's house.
"Desperate Dan? Could he be the culprit?" asked Minnie.
Bananaman knocked on the door and Desperate Dan answered it.
"Howdy folks, what can ah do for ya?" asked Dan.
The Beano kids told Dan their story and how the pets' scent brought them here.
"Do you know where this thorn belongs?" asked Bananaman.
He held up the thorn in front of Dan. He studied it for a couple of seconds.
"Say, that thorn looks awfully familiar," said Dan. "Why, hang on. Ah'll be back in a doggone minute."
Dan went back inside the house for a few seconds and came back out with another pair of his trousers. The trousers appeared to have a thorn sticking into the backside of it.
"That thorn looks similar to this one," he said as he pulled the thorn off the backside of the trousers.
"Why did you keep that thorn in there?" asked Minnie.
"I gotta lot on mah mind, I just forgot about it," answered Dan.
"A lot on your mind, yeah right," snarked Roger quietly. He knew about Dan's reputation of being an idiot. "More like nothing in your mind."
Dan gave the other thorn to Bananaman. He held up both thorns and wondered if they both had a connection. He held the thorns in front of Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher. The three of them sniffed the thorns and realised they both smelt the same.
"They're the same," said Bananaman. "Where did you get this thorn from Dan?"
"Why I got that thorn the last time I had an encounter with….."
Everyone's eyes lit up.
"THE CACTUSMAN!" they all shouted.
The good news was that they found the culprit.
But the bad news was that they could hear sirens. They saw police cars from a distance. It was the Dandytown police.
"Run!" cried Granny.
"But we won't outmatch the fuzz!" said Danny.
"Don't worry, I'll reason with them," said Bananaman. "I'm sure they'll understand."
But the others weren't optimistic. Could you blame them?
Bananaman confronted the police and tried to tell them the truth…. but it didn't work.
They drove right past the puzzled Bananaman.
The cops were getting closer and closer. What could the Beano folk do?
Billy Whizz looked around and saw a wagon that was outside the house. He had an idea.
Sure enough, all the Beano folk and Desperate Dan got into the wagon and Billy was at the reigns. Like the fastest mule in the west, he pulled the wagon at top stop speed away from the police. He was so fast, that the cops couldn't catch him.
Billy was racing across the desert at top speed.
"Head for that cave!" cried Dennis. "They'll never find us in there!"
Billy ran towards a massive cave. He stopped and all the passengers got out of the wagon. But then they realised another problem.
"They'll follow the tracks that lead into the cave!" cried Minnie.
"I have an idea," said Dan.
Dan lifted up the wagon and put it in the middle of the desert, then he walked behind the wagon and pushed the back of it with his foot. He pushed it so hard with all his might, that it sped off at super sonic speed into the desert, leaving tracks for the police cars to follow it.
Dan went back inside the cave and the police cars whizzed by not noticing the Beano folk inside.
"That was lucky," said Spotty.
"That's what I need, a big strong man about the house," Granny said to Dan flirtatiously. Dan got nervous.
Suddenly, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher's scent went crazier than ever. The Cactusman must be nearby.
"Looks like we'll find the culprit before the day's out," said Roger.
"Lead on, boys," Dennis said to his pets.
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The three pets followed the scent further down the cave. But then the Beano folk and Dan noticed that the ground was getting wet, squishy and sticky. They all looked down.
"QUICKSAND!" they all cried as they all found themselves sinking into a giant pool of quicksand. Rasher didn't mind though.
Billy tried to run. But his legs were stuck. Everybody was up to their waists now. Wilfred was up to his shoulders and Smiffy was upside down with his feet sticking out.
How is he able to breathe is anyone's guess.
Then they could hear the sound of boots walking followed by an evil laugh.
"I know that laff," said Dan.
From the other end of the pool of quicksand, they saw none other than The Cactus Man.
"Welcome fools. Nice of you to come in for a dip," he cackled.
"Cactus Man, long time, no see," said Dan.
"You're the culprit that framed all these kids and my grandson," said Granny.
"Guilty," said The Cactus Man. "Over the last few months, I had sneaked into Beanotown
incognito. I managed to secretly steal all of your belongings and plan the perfect heist. You all knew it was me all along, but I will be the hero of the hour tonight at 8 O'Clock when I hand you all back to the Home. And you will be all stuck in the Home for life this time."
"As if the authorities will give you a full pardon on all the crimes you did," said Curly.
"I will with my trusty disguise," said The Cactusman. "They won't suspect a thing."
Ivy was in despair.
"That's right, Ivy," sneered the Cactus man, "you will never see you precious mommy or daddy ever again!"
He cackled evilly. Ivy burst into tears. The others thought that this was unfair.
"And as for your Granny, Dennis, she and Dan will be sent to prison," said The Cactusman. "They would be accused as accomplices."
Dennis reached into his pockets to find something that he could use. He realized that his yo-yo was in pocket.
Good thing I decided to put it in my pocket, he thought to himself.
He looked above the ceiling of the cave and saw that there was a big pointy rock coming from it. He held up his yo-yo and spun it around and around and around like a lasso. He then threw it up at the rock and it tied itself around it. Then Dennis grabbed Ivy who was in front of him.
"Everybody, grab hands! I'm gonna pull us out!" cried Dennis.
Ivy grabbed Minnie's hand and she linked onto Gnasher, Gnipper, Rasher, Roger, Plug, Toots, Sidney, Danny, Wilfred, Erbert, Smiffy (with his ankle), Billy, Spotty, Granny, Pie-Face, Curly, Dan and Fatty.
Using the yo-yo, Dennis managed to pull himself and everyone else out of the quicksand and up to the rock.
But Fatty's weight was too heavy for Dennis to lift. Try with all his might, he couldn't lift the whole chain. He was able to hold onto Ivy, but her other hand slipped and she accidentally let go of Minnie and everyone fell back into the pool of quicksand.
SPLOSH! GLOOP!
They were back to square one. But Dennis and Ivy were up on the rock. The Cactus Man took off his thorns from his body and began firing them like darts at Dennis and Ivy.
"Get back in the quicksand, squirts!" he shouted as he tried to hit Dennis and Ivy.
The two dodged the firing thorns. Using the yo-yo, Dennis, whilst holding onto Ivy, managed to swing off the rock and land onto the other side of the pool of quicksand.
"Don't worry! I'll get you all out of there now!" cried Dennis.
"Run, Dennis! Get help!" cried Granny. "Don't worry about us!"
"But Granny!" cried Dennis.
As quick as a flash, The Cactusman pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. A big steel door came down in front of Dennis and Ivy. They stood there and looked at the big door.
They had no choice, but to run out of the cave.
When Dennis and Ivy ran out of the cave, Dennis tried to think hard of how he was going to rescue Granny and his friends. And worst of all, the Dandy police were looking for him and Ivy.
"I wish Roger were here," he said. "He always came up with the best ideas."
"We could ask the people of Dandy town," said Ivy.
"No, they hate us," said Dennis. "Who could I ask more than anybody in the world?"
He thought for a minute and then he had an idea. He and Ivy raced back to Desperate Dan's house.
Half an hour later, Dennis and Ivy reached Desperate Dan's home. His Aunt Aggie and Uncle were looking for him.
"Young man, have you see Dan anywhere?" asked Aunt Aggie. "He seems to have disappeared."
Dennis told Dan's aunt and uncle of what happened. He then told them he needed a ride back to Beanotown but incognito. Dan's aunt and uncle and they dressed him and Ivy in their own Wild West style clothes along with cowboy hats. They actually belonged to Dan when he was little.
They secretly took Dennis and Ivy out of the district and to the Dandytown bus stop. They needed to go back to Beanotown whilst in their disguises.
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They caught the bus to Beanotown and it drove back to their own town.
With their disguises, Dennis and Ivy were able to walk past the police cars driving by looking for them.
Dennis and Ivy arrived at Ivy's house. Dennis knocked on the front door. It opened to reveal Ivy's parents.
"Yes?" asked Ivy's mum.
Dennis and Ivy entered the house and closed the door. Then they took off their disguises to reveal themselves to Ivy's parents. They couldn't believe it.
"IVY!" they cried with joy.
"MUMMY! DADDY!" cried Ivy.
They all hugged each other, happy to be reunited again. They were in tears of joy. Dennis couldn't help but feel teary too.
"Thank you, Dennis," said Ivy's dad, who still couldn't get over the fact that Dennis of all people would save his daughter.
"You're welcome," said Dennis who began to put his disguise back on.
"What are you doing?" asked Ivy.
"I have an idea of how to save the others," said Dennis. "I have to ask for someone's help and it is not going to be easy."
"Good luck," said Ivy and her parents.
"Thanks," said Dennis as he opened the door and left the house in disguise.
Dennis knew the one person who could help him in his most desperate hour.
He found the house that he was looking for. He went up to the front door and knocked on it.
The door opened and it was…
"Yes, could I help you," asked Walter The Softy not recognizing Dennis under his disguise.
"Walter, I need your help," said Dennis.
Walter recognized his voice and panicked.
"Argh! Get away you horrible menace!" he cried as he tried to close the door, but Dennis held it open.
"Look Walter, I'm serious. I need your help," begged Dennis.
"You!" cried Walter. "What makes you think I would help a rotten old menace like you! I will never forget all the times that you have made my life a misery!"
"I got a deal with you," said Dennis. "If you help me, I will never Menace you again."
Walter looked at him.
"No!" he shouted. "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER forgive you for what you did to me!"
Dennis looked at him, hopelessly.
"But Walter, I really need…"
"NO!" cried Walter as he stared angrily at Dennis.
"Walter, please listen…"
"Go away," threatened Walter as he slammed the door.
"Walter, my friends are in trouble and have no-one to turn to!" begged Dennis. "You're the only person I trust. You may be a softy, but you're kind and honest. Who wouldn't want to trust you?"
Dennis stood there and waited for an answer.
There wasn't any.
Nothing.
Nada.
Dennis just stood there.
No hope.
Nothing.
He had no choice, but to walk away.
It was hopeless. His friends were all done for. And no-one could help him.
No-one.
At all.
Dennis stood on the pavement.
This was it.
He couldn't save his friends and couldn't stop the Cactus Man.
He was heartbroken.
He sighed with woe.
His bottom lip began to quiver.
He looked down at the pavement.
Drops of tears hit the ground.
Tears ran out of Dennis' eyes like a waterfall.
He began to cry.
"Dennis?"
He turned around and saw Walter standing there by the door.
"Just this once."
Dennis smiled and wiped the tears away from his eyes. He then walked inside the house and
Walter closed the door.
Dennis told Walter the whole story. Then he told Walter the idea.
"Your friends work at Beanotown FM, right?"
"Yes," answered Walter.
"I have to make a broadcast to every person in Beanotown and Dandytown," said Dennis.
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Dennis donned his disguise again and he and Walter left the house to go to Beanotown FM.
It was 5pm and in the recording booth it was The Softy Hour with Bertie Blinkensoft and Spotty Perkins. The Softy Hour consisted of them talking about knitting, decorating and all things yucky and girly.
Walter and Dennis (still in disguise) entered the booth.
"And we are glad to be joined by our dear chum, Walter," said Bertie.
"And who is your special guest, Walter?" asked Spotty.
Dennis took off his disguise and Bertie and Spotty panicked.
"Argh! The Menace! Go away! Go away!" they yelped.
"Look, I'm not here to menace you," said Dennis. "I'm here to give an important broadcast."
"Alright," said Bertie. "But make your broadcast and after that, just go away!"
"I will," said Dennis as walked over to the microphone.
"People of Beanotown and Dandytown, this is Dennis The Menace speaking."
Every house from all over Beanotown and Dandytown was listening to that radio. That even included all the prisoners' families.
Everyone else listening included Korky the Cat and his Kits, Winker Watson and his school, the Teacher and the Head from Bash Street School, Desperate Dan's aunt and uncle, Sneaker and his family, Cuddles and Dimples and their parents, Beryl The Peril and her parents, Brain Duane and his family, Dianah Mo and her parents, and Eric (Bananaman's alter ego) and his mum.
"My friends and I have been wrongfully accused," continued Dennis. "We were all set up by a man known as the Cactus Man. Tonight he's going to bring my friends all back to the Beantown Home. If we don't stop him, think of all the other people he'll set up."
As Dennis made his broadcast, his eyes began to fill up with emotion. His voice became shaky and tears ran out of his eyes.
"I know that most of you don't like me or any of the other kids because of our reputation, but if you were to help us…. we would appreciate that. Just this once… Dandytown, please help us. If you do, we will never play another prank on you for as long as we shall live."
Every listener felt emotional listening to Dennis' speech.
Dennis finished his speech with:
"I'm asking you, both Beanotown and Dandytown…. will you help me?"
Everyone who has listened to the broadcast all set there and thought about what he said.
The 3 Bears all sat there in their cave.
"Well, his Grandma did us a favour," said Ma.
"Just meet me at The Beanotown Home tonight at 8 O'Clock," sniffed Dennis. "This is Dennis The Menace, signing off…. and now, back to The Softy Hour."
Dennis could hear the sound of someone crying. He turned around and it was the Softies all crying. They were moved by Dennis' speech.
"That was so beautiful Dennis," sobbed Spotty.
"Thanks," said Dennis. "And now, I've got to go home and get ready for tonight."
"Good luck, Dennis," said The Softies.
"Thanks," said Dennis as he left the booth and ran out of the station.
Then he made his way straight home.
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And now we have a parody of the tooling up sequence from Hot Fuzz:
When Dennis got to his house, he ran upstairs to his bedroom. He took off his disguise and changed back into his normal jumper and shorts. In his room, he had a huge wardrobe of menacing tools. He opened up the wardrobe and began to tool up. He put on a belt with gun holsters, he filled up his water pistols and super soakers with custard that had gone off. As his they were filled up, he twirled the pistols and put them into the holsters of the belt. Then he put the super soakers into the holsters on his back. After that, he put pea shooters into a gunbelt. Imagine instead of shotgun shells, pea shooters. Then he attached his utility belt with bags of frozen peas and finally put on a pair of fake sunglasses, complete with a pea shooter in his mouth.
Dennis looked like an action hero.
He walked down the stairs and was about to head out of the door.
"Dennis," said his dad.
Dennis slowly turned around and looked at Dad.
Dad looked back at him and said "I heard your announcement on the radio. I just want to say….. Good luck."
Dennis smiled back at him. He then turned around, opened the door and walked out.
Dad smiled. His son was innocent after all. And now he was going to catch this criminal and save his friends. He'd never been prouder.
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But what about Calamity James? Well, he was locked in a cell in Beanotown Police Station. The cops all heard Dennis' broadcast and decided to make their way out of the station and down to the Home.
James was in the cell, alone. Until…
"Hello, James," said a familiar voice.
It was none other than Alexander Lemming. He outside the window of the cell.
"Hello, Alex," said James. "Aren't you joining the rebellion?"
"Well, I was, but I needed to do something first," said Alexander.
"What?" asked James.
"Breaking you out of course," said the Lemming as he pulled up a buzzsaw and turned it on.
He sawed off the bars and they fell off the window.
He then reached his paw inside the cell to grab James' hand. But James just looked at him.
"C'mon, James. What are you waiting for?" asked Alexander.
James sighed.
"You go on, I'll only mess the rebellion up," he said. "I can't do anything right. I'm just… just….. just plain bad luck."
James walked away from the window and sat at the the bench at the other wall. He sat there staring at his feet and sighed.
"James, everyone messes up," said Alexander. "We all do things right and we all do things wrong. All the bad luck you've been suffering from, it's up here."
The Lemming pointed at his head.
"If you keep saying to yourself 'I'm useless, I can't do anything right' all the time, you will mess up. But if you're confident, you'll be amazed of what you can do."
James looked him.
"Besides, I've been bored. Really bored. It's no fun without you, Jim," said Alexander. "I could go save the kids on my own, but that's no fun. I'd rather do it with a mate."
James smiled.
Then he stood up and walked over to the window. He then climbed out and landed onto the grass. From nearby, he saw a hot air balloon.
"Where did you get that?" he asked.
"James, what you don't know can't hurt you," said Alexander as he and James walked over to the hot air balloon, climbed into the basket, turned the gas on and lifted up and away.
"Alright, it's actually your birthday present," said Alexander.
"Oh, cheers," said James.
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Dennis arrived at the bus stop. Waiting for him were a few of the Beanotown citizens; Walter and the Softies and Ball Boy and his team.
"That's it?" asked Dennis. "I thought there was going to be more people."
But then they all saw an unusual sight. It was Dennis' parents plus Bea, Minnie's parents, all of the Bash Street Kids' parents, Roger's parents, Ivy and her parents and Billy Whizz's family.
"Mum? Dad?" asked Dennis.
They headed towards the rebels.
"We all came to help save the kids and Granny, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher too," said Dennis' dad.
"Do you still believe that those kids and I caused that crime?" asked Dennis.
"Where were you really, Dennis?" asked his mum.
Dennis told them about the prank they played at Beanotown Stadium and all of the parents all stared at him.
"We may be menaces, minxes and dodgers, but we would never commit a crime like that," said Dennis.
His dad looked at him.
"I got to be honest, dad," said Dennis. "That really hurt when you said those things."
"Well, for being accused of doing something you didn't do… I forgive you," said his dad.
Dennis looked at his dad with joy. There appeared to be a tear in his eye and his bottom lip started to quiver.
"Is that a tear?" asked Dad.
"No," said Dennis very badly trying to hide the fact that he was emotional.
"Here, take my hanky," said Walter as he gave it to him.
"Thank you very much," said Dennis sarcastically.
Just then 6 police cars appeared up the road. They all drove up in front of the bus stop and parked in front of the rebels.
"Dennis, you are under arrest," said one of the policemen on a speaker phone. "Come with us now and we will take you back to the Home. We will not hurt you."
But from the other side of the road, a huge school bus arrived and at the wheel was Olive. She had the window down and stuck her hand out. She ordered the others to get into the bus. So that's what they did. They all ran inside and filled up the bus. Also inside where the Head and Teacher of Bash Street School. Plus Winston the School Cat. Olive put the pedal to the metal and drove like heck down the road to the Home.
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Meanwhile, the Cactus Man was driving a bus of his own. Minnie, Roger, Billy, The Bash Street Kids, Desperate Dan, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher were all in the seats awaiting their doom.
They all had handcuffs on (Billy had handcuffs on his ankles too) and Gnasher and Gnipper had nuzzles on.
The Cactus Man had a grey business suit on complete with a fake looking toupee and mustache. He called himself Steve Prickly, head of Prickly Child Obedience Association.
"With this disguise, the foolish authorities won't recognize me," he cackled with glee. "All you kids will be back at the Home, Dan and Granny, you will do time and as for the animals…. hee hee, Gnasher and Gnipper will be back at the pound and Rasher will be at the abattoir."
Rasher sat there, sad at this news. All the passengers sat on the bus in despair. No-one could help them now.
But when the bus arrived at the Home and it turned out that Dennis and his army had already arrived.
The rebels all stood in front of the building.
The Cactus Man stopped his bus and stormed out of it. He looked at Dennis and his army ready to fight.
"What in the Sam Hill is this?" demanded the Cactus Man.
"Let our friends go, Cactus Man!" cried Dennis. There's plenty of us and only one of you!"
All of the passengers on the bus smiled. They were so happy that the cavalry had come.
"On the contrary," began The Cactus Man. "GUARDS!"
The rather nasty guards of the Home burst out with pipes, spanners and sledgehammers.
There was 40 of them. They surrounded Dennis' army.
"Have fun, kids," cackled the CactusMan.
Just then, something really gross hit him right in the face. It was a dirty nappy.
"Ugh! WHO THREW THAT?" he barked.
"WE'S DID!" cried Cuddles.
From around the Cactus Man and his bus, the people of Dandytown appeared; Cuddles, Dimples, Blinky, Beryl The Peril, Dianah Mo, Sneaker, Bully Beef and Chips, Brain Duane, Korky and the Kits, Winker Watson and his class, Desperate Dan's aunt and uncle and Bananaman.
The Cactus Man was speechless.
"Everyone, attack!" ordered Bananaman and everyone all ran over to the guards.
A massive battle royale began with the guards trying to hit the citizens with their weapons and the people fighting back.
Minnie, Roger and the other passengers ran out of the bus and Aunt Aggie had a steel cutter. She broke all the kids' handcuff chains, plus Granny's.
Aunt Aggie was about to cut the chain of Dan's handcuffs until Dan held his hand up.
"No need, Aunt Aggie," he said as he used his strength to pull apart the chain from his cuffs.
The others looked at him with their hands covering their faces.
"What?" asked Dan.
"You mean all this time you could've done that earlier so we might have a chance of... oh, forget it!" groaned Roger.
He and the other prisoners left the bus to join the other kids in the battle.
"Also why didn't he use his strength to get us out of the quicksand earlier?" asked Roger.
"Well, our Dan isn't the brightest, but he has a heart," said Aggie.
Sneaker also wanted to point out a plot hole in this story.
"Also, why didn't the Catus Man use very strong iron cuffs so that Dan couldn't..."
THWACK! One of the guards punched him right in the face. Well, Sneaker did have it coming.
Dennis took off Gnasher and Gnipper's nuzzles and the guards were for it now as their bottoms got the gnashing and gnipping of a life time.
Dennis was spraying the guards with his super soaker of out of date custard. He then took off the strap of the other super soaker and threw it to Minnie. She caught it and began firing like a maniac. The smell was unbearable. Rasher didn't mind though.
Dennis then threw one of his water pistols at Roger. He caught it and just as he was about to have his fun, Cruncher appeared behind him.
"Hello, Slodger," he said as he snatched the pistol off Roger. "Thought you could squirt me, will the glove is on the other hand, now."
He pointed the pistol at Roger and pulled the trigger and instead of the custard coming out of the front of the pistol, it came out from the back and sprayed all over Cruncher's face. He coughed and gagged of the smell.
Sneaker went over to Roger with admiration.
"Ah, the old backwards pistol sneak, never gets old. Sink sink" he said.
Dennis then took off his belt of pea shooters and a bag of peas and threw them at the Bash Street kids. They all caught the belt, took out the pea shooters, opened the bag of peas and went wild. The guards were all pelted with frozen peas. Fatty tried to eat some of the peas, but they were too frozen for him, so he couldn't eat them.
Smiffy had difficulty firing his pea shooter because was using the wrong end.
Erbert was going nuts yelling "Take that! And that!" whilst firing peas.
"Erbert, you're firing at our team!" yelled Danny.
Just then Blinky came over.
"Hey, can I join in," he asked Erbert.
"Sure," said Erbert as he passed him a pea shooter and some peas and Blinky began firing at his own team too.
"I don't know why, but we have a lot in common," said Erbert.
Aunt Aggie had brought along her cow-pies with her and Desperate Dan began firing them at the guards. Pie-Face came along and started to eat one.
"Good pie, Aunt Aggie," he said.
"That's Aunt Aggie's home cooking for ya," said Dan's uncle, "Nuthin' but the best."
Ball Boy and his friends were kicking their balls at the guards.
"Ow! Ow! That 'urt! Mumsy! Boo Hoo!" they wailed.
Winker Watson and his class had cream pies at the ready.
"Alright, chaps, give 'em what for!" he cried. "Fire!"
They all launched their cream pies at the guards.
"Ah, nothing beats a classic cream pie fight," said Watson.
"Excuse me," asked Fatty. "Are you gonna use all those cream pies?"
Bully Beef was fighting, not the guards, but Chips.
"Beef, you're supposed to be fighting the guards, not me!" said Chips.
"Its more fun fighting you, cos you're weak!" laughed Beef. Just then about 5 big guards surrounded them. Beef was shaking with fear at the size of these giants.
"Awight, Lee Evans and Moe Howard," said one of the guards as he crunched his knuckles.
Chips then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was as if as though he was meditating.
The guards looked at each other with confusion.
"Oi, shorty. What are ya playin' at?" one of them asked.
Lee put his hands together and very calmly…
THWACK! WHACK! POW! ZACK! THWOP! BOP! POW! OOFF!
The guards all laid there on top of each other in a pile, out cold. Chips just stood there out of breath. Beef looked at him and ran away in terror.
Cruncher had wiped the custard off his face and chased after Roger. When he caught with him, he rugby tackled him.
"You're for it now, Slodger," he barked.
"Letz wressle!" cried Cuddles and Dimples as they grabbed onto Cruncher and started to wrestle with him. They grabbed his head and started slamming it onto the ground. Then Bea came over and joined in the fun. Cuddles and Dimples started to admire her.
"Hey, you cool, Dennis sister," said Dimples.
Bea cooed typical baby talk back at them.
"She no talk Queen's English though," said Cuddles looking concerned.
Just then Cruncher grabbed the babies by the clothes. He rose the tots up to his angry face.
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU LIL' BRATS ARE GOIN' TO PAY!"
The babies were all in fear.
That was until, someone tapped Cruncher on the shoulder. He turned around and got the shock of his life.
The Three Bears were standing right in front of him. They all looked very angry.
"Oh, teddy bears," cooed Bea.
Ted took the babies from Cruncher and Pa Bear and Ma Bear grabbed Cruncher and took him away. He whimpered in fear.
Ted covered the babies' eyes and cringed as he heard the sounds of…..
THWACK! BOOM! THWACK! BOOM! BAFF! THUMP! POUND! BOFF!
Cruncher then walked away with two black eyes and very little teeth.
"What goes around, comes around Cruncher," said Roger.
Duane had his remote control to zap most of the guards and hold them in a beam. Whilst they were caught in the beam, he walked to a wall and began whacking the guards against it.
Dinah-Mo was punching the guards underneath the chin so hard, that they flew out of their clothes and landed on the ground in their vests and shorts. Desperate Dan was impressed by her strength.
Bananaman was firing his banana-zooka at the guards. Which fired…. ah, you don't care.
The Kits were fighting, not the guards, but Gnasher, Gnipper and Winston the school cat. Dennis and Korky came over to break up the fight.
"Alright, stop that now," demanded Korky.
"Aw, uncle Korky, we were just having fun," said one of the kits. "We've made a new friend, Winston."
Beryl The Peril was standing on top of Rasher and she holding onto a broom. As Rasher ran past the guards, Beryl was tripping them all up. Minnie couldn't help but be admired.
"That is so cool," she exclaimed.
The Softies were spraying the guards with perfume and grossing them all out with their teddies, dollies and softiness.
"Oh chums, what fun we are having," said Walter.
The grossed out guards all sat on the ground. The power of the softies had put these tough guards right off.
"It's too soft for me!" one of them cried.
"I can't bear the softiness!" cried another.
The Softies had a huge paper chain at the ready.
"When you're ready, Billy," said Walter.
Billy Whizz grabbed the end of the chain and zoomed around the guards at top speed tying them up. The guards were trapped.
"Oh no, a softy paper chain!" they cried.
Meanwhile, the families of the kids were having a fun time fighting the guards with golf clubs, tennis rackets, cricket bats, you name it.
Ivy was on her space hopper. She started to bounce on top of the guards' heads on a row, but when she got to the end, it was The Cactus Man. As the bottom of Ivy's space hopper landed on top of the Cactus Man's head, it deflated. And the Cactus Man grabbed Ivy by the shirt.
At that moment, everyone stopped and looked at them.
"MUMMY!" cried Ivy.
"Let go of my daughter!" cried Ivy's mum.
"Throw down your weapons and I will!" demanded the Cactus Man.
Everyone put down their weapons. The Cactus Man looked at them and laughed.
"You really are all so stupid!" he laughed.
"Hey, I resent that remark!" said Smiffy.
"And now I will take Ivy on the bus with me!" boasted the Cactus Man. "Try and catch me!"
But before he could set foot on the bus, he heard a strange whistling noise. He looked around and wondered where it was coming from.
Then CRASH! He was suddenly flattened by a big safe. His arm was sticking out with the hand holding Ivy. She wiggled free and ran to her parents. They hugged her.
Calamity James and Alexander's hot air balloon was right above them. The balloon came down. James and Alexander got out of the basket.
"Well done, James," said Alexander. "A critical hit."
"For once, I, Calamity James, the unluckiest boy in Beanotown has stopped the baddie and saved the day!"
James was so excited. He couldn't believe it.
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Police cars came up over the road. The cops could see what was really going on.
"You know what else you are, James?" asked Alexander.
"What?" asked James.
"An idiot!" cried Alexander pointing up at the sky to show James that the hot air balloon had taken off and that the Cactus Man was inside it.
"Oops," said James.
"I'm gonna fly my way out of here!" called The Cactusman. "Try to catch me now, fools!"
"I'll fly up there and stop him!" said Bananaman.
But just as he was about to take off, he started to shrink back into Eric.
"Oh no!" he cried. "I knew I shouldn't have fired all those bananas!"
He then turned back into Eric. Everyone was in shock to know that Bananaman was a 10 year old boy all along. Granny was grossed out because she flirted with him earlier.
Dennis looked around. He saw one of Aunt Aggie's empty pie trays. He ran over and climbed inside one.
"Dan, pick this tray up and throw me straight at the balloon," said Dennis.
Desperate Dan picked up the tray with Dennis inside it and threw it like a frisbee up to the sky and towards the hot air balloon.
Dennis was gaining towards the basket as it move away from him. He held his hands out and grabbed onto the rim of the basket. He was 200 feet into air. Everyone below gasped.
"Dennis!" cried his parents with worry.
Dennis was holding onto the rim of the basket for dear life. The Cactus Man looked at Dennis and placed his own prickly fingers on Dennis' fingers. Dennis howled in pain.
"It is true what they say about me," said the Cactus Man. "I am an absolute pain."
But the Cactus Man could have sworn that he saw small eyes inside Dennis' hair. They blinked at him. He took another look. And all of a sudden, the hair bounced off Dennis' head and landed in the basket.
"What is that?" asked The Cactus Man in fright.
The hair appeared to be sprouting limbs and a face! It was Gnasher. Dennis still had his own hair of course. Gnasher ran behind the Cactus Man, opened his gnashers and…..
The Cactus Man howled in pain as he held his bottom whilst leaping into the air.
Gnasher's mouth was covered in thorns from the Cactus Man's prickly botty.
Now that hurt the both of us, thought Gnasher.
Whilst the Cactus Man was in the air, his prickly body punctured the giant balloon.
"Oh no," he whined as he realised what he did.
Small holes appeared on the balloon as big gusts of air blew out of them. The hot air balloon blew out of control as it appeared to be heading for a field next to the Home.
It crashed and all of the Beanotown and Dandytown people and the police ran over to it.
Dennis, Gnasher and The Cactus Man came out of the wreck. Dennis had handcuffed his wrist along with the Cactus Man's. The human cactus was for it now.
The Cactus Man was arrested and all of the kids were proved innocent by the authorities. The kids danced with victory outside the Home.
Later that night, the Beanotown news team was at the scene, each of the participants were interviewed. They all told their side of the perilous story of what happened. Smiffy's story was a little hard to understand though.
When it came to the Teacher and Head of Bash Street School, the reporter asked them:
"Are these your students?"
The Teacher looked at the Bash Street Kids and for the first time in his life, he said "Yes, they are and I'm proud of what they did tonight."
The kids felt honoured.
A few hours later, after the news crew had left, all the Beanotown folk and Dandytown folk shook hands as they said goodbye.
"Thanks, we couldn't have done it without you," Minnie said to Beryl.
"You were really cool with that super soaker," said Beryl. "Move over Chloe Moretz."
"Thank you so much for helping my son and his friends," Dennis' dad said to Desperate Dan.
"Anytime, sir," said Dan as he shook his hand, but he was so strong that he almost crushed it.
"Sorry," he said.
"That's okay," said Dad rubbing his hand.
Granny went over to Eric, Bananaman's alter ego.
"I am so sorry, I had no idea you were….." she began to apologise.
"That's okay," said Eric. "I won't press charges."
"Alright," said Granny as she walked over to a Dandy citizen to say goodbye to him..
Minnie walked over to Eric.
"Actually, I think you're kind of cute," she said. "Do you mind if I follow you on Facebook and Twitter?"
Eric gave her a smile.
"Sure…..erm… that was really cool when you did the….."
"Oh thanks," said Minnie.
"Are, are you doing anything this weekend?" asked Eric.
"Well, I was going to do a bit of minxing," said Minnie. "But… yeah, what time do you want me to come over?"
Korky's kits were saying goodbye to Gnasher, Gnipper, Rasher and Winston, Cuddles and Dimples were saying goodbye to Bea, Roger was saying goodbye to Sneaker and the Bash Street Kids were saying goodbye to Winker Watson and his class.
"Hey, you and I have the same jumper," Bully Beef said to Dennis.
"Isn't there a boy in Dandytown who has the same jumper as me?" asked Roger.
"Yeah, Smasher," said Chips. "He said he was going to be here, but he never….."
BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM! CRASH!
Something crashed into the police cars. There were all lying on a pile. And in the wreck, there was Smasher on a moped.
"Hi guys," he said. "Sorry I'm late. Good thing I had a helmet on. It would be terrible if I didn't wore one."
After they all said their goodbyes, they all parted their ways back to their hometowns.
However, Erbert was heading for Dandytown and Blinky was heading for Beanotown.
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The next day, the Beanotown Home For Really, Really, Really, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLLLLLY Troublesome Kids was closed down.
The Cactus Man was sentenced to life in prison.
The folks of Beanotown and Dandytown still kept in touch with each other throwing their grudges towards each other into the past.
Dennis still kept his vow on never to menace Walter or the people of Beanotown and Dandytown ever again.
But he still kept his menacing tools in the wardrobe just incase another villain with an evil plot comes along.
THE END