Chronicles of Kyoani Academy

Hello readers new and old. So this story is one I've been slowly hatching for quite a while now. It's a big one. Frankly this crossover will involve a lot of different series. Originally it was just going to be Kyoto Animation stuff like K-ON! and Nichijou and Haruhi and Lucky Star but there will be plenty from Toradora and Haganai and Azumanga Daioh and Yuru Yuri and pretty much all the other school life anime I've watched so far. But since there are gonna be so many characters this story will be split between quite a few narrators but I'll try and make it as non-confusing as possible. Well that's all for now. Read on, enjoy and review!

Prologue 1-1

Winter is bad enough at the best of times. But throw in the usual (or should I say unusual) troubles of your average high-school student and you get a blizzard of strife one cannot simply escape. No, like the bears in the mountains all you can really do is hide in a dark place and wait out the winter chill. Well that's honestly what I'd love to do, but I can't. With the dwindling cold season so too did another school year come drawing to a close. But unlike the other years, this one was different.

We were in our third year.

As much as it pains me to admit it, my grades aren't much to be proud of. I'd not even considered college because...Well my track record wasn't exactly going to lead me very far. Whether that was from a lack of effort, or poor abilities or an absence of motivation, I cannot be sure. But I have a hunch that the main reason for my poor results was from an over-dependence on extra-curricular activities.

You see, early in the first year of high school I joined a club. No, actually I never joined it. Rather I was wrapped up and thrown in like a free gift with some large purchase. Of course I could have left the club, but for various reasons I was obliged to stay. What does this club do you might ask? Well don't look at me. Three years later and I still don't understand the point of anything we'd done.

Although our SOS Brigade (yes, that's really what it's called) has a secret most other clubs don't. Within our club are a couple of extraordinary people. And I don't mean that in the shallow 'they're better than you' kind of way. I mean to say that the other club member's real identities are quite literally out of this world.

Sitting across from me was the ever smiling esper, Itsuki Koizumi. And before you ask, no, it's not the Hollywood style of ESP where you can blow up stuff with your mind. It was much more complicated and strange. So much so that I lack to capacity to explain it. But that didn't stop Koizumi from maintaining the appearance of a Hollywood star.

We were playing shogi, and like every game we played in the club-room, Koizumi was utterly hopeless. But regardless of how stacked our wins and losses were he never stopped smiling that movie star smile, nor wish to stop playing, as if he were eternally optimistic that the next game might be his chance at last.

But it never came.

I won without question and as Koizumi prepared the next game I glanced aside to the window, where perched on a simple folded chair sat the SOS Brigades resident bookworm, Yuki Nagato. With the boundless energy of a plank of wood Nagato was never one to draw attention to herself, seemingly content in absorbing all of Earth's knowledge through sci-fi novels. In fact if I hadn't been aware beforehand that she was there in her usual spot then I may well have looked past her and never noticed. Not only was she quiet, but she seemed to be lacking any kind of aura as if she were more closely related to the chair she sat on than the people she was sitting with. Perhaps her alien behaviour could be attributed to the fact that she was apparently an alien.

But the fun doesn't stop there. Up until our third year, there had always been a beautiful maid brewing and serving us tea. Originally the task had been forced upon her, but somewhere along the way she had gotten accustomed to it and gone about her duties without complaint. With the body of a supermodel but the face of a child she was definitely, as one person had so eloquently put it, 'moe'. I'd never really understood what they had meant at first but it had not taken long to get the gist of it. Oh and in case you were wondering, Mikuru Asahina being a maid wasn't her special secret. That would have been pretty underwhelming wouldn't it? No the bumbling serving girl was actually a time traveller. If I hadn't gone with her various times I might not have believed it either but over the three years I'd been part of this deranged little club I'd uncovered more than enough evidence to say with absolute certainty that all three of these members were exactly what they said they were. An esper, a time traveller and an alien.

Sounds crazy right, but really none of these strange people would even exist without their catalyst. That person was none other than our club president, or should I say, Brigade Leader, Haruhi Suzumiya.

Now Suzumiya was strange in many ways. Too many to list here as it would fill up every single page of this story and we'd never get past this prologue. I'd probably still be adding to the list on my deathbed, or perhaps even yours. So let me make this quick in saying that Haruhi Suzumiya is eccentric not only with a capital 'e', but also the 'ccentric'. Anything weird you can think of she's probably done and even the things you can't think of she's probably done too. Trust me, I'd know.

If I were to go so far as suggesting her weirdness had gotten to a point where organisations across time and space had begun to deify her as some supreme being of unimaginable power, oddly enough I wouldn't be lying.

So yeah, your average student life is just the tip of the iceberg for me. And as you would imagine being in a club with a bunch of otherworldly oddballs is quite taxing. I mean, would you be able to study under such conditions?! I think not!

Especially when Haruhi, who has the power to alter the world through her own subconscious desires, could at any moment destroy the world all because of a bad day. As such our club's more practical activities revolve around keeping our Brigade Leader happy no matter what to ensure mankind's continued survival.

Sounds kind of heroic right? But the reality of playing baseball and making a low budget failure of a movie and going on holidays as missions really dampens the image. Essentially, what Haruhi wants, we all do.

That is where our story begins. You see being in our third year, naturally the topic of college and their subsequent entrance exams arose in conversation more so than usual. So much in fact that I could no longer avoid the inevitable and had to come to a decision.

Considering I'd gone through school just barely keeping my head above water it had never occurred to me to even try to go to college, but a certain someone who I might have mentioned earlier had other plans entirely.

"Hey Kyon!"

Oh right, that's me if you were wondering.

Haruhi had been sitting at her desk on the sole computer in the clubroom. Like any other day she was probably just surfing the net and doing absolutely nothing, but every so often she called upon me for no better reason than to tell me some obscure fact she'd found on a forum or a strange news story like a fish caught with a live frog in its stomach or something stupid like that. I sighed and prepared myself for the worst as she set her fiery gaze upon me.

"Have you heard about that new university opening up next year?"

"No." I might as well be honest.

With a scowl she returned her attention to the page, somehow finding her smile again along the way. "It's so weird. They've built it in the mountains. But there are plenty of universities in the city so why put one in the middle of nowhere?"

How the hell should I know? What does it matter anyway?

"Of course it matters!" she snapped.

"Well, perhaps the fact that there are already a lot of universities around suggests that maybe they need to build more to fit in more students?"

Haruhi seemed to take my answer with a chagrined expression which quickly contorted into anger. "That kind of thinking will get you nowhere in life!"

Oh, I'm sorry. How foolish of me to use common sense.

"There's got to be something up with the location! Maybe they're secretly going to study the effects of some new military weapon on a group of unsuspecting students?!"

Yeah...Or maybe they're gonna train us to pilot giant robots to save the earth. I mean for god's sake, how old are you?!

Haruhi waved her finger at me and frowned, turning her nose up as you would at a foul smell, "You've got a long way to go just yet Kyon. I'd have liked to have promoted you at least once before we graduate but you're still as naive as you were when you joined us here as a first year."

I didn't join you! You abducted me like you did every other member of this screwed up brigade! Oh whatever it's not like you're even listening to me anyway, you're much too busy listening to those broken cogs grinding around inside your head.

"So what about this supposedly mysterious university has you so worked up anyway?" I asked, albeit reluctant to continue on the subject, "Are you thinking of applying?"

I'd guessed that was her intention from the very beginning, but the dumbfounded expression on her face as I let those foolish words spill from my mouth said otherwise. Looking as if I'd just rattled off some deeply profound piece of wisdom Haruhi stared back at me in shock.

On reflex I shrank back in my seat and glanced over to Koizumi to check and see if he was still smiling. He seemed oddly eager for something but I didn't question it, turning back to Haruhi who was attacking the computer with uncalled for aggression.

"Of course! Of course! It's a sign!"

Huh? You get another of those annoying pop-ups again?

For a split second I felt an intense glare, but after blinking I could only see a bright and beaming smile on Haruhi's face.

"No, you idiot! It's a sign! This new university is out in the middle of nowhere, right? It's the perfect place to study if you so happened to be an alien! I bet it'll be full of all kinds of interesting creatures!"

Please use the word 'people' next time. It's a place of learning, not a farm.

"You're missing the point! If I enrol there I'm bound to come across an esper or two. Who knows maybe the staff are all secretly time travellers trying to teach students from the past how to stop the apocalypse a thousand years into the future!" At some point during her rant Haruhi stood up on her chair and spread her arms wide as if she could take flight with a strong enough breeze.

I sighed and tried to return to my game with Koizumi but the sound of hammering fists on a tabletop unfortunately stole my attention.

"What now?"

"I have an announcement to make as leader of the SOS Brigade!" Shooting to her feet, our so called leader skipped up to the whiteboard against the wall and scribbled madly. The words 'Special announcement!' were written unnecessarily large inside a hastily drawn cloud or bubble of whatever the hell it was she was aiming for.

A strong desire to just go home and have a nap suddenly took hold but Haruhi staring directly at me made it difficult to lapse out of concentration. Thus helpless and cornered I simply sat back and waited not so expectantly for her proclamation.

"This is a special day for the SOS Brigade. Thanks to all of you we have come so very far from our humble beginnings as a mere club."

What part of stubbornly creating an officially unrecognised group, hijacking an existing club's room and abducting members is supposed to be humble? Our history is more akin to that of a terrorist cell than an extracurricular club. In the eyes of the other students our 'humble brigade' is as debauched as the Marquis de Sade!

Naturally I said none of the above out loud. I wouldn't live till graduation if I had...

And so Haruhi simply prattled on. "In a few short years we have become famous among our peers and indeed the world! This is only the first step towards something truly great! And as our final year draws to an end I can only look forward to a new beginning! For I will hereby expand the SOS Brigade into this new academy!"

Shall I hold my applause until the end of time?

Haruhi glanced around the room with a creepy smile reminiscent of a mother admiring how much her children had grown. Coming from someone like her, the image was so ill fitting it was painful to watch. But after looking to each of us in turn she once again spread her arms like wings and declared far too loudly, "But to do so, I'll need help! I know I can't force you to enrol at the same Academy, but I would be ever so grateful if you could lend me your time every now and then to assist in managing the new and improved SOS Brigade!"

My jaw dropped. Not because of any kind of implications in her words, but for the mere fact that she used the phrase 'I would be ever so grateful' rather than outright extorting us. In a really sad way that was somehow touching.

Of course when the hype died down Koizumi exchanged a subtle nod and the real message became clear. Just because high school would soon be at an end didn't mean that our job of keeping Haruhi in check would suddenly be over too. Yes, just because she was almost old enough to go to university doesn't mean she isn't too old to be left without a proverbial babysitter.

As much as I tried to hide it, a massive sigh escaped me and a phrase I had not uttered in quite some time found its way to the tip of my tongue, slipping out before I was even aware of its presence.

"Oh brother..."

Haruhi shot a glare my way and frowned, "What? I asked nicely!"

"I know," I groaned, "but what you're asking is ridiculous isn't it? You want us to travel all the way to this Academy of yours just to help manage the Brigade. Wouldn't it just be easier if we all enrolled in the same place?"

The silence that preceded my words was absolute.

Inevitably I realised the gravity of what I'd said but by then it was already too late. The light bulb was already sparking above Haruhi's head and that evil smile was spreading quickly across her face. Without even knowing I'd sentenced myself to a terrible fate.

"Kyon, that's a great idea! But are you sure? Were there any other places you wanted to go to?"

I wasn't even going to try in the first place...

Koizumi seamlessly flicked back his hair and shrugged like some daytime drama star. "To be honest I had not decided yet either. But all universities offer much the same so I see no problem in sticking together."

Everyone turned to Nagato who was still reading unperturbed since the beginning. Feeling eyes upon her she glanced up and without the slightest hint of enthusiasm said, "Very well."

Once again Haruhi surprised me by squealing like a girl half her age and running to embrace everyone but me. I simply got a pat on the shoulder.

"Great! Since we've come so far already why should we split up now? But in order for this to work we all need to give our all for the entrance exams!"

I get the feeling everyone is looking at me...

"What?" I asked, feeling guilty for even trying to play dumb.

Haruhi stabbed a pointed finger my way and she looked angry, "Kyon, what are you doing this Saturday?"

Taken slightly aback I shrugged, "Well I was thinking maybe I could-"

"Don't care!"

Then why did you ask?

"On Saturday we're having a study session to help Kyon pass the exams!"

Koizumi gave a thumbs up as if he were in some toothpaste commercial and Nagato's head bobbed enough to classify it as a nod. There was no backing out of this one...

"Excellent! We'll meet at your place at ten o'clock! Don't be late!"

It's my house! How can I be late?!

With a devious smirk Haruhi said, "We'll see."

And with those ominous words, so began my desperate mission to go to university.