So welcome to 2b of the Human Smeets AU. /throws rice.
So for those of you just joining us, this is a lil AU based on the idea that Gaz and Dib are both partially Irken, because reasons. Part 1 is Science Knows No Bounds, and is required for this to make a lick of sense. (ok, maybe not ~required~ but it would certainly make things easier.)
Part 2a is Zim and Dib's arc, You're Only As Human As Your Blood (stupid title, but hey, it works). It's Zadr, fronds, but you don't gotta read that for this to make sense. Both 2a and 2b are running parallel, but mostly independent, and thus can be enjoyed separately.
THIS, 2b, is Tak and Gaz's arc. It's TAGR folks. with a tiny, itty bitty baby touch of one-sided tazr. u kno, for luck!
Updates'll be based on what i feel like workin on the most, but tenitively it's safe to say expect something for either this or 2a every two weeks or so? yea that sounds about right for rn. If it's been a month, dont' be afraid ta yell at me 'bout it for real. I once went two years without updating a fic and then updated it TWO TIMES in a row because someone was like 'sooo... u gon update this or what?' so, you know. there's that. this is hels longer than i like these to be so ill see you at the bottom, ok?
It was a lovely afternoon, all things considered. Dib was away at his job most nights, and on fridays he was at Zim's, which meant that neither boy could cause her trouble. For that, she was glad. Ever since Dib found out who their mother was, he was increasingly mopey. Gaz, ever the silent observer, had always known of their extraterrestrial origins. Or at least, she had known since discovering the handheld flight simulator in a dusty corner of her father's lab when she was five.
Just running a hand over the device had triggered a rush of memories from when she was about two, of a blurred green and purple figure, a young Dib in her lap. She recalled the tests during her year two checkup, vague mentions of a Squeedly Spooch, light pink blood samples. Things she never thought to consider odd until her fingertips brushed along the smooth alien metal. Most people would consider such revelations mind blowing, earth shattering even. But Gaz was not most people. She was an experiment, a combination of two alien species that should have never met working together. Gaz had simply shrugged, and silently berated herself for having ever forgotten in the first place.
She had pocketed the device, and it had stayed in her room ever since, tucked away out of sight amongst her favorite sweaters. In the dark of night, when her father was out and her brother asleep, she played the little simulator, finding it entertaining and a useful skill to have. It had certainly proved beneficial during christmas when she was nine. She was 14 now, and while there was nothing more practical she could learn from the simulator, she still used it every once in a while. It was nostalgic, and if nothing else it kept her skills sharp should she ever need to rescue her idiot brother again.
Back to this afternoon, the sun was shining, birds were singing, and all was right with the world as Gaz clicked away on her 3DGS, curtains drawn to block out the sun, and TV tuned to the world news channel, so the tales of war and destruction could block out the chittering birds. Out of nowhere,it seemed, there was a knock on the door. This startled her out of her game induced trance, causing her to lose her perfect score.
She growled slightly, but didn't stop her skilled button mashing. It was the final boss, and while the Hog Demon may have gotten one hit in, that didn't mean she was any less determined to beat him. "Dib's at work, Zim," she shouted towards the front door, not even bothering to look up. "Go away."
Much to her displeasure, the annoyance on the other side of the door knocked again. The Hog Demon got in another hit. Clearly whoever this was didn't understand a dismissal when they heard one. With a swift grace, she executed a combo move and defeated the Hog Demon. The game automatically saved, and she closed her system with a harsh snap. Whatever this interloper wanted better be good.
She rose to her full height of five feet, which she instinctively knew she would never pass, and stomped over to the front door. With little fanfare, she flung it open and barked a harsh 'what' to the unwelcome guest.
To her surprise, in front of her stood Tak, in all her holo-disguise glory. Gaz quickly sized up Tak, eyes roving up and down and back up again in a quick movement that was barely noticeable behind her thick eyelashes. Begrudgingly she realised that Tak was about an inch taller than her. Not that it mattered to Gaz, it was just the principal of the thing.
Gaz raised an eyebrow, clearly displeased to have her afternoon interrupted by an Irken that wasn't Zim. She'd say alien, but unlike Dib she realized that both Irkens and Humans were equally alien to her and her brother, and calling Tak as much wouldn't distinguish her from the rest of the human population. She had been expecting some fundraising brats, not a she-demon from space. "What do you want?" Gaz asked, figuring it couldn't hurt to at least hear the older woman out.
Tak cleared her throat. "Hello, Gaz," she started. She paused for a beat, as though waiting for a reply, but continued when it was obvious she wouldn't be receiving one. "I have come to make you an offer you cannot refuse. Clearly you are an exceptional adversary, which is why you will join me, and together, we shall conquer world-" Gaz slammed the door in Tak's face before she could continue her generic 'come to the darkside' spiel.
With deft hands, she turned the lock on the door and marched back to the couch to resume her game. She didn't care for world domination or power, and even if she did, she would find her own way to achieve it. Gaz was not the type to lower herself to working with others (something her skool teachers had quickly learned after the third traumatised classmate).
To her great frustration, Tak knocked on the door once again, just as she opened her game. With a soft growl, she snapped it shut and stomped back over to the door. Obviously, Tak was incapable of taking a hint. She unlocked and flung open the door, however just as she opened her mouth to tell Tak all the wonderful places she could fuck off to, a cord zipped out of her PAK and wrapped itself around Gaz's arm.
With the human child secured, Tak extended a single PAK leg, began charging a plasma blast, and lazily aimed at Gaz's head. "Do correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I told you this was an offer you cannot refuse." She grinned, sharp teeth evident even through the holodisguise. The tendril tightened around Gaz's arm as she contemplated the most effective method of escaping Tak's grasp. Her attention was too focused on glaring at Tak in an attempt to communicate her supreme displeasure to notice the second PAK leg slip out and jab her in the neck.
The last thing Gaz remembered hearing before unconsciousness took over was Tak's high society voice whispering, "Sleep now."
Tak's grin widened as she casually tossed Gaz's unconscious body haphazardly over her shoulder. With the grouchy teen in her possession, Part One of her brilliant plan was now complete. She was very proud of her little sedative- guaranteed to keep a human down for a full 72 hours. A bit excessive, but Tak wanted plenty of time to grab the human child's things and clear the atmosphere.
"Mimi!" Tak barked, and almost instantly her repaired and undisguised Sir unit was at her side, awaiting orders. "Go upstairs and collect the girl's leave when you return." Orders received, Mimi saluted, and scurried into the membrane household to retrieve Gaz's essentials, while Tak stood in the doorway, reminiscing on how she came to be back on earth.
It was a few short years after her failed plan to conquer this mudball that Tak decided to give up on the petty rivalry she had attempted to ignite between her and Zim. She wasn't kidding when she said her plan wasn't about revenge, but it seemed Zim's skull was too thick to take a hint. Not only that, he proved himself entirely unworthy of her dark affections- he actually required assistance to even come close to being a match for her.
It occurred to Tak that she probably spent so much time building up Zim as a formidable opponent in her years on Dirt that he couldn't possibly live up to it. No one could, really. But none of that was important now, no. What was important was her next Big Plan.
Her loss to Zim of all creatures (even if he did have help) had only earned her an official exile for her troubles. After all, how could anyone worthy of the Irken Empire lose to such a miserable failure? If such a thing were possible, then certainly that individual should be considered exiled by default. Logically, Tak understood this. But that didn't mean she had to like it.
And of course, that didn't mean she had to continue in service of the empire like a deluded little worm, either. Most other exiles did just that, believing that if they could only just prove their worth then everything would work out ok. Irk above, Tak knew she had once believed the same thing, and she wasn't officially ostracized yet.
No, she realized that the Empire had abandoned her, and therefore, she owed the Empire nothing. Nothing but a great, big, heaping pot of revenge stew. And as much as it pained her to admit it, she would need help. She wasn't the one man destructive force Zim was. No Irken in a million years could cause as much damage to the Empire as Zim had in just a few short decades. He was one of the few Irkens exiled because he actually posed a threat, and not on a whim because he was too short, or wide.
Lucky for her, there was already one group well on their way to becoming a legitimate threat, and with her guidance and knowledge of the inner workings of the Empire, she could bring them out of their rut and to victory. The Resisty.
There was just one little hiccup. Tak was an Irken, and, exiled or not, The Resisty didn't trust Irkens as far as they could throw them. Which, considering they were mostly scientists and navigational experts, and not soldiers, wasn't very far.
Which was where her brilliant two part plan came in.
Part One, abduct the human girl. Without her assistance, Zim and his little pet wouldn't have been able to stop her in the first place, making her a formidable ally in her quest for vengeance against the empire that spurned her. With a little fudging of the details, she could easily convince the Resisty that it was Gaz who singlehandedly defeated her (which wasn't too terribly far from the truth) in order to gain their trust, which brought her to Part Two of her Brilliant Plan
Part Two was-
"Hello Tak." She was suddenly jolted back to the presence by a sharp, grating voice coming from behind her, in the direction of her cloaked ship.
No. She bristled, and slowly turned around, dreading what she'd find. It couldn't be.
There, leaning against empty air, Her ship, she realized, was none other than Zim. Tak narrowed her eyes, glowering at the ineffectually disguised Irken with her coldest, darkest glare.
"Zim," she hissed, pure malice dripping from her voice like thick venom. How dare he. She adjusted Gaz on her shoulder as she stood up to her full height. She was only maybe a head taller than him, but it was more than enough of a difference to an Irken.
He casually observed his gloved claws, looking as relaxed and arrogant as ever.
"You know," he began, "When Zim's base picked up an Irken PAK signature entering the atmosphere, I thought that my amazing technology was finally malfunctioning." He adjusted his position against the ship, crossing his arms and sticking his chin up in an arrogant manner. "It seems Zim was right to assume so," he said, grinning smugly.
The insinuation that she wasn't even Irken did not slip past her, however she ignored it in favor of getting right to the point. "What do you want, Zim?" she spat from her position on the front stoop.
Zim narrowed his eyes in response, suspicion plainly displayed on his face. "Zim could ask you the same question."
Tak merely scoffed and gestured with her chin to the unconscious heap tossed over her shoulder. "Isn't it obvious?" Zim could be so dense sometimes it was a wonder he even completed basic training.
The surprise that covered the Irken boy's face for a brief moment didn't go unnoticed. "Eh? You mean you're not here to steal my mission?"
Tak rolled her eyes. "I have bigger things to worry about than this sorry little mud ball," she jeered. "Now get off my ship, we'll be out of your feelers soon."
Zim didn't move. "What could you possibly want her for?"
Tak could feel her eye twitching under her holodisguise. She had forgotten how annoying the short little brat was. "I have my reasons!" she snapped. "Now get off my ship."
Zim shrugged, but complied, straightening up and moving away from Tak's cloaked ship with a fluid grace. As Tak approached the ship, Zim continued to move to give the woman and her teenage captive a wide breadth.
"So long as you leave the earth and Dib out of whatever," he gestured wildly, at a loss for words, "this is, Zim sees no reason to keep you."
Using a PAK leg, Tak opened the top of her ship. It was of vortian design, though it wasn't any Zim recognized from the armada. It was probably stolen or modified. Knowing Tak, it was probably both. She haphazardly tossed Gaz into the co-pilot's seat of the cockpit, before dusting off her hands and turning back to Zim just in time to see Mimi exiting the house.
With a quick gesture from Tak, the little robot began to load up the rest of the ship with what it deemed Gaz's essential belongings.
It took Tak a moment to process what Zim said, but once she understood she laughed. "You and the dirt child?" She quirked an antenna under here holodisguise, which manifested as a raised eyebrow. "You really have gone native, haven't you?"
"You Lie!" Zim screeched, jabbing a claw defensively in Tak's direction. The response was almost automatic. He paused a moment to collect himself. "There is nothing between us," he scoffed.
Tak nodded, feigning sympathy as she began to clamber into her ship. "I see," she said. "The human boy's incapable of returning your little one sided crush, then?" It's about time the idiot finally understands what that's like.
"Oh, please," Zim replied, tapping one foot like an impatient five year old. "The Dib creature is far superior to any hyuman." He rolled his eyes, every bit the dramatical child he has always been. Tak couldn't believe he was a fully grown adult, and 15 years her senior at that. "He just hasn't come to his senses yet," he added dismissively, almost as an afterthought.
After checking that Mimi and her prize were safely in the cockpit, Tak turned to face Zim to address him head on. "You truly are delusional, Zim," she said.
Not wanting to waste anymore time chatting up the defective, Tak reached up to grasp the handle on the windshield, and began to pull it down. Just before slamming it shut, she paused, and muttered, "And to think there was ever a time where I hated you," while shaking her head. With a satisfying click, the ship was sealed shut, and ready to exit the atmosphere.
"Mimi, take us up," she ordered her SIR unit, who complied without any hesitation.
Zim felt more than saw the cloaked cruiser take off into the night. He was just glad he wouldn't have to compete with anyone else for Dib's darker attention, even if he was a little perturbed by Tak admitting to having once harbored pitch feelings for him. On the one hand, it was quite flattering to know for certain that Zim was hateable, but on the other he was incredibly glad to know that whatever Tak once felt was gone now. The female was way too intense for his taste. Just thinking about it made him shudder.
No, Dib was much more his speed, and Zim was determined to make the pseudo human hate him in time. But that was a story for another day.
Hello, welcome to the bottom of the doc. I'm writing this AU to work on improving my writing skills, so constructive criticism is preferred. If something doesn't work for you, tell me about it, and I'll take a second look.
Anyhow, as far as this AU goes, If you want espionage, and the upheaval of empires, helllo, this is for you!
If you want identity crises, zim flirting badly and dubiously legal SPACE TOURISM then you want part 2a.
2b is my 'lets write action, Roswell, cm'on itll be fun' fic (aka my first time writing this sorta thing)
2a is my 'u kno how to write the alien romcom's stay in yo comfort zone' fic.
future AN's will not be this long dear bragi i'm annoying in here, peace out homies