It's my
first "proper" humour fan fiction so I hope you will like it. I am
not a fantastic comedian, so I am sorry if you don't like it or if I
accidentally offend anyone, since this does contain rather a lot of swearing!
Dreadfully sorry if I do. Hope you enjoy it! :)
WARINING:
This fanfiction contains a LOT of swearing, slight yaoi and sexual implications.
Disclaimer:
I DON'T own Gundam Wing.
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Duo
Maxwell was bored as he lay on his couch with his head propped up and flicking aimlessly
through the channels of the TV.
"Boring,
Boring, Boring. Why isn't there any good TV," he shouted. He opened a can
of beer and gulped, it then threw it causally over his head. "DAMN IT!! I
am fucking bored. I feel active and energetic-" he flicked through the
channels again.
"Practical
Joke of the day..."screamed the TV. Duo raised an eyebrow. "Go up to
your best friend-" Duo drinking yet another can of beer listened with
remote interest, "-tell him "Happy Birthday" and splat a
Birthday cake IN HIS FACE! HA HA HA!!"
Duo
almost choked and spat out all the beer in his mouth. "That was FUCKING
LAME!!" He shouted; he then looked around at his beer covered wall and his
soggy trousers. "Oh shit! Now I look as if I've wet myself, and my wall is
going to be stained yellow. Oh great!"
"Hope you enjoy joking around. Bye Bye
now!" said the TV. Duo again raised an eyebrow, then his expression turned
into a mischievous grin. "Oh I AM the great destroyer!"
Duo
walked into his bedroom and looked at the mirror. His plait was loose from
lying on a couch; he looked as if someone has dragged him through the rain
backwards. He undid his plait and looked at himself. "Oh fuck! I look like
a bloody woman!!" Then he grinned and posed, "and a good looking on
too! I could fall for a girl like me!!"
He
replaited his hair and opened his drawer to reveal his collection of
sunglasses. "Now what will it be today?" He picked up a dark black
pair and put it on. "Not very mischievous, but looking good." He
posed again in front of the mirror and winked at himself, "Duo, you are
one good looking guy."
He was
soon out onto the streets, "Now then," he thought, "who will it
be first. He walked past a large TV screen and it was advertising martial arts.
Duo knew where he was going first.
Wufei
was working on his Gundam. He wants to make sure everything was in order. Just
in case anything happened. He picked up a screwdriver and began to unscrew one
of the control pads.
"YO
WU-MAN!" yelled Duo at the top of his voice right next to Wufei's ear and
slapped him hard on the back. Wufei almost had a heart attack and fell head
first into the cockpit as Duo slapped him.
"HA
HA!" laughed Duo.
"MAXWELL!!!
What the fuck did you do that for?" shouted Wufei annoyed that he had lost
his dignity.
"I
came to see you Wu-man!" yelled Duo.
"YOU
DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!" Wufei yelled back, "And don't call me that gay
name!"
"OK,"
shouted Duo.
Wufei
raised a fist to punch Duo, but missed and lost balance and fell out of the
cockpit.
"HA
HA!" screamed Duo holding his sides with laughter.
"Poor
widdle Wufei can't punch people," mocked Duo. Wufei picked up a screw-
driver and threw it at Duo missing him by an inch. Duo leant back in surprise.
"Ok, Ok, Ok, Ok Wu-man, let's not try and kill people, heh?"
"Fuck
off, Duo" hissed Wufei.
"Fucking,
Fucking," laughed Duo and walked out. "I can't believe I can piss
someone off so much. That was so much fun. I'm not the God of Death for
nothing! Now my next target."
Trowa
and Quatre were playing a quiet game of chess.
"Check,
little one," said Trowa.
"Not
yet you don't," said Quatre and blocked the piece and forking the king and
the queen at the same time. "Check Trowa."
Trowa
smiled, "good move."
"YO,
GUYS!" yelled Duo and slapped both of them hard on the back sending both
their faces smacking into the chess set and sending pieces flying everywhere.
Having
jumped out of his skin and then had his face smacked into the chessboard, Trowa
quickly recovered and rubbed his face. "Are you alright Quatre?"
"How's
mommy and baby today?" teased Duo. Trowa and Quatre both turned a lovely
shade of red.
"Who
let you in Duo and what are you doing here?" said Trowa as calmly as he
could.
"Oh
did I spoil a quiet afternoon together," said Duo causally. "I am
dreadfully sorry, I spoilt a romantic game of chess. Check little one," he
mocked.
"Duo,
shut up, said " Trowa. Quatre who was now blushing said, "Well,
it's...em...nice of you to drop by. Why don't you go and make yourself a cup of
tea?"
"Nah.
I came to see you not to have a cuppa," said Duo.
"Ok,"
said Trowa, "then shut it." He began to set up the chessboard again.
"Looks like we'll have to start again Quatre."
"I'll
go and shut the curtains and light a candle. It's much more romantic - oh did I
say that?! I meant it's much nicer playing by candlelight," said Duo and
began to walk over to the curtains.
"Duo,
will you just shut up! And no we prefer playing by sunlight thank you!"
said Trowa now beginning to lose his patience.
"So
what have you been up to today?" asked Quatre awkwardly.
"Not
having as much fun as you two, I don't think," grinned Duo. "I went
to see Wufei."
"I
feel sorry for Wufei!" muttered Trowa, making his move.
"No,
I think he had some fun," said Duo looking over the game.
Presently
Duo flicked with his finger the two kings who were close together and they so
conveniently fell over and landed side by side.
"Oh
dear," said Duo, " I am so dreadfully sorry. I wonder if that has any
significance?" looking down at the two kings lying side by side.
Trowa
and Quatre both turned a light shade of red.
"Duo
please can you please bugger off now," said Trowa now really beginning to
lose it.
"Yes
Duo, it's nice seeing you, but we really want to play in peace. Please can you
leave us alone," said Quatre politely.
"Yes,
alright. I know when I am not wanted. I'll leave you two...alone," grinned
Duo.
He
walked out chuckling to himself, "Next stop..."
Heero
was brooding over the laptop as usual trying to find out more about the Zero
system used by the White Fang and Dorothy. Being Heero, he heard quiet
footsteps and mechanically picked up his gun.
"HI-YA
HEERO. HOW ARE YOU THEN?" yelled Duo at the top of his voice. Heero
thought for a moment he would go deaf, being in a room where sound echo nicely.
Duo saw Heero move and knew he's been found out. He decided to go for another
method of bugging Heero off.
"ARE
YOU ALRIGHT THEN?" he yelled and madly ruffled Heero's dark hair. Heero
tried to remain calm although in the laptop screen he could see Duo turning his
hair into a fluffy bush and making him look as if he was having a REALLY bad
hair day.
"Duo,
can you push off, you are mucking up my hair," said Heero. Duo stopped and
grinned at his artwork. Heero's hair really needed a good brush right now, then
Duo grinned "Heero is that a comb in your pocket or are you happy to see
me?"
Heero
turned around on his chair, "DUO, I DON'T HAVE ANY BLOODY POCKETS?"
Duo
laughed. "That was not funny Maxwell" hissed Heero, "If you
don't want anything can you go and FUCK OFF!!"
"Every
one is telling me to do that," remarked Duo, then he looked slyly at
Heero, "are you offering?"
Heero
grabbed a gun and pointed it at Duo.
"Alright,
alright, I got the message ok!" said Duo. He walked out the door and shut
it. Then he opened it again and poked his head round the corner and said slyly,
"sure you're not offering?" and then quickly shut the door, just in
time to avoid Heero's bullet.
Duo was
walking along the street, "Oh I am just having so much fun. I never knew I
could be such a pain. I should do it more often! Now, I think I'll also pay the
girls a visit." He grinned and walked causally along and looking around; as
he did, he caught sight of two pretty girls, one brown hair and one blue.
"Ah!" He smiled. He followed the girls to a less crowded part of New
Port City. He went up to them and smacked the two girls on their backside,
making the two of them shriek in dismay. Hilde turned and slapped Duo.
"Duo
Maxwell, what the heck do you think you are doing?" said Hilde.
Relena
raised an eyebrow, "You are lucky that I don't like using violence, but
that doesn't mean you can take advantage of me!"
Duo
grinned and put an arm round each of the girls' necks as they walked. The girls
immediately stopped, they turned, to face him. "Maxwell do you mind?"
they said in unison.
"Nope,"
grinned Duo, " in fact I feel quite honoured to have two pretty
girls." Relena and Hilde shook him off, "Well WE DO!" they said
impatiently.
"Oh
come on, give this handsome guy here a break," said Duo, "I have been
told to push off from one place to the next by my so called friends." He
smirked.
"I
am not surprised," said Relena, "did you eat something strange for
breakfast?"
"No,"
said Duo.
"Well
you are being annoying Duo, so can you leave us alone?" said Hilde.
"Hey,
Hilde, Hilde, what's wrong with you? You are normally willing to have me hang
around," said Duo.
"Well
normally you are not pissing us off!" said Hilde.
"Every
one is telling me to go and fuck off today," said Duo, then he smiled,
"any of you girls offering? Both will be great, but I don't mind."
Relena
and Hilde couldn't believe what they just heard; "who do you think I
am?" gasped Relena, "a prostitute! If you think I am going to let you
take advantage of me you have another thought coming!"
"Yeah
Duo, I'll offer," said Hilde angrily; Duo brightened up,
"really?" he said.
"Yeah,"
said Hilde, "I'll offer you a piece of my mind!!"
"The
girls exchanged glances, then Hilde grabbed Duo long plait and tugged hard
backwards dragging Duo along stumbling backwards, "Hey, hey, what-cha
doing? Ow, that hurt! I thought you are suppose to be pacifist!"
Relena
grinned, "I am, so I am not dragging, but Hilde doesn't have to be."
Hilde
dragged Duo to the nearest sign- post and Relena tied Duo's plait to it in a
knot.
"There,"
said Relena stepping back.
"Now
Duo can stay here until he learns to be a good boy!" mocked Hilde.
"That
should teach you to try and take advantage of us!" laughed Relena,
"come on Hilde, let's go!"
"Hey,
girls you ain't going to leave me here," shouted Duo at the leaving girls.
"HEY!"
Duo
slide onto the floor, sighed then smirked, "Oh the Great Destroyer will
strike again. Oh he will. Just you wait, just you wait!"
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Well
what do you think? I say again, I am not really a humour writer; it's just that
I was bored and so this idea came up. By the way, just in case you are
wondering, Duo is one of my favourite characters, it's just that even now and
then one has to have some fun with one's favourite characters. Duo is very
cool, no doubt about it.
Hope
you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think. :) ^_^
