Chapter 1: My New Colleague

JDPOV

Today began as any other day. I woke up, took Sasha out for my morning drive to the local coffee joint for my morning double mocha latte with a dash of sugar and milk, and headed over to the hospital. As I pulled up, I spotted Turk and Izzy making their way inside.

"Wait up C-Bear!" I called, quickly dismounting Sasha and taking off my helmet to run over to them. Of course, I ended up bumping into the Janitor before I could reach Turk.

"So today's going to be one of those days," growled the Janitor as I stepped back from his tall frame.

"What's 'one of those days'?" I inquired, indulging in his threat.

"You know what I mean," he replied, glaring at me menacingly.

"No, I really don't," I replied earnestly and a bit frustrated that he was holding me up.

"Neither do I," he suddenly realized. "But, whatever it is, today's going to be one of them."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to where Turk and Izzy were waiting.

"Yeah, you better run!" I heard the Janitor call behind me.

Once, I finally caught up, Turk asked, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, you know, the Janitor likes to threaten me," I answered, shrugging my shoulders.

"Right," Turk replied, a bit disbelieving. I tried to change the subject.

"So what's crackalackin', brotha?" I asked, doing my best Snoop Dogg impression.

Turk stopped and looked at me. "JD, you know Snoop Dogg greetings ended last week."

"I know, but I'm so good at them I was wondering if we could continue them for another week," I told him, hoping he would go for it.

After a few moments of pondering, Turk finally sighed and agreed, "Yeah, okay, I guess we can go another week."

"Yay!" I exclaimed, before I could do a celebratory leap in the air, I wondered what it would be like for Turk and I to enter the hospital like Snoop Dogg. The pimp walk, the sunglasses, the bling…

"We would be the most crackalackin' doctors in the whole hospital," I thought aloud.

Just then, Snoop Dogg resident himself, passed by and reminded me, "That po-sizzle is already fizzled, my nizzle."

"Oh, Snoop Dogg resident," I cheerfully called after him.

I could see Turk, Izzy, and Carla together at the nurse's station. They looked like the perfect happy family. Secretly, deep down, I was jealous of them because I wish Kim, Sam, and I could be like that. The image of Kim and I standing over Sam's crib watching him flashed in my mind. And then Kim fell over, since the only way we'd ever be together would be if she was a cardboard cutout.

"Dude," Turk said, waving a hand in front of my face. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Hm? Oh, just…" Oh no, I couldn't tell him what I was thinking about! That I was secretly jealous of his family togetherness.

"You were jealous of me, Carla, Izzy, weren't you?" He guessed correctly.

"How'd you know?" I questioned shocked.

"You always look the upper left corner when you're jealous," Turk informed me.

"I can't hide anything from you," I laughed, elbowing him playfully.

"I don't know why you even try," He elbowed back, with much more force. I cringed at the impact.

"Easy, man!" I exclaimed, rubbing my side.

"Sorry, dude." He apologized, shrugging.

As I was massaging my probably broken rib, Elliott came storming in, more huffy than usual. A few straw-blond locks had fallen out of her ponytail and her jacket was slightly askew. It was obvious something was up; she went straight to Carla, and slammed her patient clipboard on the counter of the nurse's station. The sound was loud enough to upset the dozing infant.

"Jeez, Elliott! What was that all about!" exclaimed Carla over Izzy's fussing.

"Well, I was treating this really dreamy, Brad Pitt-look-a-like patient up in the ICU—"

"Mr. Banker?" I blurted out,

"Yeah!"

Turk gave me a look. Oh no, now he might suspect that I'm not really over my Brad Pitt man crush back from Thelma and Louise.

"I mean, uh, who?" I tried to recover.

Elliott dismissed me and continued to recount her story. "So anyway, just when I think him and I are really bonding, I go into his room, date push-up bra on and everything, and his sister's there."

"What's wrong with that?" asked Carla, not seeing a problem.

"Well, then he proceeded to tell me how much he wanted to meet her—"

"Isn't that a good thing? He's introducing you to his family." I interjected.

"Could you just let me finish?" She shot at me in her signature high pitched, fast paced, neurotic tone.

"As I was saying, he introduced me to her to try to set me up WITH HIS SISTER!!"

Carla gasped, both a hand going to her mouth to cover her gape. "Oh, Elliott, he thought you were a…"

"A LESBIAN!!" Elliott shouted.

Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, The Todd appeared.

"Did The Todd hear someone say lesbian?" he questioned, scanning the group of us gathered.

"No, Todd." Carla lied, passing Izzy off to Turk so she could put an arm around Elliott to comfort her.

"Ya sure?" The Todd pressed, eyeing Carla and Elliott. "I could have sworn I heard it…"

"Beat it!" Carla demanded, entering her intimidating mode.

"Fine, fine," The Todd backed off. "But The Todd's ears rarely ever deceive him."

And with that, he was gone.

"Do I really come off as a lesbian, Carla?" Elliott asked meekly.

"Of course not," Carla soothed.

The Todd reappeared. "I know I heard this time!"

Carla and Elliott simultaneously responded "GET OUT OF HERE TODD!"

"I have my eye on you two," he replied glaring at them and sulking back down the hall.

"You know, maybe my mother was right, I've missed my window to find a man." Elliott considered.

Immediately, fantasies of Elliott and another very attractive woman leaning in to kiss came to mind. They were getting closer, and closer, and closer, almost there—

"Listen up, everyone!" Dr. Kelso's voice interrupted my vision, naturally right before the two kissed. Curse Dr. Kelso, curse him.

"We have a new attending doctor joining Sacred Heart today, Alex Jacobs. Alex is a Harvard and Harvard Med graduate, and is transferring here from the best hospital on the east coast. So let's all give him a warm welcome and I'm asking all of you to at least pretend like you have some clue as to what you're doing. That's all," announced Kelso, before striding off.

"See, Elliott, there's a new doctor coming! Smart, accomplished, and I bet he's handsome. Maybe this could be your second chance." Carla encouraged.

"What's the point?" Elliott sighed defeated.

"You're right, with that attitude; you might as well be as lesbian." Carla remarked trying some reverse psychology and tap into Elliott's super-competitive side.

"Stop sounding like my mother!!" Elliot shrieked and stomped off.

Turk leaned over to me and whispered, "Ten bucks on Elliott having a girlfriend by the end of the month."

"Nah, man, the end of this week," I whispered back.

"I say the end of the day," The Todd joined in, again appearing out of nowhere.

Carla rolled her eyes and took Izzy from Turk. "You three are pigs. Come on Izzy, let's go get something to eat and drop you off at daycare."

"I'm going to go comfort Elliott…with my pants!" declared The Todd, raising his hand up for a high-five. Turk and I exchanged stares, it was his turn and he knew it. Reluctantly, Turk lifted his hand for The Todd to smack it with much too much force. The Todd victoriously strutted off.

"Ah man, someone has got to tell that guy to ease up," Turk commented, shaking out the sting that The Todd's notorious high-five left.

"Maybe you should take some of your advice," I scoffed, not forgetting my fractured ribs.

"It was an accident!" he exclaimed in defense.

Before I could argue back, something caught my eye. Well, it was someone really. Everything seemed to slow down as she entered the waiting room. There seemed to be wind blowing through her long, auburn hair as well as her clothing, making them cling tighter to her perfect body. She had a model's gait guiding her pair of long, sexy legs further into the room as her hips slightly swayed from side to side. I didn't know if I was imagining it or not, but her entrancing blue-green eyes and dazzling smile seemed to be directed towards me. The fact that she didn't seem to be wearing any make up, sporting unstyled hair, and was wearing a simple pair of black dress slacks with a none-descript white blouse was even more of a testament to her beauty. I tried blinking a few times, but the goddess remained in view. Perhaps the only thing that wasn't real was the music playing in my head, a song I heard this morning when I was getting my latte, 'Stay Beautiful'.

She stopped in front of Turk and me.

"Hi," she began, her alto voice seemed somewhat nervous. "You two work here, right?"

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, my eyes glued to her.

"Oh, thank God. I'm sorry, I'm new here. My name is Alex Jacobs," she introduced herself, extending her hand.

"Wait, you're Alex Jacobs?" asked Turk as he shook her hand.

"Mmhmm," she confirmed, nodding her head.

"But we thought you were a—"

"A guy?" she completed my sentence as she went to shake my hand. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But no, I'm Alexandria Isabella Jacobs."

"Well, um Alex," I continued to stutter. "It's, uh, nice to meet you."

"You too. I'm sorry, what are your names?" She questioned as our handshake came to an end. Her skin felt so soft, like a newborn baby's bottom.

"Oh, right, duh," I laughed nervously. " I'm JD, and this is Turk."

"JD," she repeated, studying me. "What's that short for?"

"John Dorian, at your service" I replied, my voice dropping an octave or two. Instead of rolling her eyes and walking away like the girl at the bar last night, Alex giggled in response. I'd decided that meant she was some kind of an angel.

She turned her attention to Turk. "Turk?"

"Chris Turk, it's my last name," he clarified. "Now, Alex, if you don't mind me asking—"

"I'm 21. I was homeschooled since kindergarten so I went to college when I was a preteen." Alex replied, apparently reading Turk's mind. Once noticing our astonished expressions she added,"That's frequently asked question number two."

"So you're some kind of super-genius then," I said.

"Only in the classroom. I'm still working on the whole socializing thing. Like right now? Big step for me," confessed Alex, bouncing nervously on her heels.

"Well you're doing a great job so far," Turk assured her.

"Yeah, just watch out for Dr. Cox," I warned.

"Who?"

"Dr. Cox," I reiterated, "He's an attending like you and I"—notice how I so subtly slipped in the fact I was an attending—"he's tough, especially on new doctors and interns. But don't worry, I got you covered, he and I…well, let's just say I'm the godfather of his daughter for a reason."

Please don't ask for the reason, please don't ask for the reason, please don't ask for the reason, please don't ask for the reason, please don't ask for the reason—

"I guess you're the guy to stick around then," smiled Alex. I forgot what I had said when she did that.

"I guess I am," I replied, still unsure what I was agreeing to.

All of a sudden, a beeper sounded. Thankfully, it was Turk's. He fumbled to take it off the clip and to see who it was.

"It's Carla, she needs me to take Izzy. I gotta head, see ya around, it was nice to meet you, Alex." He said jogging away.

"Same to you, Turk!" Alex called back. She laughed to herself, "Turk, what a cool name."

We were alone. Just me and Alex. I racked my brain for something to say…the first thing that came to mind was if she was into doing karaoke duets, since she sounded like she'd be a perfect Sandy to my Danny Zuko. I could just see it now, my greased hair and leather jacket, 'You're the One that I Want' playing, Alex in that tight, black costume, shimmying together…

When I had snapped out of it, Alex was gone. Huh? I scanned the waiting room, I found her walking down the hallway with Dr. Kelso. Double curse him!

"I've figured out what kind of day it's going to be," an unpleasantly familiar voice told me from behind where I was standing.

I turned around, "What kind of day is it going to be? "

The Janitor took a step closer to me, completely invading my personal bubble. "The kind of day where I ruin the already tiny chance you have with that—" He was pointing to the back of Alex as she strode with Dr. Kelso down the hall. Have I mentioned that she has a perfectly sculpted bottom?

"It's not going to be one of those days," I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Oh, really?" he challenged.

"Yeah," I responded, beginning to fear where this might be going.

"Hm, I'll wager you this: if you can get her to go out with you by the end of the day, I won't bother you for all of tomorrow. If you don't, I get to do what I want with you."

"Deal."

Wait, did I say that out loud?

"Shake on it," He demanded, putting out his hand. I went to take it, but he pulled it away right before I could grasp it.

"Oh, too slow," he gloated, running the hand through his hair. I started to leave and he called after me, "I hope you're not afraid of chinchillas!"

Chinchillias?