THE ONE, THE ONLY – THE MANLY TEST!
Julius Root inspected the three fairies and the human that stood before him with distasteful silence. Foaly, Artemis, and Mulch had grudgingly agreed to sign up for this test only to placate the commander, and had found that this was a huge mistake. After awhile of pacing, Root cleared his throat and spoke.
"Well, I must begin on telling you the facts. There are three tests in which any man could complete, and others, well, not a chance. The first is being regarded by the great Wheel of Testosterone!" The elf paused for drama, but it didn't give him quite the effect he was looking for. All three made faces of either disgust or amusement. Only one dared to speak.
"I do hope you don't mean this literally," commented Artemis coolly.
"Of course not," Root said, purpling, "It's only a name."
But this didn't convince them.
Soon, an LEP officer rolled in a large wheel with different icon on each side. When the officer left, Root puffed out his chest.
"This is the wheel. When you spin it, it will land on the amount of manliness that you have. Of course, not all of us will be up to scratch." He cast an accusing glance at Artemis, who pretended not to notice. "So, who's first?"
Foaly was chosen. The centaur trotted calmly up to the wheel and turned it casually. It spun until friction slowed it to a gradual stop. The wheel beeped indignantly and announced in a computer-voice: "Congratulations, you are 54 of a man."
The rest of the opponents clapped half-heartedly, and Foaly stepped down. After he was Mulch, who scurried up, wrenched down on the wheel sharply, and scurried back. The force sent it into frenzy, and didn't stop for several minutes.
The computer soon chirped again, and said: "You have 88 manliness, and are in the lead."
Mulch was extremely smug, and remained so until Artemis sauntered up and turned the wheel. It spun for only a moment and cried: "You are 34 of a man."
Artemis shrugged. "The accuracy of this machine is poor anyway," he murmured.
Root leapt up as if he sat on a tack, and rushed to the wheel. As it spun, the commander treated them to a speech.
"When this stops, you will see a true man emerge. You are all respectable in one way or another, but I will truly—"
He was cut short by the voice: "You have 14 manliness."
Root's face was turning several violent shades of violet until the three's laughter subsided. When he sat, they swore they could hear him muttering: "Below the Mudboy even! That thing must be faulty…"
They waited patiently for the officer to take the Wheel of Testosterone away again, and knew they were in for another lecture as Root stood importantly.
"That was, however, only the first test. The rest will be more grueling than just doing the simple task of spinning a wheel."
A sigh erupted from Artemis, Foaly, and Mulch. It was going to be a long day.
A/N: I know it's short. Reviews would be nice!