A/N: THis was supposed to be published yesterday but obviously that didn't happen since it only came to me late last night. How would both Reagan and G react on Mother's Day knowing the fate of both of their moms? I hope you enjoy, it was kind of thrown together quickly. I want to dedicate this to all of you out there who are maneuvering though life with out a mom there to point you in the right direction. I believe that she is still guiding you and smiling upon you everyday. Much Love.
She woke to his arms wrapping around her, and his warm breath on her shoulder. Snuggling in to his warmth, she sighed contentedly and tried to fall back asleep. His lips on her back, had her turning slightly and capturing them with her own.
"What time is it?" she whispered, as she buried her face in his throat.
"Seven," he answered softly.
Groaning, she pulled the covers up over her head, "Why are you up so early?"
His chuckle rumbled through her body, as did his answer, "You asked me to wake you... Remember?"
"No," she growled into the pillow she had grabbed, and covered her face with.
Again he chuckled, but refrained from saying, "I told you so."
Reagan was not a morning person. Especially if she did not get enough sleep the night before. And between the dinner party Tony threw for her visit to DC, and then the after dinner drinks they all went out for, and then the passionate night she had spent in his arms; Reagan did not get enough sleep.
"Why?" she mumbled through the pillow.
"What?" he asked, confused.
"What's today?" she finally moved the pillow and whispered.
"May 12th," he answered.
"Oh," came her soft reply.
Moving from his warm body, she slipped from the bed and began to fumble through her suitcase in the dark. Propping his hand under his head he watched her for a moment. It was very rare that Reagan forgot anything, and it was disconcerting to watch the aftermath of when she did. Studying her fluttering movements he finally got up and grabbed her hands from making more of a mess in the bag then she already had.
"Hey... you okay?" he whispered, holding her gently.
She nodded, not looking up from the mess she had created.
"Rae, look at me..." he ran his hands to her upper arms.
Slowly she looked up at him and in the dim light of the room he could see the panic in her cerulean blue eyes.
"It's going to be okay, Rae," he assured her, pulling her in for a hug.
"How do you know that?" she asked, pulling back slightly.
G studied her for a long moment before he answered. He was so unused to seeing this strong, dynamic woman, wholly unsure of herself. It was slightly unsettling if he was honest.
Finally he answered, "Because I'll be with you."
A ghost of a smile lifted her full lips but was gone before he could actually register it was there. Turning on the light G watched as Reagan began to dress. As she pulled a brush through her long hair he couldn't imagine what she was feeling, but honestly it didn't matter because he was going to be right there with her today.
Reagan had been silent during the drive over, and as she got out she pulled the fitted, cream-colored trench coat close to her body, even though it was May. It had been unseasonably cold for May, but not enough to warrant the tremor he saw go through her as she waited for him to round the car. The plastic wrapper in her arms made crackling noises as she adjusted her grip on it, and her heeled boots crunched on the gravel as she walked across it to the grass. G remained close but gave her enough room to be apart, until she stopped about 100 yards from her destination.
G waited next to her, unsure of what she wanted to do. When he felt her hand slip into his he got his answer.
"We can leave if you want," he offered her an out.
She shook her head, "I have to do this."
He understood her need, and found a little jealously bubble to the surface, because she had this chance, and he never would. It was not that he begrudged her this moment, in actuality, he had readily agreed when she told him that she wanted to do this. But being there, the full realization of how lucky she was, hit him full on.
They walked the finally 100 yards together, her hand getting tighter, and tighter the closer they got. When they finally stopped, he wasn't sure she was breathing, but the grip she has on his hand told him otherwise.
They stood silently for a long time, just standing hand in hand, until Reagan finally spoke.
"Happy Mother's Day... Mom," the word caught in her throat.
G turned slightly to look at her and caught a stray tear slip down her cheek. He tightened his grip on her hand, to let her know he was still there, but Reagan was deep in her own world at the moment.
She released his hand and bent down, kneeling in the damp grass as she placed the bouquet of pale pink roses at the base of the head stone. G looked on, slightly envious that she had this marker to help her deal with her mother's absence. He knew it wasn't much, that it wasn't a substitute for the real thing, but to him it was something... something more than he had ever had.
"I'm sorry I've never come before. You know that it was impossible but I'm still sorry," she whispered, her forehead leaning on the cool, damp, stone.
"I miss you, Mom. I miss you so much. I don't know how I've survived this long without your guidance. How will I ever know how to be a mother when our time together was cut so short?"
Her words were whispered so quietly that G could barely make them out. He could see the anguish on her face, and the glittering of tears in her eyes. With her hand pressed to the stone she turned and looked up at him.
"Mom... this is G. Callen. He's... he's amazing. He's intelligent, and strong, caring and loving, humble and a leader. He's everything you could ever want for your little girl. And he loves me, Mom. He would give up everything for me, and you know what Mommy?"
She paused, still staring at G, now noticing the faint glitter of tears in his eyes. She turned her head back to the stone and put her lips very close.
"I would give up everything for him too," she whispered.
"I love him, Mom. The way you loved Dad. In that all-encompassing way. They way you showed me someone should be loved. I've never loved anyone like this before, and it frightens me, Mom. I'm terrified, and I have no one to talk to."
Reagan closed her eyes and was silent, memories of her Mother, from her childhood, washing over her. That smile that used to light up a room, the laugh that use to make a teenage Reagan cringe, the sparkle in her eyes when she would plan some mischief, but most of all her voice.
"Love, darling, is a grand adventure. It's like standing on the edge of the world and jumping off. You don't know if you will soar to the stars, or plummet into darkness, yet you jump anyway, because it's not the destination, but the journey that matters. Make every moment count and you will never be disappointed."
She could hear her mother's voice echoing in her head, the lessons disguised as idle chatter, the advice given during silly moments; and she knew that she would be okay. That her mother would always be there with her, that everything she every needed to know came from those precious times.
The tears slipped from her eyes a she sat and looked up at G. She could tell he didn't know what to do, or how to comfort her, so she smiled a watery smile at him and raised her hand. Taking it, she tugged until he was next to her on the grass beside her mother's head stone.
"What do you remember about your mother?" she asked him, as she laid her head against the stone and rested their joined hands on her lap.
G sat, quietly for a moment, studying Reagan and searching his memories for an answer. And suddenly it was right there before him.
"Her hair... I remember her hair. It was long and had this way of curling around my fingers when I would touch it. It was soft and always smelled of lavender," he answered hesitantly.
"My mom was blonde and her hair was always pulled back in a messy bun. What else?" Reagan prodded.
"Her smile," he answered more readily, "She had this way of smiling that would light up her face and make her eyes sparkle. Your smile does that. It reminds me of her sometimes."
A faint smile ghosted Reagan's lips at his comment, "What color were her eyes?"
He paused before answering this time, "They were dark I think. Really dark, yet bright, if that makes any sense," he said, with a shrug.
Reagan nodded but remained silent, trying to piece together an image of what his mother looked like from his description.
"But it's her laughter I remember the most. It was real. Not that fake tinkling laugh you hear some moms make for their children's antics. It was a big, burst out of your mouth, laugh, and she made no qualms about it being loud. I used to love to make her laugh."
His memories came back quickly at her questions, bringing back his mother with them.
Reagan chuckled, "I'm sure you did."
"She would have liked you," he said, completely out of the blue.
Reagan lifted her head, a frown settled between her brows, "How could you know that G. You were a baby when she died."
"I don't know. I just have this feeling... I just think she was the type of woman who would love you, simply because you love me."
Reagan smiled at that and stood, pulling G up with her, "I would like to think that too."
They walked back to the car in silence, Reagan's arm linked through his, each lost in their own memories. They made it back to the hotel with very little conversation and even as they divested themselves of their jackets neither moved to speak yet. Reagan sat on the edge of the bed, removing her heeled boots, and then flopped back, staring up at the ceiling. G dropped himself into a nearby arm-chair and watched her thoughtfully.
"Do you want to have children?" he asked suddenly, causing her to turn her lean up on her elbows and study him.
"I... I don't know. It's not something I've ever thought about. With my life the way it was, children were simply not an option," she answered honestly.
"What about now?" he pushed gently.
"Now? I don't even know if I can have children."
"But if you could? If we could?"
She laid back down on the bed, her hands slowly making their way to her ever flat belly. "If we could?" he had said. Did she want that from her life? Could she handle being away from the 'game' as her belly rounded and a little life blossomed within her? A life that she and G had created together? What kind of mother would she be? She had so little knowledge of motherhood, and he had even less.
She felt the bed dip under his weight as she climbed up next to her, his hand sliding underneath her shirt to lay against the warm skin of her belly. She felt a pull deep down in her core, her body letting her know that she wanted something very different from the sweet conversation they were having. But she ignored it, and brought her thoughts back to his question.
"Do you want to have children?"
"I never did before. I didn't think I was cut-out for fatherhood. But I never thought I was cut-out for a relationship either, and here I am," he smiled at her.
Reagan tried to process that information, but found she still did not have an answer for him or herself.
"I don't have an answer for you, G. It's not something I've ever thought about... but then again, this... us... is not something I've ever thought about either, and here we are. We both know the future is unsure, and plans have a way of falling down in mid-flight. But if it were to happen, if fate decided for us... then yes I think I would like to have children... with you."
G leaned up, over her and smiled softly into her eyes, his lips coming down on hers, capturing them in a soft kiss. Her hands crept up around his neck as his slowly slid from her belly beneath the waist band of her jeans.
With a giggle she pushed him off of her and pounced on top of him, "I may want to have children with you... eventually, G. Callen. But I am not going to tempt fate today! There are too many things I still want to do before I even think about there being three of us!"
He smiled widely at her and reached up for her face, pulling her down for a searing kiss.
"I agree completely," he assured her.
"Good, now get up and find me breakfast," she laughed, "You'll have to get use to waiting on me so you know how to do it in the future!"
G playfully pushed her from him and rose with a smile on his face. He watched her pull a file from her bag and started to fill in the paper work she had brought with her. Her bottom lip tugged between her teeth, a small frown caught between her brows, the pen scribbling away in her neat hand writing. With a smile he picked up the phone to call room service, and thought about their earlier conversation.
Yes he thought, a little girl... a little girl to teach everything their mothers taught them. They would keep their mother's alive by passing on their memories to a child of their own. After all a mother's love is forever; time, distance, hardship...all fall before the strength of her love.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there. I hope your day was as wonderful as mine.