Title: On the Precipice
Rating: PG13
Summary: Wilson is Wilson, sort of. Don't know if this is spoiler or not as I try hard to avoid them, but the preview clip at the end of "Brave Heart" got me thinking. Warning - this is is Darker than I usually write.
Words: about 600
Disclaimer: Mine Mine Mine. Or not.
Beta: read-through by my lovely beta Belladione. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Warnings/Spoilers: Through season 5.
Feedback: Love it.
Author's note: I'm busy throwing a pity party with friends via Facebook. This popped into my head and I thought that it might help drag me from the dark corners of my own mind.
It wouldn't take much more to push him over the edge.
One more loss. One more disaster. One more diagnosis.
Losing his latest patient was the last straw.
It wasn't as though he hadn't lost his share of patients.
This one just shouldn't have been one of them.
A sweet little thing. So full of life and then gone in the blink of an eye.
Bethany was one of his precious bald-headed freaks. And she was in remission.
He had just told them a few days ago.
She had jumped onto his lap and kissed her "best Dr. Jimmy" over and over.
No more sticks, no more chemo, no more missing out on the fun things.
Her hair might even grow back!
There was no reason she had to die.
She was only 6.
She shouldn't have died.
She had finally felt strong enough to climb the tree in her front yard.
Her parents watched, proud that she was able to do it, proud that she was almost healthy again.
The cancer would always be the sword of Damocles hanging over their head, but for now they could enjoy life.
Her laughter ringing from between the branches was proof that things would be okay.
And then she fell.
It wasn't all that far, but she hit her head.
They paged her "best Dr. Jimmy" but there was nothing anyone could do.
Her parents knew they couldn't do anything more for her and they asked him to stay.
She reached out towards him, telling him it was okay.
She died holding his hand.
That was it.
One more loss, one more death.
Danny
Jenny
Bonnie
Julie
Amber.
Kutner.
Little Bethany.
How much more was he supposed to bear?
He felt like he was always worried lately.
Worried about Cuddy and Rachel.
What if the adoption didn't get finalized?
Cuddy would be devastated.
Rachel was everything to her.
Worried constantly about House.
Watching his "Best Friend" take a trip into le-la land nearly drove him over the edge.
Having to say "No" to him and not having contact with him for months was like chopping a limb off.
He wasn't sure he could go through that again.
They were all that he had left.
He couldn't bear to lose anyone else.
He had nothing left of himself to lose.
No one but Amber had ever looked out for HIM.
She had given him a taste of what it was like to really have someone care about him.
Care how he really was feeling, to not be taken in by his easy-going, giving nature.
There was no one else in his life.
No one would notice if he wasn't there.
He knew that his parents, his brother, his family, loved him.
Eventually they would notice he didn't return their calls; didn't come home for a visit.
But it would take them a while to realize something was wrong.
Cuddy had Rachel.
She'd be notified if he didn't come in to the office but she'd give him a few days once she knew about Bethany before she bothered to see if he was okay.
Sure, she had been sympathetic when Amber died, but it wasn't as though she had liked Amber.
After Kutner died, she didn't really care about how he was handling it; she just wanted him to take care of House. It was always about House.
And then there's House.
All he was to House was a puzzle.
"Not boring".
They had know each other for what – 15 years now?
And House had never really been there for him when he needed him.
Yeah, he went with him to see Danny, but then "The Case" got interesting; he had had an epiphany and that was, as always, more important than being a friend.
There were times that he felt like he had to beg House for a modicum of empathy. And he never got the support he needed.
House'd notice something was wrong when he needed a new 'script or wanted lunch.
Maybe.
Why did he bother?
But again, it's not like he had any other options in his life.
He was tired of being "The Good Guy".
"The Guy You Can Count On".
"The House Wrangler".
"Mr. Easy-Going".
"Mr. Team Player".
"Mr. Dependable".
Enough already.
He was done.
It was over.
So now he stood on the precipice.
It was too much for him to bear.
Would anyone care?
Would anyone even notice?