Worrisome heart – Melody Gardot

I need a hand with my worrisome heart
I would be lucky to find me a man
Who could love me the way that I am
With this here worrisome heart
I need a break from my troubling ways
I need a break from my troubling ways
I would be lucky to find me a man
Who could love me the way that I am
With all my troubling ways

Alex was holding the baby almost all night. He knew that there is probably no chance of saving the little girl but still he preferred to be at the hospital instead of staying alone at home and trying to phone Izzie. It's been a tough month for him, maybe the toughest one from a long time ago. First Izzie got fired then she just walked away without even coming for her live saving procedure. And the most screwed up person was Alex. He was angry and at the same time worried. He was trying to pretend that he doesn't care but that wasn't true and he knew it. He was freaking out and the only escape for him was to be in this room with this sick baby. He couldn't stand all the happiness of the others. Their usual problems like surgeries, love problems and even the battle for keeping their jobs. Alex wasn't used to be the victim but he was right now. So he was holding this little baby whose life wasn't easier than his own. They were equally unable to do anything at all and actually it felt good being together.

''Hey… baby. I don't even know your name. That is really screwed to die without even be named. I'll call you Kate… I'm talking to myself. That's stupid.'

'No it's not, you're talking to her. And look Karev, it really worked holding the baby. She's stable.' Said Dr Bailey surprised when she walked into the room and saw that the girl was still Alex's arms.

'You think she have a chance of survival?'

'Pretty much if she remains stable for the night. But she's going to need a surgery to fix her lungs system entirely, so you should be ready. I'll try to find a good OB surgeon by the morning.'

Alex stood silent for a few moments. He was hesitating.

'I don't think she's well enough to do it.' Alex said.

'The time will show.' Said Dr. Bailey and went out of the room.

'Look, there's hope for you… and for me there's not. Actually it depends on which person will do your surgery… and for me it was the same. I wish you to be luckier than me, Katie.'

***

On the next morning the first thing that Dr Bailey did was to check on Karev and the baby.

She walked in to the room and saw them both asleep. She checked her pulse. Everything looked normal. The only thing that she was worried about was that she couldn't manage to find an OB surgeon for the operation. The ephydemy of the virus H1N1 was so massive that all pregnant woman had to be tested before giving a birth.

'Hey, Karev.' She whispered but Alex was so deeply sleeping that she couldn't wake him up. 'Karev.' She tried once again. 'Alex!' Dr Bailey suddenly shouted loudly expecting to wake him immediately but…

'Yes… What?'He started mumbling.

'You have to get prepped for surgery.'

'Leave me alone.' Alex said with a low voice and turned his head on the other side.

'I won't leave you alone. You have to get ready and to call Dr Montgomery…'

'To call who?' He asked totally awake.

'Addison Montgomery, Karev , the tall woman with who you were working for a year here, she was married to Shepherd… '

'Ok stop it. I'm awake now. Montgomery, why I have to call her?'

'There aren't any available doctors. You'll have to do the surgery and we'll have her on the phone if there are any problems. Now, go and call her.'

'I don't have her number.' He lied.

'Really? I'm sure you do. Now leave the baby and call her.'

Alex gently gave her the little girl and pulled out the mobile phone from his pocket.

'And her name is Kate.' He said and went out of the room.

***

Naomi was talking something about her new colleague but Addison was so crushed that she wasn't listening to her.

'What is it?'Naomi asked.

'Lilie died.' Addison said still looking at the cat who was gazing her for over an hour now.

'Oh, Addie, I'm so sorry.'

'Don't worry. I'll be okay. Like always.' Addison tried to smile. 'The cat is looking at me.'

'Maybe he knows that you're the new chief.'

'I don't want a cat. I am a dog person. I don't like cats. In fact I prefer man the most.'

'So get out there and find a man!'

'I don't want to, I'm too messed up to start a new relationship, Neh. '

'Come on Addie. You'll find somebody easily. You're young, attractive…'

'I'm old.'

'No you're not. Stop talking like this.'

Addison's phone rang.

'I bet it's some young sexy handsome…'

Addison laughed at Naomi's comment when she saw the name on her phone's display.

'Who is it?' Naomi asked but Addison didn't tell her.

'Hello'.

'Hey, Dr Montgomery. It's Alex… Alex Karev.'

'Yeah Karev I know it's you.' Addison said and rolled eyes. Why was he calling her? It's been such a long time since they last saw each other.

'Hm… how are you?' It seemed like he had no idea what to say.

'I'm good. How are you?'

('Who is it?' Naomi asked again. Addison just smiled without answering.)

'Hah, it doesn't worth mentioning it. Listen, we have this patient… actually she's a two days old newborn. Yesterday her whole system was quitting but now she's been stable more than 7 hours. She has pulmonary edema and ventilation isn't working anymore. I need to operate.'

'Are you sure that is pulmonary edema?'

'I checked it on the X-Ray and she has a S3.'

'Ok. It's not such a complicated procedure but isn't there any OB surgeon?'

'No. Everybody is freaking out because of the H1N1 so it's only me. I've watched this before…'

'Yeah I know … Are you sure you can do this?'

'Yes, I am.'

'Good. Send me the X-Rays and her vitals from yesterday and today. Get prepared for surgery and then call me. We have to be sure that she's stable enough.'

'Thank you.'

'Just try to be sure about every detail and you'll make it. If you have any questions then ask me.'

'I think I don't have for now.'

'Good. Ok Karev. I'll call you back.'

***

*It went good.* Alex thought.

It was a little strange to talk with her again. Their relationship wasn't good at all when she moved to L.A. Sometimes he wandered if it was a mistake turning her down. And there was a moment after she left when he felt a little guilty. Actually it was pleasant working with Addison and in moments like this Alex missed working in PEDS with her. But that was the past. Maybe Dr Bailey was right when she said that on pediatrics will be a good place for him. That was future… it was really hard to think about the future right now so he preferred to live in the present, the past was too painful and the future looked too uncertain for him. Now the most important thing was the surgery.

***

'Who was this?'Naomi asked again after Addison hung up.

'It was Alex Karev.' She answered simply.

'And he is… Oh, the intern!' Naomi said smiling.

'Yes the intern. Neh, don't look at me like that! It is work, just work. And I haven't heard anything from him for such a long time.'

'And what did he say?'

'He sounded like he didn't know how to start the conversation but then we talked about work and work only. '

'Why don't you go to Seattle and help him. … With the surgery I mean.'

'I won't go. If I go that means I want something more and this isn't true. In fact he's a very gifted doctor and I'm sure he'll do it well enough alone. '

'Think about it. There's nothing wrong with the fact that you need someone, even if it's this intern.' Naomi said smiling and left her alone with her thoughts.

When she worked in Seattle Addison felt flattered that she was one of the little people Alex was nice with. He was really good in his job but he was standing in his own way sometimes. He was gentle and she felt good with him but this was long time ago. Now she had a new job, a new life. She started her laptop and saw that she had a message. *Wow! He's fast.* She thought.

'Let's see. She seems stable. But she's still too little to handle it. No. Okay.'

Addison got to the elevator and went in Naomi's office.

'I want your professional opinion about this.'

'It looks bad.' Naomi said while she was looking at the X-Ray results. 'What are you going to do?'

'I'll call and tell him to wait. To operate only if her lungs are totally shutting down.'

'I think so too.' Addison tried to get out but Neh stopped her. 'Addie! Can I get at least a conversation on loudspeaker?' She asked nicely.

'Ok.' Addison said after a moment of hesitation. 'But I warn you there will be nothing interesting.'

'Yes!' Naomi said happily.

Addison pressed the call button.

'Hey, Alex.'

'Dr Montgomery I've checked Kate once again. I think we should cancel the surgery at least for today she seems instable.'

When Alex said Dr Montgomery Naomi smiled with meaning but Addison made her a gesture to stay silent.

'Yeah, I think so too. She will have a little trouble breathing but I think she'll make it a few days more.'

'I'll do my best to keep her alive for another 48 hours.'

'I recommend you to do it if you want to save her but you have to know that there isn't a very big chance for… Kate.'

'I know. And Addison, can I ask you something that's out of the topic?' He sounded like he was hesitating to ask her or not.

Naomi was wearing her biggest smile and told without sound to Addison to say 'yes'.

'It depends what is it, Alex.' She said formally and Naomi looked at her disappointed for a moment.

'Have you seen Izzie Stevens somewhere in L.A.?'

Naomi said something like 'What the hell?' or 'Is he talking for another woman?'But Addison didn't fully red on her lips what exactly she was saying.

'Well, no. Have you lost her?' Addison asked a little colder which made Naomi start laughing.

'It's complicated. Thank you for everything.'

'Keep me in touch with Kate's condition.'

'I'll will. Bye'

'I don't want comments.' Addison said immediately when she hung up the phone and walked out from Naomi's office.

***

*This time it didn't went all well as the previous one.*

He was really stupid to ask her this. He was only guessing that Izzie could be in Los Angelis. He was calling her for work, not for his personal problems. It wasn't a good idea to ask this. Alex hoped that she wasn't angry or insulted. But who knows what is happening in woman's head?

***

At the end of her working day Addison was unlocking his car when she saw Naomi.

'I want to talk with you.' She said to Addison. 'If you don't want to I won't but I need to tell you what I think about all this.'

'Ok. I'll give you a ride. Come on.'

Naomi got in the car without saying anything.

Addison started the car and at this moment sounded a nice jazz melody.

'I like this song.' Naomi said.

'Melody Gardot - Worrisome heart, I adore it. But come on talk to me. Isn't that what you wanted?'

'You're a little bit disappointed and you can't hide it from me.'

'I would say I'm not but you know me better.' Addison answered bitterly.

'He seems nice.'

'He is… sometimes.'

'And I liked that he called you Addison that means that your answer was important to him. And who's that Izzie girl?'

'She is his friend or… more than friend I guess. She's a really nice girl even if she's too emotional sometimes. The last thing I know about her is that she has cancer, Miranda told me when she came here'.

'That's awful. And it seems that he can't find her. Maybe he's just worried. You can't jump on conclusions after one simple and maybe just friendly question.'

'You don't understand. I don't like him. I don't want anything from him. It's just… maybe I want to know what's going on there. And he was important to me then and I feel like I'm so far from all this. You know, one of the best interns, George O'Malley died before a couple of months ago because he throw himself in front of a bus to save a girl. When Miranda told me that I reacted normally and this's not normal. I know that person. He was my colleague. I didn't realize how much has everything changed until now. And I need to know about it.'

'Actually I understand you. You miss Seattle.'

'Yes I do, a little. But I like it more here just… it wasn't enough there for me. In one moment you just say to yourself: What got me here, won't get me there and this is it.'

'Yeah…'

'What should I do?' Addie asked confused.

'You'll just call him and then you'll ask all the questions to which you want the answer.' Naomi said.

'I don't think I'll be able to do it at all…'

***

After 3 hours…

'Hey, Alex, sorry I'm calling so late.'

'No, no problem. What's up?'

Hi! Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy it. This story is like a one shot but it will be two chapters long. I'll publish the second one soon :) It was a really spontaneous decision to write it. (We're in a vacation from school because of the H1N1 virus so I thought I should include it in the story.) When I watched the both shows on Thursday I imagined what will happen if I mix the up and I really liked the idea of doing it. I miss Addie in Grey's very much and it is a very hard moment for Alex so I combined them in one short story. I would love to see you comments. :)

I hope you like it,

Marty