Title: Past, Present, Future
Pairing: Established McGiva
Rating: K
Genre: Angst, Romance
Cat: Het
Spoilers: None, really. General Ziva background stuff.
Warnings: None.
Summary: She can't forget her past, but he can give her a future.
Author's Note: Comes from my friend Janet's prompt from last week of angst and "roots."
There are times she finds herself lost in the past, the memories of her childhood spinning in her mind as she tries to come to terms with her life, how everything happened the way it did, how she came to be here now. She sees herself dancing on a stage and searching an audience of strangers for her father's face, hears her baby sister laughing as she plays, tastes the iron of blood as Ari lies bleeding out before her. In these moments she finds herself cold, still, unable to be alone.
She closes her eyes to force herself back to reality and when she opens them again, senses someone watching her. She freezes, then gives in and turns her head, locking eyes with the person she's come to depend on most.
"Yes?" she asks, feigning annoyance, but she knows he'll see right through it. He always does.
"You need a minute, Ziva?" he asks, and she just blinks slowly and stands up, walking to the elevator, blank as she waits for the doors to open.
When they do, she walks in, swallowing as she feels his warm presence behind her. She waits for the doors to close again before she turns to face him, but doesn't look him in the eye. Her gaze settles on his chest, the white buttons on his blue shirt, then the dark of his blazer as he turns to shut down the elevator.
"Say what is on your mind, McGee," Ziva finally says, her icy words betraying how she is unable to move far from him, how her hands itch to touch him, how her body yearns for the comfort of his embrace.
"I wasn't the one staring into space," he says, and she jerks her head up, surprised at his words.
"That . . ." she starts, surprised at her own vehemence. "That is not fair. You, of all people, should know better."
"I do, Ziva," he says, and she knows it won't be long before he gives in and hugs her, like he always does. "I just want to help you."
She shakes her head. It's impossible. "There is nothing . . . It is nothing." She pauses, then the words come out like water. "Sometimes, I just remember, and I remember and remember, and I wish things could have come out differently. My life, my roots . . . I am always needing to start over, because I am always losing everything I had. I just want to start over sometimes, save my sister and my brother . . ." She trails off, running a hand over her face.
"Everything happens for a reason," McGee finally says, his voice deeper than usual. She looks up at the change and sucks in a breath at the intensity in his eyes. "If none of that had happened, you never would have come here, we never would have . . ."
"No," Ziva interrupts him, and presses herself against his chest, resting a hand on his stomach. "Some way, we would have found each other."
"You really believe that?" he asks, and Ziva tenses, unsure how to feel about his question.
"Do you?" she asks after a moment, a slight waver to her voice.
"We would have found each other," he repeats softly, wrapping his arms around her. "You'll never lose me. You'll never lose this." He tips her head up and they gaze at each other for a few moments before he presses a kiss to her forehead and Ziva closes her eyes.
"I know," she whispers after another moment. "Sometimes, though . . ."
"Never, Ziva," he says, lowering his head so their foreheads are touching. "I'll always be here. Don't ever doubt that."
She nods and lifts her mouth to his, kissing him slowly before pulling away and putting her arms around him, holding on for dear life. "I won't," she says. "We'll always have each other."
end
A/N: I know, I should have been working on The Tower. :P I wrote a bit of it, but . . . wasn't in the right mood for fluff. Hopefully soon. :)