I wrote this a while back, probably last summer or so and sent it in to evafics.org. It has been sitting on my hard drive ever since for some reason that I still don't understand. Either way, I figured why not post it. It ought to keep my readers for my other stories happy until I get to updating again.
I was never really happy with how this came out to tell the truth. It was mean to be a realy short one shot but ending up growing far more than I ever intended it to and by then it was too late to change it. Oh well, live and learn I suppose.
Rurouni
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True Peace
One could never associate pain as a pleasurable experience. However, to one on the very edge of a coma, it was quite pleasurable. Asuka Langley-Soryu, the pilot of Evangelion Unit-02 was one such person. Her mind raced through her epic final battle against the white monsters as the pain around her throat increased. She had finally done it, completed a task that no one thought could be done. Not even the invincible Shinji could take that from her. Those were the thoughts that had went through her mind as she tore apart enemy after enemy. And those were the thoughts that drove her on in that fierce battle, at least until the lance revealed itself.
The spear had hurt beyond measure as it tore her eva's arm to shreds. The next few events happened and her mind had slipped. The mass-production evas regenerating before her eyes, the lances being skewered through her eva's body and eye, the pain of the neural feedback from her entry plug. All of it blended together into one giant lump of pain. It wasn't the pain that had made her pass out though. It was fear.
Not fear of death, or fear of being killed by the mass-production units. Not the fear of never seeing anyone she cared about again, even if that was a small number. No, it was the fear of the purple and teal god of death that appeared moments before she had passed out. She watched the top of NERV headquarters explode in rage and fury as the giant fighting machine revealed itself. The cry of absolute terror that reached her ears was the one that made her faint. She had seen the videos when Shinji had been angry when fighting in Unit-01, and that cry betrayed his horror so much that Asuka found herself that she'd rather pass out than watch what was to happen.
When she came to, she felt herself lying down on her back. She felt gauze around her eye and noticed that she could only see blurs. What really woke her up was a pair of hands on her throat. As her vision cleared, she saw the cowardly boy she had grown to hate on top of her, attempting to strangle the life out of her. His eyes were glazed over, as if something precious had been stolen from him and he didn't have any control anymore.
It was then that Asuka realized that he had done what she could not. He, not her, had prevented the white Evas from killing everyone, from causing a third impact. She felt weak at this thought, He finally stood up for himself; he's finally decided to fight back.
Her body was weak, she didn't know why. It felt as if she couldn't even blink or move her head in the slightest. She couldn't even speak, that's how tired she felt. It took all of her strength to slowly raise her hand to his face, and gently caress it. That caress, though somewhat slow and pained seemed to carry more emotion that she thought she had ever experienced. It was saying to the boy 'I'm sorry.'
As her hand dropped she felt him release her neck. She was able to watch out of the corner of her eye as the boy sat back down and buried his face in his hands. His knees were up in front of him and he seemed to crawl into a ball. Then she heard it. A soft whimper, however muffled, Asuka found herself slowly drifting away to unconsciousness, but her final thought before drifting into the abyss of sleep was the one thing that had plagued many people who found them later. Why was he crying?
It wasn't until later when she felt her body rising into a stretcher that she realized that he was still crying as the medical crew loaded the two children into a medical chopper.
--
"Doctor, the patient in room 206 is stable." The nurse remarked as she walked out of the room in question. The nurse continued to talk to the doctor as she handed him a clipboard. "She's awake now. She's very confused as well."
The doctor sighed as he took the clipboard from the nurse. "Can you blame her? Those two were at the epicenter of that hell in Tokyo-3. Someone from the remaining NERV personnel sent a video file of her last fight. It's amazing she's even alive."
"Should we tell her about the boy?" The nurse hesitantly, casting a glance down to room 208. "She might want to know what happened to him."
The doctor grabbed his eyes and tried to remove some of the sleeplessness from them. "I don't think we should right away unless she asks. I still can't believe he walked out of here though. You think someone would've stopped him. Both of them are rather famous." He remarked, shrugged as he entered room 206.
Asuka lay back in the hospital bed, staring out of one eye at the white ceiling. Unfamiliar ceiling. Isn't that what Shinji always said when he was in these places? She heard the door slide open as an elderly gentlemen walked in carrying a clipboard. He was dressed in a white jacket and had white pants on as well. A small id identified him as the head doctor in the U.N. hospital. He had a small but gentle smile on his face. It reminded her of Shinji during the synch-training. "How are you feeling today Miss Soryu?" He asked gently, pulling up a seat next to her bed.
She blinked once and responded, her voice weak and raspy. "Like shit."
He nodded once in understanding. "Well let's talk a bit shall we? You are currently on the second floor in a United Nations run hospital in Tokyo-2. We found you while looking for survivors in the attack against NERV directed by the pawns of an organization called Seele."
She groaned, indicating her pain but asked anyways, "I thought…we were being attacked…by the JSSDF. I remember…fighting…humans…"
He nodded gravely, understanding her source of confusion. "Alas, they were given false orders from within their forces. It turns out this Seele organization issued those orders." He paused, giving her time to digest the information. "You had been quite injured, though we cannot determine the cause of it. It appears that the damage your evangelion received somehow transferred over to you."
Asuka weakly nodded. She understood how the Eva was able to transmit pain to its pilot, the higher the synch ratio, the more intense the pain would be if the Eva was damaged.
"We found you and one other around what appeared to be the remains of the final battle. Many damaged evangelion parts were found and some were…let's just say it wasn't pretty." Asuka nodded dumbly at the man's comment. He then placed the clipboard down and asked her, "Now do you have any questions?"
Asuka remained silent at this point, her mind finally started to work. "How long…was I out?"
The man lost his smile at this point. "It's been about 2 months since we picked you up. It turns out it was for the best though as we were able to keep you from losing your eye. You arm will suffer some side-effects but with some therapy, you won't even notice it.
Asuka then noticed that her body was really heavy. "How come… I can't move?" She asked, starting to realize that she was slurring as she spoke.
"We have you on some pretty powerful pain killers. Don't worry, they'll wear off soon but I'm sure when that comes you'll wish they hadn't." The man was intrigued as the girl continued to ask him questions. He had been supplied a psychological report from the people at NERV about this girl and she seemed to be contradicting everything they thought they knew about her. The profile spoke of a brash and arrogant girl who would rather kill someone than accept help. He honestly couldn't believe that this meek and respectful girl was the same person. Maybe it's because of her injuries, or the drugs. Or maybe that final battle was too much for her.
"Where's Shinji?" Her question cut through his musings as he realized that she was waiting for an answer. He knew what she was talking about but her profile also listed her hatred of the third child and he was curious for her reaction.
"Shinji?" He asked, feigning ignorance. "I'm not sure who you are referring to."
Her eye closed once, obviously feeling very tired. "Boy…my age…he was…with me…last I…remember." She slowly stated, the drugs taking control of her. She seemed to wait for an answer.
The doctor smiled as he pretended to remember. "Oh yes him. He's fine." He lied, knowing that the girl wouldn't want to hear otherwise right now.
A smile crossed the pale girl's face as she closed her eye. "Thank you doctor. I…" That's when she passed out. A sad smile crossed the face of the kind doctor as he pulled the blankets up to her neck and walked out of the room. You stupid kid, she's not as bad as you thought. She wants to see you, why did you run?
--
Asuka was aware of the pain as she opened her eyes. Her damaged eye still saw things blurry but she was told if she kept the light out of it for about another month or so that there would be no permanent damage. Her arm had fared better than expected, even though it now had a gruesome scar up the length of the appendage. She had not retreated back into her old personality, and seemed to stay quite meek and modest about anything she could. It wasn't until someone she had known from the past few months had come to visit her that she realized how much she had changed.
"Maya?" Asuka asked, hobbling around to the other side of her hospital room with the aid of a cane. The brown haired NERV tech smiled as the girl walked over to her. She was caught off-guard as Asuka closed her in a tight embrace, hearing the girl weep in happiness.
"It's good to see you too Asuka." She replied as they released the embrace. Asuka sat on the edge of her bed and signaled for Maya to sit. Maya sat down and looked over the former pilot. Asuka had become quite pale, at least pale for someone who normally was around Japanese people. To a German person, it probably wasn't that bad. It wasn't the scar on her arm, or the pale skin though that caught Maya's eye. It was Asuka's eyes. They had been so pale and distant in the weeks before the end, but no they contained their former fire and confidence. They were once again bright. "So how are you feeling?"
Asuka smiled as she placed her cane against the side of the bed. "Better Maya, a lot better." She paused for a minute. "What happened to everyone? The people here don't get access to that kind of information and I've been hoping that everyone made it out okay."
Maya blinked at the confession. The anti-social German girl admitting that she cared about people? Wait delete that, the anti-social German girl admitting that she was worried about people she hardly knew? What happened to change you Asuka? What happened to change you both? "Maya? You in there dear?" Asuka asked with a small smile, snapping Maya out of her musings.
"Well…NERV is gone. That's the best way to put it I suppose." Maya said with a small smile.
"Did everyone make it out okay? I don't remember much of what happened after those lances hit me."
"Many people died in the advance of the JSSDF Asuka, but you already knew that didn't you?" Maya responded, her voice dripping in the tones of sadness.
"What about Misato…and Ritsuko…and….Wondergirl…" Maya stopped listening after that though. She was shocked to see the girl showing emotions for the enigma Rei Ayanami. It was well known throughout the echelons of NERV that Asuka hated the blue-haired albino girl. But then Maya felt tears welling up in her own eyes.
"Asuka…Major Katsuragi and Ritsuko-sempai are both…dead. We don't know what happened to the Commanders or Rei either."
The girls faced dropped a bit and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that before the battle she would've fought these tears, forced them back and locked these painful feelings of regret and remorse deep within her heart so that they would never re-emerge. Oh she knew that she had been an ungrateful bitch to all of them, especially before her previous coma. Finally she let it loose, and it wasn't just those recent emotions. All the emotions slipped out in a crack in her defenses that formerly had been so strong. That barrier had been shattered in the attack of the fifteenth angel, and now she was paying the price yet again. She began to cry; all the love, all the hate, all the feelings that she had ever felt were now making themselves known. She felt a pair of arms surround her and knew that Maya was embracing her.
"Let it out Asuka. It's alright, there is no one here. Just let it out." Came the comforting voice of the former bridge bunny. Asuka just withered under that gentle soothing tone. The stone wall that had been Asuka's heart had finally lost its foundation and she truly cried for the first time in fourteen years.
Finally, after who knows how long, the pair separated, both wiping their own tears away. Asuka spoke very softly, her voice dripping with sincerity, "Thanks Maya. I've needed that…for far too long." Maya only nodded in understanding as she found herself thinking about this changed and more open Asuka. Asuka finally asked another question, "What happened to Shinji?"
Maya's body locked in place at this question. Not because she wasn't expecting it, more because of the thought the young boy now inspired in her. "Asuka, he's alive. Don't worry."
Asuka, though now more open and emotional, still possessed a sharp mind. She saw Maya's body movements freeze and detected the uneasy tone in Maya's voice. "I know that Maya. The doctor told me that about a month ago. They won't tell me where he is though, or what happened to him."
Maya looked at the young girl with a mixture of fascination and worry. Finally Maya sighed once, giving off the impression of an inmate slated for execution. "Alright Asuka, I'll tell you."
"They found him with you at the same time. He was crying and wouldn't answer any questions. We didn't know what had happened but he was cut off from the outside world. They brought both of you here and upon being placed into bed he passed out for a month. It was basically a short coma; he had to be fed through an IV. He had no physical injuries but when he woke, he…changed Asuka."
Asuka's brow narrowed at this. "When I first woke up, that idiot was trying to strangle me." She regretted to mention about the look in his eyes or the result of her touching his face. She also didn't mention her thoughts when his hands were around her neck. She may feel different but she was still the same defiant Asuka Langley-Soryu.
That comment shocked the bedazzled Maya for about a split second, but then it seemed that she believed her. This confused Asuka; she had been expecting more of a reaction to that tidbit of information. "I can believe it Asuka. He has changed…so much. After he woke up, he chose to stand before a U.N. tribunal to explain what happened in Tokyo-3 that day. It was scary Asuka. Most of the NERV survivors were at that hearing." Maya closed her eyes in pain and disbelief as she recalled his face as he stood and answered the heavy questions of the U.N. observers. "It was like he was his father. He knew things Asuka…things that he couldn't know, things that it was impossible for him to know. He knew about the beginnings, what really caused second impact, how the evangelions worked, and what happened that day after everyone lost connection with Unit-01. He described in detail, the commander's sick scenario for the human race." She shivered in discomfort as she recalled the confident and commanding voice that he explained everything with, it was too much like the former commander of NERV for anyone's comfort.
"That's not the worst of it, his eyes. They're no longer gentle or caring. They've become… controlled by guilt. It was hard to look at him stand there and try to accept the punishment for everyone in the past and present of NERV." Maya concluded, shaking her head to try to remove the vision of Shinji Ikari walking out of the tribunal, his confession leaving everyone around the world watching stunned silent.
"So…what happened?" Asuka asked, trying to picture the new Shinji as Maya had described him. She couldn't believe that he had become like that. She had been expecting him to become a coward, a shattered person like she had. His eyes at the beach said that this was so.
"He disappeared. No one has seen him since he walked out of the tribunal that day. His body hasn't been recovered and the general public still thinks he's alive." Maya stated, trying to not look into the pained eyes of the German girl. Those crystal blue orbs made no attempt to hide the pain that the story had caused.
Asuka's head dropped down. "Maya, when can I get out of here?" She asked softly.
Maya glanced at the redhead with a mixture of curiosity and wonder. "They said that if you wear an eye-patch over that eye when you're outside, you could leave tomorrow."
Asuka nodded. "Could you please tell them that I'm leaving tomorrow? I need to find him…"
Maya nodded in understanding. "Asuka, what does he mean to you?" Maya finally asked, the blunt question causing a rather large blush to cover her face.
"It's not like that Maya. I need to apologize to him." She started, her voice showing her regret. "I've done…so many horrible things to him. And he did nothing but try to help me and was nice to me, despite all the anger and hatred I threw at him. I never told him how much I respected him, as a pilot," Asuka said, tears almost coming back, "and as a person."
"What did you think of him?" Maya asked again, truly wondering how the girl felt about the shy and troubled boy.
"Honestly Maya…I don't know." When she saw Maya's strange glance she tried to explain. "I really don't know how to describe how I felt around him now that I really take the time to think about it. He could be such a weakling, always running from any kind of pressure; I hated him when he was like that, it sickened me. Or he could be an amazing hero, risking everything to save everyone like at the volcano and against the fourteenth. I saw the videos Maya, I know he was an amazing pilot, even if he did hate it. It was times like those that I saw another side to him, a side that if I hadn't been so stupid I would've realized how great he truly was."
"Asuka, you sound like you're in love with the guy." Maya remarked, quite amazed at this new Asuka. She caught herself as she said that last statement, waiting for the furious onslaught that was sure to come. Asuka didn't disappoint, and went after the young former Lt with a ferocity that still affirmed that the old Asuka was still around. The hospital staff was horror stricken to see the meek young girl they had been taking care of become such a ferocious monster. Maya sat there and listened with a smile. It's good to see her like this. I never thought I'd be happy to see her like this.
After her celebratory rant and rave she sat back down and smiled back at Maya. "Though, it would be nice just to be friends with him. Not competing or trying to push him down, just…being friends would be great. I owe him at least that much, if not more."
Maya stood up and smiled down on the girl. "I'll talk to the staff here about you leaving. I'll bring some clothes and some of your things tomorrow so we can go find Shinji."
Asuka smiled at that and thanked the young woman. As Maya left, Asuka went back to lying down and fell asleep. The last thoughts that she had before she pass out were ones of a clear set goal. I'm going to find you Shinji Ikari. Whether you like it or not! I don't care if you can disappear from section 2 for a week; you won't be able to hide from me for much longer.
--
Asuka found herself walking out of the hospital the next day without the use of her cane. A small black eye-patch covered her injured eye but other than that she was back to being the beautiful German teenager from Tokyo-3. She was wearing that yellow sun-dress that she loved; she had no idea how Maya got it but was grateful for being able to wear it again. She opened the door to Maya's passenger seat and got in. Maya looked to her and asked the big question. "Well, where to?"
Asuka smirked, her confidence returned as she brushed her red hair out of the front of her face. "There's only place he would go Maya. I'll give you a hint, it ends with the number 3."
Maya's jaw dropped. "Why…would he return to that…wasteland?" She asked, her amazement obvious apparent at Asuka's deduction as she started the car.
"Because it's the only home he's ever known." She said coldly, a single unnoticed tear falling from the corner of her eye.
--
They had made it to Tokyo-3 without too many problems. Even though NERV was officially disbanded, the fear the name invoked caused enough people to let the two of them fly to Tokyo-3 without too many problems. Asuka was getting filled in on what had happened since the failed third impact. It wasn't long before the two of them were driving around the remains of Tokyo-3. The U.N. had decided to leave the city as it was instead of rebuilding it, in order to make sure that mankind doesn't forget about the events that happened in Tokyo-3. They visited the old headquarters, where Asuka saw the mark made by Shinji's rampaging Unit-01. They stopped by Misato's old apartment hoping to find him huddled up in his room, but no luck. Asuka was able to salvage most of her things though, which pleased the two women greatly. Finally they visited the old graveyard, hoping to find him amongst the many graver makers.
"Do you really think he'll be here?" Maya asked, slamming the door of her car shut.
"I don't know. It was just a thought; he might be visiting his mother's grave. He used to do that…before the end." Asuka said, trailing off a bit into her own musings. The two of them walked until they reached the point of Yui Ikari's grave. Asuka placed her hand on the small marker, knowing full well that there was no body in the grave. Just like mama.
It wasn't until she heard Maya's shocked gasp that she looked up. A few stones down was a hastily made wooden cross. Around the top of it, a small silver cross was hanging. Asuka recognized it in a heartbeat and dashed there before she even realized she had told her feet to move. She grasped the cross gently, as if it might break under her touch. She saw a plastic plaque at her feet, almost completely covered by dust and dirt. She bent down and wiped the grime off reading the contents aloud. "Major Misato Katsuragi lies here. A brave woman, a competent commander, and my first friend. I'm sorry this happened Misato, you deserved better. I only hope you're happy where you are now." Then it was the years of Misato's life, but Asuka had fallen back onto her backside. She was sobbing now. She knew that Misato had died, but seeing the actual grave of her former guardian, friend and commanding officer, the reality struck her more than that lance did. She broke down and cried for what seemed like hours.
Maya watched as the girl broke down again. It seemed like all the years of indifference that had built up around Asuka were collapsing more and more each day. Maya knew she shouldn't but she smiled when she realized that the girl would be okay, even after going through the hell of NERV. She watched as Asuka stopped crying and rose to her feet, tears running down her face. She silently walked over and took the cross necklace from the gravesite. "Asuka, should you really do that?" Maya asked as she watched the young girl place the necklace around her own neck, her eyes knit in a resolute stare with the grave marker.
Asuka replied, wiping the tears away with her forearm. "Misato wouldn't mind. I've decided to take on what she tried to do. I'm going to try and save Shinji from himself, to save us both." She whispered softly, grasping the cross tightly. Misato, I promise you that we'll make it through this. Maybe together, maybe not, but we will survive. We owe you that much and I'm sorry…for everything Misato. "Let's go." She said as she turned away from the grave.
--
They were driving up one of the mountain roads. The two of them had run out of ideas for places to look. It wasn't until they saw the scar of Evangelion Unit-01 in the side of the mountain that they thought to check it out. It was their last hope for finding him in Tokyo-3. If he wasn't there, he wasn't in Tokyo-3 and there wasn't much they could do.
Asuka amused herself by counting the number of large rocks they passed as Maya drove up the winding road. "Asuka, I'm going to have to stop for gas soon." She said idly, watching the horizon as she drove. As they rounded the next corner she gasped though, drawing Asuka's attention. On the side of the road walking was a small figure with brown hair. The closer they drove, the more Asuka thought it was him. As they passed him, Asuka swung her head around to look at the face of the brown haired figure. It was one that she recognized all too readily.
"Shinji! That was Shinji! Hey turn around." She demanded, ignoring Maya's problems keeping the car running. Maya saw a gas station up the road.
"We'll park there. You can catch up to Shinji that way. Call me when you two are done talking." Maya said with a smile. Asuka looked at her like she had two heads. "Oh come on, you two have a lot to talk about." Maya remarked as they pulled into the station. Asuka bolted from the car as soon as it had stopped and taken off towards the area where they had seen Shinji.
She caught up to him as he walked with his face down. She wasn't paying attention before but now she took in his appearance. He was wearing a dark black jacket, zipped up to the neck. His hands were shoved in the jacket pockets and he was looking down at his feet. He was wearing a pair of tattered denim jeans and a pair of sneakers that had been through a lot. Even without seeing his eyes, she knew it was Shinji. She didn't say anything, she just ran and tackled him to the ground with a massive hug.
"Thank god. Shinji, you're alright. Thank god, thank god." Asuka said, tightening her grip on the poor boy as she continued to thank every deity known to man.
Finally after she stopped speaking, she heard a very familiar voice say, "It's good to see you Asuka." She smiled as she looked up. She then saw his eyes and backed away in complete fear. His eyes were not longer the pale midnight blue that echoed in pain. They were now blood red, and his appearance for some reason only conjured up one image in her mind.
"Wondergirl? Wait, no…" She stuttered as her logical mind failed her. "Shinji, is that you?" She finally asked, confused to no end. Eye color doesn't just change like that.
He smiled at her and turned out towards the horizon. He merely looked out there with a smile of contentment. "That's the reaction that most people have." He stated calmly.
Asuka recoiled in fear. It wasn't like he had said anything that really scared her, he just…didn't say anything. But she heard his voice. What the hell is going on?
"This is the voice you associate with Shinji Ikari in your mind. In essence, the Shinji Ikari in your mind is speaking." He answered, his lips unmoving, locked in a sad smile now.
"You're talking to me with your mind?" She asked confused. She never believed in this type of stuff before but with someone talking to her like this right now, she was willing to start believing.
"Something like that." He said. Nothing more was said from him as she watched him stare at the sun going down. She stepped up next to him and watched it as well.
They were silent like that for a long time, mostly because Asuka didn't know how to put her thoughts into words. Finally she asked, "Why did you leave the hospital?" Her voice was soft and soothing, like a mother.
He sighed, once again speaking in her mind. "There was no reason to remain there. Shinji Ikari is dead, no tool or technique of man can bring him back."
This comment only furthered Asuka's confusion. "If you're not Shinji then who the hell am I talking to idiot?" She said with a hint of arrogance. The boy chuckled at the girl's tone of voice.
"It's good to see you like that again. Before you were lacking your usual flare." He commented in her mind, casting a sideways smile.
"And it's not rewarding to see that you're avoiding the question. No more running away Shinji-kun."
He paused for a moment, and his face darkened considerably. Asuka almost stepped back in fear as the smile vanished from his face. "Asuka, how much do you remember from that day?" He asked after a long period of silence.
She grinned, a mischievous look covered her face. "I remember you trying to strangle me." She said with a hint of amusement.
The boy in front of her started to laugh openly. She smiled on, even though that she shouldn't be letting him laugh about almost killing her. But somehow, that laugh disarmed any sort of attack she could launch. It was just so…pure. I'm happy when he laughs? What does that mean? "Sorry about that, probably wasn't the best way to wake up eh?" He asked, finishing his laugh. His face went back to being a sad smile and he continued. "Asuka, third impact occurred that day, after Unit-01 began its fight with those monsters."
Asuka lost it then. "Well the hell are you talking about you idiot? You stopped third impact, it never happened!" She yelled at him. He didn't cringe away or seem upset like he normally would, causing Asuka to regret her actions. "Sorry about that, old habits."
"Don't worry about it." He said, closing his crimson eyes. He sighed out and asked her, "Hey Asuka, if something happens but no one remembers it, did it really happen?"
The obscure question threw her off. "What?"
He elaborated, filling in the gaps for her. "Let's put it this way, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
She frowned at the rhetorical question. "Of course it does. Sound waves exist even if no one is there to hear them."
"Prove it." The challenge had been made and it shocked Asuka. This was not the meek and spineless little boy that she had lived with for a long time. Seeing her inability to do so he finished, "It's the same with third impact."
Asuka stepped in front of the boy and looked into his eyes. "I don't understand." She said plainly, trying to get the boy to open up to her.
He sighed unhappily. "Asuka, do you know the theory of human instrumentality?"
She found herself thinking back to her days at the German University and nodded. "It's about humanity being at the end of their evolutionary ladder, right?" She asked, not too sure of herself. Hey it's been a while since I've had to think about that.
He smiled softly and nodded his head in agreement. "Basically, humans have reached the pinnacle of their evolution and now are doomed to die as another failed mutation." He sighed once again, ignoring the disgusted look given to him from his female companion. "Therefore, instead of letting humankind destroy itself, people wanted to take measure that humans could breach that final barrier. To become one."
Asuka's brain did a double take as he walked past her, still staring at the sun. He continued, "The organization Seele used the Dead Sea scrolls to predict what was going to happen in the last 15 years. Everything Asuka, the second impact, the Evas, the angels, everything was in there. It was as if they were reading a script. They believed that at the end, all of humanity would lose their bodies, release their AT fields and their minds would join one collective consciousness."
Asuka snorted at that. "I wouldn't like that one bit. I like being myself thank you very much." She said, his voice sounding disgusted.
He paused a moment and continued. "Using the mass-production Evas and Unit-01, Seele accomplished that."
"WHAT!?" Came the cry of the enraged German girl. He sighed as if the response was expected, or as if disinterested with her outburst. "Then why the hell are we still here? Shouldn't our bodies still be by that damn beach then?"
"There was one thing Seele didn't count on, and that was the actions of the third child." He said softly, breaking her outrage. Asuka then began to worry. She just realized that not once during this conversation did he refer to himself as I, myself, or me. It was if he was talking about someone else. "That and they did not understand the lengths that Gendo Ikari would go to. He sacrificed his wife in order to create the key to third impact. Evangelion Unit-01 contained the soul of Yui Ikari, the mother of the third child."
Asuka gasped at the revelation. She had suspected that was how the Evas worked, especially after her experience re-synching with Unit-02 in the midst of battle. But to be told straight out that her mother was the power behind her evangelion was too much. She stepped back, shocked speechless. "Yes, it does seem rather extreme doesn't it?" Came Shinji's voice as he turned around to face her. "There's more, if you still are willing to hear it. No one else knows of this Asuka so it's your choice if you wish to accept the responsibility of knowing the truth." His voice was so serious, it scared her. She gulped once and nodded. "Nor did even Seele expect the creation of the first child. Using Lilith and Adam, Gendo Ikari started the chain reaction that was third impact."
"Lilith? You lost me here Ikari." Asuka stated, walking in front of the third child. She was really starting to get annoyed at him. She really just wanted him to admit to being Shinji, or to at least say the word I or me.
His eyes blinked and then sighed in understanding. "You knew her as Rei Ayanami. She contained the soul of Lilith while Lilith's body was held captive in what was known as terminal dogma."
"WHAT?" Exclaimed the red head, anger bursting out her vocals. "Are you telling me Wondergirl was some type of angel?" She said angrily.
Shinji nodded once, as if it was the most common thing in the world. "Yes, Rei Ayanami was created using the combined D.N.A. of Yui Ikari and the angel Lilith." The statement shut the red head up instantly. She… was part of Shinji's mother. Did he…no he couldn't have known. If he had known, he would have cracked earlier than I heard. Though, it does make sense with how he said he felt something familiar about her. I still can believe that she was an angel though! Then again, she did have the personality of something outlandish. Shinji continued, not aware of the girl's musings or simply not caring. "Gendo Ikari tried to implement his version of third impact, which would have reunited him with his wife. However he did not know that Lilith would betray him, and give the choice to his son."
"The choice?"
Shinji sent a wayward grin to Asuka, somehow chilling her to the bone. "Why my dear Miss Soryu, the choice whether humanity would survive or not." The way he said it, it was as if an icy hand grabbed her heart. She stepped back, unable to even comprehend what was being said.
"Wait…he was presented with something like that? That idiot was given the fate of the world?" Asuka cried out, completely in shock. Shinji nodded once and remained silent, that sad smile still plaguing his visage. She then turned away, "Well of course he chose to live!"
"Actually, he almost didn't."
"WHAT?" Asuka yelled out, grabbing Shinji by the throat. She glared him in the eyes, now crimson and filled with something Asuka couldn't place. "You mean I almost lost my flawless body became of you?"
"Do you want to hear what happened or not?" Came the calm voice. His eyes locked on hers; crimson jewels staring into blue beauties. She let go of him, but a scowl remained on her face. She was slowing losing control. "He almost made the choice to end humanity's existence because of his mental state. By the time he was force to make this choice, he had been broken mentally and spiritually. It was engineered that way by both Seele and Gendo Ikari.
He noticed Asuka's jaw hanging open in shock and continued, ignoring the surprise. "Yes, the scenario called for the first child to die by the sixteenth angel attack, the second to by mentally shattered between the sixteenth and seventeenth. Those were merely parts of the plan for the third child. The plan also included having him destroy one of his best friends. That was the reason that Toji Suzuhara was chosen as the forth. They knew what was going to happen to Unit-03. The whole point of the third child was to be the sacrifice to the mass-production Evas, one of the steps in the chain reaction for the third impact. By the time of passing for the seventeenth angel, the third child was…destroyed, only a husk remained."
It was at this point that Asuka grabbed Shinji from behind and rested her forehead into his back. I never knew, how could I? Did… I help that breakdown?
"Do you know the true purpose of the evangelion pilots Asuka?" He suddenly asked, seemingly to break his explanation.
"We were supposed to defeat the angels." She said in a weak voice. Somehow she knew this wasn't true anymore. His story was starting to make more and more sense to her, and it sickened her.
"Partially. The real purpose for the children was to bear the suffering for humanity as its 'new dawn' approached." He paused a long time.
"So what did you do?" Asuka asked, raising her head from his back and staring at the back of his head.
He sighed. "Shinji Ikari was faced with that abominable choice. While he was deliberating, humanity did become one collective conscious. And that consciousness was centered in the mind of the third child."
Asuka didn't say anything and tried to imagine this. She could barely sort out her own problems, let alone having the whole world's enter her skull.
"He was…unprepared for the ordeal." Shinji said softly, taking a few steps towards the cliffside and stopping, turning to face the second child. "His own individuality was destroyed as others took his mind over. In the end he made his choice. It was this: those who wanted to stay as one collective consciousness and leave their bodies permanently were allowed to. It was the equivalent of heaven to those tortured souls. Those who still had the will to live returned to the LCL that formed their bodies and came…back to life you could say."
"So everyone who is still here had the will to keep on living?" Asuka asked. Shinji remained silent as he turned to face the sun again. It was slowly lowering itself down behind the horizon. She found herself angry at him, honestly convincing herself that he was just making things up. "Baka, only you could come up with a story that simple."
He shot her a curious glance and raised an eyebrow. She continued, stepping forward and poking his chest with her finger. "You heard me. That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever heard you come up with." She was about to go on but he interrupted her before she could move on.
"Kyoko Zeppelin-Soryu was unable to synch with Unit-02's core, unlike Yui Ikari." The statement shut the red head up immediately as she backed away at the mention of her mother's name. Shinji continued none the less, "The effects drove her mad where she began to take care of a doll, thinking it was her own daughter. In the end her own insanity drove her to kill herself, but not before ripping the head off of the doll she thought was her own daughter." Shinji then paused, letting his words sink in. "Those were the combined thoughts of several people, including you Asuka."
"Shut up!" She yelled, shaking her head angrily. She glared at him with such anger and malice; it was if the old Asuka had completely returned. "I bet Misato told you about that!" She yelled then paled at the mention of their former guardian's name. Asuka found herself grasping the metal cross necklace tightly once again, afraid that she would lose it to some unknown force.
"Fine. You received word of being an evangelion pilot the day your mother died. It was less than a week before your birthday. On that day, you received several toys, including a small scale model of the as of then, unfinished Unit-02." He stated calmly. This time the words caused the girl to back away in fear. "Yes Asuka, the third child saw your mind as well. He knew everything about you, even down to what it felt like to have the fifteenth rape your mind." The way he was speaking was soft and soothing even though he was bringing up memories that Asuka would rather have stay buried. "It is the same for everyone who was alive as the impact occurred. How do you think it is possible for someone to be able to tell you the truth of that day? He took in the memories and thoughts of both Seele and his father as well. And by doing so, he became the next step of human evolution, millenniums too early." His voice was now bitter in her mind and his eyes reflected this as they stared past the girl who was now trembling.
Asuka feel to her knees as she stared past the boy, lost in her own nightmarish memories. She didn't even notice the boy walk past her and step over the railing and sit back against it, his legs hanging off in front of him as he faced the chasm. After what seemed an incredibly long silence, she stood up and walked to him. "Why aren't you angry with me? I treated you so horribly, even now when I said I would try to be nice to you. I was one of the reasons for your breakdown in the end! You should hate me! I'm such a failure, why are you so kind to me!" She yelled at him, tears breaking through as she felt them escaping her eyes.
He looked over his shoulder as she cried. "Because you've suffered enough. Its time that you…as well as the rest of the human race, stopped suffering."
She looked up at this and saw his smile as her tears continued to come down her face. He had a look of such pain and such…purity. She couldn't stop herself anymore and she hugged the boy from behind, burying her head into his back as she sobbed. He said nothing, but grabbed her arms as if trying to confirm her of his presence. They sat that way for a long time. As her tears began to die away, Shinji spoke again. "Asuka?"
"Yes Shinji-kun?" She had heard the desperate plea in his voice, even though he would never have noticed it himself. She felt that something bad was coming and she tightened her grip around the boy.
He waited a bit before responding. When he did, his voice sounded dead, no longer the kind and gentle one she was used to hearing. "I'm tired…of everything."
She tensed when she heard those words. They sounded so familiar. She then realized those were the words she had said before trying to starve herself to death, the words she had said before she had entered her coma. She knew what it meant to say that, especially in the dead voice that Shinji was using. "Let's go then. Let's go home Shinji." She said softly, feeling tears well up in her eyes again.
"Shinji is dead Asuka. He has been since impact." Came the curt reply. Asuka felt his muscles tensing up.
"No Shinji. You're alive and here with me. Don't talk like that." She whispered into his ear, hoping to get some kind of reaction. The reaction was non-existent as if he never heard her. She shuddered as she knew what he was thinking. "Don't do it." She said, almost desperately.
"You don't understand. I'm not Shinji Ikari. I am, but then again I'm not. I've retained all the feelings and memories of every living human on the planet Asuka, even those who chose not to return. I could be anyone I want, but in the process I have no idea who I am. People tell me I'm Shinji Ikari, and I have his memories so I could be if I chose, but I'm starting to forget him." Asuka realized that even though he wasn't speaking with his voice, he was still crying as she held him. He stood up and removed her arms from him, using a great deal of force to do so as Asuka would not let him go. He stood and stared at the darkening horizon. "I can't deal with it Asuka. I've had a massive migraine since I've woken up all that time ago. And every passing day it gets worse and I get closer and closer to losing my own identity. It won't be long before his presence is completely gone."
"No…" She whimpered out, grabbing him again and pulling him close to her.
"Please Asuka, let me die. Let me die while I still can say I think that I am Shinji Ikari with an honest face." He stated softly, his own tears adding to her own.
"NO!" She yelled into his back as she sobbed. "Please Shinji, don't leave me." Those words struck a chord within the forlorn boy as he looked over his shoulder at the crying girl. The only three words that could affect the boy in such a way. "Please, oh god Shinji please. Everyone leaves me, everyone I care about leaves me alone. My mother, my father, Kaji, Misato, everyone! Please, don't you leave me too Shin-kun!" She cried out in pain that couldn't be understood unless you knew the inner workings of these two children. He turned to face her to say something but she grabbed him and pulled him over the railing, flipping him on his back as she planted herself on top of him. "Don't you dare leave me now. Not now Shinji, not after all we had to go through! Not after the hell that each of us went through!" She yelled angry words, but her sobbing defeated any sort of malice trying to make its way through her yells. "Not after I realized what you mean to me…" She cried softly, her face muffled against his chest.
Nothing was heard except the sobbing voice of Asuka Langley-Soryu for a long time. Finally, the boy's arm came up and wrapped itself around the crying girl. She looked up at his face and saw that he was staring back at her with tears in his eyes. His lips moved, "Asuka, it'll be okay. Don't cry anymore Asuka." He pleaded, tears in his own eyes. She saw his eyes, in unimaginable pain as he tried to comfort her. She broke down and starting sobbing again. He remained silent through all this, even though tears ran down his face in silence.
"Shinji?" Asuka asked after her sobbing had died down. At first the boy didn't react and Asuka looked up to his face. He was smiling at her with that gentle and loving smile. Why did it have to be like this? "I'm sorry…for everything."
"I know." He said, using his free hand to massage the hair on her head,
She shook her head in defiance, "No you really don't! I don't care if you did see inside my head during that impact. You'll never really know how truly sorry I am for doing those awful things to you." She declared bitterly. She continued, oblivious to the new set of tears that were escaping her eyes. "Did I ever say one nice thing to you the entire time we lived together?"
"Other than commenting on my cello playing, no you didn't." He responded. His voice wasn't bitter or upset though. It was warming and soothing. Asuka sighed as she felt a chill from a breeze rush along the back of her neck. "You didn't need to."
"I should have. You were too kind to me Shin-kun. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that…all that time I wasted on being shallow and pathetic. We could've been something Shinji. Maybe not lovers or anything like that, but we could've at least had been friends." She broke at the end, her sobs returning once again, though now they were really weak. The day was catching up to her and she felt really tired.
"We were friends Asuka. Just because we didn't say anything doesn't mean otherwise." His soothing voice returned. She found herself drifting to sleep in his arms, dreaming of times past and for once not having any nightmares within that past. Within minutes, she was sleeping like a baby, still on top of the boy. He sat up carefully and lifted the girl in his arms. He was surprisingly strong as he carried her away from the cliffside to the other side of the road. He placed her sitting against the mountain, still sleeping peacefully. As he placed her down, her cellular phone fell out of her jacket pocket. He ignored it and kneeled down to study the girl in front of him.
She still retained her beauty that was famous among the students of Tokyo-3 Junior High. He found that he was losing himself as his eyes combed over each part of her body, stopping to admire certain parts before moving on to the next. His eyes remained locked on her face longer than he knew though, and he kept smiling the whole time. He finally spoke again, his own mouth running. "Asuka, I'm sorry. I'm glad I was able to let you sleep peacefully for once. You probably will never understand it, but then again maybe someday you will. I'm not asking you to forgive me or anything like that. Nor am I asking you to understand what happened to me." He paused a minute, brushing a few strands of her red hair out from in front of her sleeping face. That warm, gentle smile returned as she murmured something that wasn't even a word. "I'm only asking that you remain strong and survive. I shouldn't have to worry too much. You've always been a survivor. This time will be no different I hope."
He paused again, wiping a tear away. Is Shinji the one crying, or is that someone else? His smile then changed to a sad one. "Shinji loved you very much Asuka, so much you'll probably never know. I know that in a way you felt the same way, even though you'll probably never admit it to yourself. I'm sorry, but this has to be done." The phone rang once, attracting his attention. He grabbed it quickly and opened it, not wanting to wake the girl up. "Hello?"
On the other end he heard a familiar voice, but then again all voices are familiar to him now. "Shinji? Is that you? Are you two okay, should I come pick you up now? It is getting rather dark."
"Maya…is that you?" He knew the answer of course, but it was if he needed to reaffirm something.
"Hi Shinji. Should I come get you guys now?" She asked cheerfully.
"Maya," Shinji paused for what became a long moment, "come get Asuka." He said simply, raising himself to his feet. He looked down at the young girl sleeping peacefully and then added with a sad smile, "And please tell her when she wakes up that I'm sorry. Tell her to survive so that the world won't forget what we fought for." With that he placed the phone down and turned back to the sleeping young woman. He bent over and placed a final kiss on her forehead, gentle but powerful at the same time. He wiped the tears from his eyes and turned back towards the cliff.
A pained smile crossed his face as he began to walk towards the cliff for the last time.
--Fin