Make It Right
We lost her.
We lost her.
That was all that went round my head for days…I don't know what was going round his head but I could tell he was sorry and wish he was where she was.
I didn't talk to him for days; I made him stay with his family away from me. I couldn't face him and I couldn't help but blame him.
I didn't see him for weeks. He tried ringing but he gave up in the end when I wasn't picking up.
His brother had come round to make sure I was okay and give me some comfort seems his brother wasn't going to but I know he wouldn't because I would just push him away.
After months of not being in touch with him; I moved away to New York where my best friend lived. She said I couldn't go on blaming him for what happened and think about the marriage.
We were still married after not seeing or hearing from each other for a whole year. I still couldn't bring myself to face him or even listen to him. I saw him on the T.V and my best friend would go to the concerts and I could see in his eyes, he was hurting but silently.
His brothers had told me; he cries and shuts everyone out. That hurt me and my heart that I couldn't bring myself to give to anyone else.
Another whole year past; I still couldn't speak to him. I got on with everyday life and hide away the fact my marriage had failed.
I haven't spoken to him, seen him or heard from him for 4 years now and I still couldn't bring myself to see him.
We were still married; I sometimes wonder why he wouldn't send me divorce papers but I saw him on the T.V and he still had his ring on and he was still saying he was married.
I was still living in New York with my best friend who was getting married to her rock star, I wanted to be happy for her and him but I could see it all ending in tears but then again them two are in love and haven't had children yet.
Every time I saw children running around in the park or going to school; my heart would break to millions of pieces. I couldn't let go and I couldn't stop blaming him for the cause of it all.
My best friend and her fiancée had tried to get me to talk out about it to someone and I couldn't bring myself to speak about the accident.
The love I still felt for him; I couldn't let go.
That is why I won't divorce him because it wasn't his fault and I still loved him after not being in touch with him for 4 years now.
I know one day I will pick the phone up and speak to him. I remember the times he would try and comfort me but I pushed him away. It was always silent in the house after we lost her.
Another year past and I thought maybe this year I should try and make ago at my marriage with him and talk about the accident.
I went back to New Jersey and went to see him. He was staying at his parent's house. When I arrived I saw him with his dad in the back garden.
He was smiling and laughing away but when I knocked on the door and his mom took me to the garden; his smiles and laughter stopped. He was in shock.
5 years and he had changed everything; his looks, his hairstyle and the way his acts. He was disappointed that I had just come out after 5 years of not speaking to him.
We sat in the family room. It was silent. I saw the photo of me, him and our little girl. I asked him.
He said, he lost control of the car and couldn't do anything. He tried everything to help her out but it wasn't happening; his brother had even tried to help but he couldn't get her out. But when the doctors got her out; she lost too much blood and had too much damage to her brain.
I cried and he had pulled me in for a cuddle and told me everything was fine and that he was very sorry. But I once again; I pushed him away and told me that it couldn't work because I couldn't forget and forgive even through it wasn't his fault.
I went back to New York and told my best friend everything and she said that I was being harsh and should just forgive him. I disowned her and got on with life.
2 years later…
We were still married. He wasn't moving on. I wasn't moving on. I had made friends with my best friend. I still had sent no divorce papers and either had he.
I really do love him just I can't look at him and go on with life with him knowing what happened even through it wasn't his fault.
When my best friend and her husband were having a baby; we connected again when we were both there for the labor.
We did end up talking and having a laugh together like we were friends. He took me out for dinner and took me back to his flat; we made love that night but the next morning, I was gone. I went back to my mom and dad house. I left him a note saying thank you and sorry.
Only a few months down the line; I find out I'm pregnant and having a baby girl. I told my best friend and her husband. Then I told him.
He was over the moon and gave me a big hug.
8 Years Later….
We were sat in the garden; watching our two little girls and our little baby boy playing nicely together.
I would never forget my first baby girl with him but I knew I had to let go and really try and forgive him for what happened.
I still love him deeply with all my heart.
Okay…my second Smitchie. I was just listening to Jonas Brothers and thought of this.
Hope you all like it. Please Review. Thanks