"...you are sure this is alright for me to come to?" Fenris asked for the third time.
Hawke chuckled and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend. "For the last time, it's fine. Mother holds this party every year for everyone," he said.
Fenris tried to relax under his boyfriend's arm. "You're sure?" he asked.
Hawke laughed and kissed his cheek. "I don't know why you're so nervous. It's just a party. You like parties!"
"I do not like parties."
"You always have a good time at Varric's!"
"I know everyone there. It's different. This is a party your mother is throwing for a holiday I know nothing about," Fenris countered.
"Fenris, it's Hanukah, not a pop quiz."
"A pop quiz feels like something your mother might do," Fenris said.
He still remembered Leandra's alarm at Fenris' tattoos. He'd made sure to wear gloves that hid the markings on his hands and his beanie pulled low to hide the ones on his forehead. The chin markings were the only things he couldn't do anything about.
Hawke laughed. "Only if she didn't like you. And she thinks you are the best. She might even prefer you to me and I'm her son!"
Fenris smiled lightly at that. "Well Leandra is a very bright woman."
Hawke winked. "Where do you think I get it from?"
"From the stories your mother tells, I would guess you got that from your father," Fenris said as they walked up to the manor where Hawke's mother lived.
The massive home always made Fenris feel small and out of place. This was not a place for someone like him. It certainly made him feel like a nothing, not compared to all Hawke had done.
Hawke nudged him then laced their fingers together. "Relax. I'm here with you."
Fenris let out a long breath and nodded. "I will try."
Hawke smiled and knocked on the door. Almost instantly, Hawke's sister, Bethany, opened the door. Music blared from inside and the scent of warm food drifted across the air. Fenris heard Hawke's stomach growl.
Bethany grinned, "You made it!"
"I said we'd be here," Hawke said as Bethany hugged him.
Fenris stood stock still when Bethany wrapped him in a hug. "Well come on in and get something to eat."
Hawke, still holding Fenris' hand, pulled them both inside before Fenris could think of some excuse to get out of here.
Warmth and laughter filled the air though Fenris didn't recognize many faces. Even with the jovial atmosphere, Fenris stayed on high alert with his fingers gripping Hawke's.
"You have to have latkes," Hawke said as he pulled Fenris into the kitchen where every flat surface was covered with food. "You want it traditional?"
"Traditional?" Fenris asked as Hawke made a plate.
"Latkes with applesauce."
"…you are making that up."
Hawke laughed, "Traditional it is."
"What? No. You have to give him latkes with sour cream. They're so much better that way!" Bethany protest.
"No, no. You keep your sour cream away," Hawke said with a laugh.
"You just haven't let the joy of sour cream into your life. Don't let him keep you from joy Fenris," Bethany passed over a plate.
Fenris took it, looking down at the fried potato blobs with sour cream. Immediately after Hawke dropped down more latkes and applesauce. "You can have them either way but probably not together. Applesauce an sour cream don't mix well," Hawke said with a smile.
Hawke led the way through the rest of the kitchen. Most of the food Fenris recognized: bagels and lox, chips, cheese and fruit. He tried to get a little of everything, not wanting to offend Leandra.
"Find us somewhere to sit?" Hawke asked.
Fenris slowly nodded and ventured down the hall to try to find some unoccupied space. Fenris didn't do strangers well and this echo chamber of sounds and unfamiliar people sent anxiety shooting through his blood in bursts. He could do this.
"Why the long face Broody?" Came a familiar voice and Fenris peered into a room and found familiar faces staring back at him. Sitting like he owned the place, Varric stretched out on the couch and right beside him Isabela sat with her usual smirk.
"Varric?" Fenris asked then looked to Hawke.
"Mother invites everyone," Hawke said with a shrug.
"Come on in," Varric said.
Fenris walked in the room as Isabella and Varric scooted over to make room on the couch.
"What are you doing here?" Fenris asked.
"Don't be rude. We were invited," Isabella said.
"Seems Leandra has taken a bit of a shine to Hawke's motley crew. The whole gang is here," Varric said.
"We are a lovable bunch," Hawke said.
"Even if you take a lot to get used to," Aveline said.
"You love us big girl," Isabela cooed.
With familiar faces around, Fenris relaxed a pinch, enough to at least eat. Fenris nodded and started on the more familiar foods first, not quite ready to try the sour cream and applesauce mixture that Hawke had built for him.
"Leandra does make the best food! Have you had the pie?" Merril asked as she walked in with a plate of nothing but sweets.
Hawke laughed. "That's kugel, not pie Merril."
"Well, it's delicious. Oh Fenris! Hello!" She said as soon she noticed Fenris.
Fenris nodded.
Merril sat on the floor beside Isabella and started eating her dessert tray of food.
"Are you going to eat any actual food?" Anders asked, staring at the pile of sweets Merril had amassed.
"This is real food," she protested.
"That is a sugar coma on a plate."
"Not everyone can live the joy-free life a vegan," Isabela said.
"Oh ha-ha," Anders rolled his eyes.
"Girls, you're both pretty," Varric interjected.
Hawke shook his head and sat beside Fenris. "You haven't touched your latkes!"
"…what are they exactly?"
"Delicious," Isabella answered. "Think your mother would give me the recipe?"
"Nope. Ancient family secret," Hawke said with a sage nod.
Bethany leaned in the doorway and laughed. "You mean whatever recipe she can find this time?"
"Shhh don't ruin the secret," Hawke shushed.
"That is… Fascinating, but what are they?" Fenris asked.
"Potato pancakes basically," Hawke said.
Fenris wrinkled his nose then tried a bite. The warm, tangy flavor burst over his tongue like nothing he'd eaten before. Crispy, soft and melt in your mouth. The next bite he tried with applesauce.
"Well?" Hawke asked as he waited like an expectant puppy.
"They're…good?" Fenris said. "But I don't think I'm a fan of the traditional style."
Hawke sighed dramatically. "Oh no, then who will eat all that applesauce. What a terrible fate to befall me."
Fenris chuckled as Hawke stole away a few latkes and the applesauce from his plate. The amount of food Hawke could eat always amazed Fenris. He swore Hawke had to have four stomachs or more to hold all that food.
"Everything's wonderful Hawke," Merril gushed, "I wish I could cook like this, but I just burn everything."
"We'll work on that kitten," Isabella said.
"Says the woman who caught a pot of water on fire," Aveline said.
"That was a defective stove and you know it," Isabella protested.
Hawke laughed. "I missed this story!"
"Oh don't get too cocky there. Aren't you the one who tried to bake cookies in the microwave on a Frisbee" Aveline asked Hawke.
He coughed, "That was once in college and I was very drunk and desperate at the time."
Fenris chuckled and shook his head. He could easily imagine that. If Hawke was drunk he was either cooking or singing; those were the only options. Fenris had gotten used to it by now though it still amused him to watched his boyfriend sway through Adele's newest hit, butchering it in a way entirely too charming. He sighed softly and leaned his head against Hawke's shoulder as Aveline launched into the tale of the flaming pot of water.
The warm voices and laughed washed over him like the waves of the ocean. He'd never expected to find this: a place he belonged, a family of his own. But for the first time in his life, Fenris felt safe, loved and full of light.