Mike's Diary
People often ask me about the first time I saw death at sea and do you ever get over it, the short answer is I don't think you ever get over it really, time may help deaden the pain but occasionally something happens that brings the pain to the surface. Over the time the pain from my first death at sea experience has dulled but the experiences of the last two weeks have brought it to the surface.
17 years ago I was a young Lieutenant serving on HMAS Canberra, with my friend and mentor ships XO Lieutenant Commander Jules Calvert. I was on watch on the deck when Jules and I started talking I don't even remember what the specifics of the conversation was about but it was something about his wife and daughter. A boat passed by our ship and opened up small arms fire on the deck, Jules pushed me to deck but got hit himself. I remember screaming for help and trying to put pressure on the abdominal wound but the blood was coming out to fast, and he was screaming in agony every time I moved the pressure just a millimeter. It seemed to take for ages for the doctor to get there, he finally did but all he did was look at him and shake his head. Someone helped me my feet and I could see the doctor looking at me but I couldn't hear what he was saying properly, he gestured at my uniform and I looked down and saw all the blood on my uniform and passed out.
I awoke a little while later in the Canberra's medical bay, my blood soaked uniform had been removed and I guessed disposed of as I never saw it again. I remember hoping that what had happened was a dream but as I laid there I could hear the doctor and the CO talking, Julian had died and a bullet had grazed my leg, they believed I had passed out from the shock of what had happened, remembering one of Julian's favorite sayings (Ya think) when people stated the obvious I must have begun to giggle but I realized that this wasn't probably the situation for it. "Lieutenant Flynn do you remember what happened asked the CO as he leant over the bed, I didn't really feel like talking but I basically outlined the boat opening fire and Julian pushing me to the ground. Talking about what had happened really started to hurt as the realization sunk in that I was never going to see my friend and mentor again.
The trip home was uneventful and I spent the time recovering first in the medical bay and then in my cabin, I spent most of my time trying to sleep but to no avail. People spent their time trying to cheer me up, getting me to eat and telling me stupid things like it was gods will but I thought how a god could let a husband, father and a good officer be taken away. We arrived back in port to what was a very solemn occasion, there was media everywhere and we had been warned not to talk to them, the only other people I could remember being their was his wife Michelle and his ten year old daughter Kiana. Kiana never shed one tear as she watched her father's body being unloaded from the ship and paraded past where she was standing with her mother, holding her mothers hand and standing tall and proud.
The funeral was held a few days later and Michelle had asked me to speak at his funeral, even though I had no idea what I was going to say I agreed to do it. Little did I know that Kiana had also written a letter to be read aloud at the funeral, as she stood up and began to read about how much she loved her dad and how proud she was of him and the job he done, the final thing she said was a story he use to read to her saying that it was okay to miss him when he was away but to be strong and brave when he wasn't around for he was always in her heart. Somehow hearing a ten year old say these words gave me the strength to get up and speak about Jules and the person he was. After the service was over I walked to where Michelle and Kiana was standing "thank you" was all Michelle could say as she embraced me, I turned to Kiana and embraced her and told her that her father would have been so proud of the way she got up and spoke.