Author's note: I'm sorry. This is more for me than for you the reader. I will try to get back to The Metal Magician as soon as I can, but I need to get this done with first.
Warning: Language, death, sad stuff, some spoilers, and shounen-ai. I do not own fma(b)
Set after the manga/brotherhood. Ed is about 17.
"-eral... General Sir! General Mustang Sir!"
Roy drifted back from his daydream. He had stared at the same paper for a while now, not seeing a word on it. He slowly looked up to find Riza Hawkeye pointing her shiny gun at his head.
"W-what are you doing, Hawkeye? I-I was just working on this file..." Roy stuttered out. He could already feel himself breaking out in a nervous sweat.
Riza let out an exasperated sigh and put away her gun. "Is it the one I gave you this morning that I needed back by lunch? It is 16:00 Sir. The higher-ups are getting impatient. I need-"
"It's that late already?! Did Fullmetal show up yet?" Roy interrupted.
"F-Fullmetal, Sir?" Riza's eyebrows raised a bit at her surprise. They then knitted as she thought. "No... I do not think so Sir. May I ask why?"
"He had returned from an assignment a few days ago, so I asked him to come in and write a report. He came in yesterday, but he was all fidgety. His constant pacing was annoying, so I sent him home and told him to come back today when he calmed down." He reported to her. Conveniently, he left out the part that he was worried about Ed. More worried than he cared to even admit to himself. For the past while now all he could think about was Ed, especially when he acted weird or was in danger.
Riza gave her superior one of her knowing looks and said, "There is nothing else I need out of you today, so once you get done with that file you may leave early and go... where ever you want Sir." She saluted Roy and swiftly left his office. He could feel himself smiling. She had come into his office with a significant pile of files in her hands to add to the large pile beside him, but she always seamed to know him better than Roy knew himself.
Grateful that he was being released early, he finished the file with record speed, and was soon walking up the steps to Ed's apartment. Roy took out the battered piece of paper to check the address again. The paper also had Ed's phone number on it and he had gotten it from Ed shortly after Ed moved to Central.
Roy took a few deep breaths, trying to steady his racing heart. Am I really that out of shape? It was only four flights of stairs. The other day I had to run up 20 flights. Crap, Roy, get it together. You were never this nervous around the women. Nervous? Women? Am I... No I can't be, he is a man. I am a man... But...
Roy shook his head and knocked on the door, cutting off his thoughts. He waited, and waited, but there was no answer. Roy knocked again, starting to worry even more for Ed. More waiting,...and still no answer. He is probably just out. I'll check back later... Roy turned around and started to walk away, but he heard a door open behind him. Maybe that neighbor will know where he went. I could say it's for work... He turned to look for the neighbor, but it was actually Ed's door that was opening slowly.
Ed looks like hell. His eyes are dry, but they are red and his cheeks are wet with fresh tear tracks, showing that he had cried not to long ago. His eyes are slightly glazed over and underscored with black smudges. His usually glowing skin is dull and lifeless, almost ghostly pale, and his hair was down and messy. Ed had a surprised look on his face, a mirror of Roy's own.
Ed snapped out of his daze first and he tried to slam the door, but Roy moved to quick and stuck his foot in the door. Ed reluctantly let the door creak open again as he motioned Roy inside. Ed tried to glare at Roy, but it was shallow and it faded quickly. "What do you want. I was going to give you the report tomorrow. Are you so bored that you just couldn't wait?" Ed said with false anger.
"For your information I was worried sick about you. What the hell happened?" Roy blurted without thinking. He tried to cover up his mistake by saying, "I-I-I mean without you w-we would not know what happened u-up north, you know, on your m-mission."
Ed gave Roy smile before saying, "I went south for the mission, Mustang, but thank you for worrying." His face suddenly darkened as tears formed in his eyes. "I'll tell you what happened. Come." Roy followed Ed through the clean, but cramped apartment. They arrived in a room brimming with piles of books congregating around a comfortable looking, but old couch. Ed sat an patted the other cushion beside him, indicating for Roy to sit. He did, but the couch was so small that their leg were touching. Roy could feel his face growing warm at the warmness of Ed's leg. He looked to Ed to see if he had the same expression, but Ed's golden eyes had turned to a bronze color and glazed, Ed was already lost in his thoughts. Ed began telling his story.
"Do you know the dog at Winry's house, Den?" He didn't even pause long enough for Roy to answer the question. "Well he isn't actually Winry's dog. He was our dog, but he was mostly my dog. Al always liked cats more. I can't remember a time without him at my side. I think our mom got Den for us because we were to young to go to school and the only neighbor in walking distance was Winry, so she hoped we wouldn't be bored as much with him around. We had a tough time figuring out a name until I remembered a book that Mom would read to us where the main character was a dog named Benjamin. Al couldn't pronounce his name so it got shortened and it became Den."
Ed smiled at the memory, but he was still not focusing on his surroundings. The smile faded quickly and changed back to his neutral expression as he continued, "One day while we were playing outside I noticed that he was laying down a lot. When he wasn't laying down he was limping. Mom noticed a lump on the upper part of his leg so we took him to the town vet. He figured that it was a tumor, but he usually worked on farm animals, so he didn't know what to do with a dog. He suggested that we go to a big city vet, but we just didn't have that kind of money. The best thing he could do was amputate the whole leg and hope that the cancer hadn't spread. Granny Pinako gave him auto-mail so that he could play with us again."
Ed paused to take a long breath. After he exhaled, he skipped forward a few years and continued, "After I became a State Alchemist we were travailing too much to take a dog with us, so Winry became a sort of full-time dog-sitter. I loved having an excuse to go back, because although it usually involves pain, I got to see him." Ed chuckled to himself. "He was like a lump most of the time. Except when it came to food. He would practically attack you for food. That is probably why he got so fat.
"Once the Promised Day mess was all over Al and Me went to tell Winry about Al's body. I had forgotten how much I missed him." Roy felt water hit his hand. He looked down to see that his hand had moved to Ed's leg without him knowing. His face flushed as he jerked away, but Ed seamed to not notice. His hand now felt cold in contrast to before, so he put it back in place on Ed's leg. Ed just kept talking. "We spent a while there. Al won't admit to it, but I think he stayed for Winry, and I stayed for Den. Then the military called me back to Central to help with some tough case with some odd ancient symbols. Al wanted to study Alkahestry, so he went to Xing. Once I was settled in, Winry brought Den to live with me. Unfortunately you do send me on missions, so when they come around I put him up in this kennel called R&R Kennels.
"This time when he came home he seemed even more lazy than normal. I didn't think anything of it." Ed's voice was slowly changing from the oncoming tears, but he continued, "I noticed that he hadn't eaten since he got home, and he looked like he was already on death's doorstep, so I took him to the vet in the middle of the night. A vet had come to meet me at the clinic. She couldn't figure out what was wrong because he seemed lively once we got there. She said he might have an infection or that it could be that he was having problems with his mouth because his teeth are bad. She gave me an antibiotic pill and a pill for pain. I tried to give them to him, but he wouldn't eat anything at all. The best he could manage was eating a bit of yogurt, but he would spit the pill, that was inside, out. I took him back to the vet's the next day, but he said similar things and gave me two new types of pills. He just would not eat... He loves to eat-"
Ed was suddenly cut off by a violent sob. Roy jumped. He almost never saw Ed cry, led alone this badly. He gently rubbed Ed's back until the shaking had lessened and Ed continued. "He would not take the new pills ether. I took him back and they kept him so they could do some tests, but the next day was a holiday for them, so they finally were supposed to call me yesterday with news. That was why I was so antsy. You let me leave and when I came back here they had already called. The landlady had taken the call and she relayed the information to me."
Ed paused to take a deep breath to try to calm himself. Roy could tell that Ed wasn't sure he could go on, so Roy took Ed's hand in his. For the first time since starting the story Ed actually looked up. Ed looked at Roy and gave him a shallow, waterlogged smile. He took another deep breath and continued, "H-He had a football-size mass in his side. It was a very rare form of cancer. Apparently when he had cancer in his leg it was in the beginning stages of spreading. It had only released a few bad cells, and most of them died, but one or a few managed to attach themselves to one of his adrenal glands above a kidney. I went in to see him this morning, but when the vet started saying his options, I-I... I got scared... This was really happening...His only two options were an exploratory surgery where in the best case he would have many weeks of painful recovery with an outcome of only about six months to live, but it would probably be leading to them having to call it on the table, and he would just not wake up. His only other option was euthanasia with me there by his side."
His tears were falling at a constant rate now, but even though even Roy was crying, he began the end of his story. "He was so lively, and happy. I didn't want him to die. I love him. He only looked a little sick. I couldn't put him through any more pain for only a little more life. His favorite thing was to eat, but he had no desire to eat." He took a shuttering breath. "I chose to have them put him asleep so that I could be beside him. He barked a few times, but she said it was just the lack of oxygen. After his heart stopped and he was officially dead he shuddered a few more times before he went still. The vet left me alone with him. I think that she was even crying because she was the one who stayed with him over the holiday. I kept petting him for a while. I was crying like a baby. My favorite part of him to pet is his ears, because the feel so soft and nice, like velvet. But when I went to pet them they were already cold. He was gone. He was such a good dog... I'm such a stupid, week coward..."
"H-How could you ever think that Ed?" Roy mentally cursed himself for letting the name slip, but Ed didn't seem to care. Ed looked up at Roy, noticing for the first time that he was crying as well. "You are one of the most strong and brave people I know. Not just in physical strength, but in mental strength as well. I would never be able to make a choice like that. I would probably shut down and pretend it wasn't real. You face the truth head on." Roy took Ed's head in his hand and tilted it up so that golden eyes met onyx eyes. Roy realized what he was doing, and he snatched his hand away. He could feel his face heating up once again, and he notice that Ed's cheeks now had a pink hue accompanying a small smile. "Come on. I know a place we can go to get our minds off things! Get ready to go," Roy said.
Ed stood up and Roy took notice for the first time what he was wearing. Ed had on a baggy tank-top that showed off his muscular arms, both flesh, and his toned stomach when he stretched. He also had on loose sweatpants that hang low on his slim hips.
"Where are we going?" Ed's question interrupted Roy's observations before he could go any farther down and start imagining things.
"U-um, a place with stuff. You will like it but it is a surprise." Ed only shrugged at Roy's undescriptive comment. They were both still crying a bit, but the new resolve of heading out seamed to lighten the mood drastically. Ed showed Roy to the bathroom and gave him some large clothes that he assumed were Al's. They were shockingly only a little tight around his shoulders, but they were a lot more comfortable than his military garb. The outfit consisted of a plain light blue v-neck long-sleeved shirt and matching black pants. It also had a zip-up sweatshirt, but he just tied it around his wast for later.
Roy was finished before Ed was, so he got bored and explored the tinny apartment. On a bookshelf (what seemed like a rare piece of furniture in the apartment) along with other random stuff was a dog collar with worn out tags on it. He did not check the name on the tags, but it was most likely Den's.
Suddenly Ed emerged wearing a tight-fitting, red tee-shirt and his signature leather paints. His hair was pulled up into a ponytail. He had on a brave face, but his eyes still were a bit wet. Roy walked over to him and gave him a tight hug. "Its going to be ok Ed. Remember that I am always here for you no mater what," Roy said into Ed's hair. Ed had been surprised at first, but a smile slowly crept onto his face as he returned the hug. Tears fell from golden eyes, but they were not tears of sorrow or pain. They are tears of happiness and relief.
"Thanks, Roy. It means a lot." Ed said into the crook of Roy's neck. They stood there for a while, just enjoying the other's warmth and comfort. They parted and left the tinny apartment into the busy street.
When they arrived the first thing Ed saw was a giant round thing with compartments on it. It amazed him that anyone could build such a giant structure with such little material, but then it moved. Ed jumped back a few steps, he thought the structure was finally giving way and it was going to collapse on them, but it didn't. Roy chuckled a bit at Ed's reaction before explaining, "That is called 'Ferris's Wheel.' I think this place is called a 'Amusements Park.' It is filled with things that you can ride on and I've heard that they are really fun. They also have a lot of food vendors. Have you had dinner yet?"
"No I haven't, but I'm not really all that hungry yet. When did this place show up?" Ed asked as they walked through the gates. Roy glanced sideways to see golden eyes as big as saucers looking at everything they could.
"I think it opened a few weeks ago. You were still away on that mission." Roy grimaced as he continued, "The traffic has become horrendous, so even driving from Central Command and my house takes a few hours. Walking has become the only way to travel." He sighed, but then his face lifted. "There is an upside, though. My men have all been finishing their work early so they can take their dates, or to find some. And," Roy looked around at all the bright colors before coming to rest at the giant wheel, "I finally have some place to take you to."
Roy paused, debating how many tickets they would need, and he looked back at Ed. He had a faint blush on his tanned cheeks, and Roy realized just what he had said. "I-I-I mean for work! Yeah, for work..." Ed smiled and ignored Roy's slip-up.
Ed slipped his hand into Roy's and said, "S-so we don't get separated. Come on!" Roy liked how nicely Ed's hand fit into his own. Ed tugged on Roy and brought them to the ticket booth. Roy bought them both endless passes so they could ride for as long as they liked. The first ride they went to was the most popular one, so it had the longest line. It was called 'Thompson's Switchback Railway' and it had a cart that went along two parallel wooden tracks that had dips and rises. The cart would go along the first track and then make a sharp turn and come back to the start along the other track. After the passengers left the cart was hoisted up a rope to the starting position. Ed held his hands in the air the whole time, mimicking some of the other teenagers in front of him.
"That was so much fun! It went so fast, like a real train! Can we ride again? Please?" Ed was bouncing like a little kid who ate ten pieces of cake. He was already running back to the entrance, pulling Roy along.
Damn. He is strong! "Wait Ed!" Ed came to a screeching halt by Roy's side. "Lets go see what else is here. We can come back if we have time." The real reason he didn't want to go back on was that it had made him feel sick, and if he had eaten lunch he would probably have his head in the nearest trash can.
Ed looked disappointed, but he gave a knowing nod. "Then let's go to that one!" He pointed to a building that looked run down in the creepiest way. "I think we walk through that one." There was a sign hanging over the entrance with 'Enter... If You Dare!' written in red paint that was meant to look like blood. The line was filled with young couples and groups of couples, the girls all tightly hugging their date and the boys all joking around with the other boys. This is probably a haunted house. I remember bringing dates to these haunted houses when I was in high school. Roy smirked to himself. The girls would get scared and hug close. You might even snag a few kisses and touches in the dark. I wonder if Ed knows about these houses... You're supposed to bring girls here.
"One time on a mission I had to blend in with a bunch of high school kids. They set me up with a date and brought us to one of these places. I didn't like her, but she kept getting scared and she squeezed me half to death," Ed said as he looked into Roy's eyes. Ed was blushing again. "I know that you are supposed to bring dates here, so are you ok with just me with you?"
"Of coarse Ed! It is your day and you wanted to go here, so I am fine with it if you are. Besides I would rather have you with me than some clingy girl," Roy responded. Ed looked revealed to hear him say that.
The line moved quickly and soon they were at the front. The attraction was not a walk-through one like they had originally thought. It had small cars that traveled along. They were both shoved into the tight car before they could think about it. Roy's leg was up against Ed's again, like on the couch. He didn't have much time to think about it, because soon the ride was moving. Soon enough they were both jumping at the slightest movement. In one scene there was a mutant looking dog. Suddenly Roy felt Ed grab his shirt and bury his head in Roy's neck. Hot tears formed in Ed's eyes, but he forced them to not fall.
Roy hesitated, but no one could see them, so he started to rub Ed's back to try to calm him down. Roy took his free hand and started to smooth out Ed's golden hair. I can't see his face. I hope he isn't crying again. He looks so weak when he cries... When did I start caring for him this much? Is this... No, he is a man. I can't love a man... Can I?
They spent the rest of the day practically uneventfully. They rode all the rides, some of them twice, until it was dark. They were walking around and trying to figure out what to do when Roy spotted the giant wheel. "Let's go there! I bet the view from the top will be amazing," said Roy.
Ed looked up to the top and then quickly to the ground. "Ngh...I'm sorry, Roy, b-but please no. I-I'm afraid of heights."
Roy squeezed Ed's hand for reassurance. "I know you can do it Ed. You have persevered through so much. And besides, if you just look out it won't even feel like you are in the air." Ed kept his eyes glued to the ground. Roy gently took Ed's chin in his hand and tilted it up so their eyes met. There was the definite fear and uncertainty darkening his features, but his golden eyes sparkled with the stubbornness that he always obeyed. "If you get to scared you can close your eyes. And I will be right beside you if you need me. But if you really don't think you can do it..."
A hesitant, but clear smile crossed Ed's face. "Let's do it!"
They stepped into the car and sat on the wooden seat. The car was a bit cramped once again, but Roy did not mind this time. As soon as the door closed the car started to move. Ed grabbed Roy's arm and dug in with his fingernails. It's good that he doesn't have his auto-mail arm anymore. Roy knew that he would have some nasty bruises in the morning, but he was paying more attention to Ed's face. Ed was scrunching up his face with all his might, effectively bolting his eyelids shut.
Once they reached the top the wheel stopped. "Ed, look," Roy said as he shook Ed's shoulder. Ed slowly opened one of his eyes just a crack, but when he saw the whole town lit up with lights and the big moon in the background, both of his eyes sprung wide open. "Wow... You were right Roy. This is beautiful."
Roy could not stop looking at the blond beside him. The way his eyes glimmered, how his eyes shined, how defined his jaw had become once he grew up a bit, his full lips. There was no doubt about it, 'No, Ed, you are the truly beautiful one.'
Ed looked up sharply, his face full of surprise. Did I just say that out-loud? "E-Ed, I have had weird thoughts for a while now, and I just dismissed them because I am a man and you are a man, but I think I finally know what my heart is telling me. Ed, I think I lov-"
Roy's mumbling was cut off by Ed's lips on his own. Ed's lips were so soft and they tasted like Ed.
They parted, but both wanted more so they quickly kissed again, but this time it was deeper, full of how much they loved each other.
The ride suddenly jerked and started to move. Ed let out a yelp and clinged to the front of Roy's shirt. Roy put his arms protectively around the smaller blond. Ed looked up into Roy's eyes with a soft fear that still resided itself within him.
"You are just so cute Ed! That much cuteness has to be a crime," Roy said before leaning down and planting a soft kiss to the top of Ed's head.
Afternote: I had to get some stuff off my chest. This story helped me cope. This is pretty much the story of my dog Scratch. He died a few days ago on 6 July 2013. I did change a few things to fit Den and Ed. I had to lift my spirits a little bit, so thus the second half of this story. The second half came out crappy so if you want to re-write it please PM me to tell me an please give me credit, and please DO NOT re-write the beginning without my definite say-so. I did not proofread this as much as I try to do for my other stories so I am sorry for errors.
Thank you so much for sticking in and reading the whole thing.