Title: Chasing Dreams

Beta-reader: onthaedge (lj)

Artist: marsmaywander (tumblr)

Pairing: Kadam

Warnings: suicide attempt and ideation, mentioned non-con towards adults and children, violence, pagan beliefs

Author's Note: This story was written for the Kurt Big Bang.

A thousand thanks to my beta and artist for choosing to work with me. It's been amazing. :)

Additionally, I don't own Glee. Never have and never will. If I did, there'd be some changes.

_ooo_

Chapter One

The television was running. Burt was watching a football game, but he couldn't seem to concentrate on it. He didn't quite understand why but his gaze kept drifting towards the entryway.

Elizabeth was running late. She'd called him to tell him not to wait for her to have supper. Still, this was a little later than he'd expected. He'd already put Kurt to bed, to despite the kid fighting tooth and nail to stay up to wait for his mother to get back.

Burt took his hat off and played with its rim, before putting it back on. It was times like these that he wished he had invested in cell phones for Elisabeth and himself. They were still so expensive though.

He tried to focus again on the television but gave up when he realized that he'd missed a touchdown. He wasn't even aware he could miss something like that. Usually, if nothing else, the cheering after it happened would have caught his attention.

Something was wrong. As he admitted it to himself and acknowledged the feeling to himself, it grew more focused. Something was really wrong. Something bad was about to happen or had just happened. Kurt was still in the house sleeping soundly. That meant it must be Elizabeth.

Burt turned off the television and went over to the entryway to pull his jacket from the closet there, and his keys from where they were hanging on a hook next to the door, on one of the wooden hooks Kurt had made in kindergarten. There were a total of four of them attached to a piece of plywood. It was colorful and Kurt had gone all out on the glitter glue. Still, it was something that Kurt had made, so Burt hung it up with pride.

He heard a door open behind him and turned around, his jacket still on his arm. He saw Kurt had gotten up. He was about to admonish him and tell him to go back to bed, when he took in the red eyes and grayish complexion. Kurt whimpered, "Daddy…"

Burt dropped his jacket and quickly stuffed his keys into his pocket as he rushed over to his little boy. He leaned down to his level to look him in the eye. "Kurt, what's the matter?"

"It's mommy…"

"What is it about mommy?"

"She isn't coming home."

"Of course she is, I'm going out now to try and find her."

"It's too late," Kurt sniffled. "She can't come back. She's dead."

Burt's heart hammered in his chest. "Kurt, you had a nightmare. She's fine. You'll see. I just have to find her."

"Don't leave me, daddy! Don't leave me too!" Kurt reached out to grab Burt's shirt. "I don't want to lose two parents!"

Burt swallowed and gathered up his son in a warm embrace. "It was just a nightmare. You'll see, she'll be fine."

"But daddy, I saw her panic as she lost control on the ice. The tree branch went right through her head. She was in so much pain in the few moments before she died. It hurt, daddy. It hurt a lot. She was so sad, daddy. She really did want to come home."

"What sort of movies have you been watching?"

"Disney movies. You know that, daddy."

"You're sure it wasn't a nightmare?"

Kurt shook his head. "I felt it too strong. I felt everything, daddy. My nightmares are never like that. Other than the ones that happen."

Burt whispered, "The ones that happen?"

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, like the one where I saw Aunt Mildred trip over her cat by the stairs and break her wrist and ankle. Don't you remember?"

"I remember the incident, but I didn't remember you dreaming about it."

"Oh, I wasn't asleep for that one. I was working on my homework and then I suddenly wasn't anymore. If that makes any sense." Kurt shrugged.

"And you're sure that this dream about…" Burt swallowed and closed his eyes, "mommy dying was…?" His voice got stuck.

Kurt sniffled. "Yes, daddy. I don't want it to have happened though."

Burt took a moment to compose himself. He pulled away from the hug, but left his hands on Kurt's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Listen, Kurt, you have to promise me to never tell anyone else about these dreams you have. I don't care how close you are to them. You can't tell them."

"Why?" Kurt asked innocently.

Burt swallowed. "If the wrong people hear and believe you, they might take you away from me. We don't want this, do we?"

Kurt shook his head.

"Okay, then we have to stay very quiet about this."

Kurt nodded. "Mum's the word."

Burt sighed. "I'd hoped you wouldn't have inherited our gift – or had just received the weak versions your mother and I have. The dreams you have, are they of current events or future ones?"

"Present ones, I think," Kurt replied.

"Now that's a more advanced version of mine right then and there. I get feelings. I know something is happening, but I can't see it. Your mom…" Burt swallowed again before plowing on, "You mom was able to sense other people's emotions and pick up on their thoughts."

"Like me?"

Burt paused, digesting the information. "Yes, Kurt, like you."

"Oh…"

There was a pregnant silence between them, which was broken by the phone ringing. It rang a second time before Burt found the self-presence to pull away from his son to answer a phone call he really didn't want to answer.

He held his hand on the receiver hesitating just a few seconds before picking it up and stating clearly, "Hummel household, Burt speaking."

A harried voice answered, "Am I speaking to the husband of Elisabeth Hummel?"

Burt swallowed past the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat. "Yes."

"There was an accident on the road. I'm sorry to tell you, but there was nothing we could do to save her. She was already dead when we arrived on the scene. We need you to come and identify her body at Lima Memorial. As you know, she had an organ donation card on her. Once you've identified her, we'll be able to send her organs to help people."

"Go ahead with harvesting them. I know that time is of the essence there. She explained it to me. I have to organize someone to watch our son before I can come. Just… could you maybe fix her up before the funeral, so that it's not as obvious what was done with the body?"

"Yes, Mr Hummel. We'll fix her body up as well as we can. We'll see you soon."

"Yeah, soon." A tear leaked from one of Burt's eye, as he put down the phone.

Kurt demanded, "I want to go with you!"

"No, Kurt. You don't have to see your mom like that."

"I already did, daddy! Don't leave me here!"

"I'm going to call Andy."

Kurt's eyes were wet. "But daddy, it's my last chance to see her." He shuffled his feet. "I don't want… I don't want my nightmare to be the last I see of her."

Burt held back his own tears. "Kurt, they're going to fix her up. You'll be able to see her again before she's buried. I promise."

"But daddy… I don't want you to leave me. Please."

"Andy will take care of you."

"I don't want Uncle Andy! I want my daddy…" Kurt sniffled, "and my mommy."

Burt continued to hold back his tears. "I want her too, kiddo. We're going to get through this, okay?" Burt didn't know how he would get through this pain he felt, but he would have to. He had a son to look after. Their son – the only thing Burt had left of her.

Burt pushed the emotions back. He could deal with them later. Now, there was work to be done. He called his brother.

A grumpy voice answered the phone. "Hello? Do you know what fucking time it is?"

Normally, this would have made Burt smile. Now, though, Burt was just feeling numb. "Hi Andy, it's me, Burt."

"Why the hell are you calling me at this hour of night? You know my schedule!"

"I know, Andy, but there's been an accident. Elisabeth's dead."

"Huh?"

"I said, Elisabeth's dead. I have to go to the hospital. Could you please watch over Kurt while I'm gone?"

"I'm still sleeping, aren't I? This is a bad dream and I'll be waking up in," he paused, "two hours for work."

"Andy, aren't you listening to me?"

"No, I'm sleeping."

"Well, then wake the hell up and get over here to watch over Kurt!"

"He's old enough. He doesn't need a babysitter. Just," Burt heard a yawn, "give him to the neighbor next door. Then they can play together while you go play mortician."

"Andy, I'm serious here! Elizabeth is dead! I don't want him to be there when I identify the body. Later, when they've fixed it up maybe, but not now. Not yet. Andy, he saw it happen."

"You're serious? She's really dead? And he saw it? Like Grandma Grace?"

"Like Grandma Grace."

"Oh, crap! Poor kid! Okay, okay, fine! I'll call up work and cite family emergency then."

"Thanks, Andy."

"It's okay. Have you phoned the in-laws yet?"

Burt shook his head. "No, not yet. I'll do that tomorrow. Right now… I'm in survival mode right now."

"I'll call them for you once I get there. I'll see you soon."

Burt nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you soon." Burt hung up.

Kurt flung himself at Burt. "Please don't leave me, daddy. Let someone else go to the hospital! Or take me with you! Please daddy!" Kurt sobbed.

Burt carded his hand through his son's soft hair. "It'll be alright, Kurt. Andy will watch over you. I promise."

"But daddy…"

"But me no buts, kiddo. Your Uncle Andy will be here soon and that's the end of the discussion. Now try to get some more rest."

When Kurt went to sleep that evening he hoped with all his might that he wouldn't have another vision. Not after the one he'd seen of his mommy dying.

He found himself in a hospital room. There was a boy that looked to be a few years older than him there. Kurt decided that he was cute with his messy dark blond hair and blue eyes. He was really anxious and pale. There was a doctor there talking to him and his parents, who were holding hands and looking stressed. Kurt felt the dread change to hope. Kurt watched and felt as relief filled the parents and boy. Kurt heard the boy going over the words in his head in a strange accent, 'A donor was found in America. Your new kidney is on its way here as we speak.'

Kurt smiled and wished he could reach out to hug the other boy. All he could do was watch, though, as the boy was prepped for surgery, before he found himself drifting away again.

_ooo_

When Kurt awoke the next morning, he remembered nothing of the other boy. The only thing he remembered was the wish to reach out and hug someone. So, he went and hugged his daddy instead.

_ooo_

Several days after the funeral, Kurt asked Burt out of the blue, "Why is Uncle Andy treating me differently than everyone else is? He's always asking me about my dreams and stuff."

"That's because he knows more than the others do."

"What does he know? And why were you talking about Great-Grandma Grace on the phone? What has that got to do with me?"

"Your great grandmother was able to see things too, you know. You're the first one to be able to since her. Andy stayed with her a while, when he was going to university. If there's anyone who can help you with them, it's Andy, okay? He was there when…" Burt drifted off. "It doesn't matter."

"Please tell me," Kurt begged.

Burt avoided Kurt's gaze. "He was there when she saw her husband die in the Gulf War. It was a few days after that that he found her body. She killed herself."

Kurt cocked his head. "Why?"

"Because she didn't want to live without her husband."

"Why?"

"Because she loved him very much."

"Like you love mommy?"

"Yes, like I love mommy. But I promise I won't do that. I have you to live for. You need me. All of her kids were grown up. We were still very sad though. It was terrible to lose more than one person we loved in that short a time span."

"Were her visions awful too?"

"Yes, they were. She often said that she would give them up in an instant if she could. They weren't as bad as yours though, from what I can tell."

"Why?"

"Because she didn't feel what the people in her visions were feeling, like you do. You get that from your mommy."

"Can I turn it off like the TV?" Kurt asked hopefully.

Burt sighed. "I don't know, Kurt. I wish I had an answer for you, but I just don't know. Your great grandma said that sometimes when the visions were becoming too much for her, that she'd dream about her dream house where she was alone and safe. Maybe you'll have something similar. Maybe that's your subconscious' way of giving you a break."

"What a sub… sub…"

"Subconscious?"

"Yeah, that."

"Let's look it up in the dictionary. Then you can practice your reading and see how to spell it. Is that okay?"

"Distraction?" Kurt asked.

Burt gave Kurt a wry smile. "You don't let much get by you, do you kiddo? Now, let's look here…" He said and pulled out the dictionary.