Prologue.
I always liked the direction my life was going. I was working my way up in the publishing business, a nice clean cut career that I liked. I had a nice boyfriend that liked me; I suppose I liked my boyfriend too.
My liking of him should be making me regret all of the things I have done but the word 'like' is precisely what's stopping me. That's it you see? 'Like'. Like, like, like. It's such a re-occurring word in my life. You can't live with 'like'. If there's just 'like' then there's no passion, and if there's no passion, well, there's no life.
I can't say I taught myself that, a brilliant man taught me. He was brilliant in my eyes anyhow, I can't say how others saw him. Though I would like to say that they saw him in the same light. The only things I can say for certain are that his name was Dean Winchester and he wasn't normal. I don't mean that in a vindictive way, believe me, I could say anything about Dean in that way.
It's true though. He wasn't normal. He was just the opposite. The wonderful, wonderful opposite. I'm going to take a long shot and say that that's probably the reason I listened to him. I was never normal either, you see? We fit together in that sense. Despite the differences.
That's probably the reason I loved him.
I guess I'd better back up a little bit, explain before continuing. That's what this is all about anyway, explaining why.
When I turned 24 I was supposed to be happy. When Gabriel turned 24 he was happy. He had a lover on each arm, candy in his pockets and a smart ass remark to spare at all times. He just knew how to crate his own happiness and relish in it. I'm not my brother though and I cannot create my own happiness out of thin air; I choose wait for it to come to me.
When he had time to spare; between playing pointless practical jokes and dragging conquest after conquest through the house, Gabriel would insist on telling me that 'waiting around on my angelic little ass was stopping me from living my life.' That I should 'pull that stick out of my ass and learn what the word 'fun' meant'. I didn't understand. I'd just stare blankly and say something along the lines of 'I don't understand that reference Gabriel. There us no 'stick up my ass' and I understand perfectly what 'fun' means.'
I get it now. If you're reading this Gabe, then I must say that, as much as I hate to admit it, you were right. One hundred percent so in fact.
But I digress; this isn't supposed to be some listing of my more asinine moments, this is supposed to be about the things I've done I will never regret. The moments that have lead me to what I'm must do.
You'll think I'm terribly stupid, and I'm afraid I am. This is wrong. This is a sin against God. However a movie that you yourself made me watch Gabriel, taught me that 'people do crazy things when they're in love.' It was one of those 'Walt Disney films' that you're so fond of. The Greek one? You know what I mean. Besides, I don't even think God is watching anymore.
So here it is, the story of how I, Castiel Novak, met an idiot, learnt how to live my life, and fell in love. Though I must tell you; this story proves that whomsoever it was that said 'it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' had clearly never lost anyone they loved.