Disclaimer: I own nothing...thus I am broke
This is my first Captain Canary fic...super big thanks to my favorite new CC friends on tumblr...thanks for all your support and a big thanks to freyreh for looking over this for me and being my once off beta, so much love xo
~Captain Canary~
The mission was about changing their destiny. It was about becoming legends but they weren't told how much they would have to sacrifice to earn that title.
First Leonard, then Laurel. Sara felt like her whole life was upside down, like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. It should have been her. It had been her but Laurel brought her back and now she couldn't save her sister. Sara had never been so angry. She was ready to dump Rip in the 1800's and leave him there. How could she do this without her sister?
As for losing Leonard? To her surprise, THAT had hit her just as hard. When they started this whole thing she wasn't sure why on earth Rip had recruited Leonard or Mick but from their first time jump to the 1970's Sara knew that there was no way she would have survived without them.
Mick and Leonard were her best friends if she wanted to put a label on their relationship, which of course she didn't. Of course over time she and Leonard had become something more, or at least there was the promise of something more but Sara had always kept her feelings to herself, at least right up until the last moment she had with him.
Now he was gone and only his words about a future together remained. They spun around in her mind like a ride at a carnival. In fact that was exactly how it was for her. The hope, promise, and excitement of times ahead to the whirling grief that made her sick to her stomach. Sara lay on the bed in Leonard's room and thought about the mission. Vandal had been defeated only hours earlier. While the rest of the team celebrated the victory of the accomplishment, she couldn't help but think about how, regardless of what her choice had been: she would have lost someone she loved either way. Rip had told her as much when she wanted to go back and save Laurel. She rolled onto her side and moved her arm under the pillow to hug it slightly, it still smelled like Leonard and Sara couldn't help it as the tears began to roll down her face.
Waking up what seemed like hours later Sara was making her way to the kitchen for a drink when she heard voices on the bridge.
"It was a choice I made" Rip's voice said in his 'it's happening my way' tone that made Sara wish Leonard was around to say something to the contrary just to piss him off.
"It's not like we wouldn't have been okay with this" Ray chimed in as Sara shrugged and walked into the kitchen and got a glass of water. She was carrying it back to her room when she heard Mick's voice and she stopped again to listen
"Blondie is going to be pissed, you haven't forgotten that she was an assassin have you?"
"No, Mr Rory, I have not forgotten! I did recruit her after all," Rip responded "but I'm afraid that the loss of both Mr Snart and her sister would have been too much for Miss Lance and in time it could have destroyed all the good she was going to do"
Sara shook her head, typical Rip thinking he knew everything but it was the voice that came next that caused a chill down her spine "It wasn't just his idea to keep it from you," Leonard said. "With me gone you all had the motivation you needed to end Savage."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing, Sara was pissed, how dare they do this to her "So what, us coming on this mission wasn't enough? You didn't think we would go through with it?" she yelled walking onto the bridge as everyone turned to look at her
"You needed a push," Rip tried to explain "Something that would set you all with the same primary objective to kill Savage."
"Sara, I…" Leonard started but was cut off by the blonde.
"NO," she yelled throwing her glass across the Waverider at him, having it smash at his feet. "If you were in on this I don't even want to hear it."
Sara turned and went to her own room and she was pretty sure she heard Mick say he told them she'd be pissed as she left. Pacing her room, all but destroying it as she did. Sara was furious and let out a scream as Kendra opened the door and walked in before closing it behind her. The brunette shook her head at the sight of Sara's room and sighed
"You about done?" she asked her friend as she moved to sit on the blonde's bed.
"Yes. No. I don't know," Sara answered frustrated still pacing before stopping in the middle of the room and rubbing her hands over her face as the tears once more began to fall "I mean what, how.." she was so confused as she headed to the bed to sit next to Kendra.
"From what I got from the conversation you heard the end of, Rip took it upon himself to take the Jumpship back to rescue Leonard on his own after what happened to Laurel," Kendra told the blonde rubbing her back softly. "Rip said he knew saving Laurel wasn't an option so he did the only thing he could that would stop you from self destructing in the future or something. I do try to ignore a lot of what he says but I guess because he knew that all he needed was something to replace Leonard at the Oculus he could change this one thing for you."
Sara looked at her friend and shook her head "I just don't know what to do with this information and normally if I was struggling with something I'd ask Laurel but she's not here and I suddenly feel like I just don't know what to do"
Kendra pulled her friend into a hug and let out a small sigh "A good place to start might be talking to Leonard," she suggested "If losing him and Laurel hits you so hard that it changes who you become there is obviously something there and that's why Rip did what he did. He saved the man you love and believe me when I say that's something worth celebrating not destroying bedrooms"
Pulling back from the hug Sara shook her head "It's not love Kendra," she said as her friend let out a laugh and got up and headed for the door. "It's not love," Sara said again before Kendra left the room leaving her with her thoughts.
When her door opened for a second time Sara was laying on her bed and glanced over to see Mick walk in before going back to staring at the ceiling "Hey Blondie," he said as the door closed behind him and he picked up an overturned chair and sat down on it. "I see hurricane Sara hit in here," he added gesturing to the room as he leaned back on the chair and rested his feet on the end of her bed
"What are you doing here Mick?" she questioned with an annoyed tone turning her head to look at him again.
"I wanted to see how you were doing?" he offered with a shrug as he pulled a flask out of his pocket and took a drink.
"No, someone sent you, who was it? Kendra? Ray? Rip?" she demanded with a pointed look on her face. "I can see straight through you Mick, you wouldn't be here of your own merit unless someone sent you," Sara added knowing that her words didn't even hold truth these days. She and Mick had become close and she was being a bitch on purpose now
"Snart sent me," Mick finally told her. "He wanted to come himself but Kendra suggested that he would be better to wait for you to come to him."
Sara sat up on the bed and crossed her legs and looked directly at Mick "How are you not pissed off about this?" she asked "Because I'm so mad, I just I don't even know what to say to him. How dare he and Rip keep this from us! What? So we could defeat Savage? And what did that change Mick? Rip's family is still dead and Laurel is still dead."
Mick couldn't imagine what Sara was going through with her sister. Well, in a way he could because losing Snart had been like losing a brother. Snart had got to come back, though, and that part didn't seem fair.
"I was pissed, almost turned my heat gun on the two of them for what they did, but he's back. Even though I'm not thrilled that Rip didn't inform me of the plan, I have my best friend back," Mick tried to explain. "A best friend who wants nothing more than to see you."
Wiping tears off her cheeks Sara nodded at him and Mick held out his flask to her and she let out a laugh and took it from him having a drink and then handing it back "I've known him a long time Sara and I know he's never felt about anyone the way he feels about you. You can't deny that you love him, losing him wouldn't have broken you so much if you didn't."
"It's not love, why does everything think I love Leonard?" she asked before rubbing her hands over her face in frustration as Mick looked at her like she'd just grown a second head.
"You keep telling yourself Blondie," he said with a shake of his head getting up and moving toward the door.
"Gideon, where is Leonard right now?" Sara asked the AI.
"Mr Snart is currently on the bridge with Mr Palmer and Mr Jefferson," came the reply and with that Sara was out of her room and making her way back to the bridge.
"I was never in love with you," she declared to the room when she reached her destination but looking straight at Leonard and holding his stare. "I'm glad you're back but I was never in love with you," she repeated before turning on her heel and walking away.
She was just passing his room when he caught up to her and he pulled her into it requesting Gideon lock the door behind them. Sara pulled her arm out of his grasp and moved over to the door to leave but found Gideon had indeed locked them in. "I never thought you to be a liar assassin," she heard Leonard say.
"I'm not lying crook," she said hitting the door a couple of times willing it to open before turning to face him "It was drinks and cards and banter but this thing between us was never love."
"But what if it was?" Leonard threw back at her "What if the reason I told you I'd thought about our future was because it was love."
"You died," Sara all but screamed. "You died and you left me here and then Laurel died and I was alone and there was no future for us in that. You told me you thought about our future and then you had to play hero and you died!"
Leonard could see the emotion in her eyes. The pain he had caused. Not only him but the pain that came from losing her sister. It hurt him more than he wanted, knowing he wasn't there when she found out about Laurel.
Sara placed her hand against her forehead as she broke down in front of him, tears pouring down her face. Leonard moved slowly towards her and then wrapped his arms around her slowly, only tightening them when she tried to push him away "No, I don't want this," she cried as she hit him trying to break free until she gave up and cried into his chest. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
Leonard held her tightly to him smoothing out her hair as she cried "I know," he mumbled against her head kissing her hair.
He finally let her pull away from him and she moved to sit on his bed picking up his pillow and hugging it to her chest "I just…"she started not knowing where to go or how to say what she wanted. Moving across the room Leonard sat on the other end of the bed and watched her, waiting for her to speak again.
"I don't know how to be without her and I didn't know how to be without you either," she admitted softly, finally looking up at him. "I just don't know what you want from me"
Leonard studied Sara closely, and wondered to himself when exactly it was that he had fallen in love with her. Hearing her talk about what he wanted from her Leonard shook his head "What do I want from you?" he asked repeating her question. "You Sara. I just want you. The rest we can figure out later."
Sara stared at him for a long time after is purely honest confession, her mind replaying his words over and over until she reached out her hand to take his. She laced her fingers through his and sighed.
"I want that too," she admitted quietly moving toward him on the bed until she was beside him. "But I'm still mad at you. I don't care how much we needed motivation to kill Savage you can't just lie about." Her words were cut short as Leonard pressed his lips to hers wrapping an arm around her pulling her closer to him. It didn't take her long to give in to the kiss and she rested her free hand against his chest for support before breaking the kiss and resting her forehead against his.
"Stealing kisses," she murmured, remembering their conversation before he had died.
Leonard kissed her quickly again and pulled back to look at her.
"Any chance I can get"
As they lay in bed later that night, Sara's mind was still racing from the events of the day. She and Leonard had talked and while there were definitely things that still needed to be discussed she was happy with where things currently were.
She turned over to look at him and smiled.
"You asleep?" she asked with a whisper.
"No,not really" Leonard mumbled, opening his eyes to look at her. "What's keeping you awake?"
"Nothing," she replied rolling back over. "But about before? I lied. I'm in love with you."
Leonard let out a laugh and kissed her shoulder
"I know," he replied moving to pin her back to the mattress before pressing his lips to hers kissing her slowly. "I love you, too."