Author's Note: I do not own Pokémon.
Secondary Note: This story is completely random, but each section has a new gag on Ash; No repeats. PS: I actually do like Ash, so no hard feeling to other Ash fans.
How (not) to become a Powerful Trainer , ie. Master
Be (almost) at least 10 years old
5 year old Ash asks Prof. Oak for a Pokémon. The professor's Charizard appears from nowhere and uses flamethrower on Ash. Ash thinks for awhile and asks the Charizard (not the professor) if he's his son. Charizard firepunches Ash home.
(Fail to) Catch a wild Pokémon
Ash and Pikachu confront a Mr. Mime. Ash asks it if it's his father. He then finds Pikachu and himself teleported 100 feet away. Ash returns and throws a Poké Ball at the Mr. Mime. The Pokémon catches it and throws it back. It hits Ash in the crotch, he falls down crying. Pikachu thinks for a second, and then repeatedly shocks Ash.
(Attempt to) Beat some other trainers
Ash challenges a Junior Trainer to a battle. The boy plays a Rattata and Ash chooses Pidgeotto. The bird-type takes one look at the rodent and flies away. Ash runs after them, but Pidgeotto drops crap on him. The junior trainer looks on wide eyed and then sweat drops.
(Try to) Win a badge
Ash enters Misty's gym. He and Pikachu get a look at Misty and become love sick. Misty plays her Seel and Ash plays Pidgeotto. Misty wins the round. Ash plays his Charmander. Misty wins again. Ash plays Pikachu, who does nothing. Misty wins the battle.
Win (Lose) many tournaments
Ash is up against Casey in a one on one tournament match up. She plays Electabuzz and he plays Pikachu. Casey laughs evilly then has Electabuzz use Hyper Beam. Pikachu faints. Due to losing Ash and Pikachu begin to cry. The whole stadium watches as this would be champ cries his eyes out over one set back.
(Don't) Conqueror the Elite 4
Ash (somehow) gets to the Elite 4. He challenges Sidney. In the end it comes down to Sidney and Absol, and Ash and Pikachu. All of a sudden Mewtwo uses his power crush an asteroid into Absol. Mewtwo winks at Ash and leaves. Sidney tells Ash he knows this was planed. Ash and Pikachu fall down anime style. Guards precede to kick them out.
Afterward:
Ash: WHAT was that about?
Author: How not to train Pokémon.
Ash: I got that, why me?
Author: Cause, some form of that has happened to you in some form media.
Ash: Ok, but your still a fan?
Author: Yes, I'm really still an Ash fan.
Ash: Fine.