Please review
This is my first try at a DOA story, so sorry if anyone is out of character. If this is so please review and tell me what I need to change.
The Bodyguard
CH. 1 New assignment
New York City
It was raining hard as cars and people jammed the streets of the crowed city. They called it the city that never sleeps, this could diffently be seen on this cool mid septembers night. Bars and club signs lit up the night with their bright neon colors. People packed inside them, looking for entertainment and fun. In the crowd of people, a tall man around 6'3 pushed by people. He wore dark black pants and shirt, and carried a folded newspaper over his head, trying to stay as dry as possible. He walked up to a club that read 'Girls, Girls, Girls' on the sign. He walked in pushing the door open, causing a cool draft to enter with him. Inside women danced on stages, and even men's laps, if they had the money. The tall man pushed throught a crowd of men standing around the stage towrads the bar.
He stopped as he eyed a man crowded by half dressed women sitting at the bar. He watched as a waitress approached with a tray, and the man quickly shoot out his leg. The women stummbled as she hit the man's leg, but she never hit the ground. She looked up to see the man dressed in black holding her with strong muscular arms."Well look here girls, we have a regular fuckin prince Charles" the man said getting some laughs from the women. The man in black gently raised the waitress and then released her."Are you Frank Warren" the man asked."Yeah, and just why do want to know" Frank asked."To make sure I have the right person I was hired to kill" the man said pulling a combat knife from his combat boots."Fuck". Frank tried to move, but was to slow. The hitman quickly drove the knife up Frank's chin and then ripped it forward through his face with great force. Blood splashed on the hitman and on the women sitting near Frank.
The women began to freak out and scream at the top of their lungs. The hitman quickly concealed his weapon and calmly walked out, leaving the club in chaos. He quickly walked down the sidewalk as police cars passed by with lights and sirens blurring. At the corner of the street a black van drove up stopping right in front of the man. He opened the door and got in at record breaking speed. Inside a black man with a small green beard turned around to the man while singing the lyrics of 'Gold digger'."So howed it go" he asked."Same as usual, the target was a prick and I killed him, now drive Zack" the man order. Zack nodded and put the car in drive before taking off down the street. The man in the back cleaned off his knife and began to change clothes."Oh before I forget, heres your next assignment" Zack said handing back a vinalla folder. The man grabbed it and opened it to read over the papers.
"I believe that your protecting some rich tycoons granddaughter in Hong Kong" Zack said. The man said nothing as he continued to look through the folder. Soon he found a ticket to Hong Kong scheduled for that night."Take me to the airport Zack, Im leaving tonight" the man said. Zack nodded as he veared onto the interstate, cutting a few cars off in the process. They soon arrived at the airport, with the man in the back jumping out. He then approached the passengers side window to tell Zack something."Be sure to mail my equipment to the address I'll be staying at Zack" he said."Sure thing, good luck Bayman" Zack said shaking his friends hand."See ya Zack" Bayman said before leaving. Zack drove off as Bayman walked into the terminal, heading for his plane.
Hong Kong
After eighteen hours off flying non-stop, the plane had finally arrived at Hong Kong. The many people that made up the passengers exited with Bayman caught in the middle of the mob. Atleast his size gave him an advantage over most of the people here, seeing as they were shorter than him. Bayman was now waering a red cap, a tight black shirt with an orange vest over it, and white and black camo pants and black combat boots finishing his outfit. He pushed through the crowd to come to man holding a sign that read his name. Bayman walked over to man and handed him his duffel bag he carried. The man took it without a word and led the way towards the exit.
Outside the terminal a long black limo sat waiting for it's passengers."Please get in mister Bayman, your client is waiting for you" the driver said. Bayman nodded and got in as the driver opened the door for him. He heard the door close behind him as he spotted an old man holding a glass of wine sitting inside."Hello, you must be Bayman" the old man said."And you must be Gen Fu, the richest man in China" Bayman said."That would be the case". Bayman felt the car start to move as he conversed with Gen Fu."So what exactly am I here for" Bayman asked."He require you services for on reason mister Bayman" Gen Fu said. Bayman leaned closer to hear better."I need you to protect my granddaughter, for you see I have made many enemies from my buisness deals I have made".
"And you think one of these enemies may do something"."I know they'll do something, they have already sent me a letter saying they will harm my presious granddaughter if I do not meet their demands"."Just what are these demands" Bayman asked."Well if must know, they want me to sale all my stock to them, but I can't, I've worked to hard to build my industry"."So your business is worth risking your granddaughters life"."Excuse me"."Nothing, so do you know who it is that is trying to presuade you"."I have a list of several suspects at my home, I'll be sure to get it for you as soon as we arrive"."Two more things I need to let you know before I start my work for you"."Yes, what are they"."One, I do things my way and only my way, and two, I get payed up front, no of this I'll pay you later shit, understand" Bayman asked."Agreed, ah here we are, my lavious estate" Gen Fu said pointing outside. Bayman looked outside to see a large mansion in the style of an ancient chinese castle.
The limo drove down the driveway, which seemed like a mile long. When they finally arrived at the house the driver quickly got out and ran around the car to open the door. Bayman exited first followed by Gen Fu. Bayman retreived his bag before following Gen Fu up the large steps to the front door. A man standing in front of the door opened it for the two men to enter. Bayman was even more amazed by the inside than the outside. The floors were a light blue and white marble that had just be recently waxed. Two staircase led up three floors and many doors lined the walls of the main hall."Okay, the ketchin and dinning room are in the door to our left" Gen Fu stated."On the second floor is the library, billardroom, and my granddaughter's room, we set up a place for you to sleep in a room connected to hers" Gen Fu continued."And on the third floor is my grandson's room, storage, and a training hall"."Hold on, did you just say you have a grandson" Bayman asked."Oh yeah, but don't worry, he hardle shows himself, he thinks hes' a ninja" Gen Fu laughed. Bayman stood still with a serious look on his face, not laughing even alittle."Grandpa you've returned" someone said. Both Gen Fu and Bayman looked up the stairs to she a young girl with her black hair in braids standing at the top."Ah Lei Fang, come here I want you to meet someone" Gen Fu said.
Lei Fang nodded and began to head down the stairs. She wore blue high heels with a matching blue chinese dress with a golden bird stitched on it. When she made it to the bottom she embraced Gen Fu in a big hug."Now Lei Fang this is Bayman, he is the man who will be your bodyguard for the next couple of weeks". Suddenly the nice warm smile Lei Fang had had just disappeared."Grandpa, why on earth would I need a bodyguard" she asked."Well darling its just that I've made some enemies in the past and Im afraid they might try and hurt you"."Grandfather, Im twenty-two, I can take care of myself". Bayman suddenly let out a small laugh."If you can take care of your self, then why do you still live with your grandpa at the age of twenty-two"."Who ask your opinion muscle brain" Lei Fang snaped. Bayman immeadtily gave her a cold stare before heading up the stairs with his bag."Now where are you going" she yelled.
"To unpack my things, in the room next to yours" he said showing a small grin. Lei Fang quickly turned to Gen Fu with a sour look to find that he was already gone."Grandpa" she yelled. Upstairs Bayman found the room he would stay in. It was alittle small, but big enough for him to beable to relax. He walked over to the bed placing his bag down and unzipping it. He removed several article of clothing and tucking in between them was a shiney silver desert eagle. He removed the clip from the bottom to check how many bullets he had left in it. He counted seven and replaced the clip back to its home. Suddenly Bayman heard the floor behind him queak as if someone was sneaking up on him. He quickly turned around and pointed the gun at a young man with nest-nut hair and green eyes in what looked like a ninja outfit."Whoa, hold on Rambo, its just me, Gen Fu's grandson" the man said. Bayman lowered the weapon and went back to unpacking.
"So your the bodyguard who was hired to look after my sister huh" the man said leaning against a wall."Thats what I was told to do"."Cool, so whats your name"."Bayman"."Bayman what"."Just Bayman"."Okay, well my names Ryu Hayabusa, but you can call me Ryu". Bayman turned around to look at young man as he spoke."You look more Japanese than Chinese, unlike you sister" Bayman said."Oh, thats because our father was Chinese and our mother was Japanese" Ryu said."What do you mean 'was' " Bayman asked."Our parents both died while Lei Fang and I were young. Gen Fu took us in, and he's the only family we've known" Ryu said. Bayman lowered his head and then went back to work."So how long you staying" Ryu asked."As long as your grandfather thinks I should, or, that sister of yours throws a big enough temper tantrum" Bayman said."Yeah, she can sometimes miss understand things, but don't worry she'll evently accept you" Ryu said leaving. Bayman stood up and looked out a window to see Lei Fang sitting in a garden feeding birds."I hope its soon, because I have a feeling I maybe here for a while".
How was that? Please read and review and tell me what I need to change.
Ch.2 up shortly